Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friday Links

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

“The Science Of ‘Happily Ever After’: 3 Things That Keep Love Alive” [via Business Insider]

“Women Wear Too Much Makeup Because They Mistakenly Think Men Like It” [via The Atlantic]

I love, love, love, love this: “How to Get Revenge on Online Dating Creeps: Draw Them Naked” (NSFW) [via Slate]

“Science Shows Men Like Women With Less Makeup” [via Time.com]

This is a terribly sad story, but needs to be shared: “Nigerian Girls Deserve Better Than This” [via The Feminist Wire]

“Why We Unfriend: A new study pinpoints the Facebook status updates that irk us to the point of no return” [via The Atlantic]

“New study links marital stress to depression” [via Chicago Tribune]

“Are Cats Smarter Than Dogs?” [via Slate]

Everything you need to know about digital wedding etiquette [via Wedding Paper Divas]

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to wendy@dearwendy.com and if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

Follow along on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

85 comments… add one
  • avatar

    lets_be_honest May 2, 2014, 1:03 pm

    OMG I better go wash all this makeup off my face!

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    • avatar

      No Pants May 2, 2014, 1:07 pm

      I got so much joy out of watching He Pants try and figure out what on earth my eyelash curler was for.

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  • avatar

    lets_be_honest May 2, 2014, 1:09 pm

    Telling people what they can and cannot do with their own phones is a thing now? Wow.

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    • avatar

      Banana May 2, 2014, 1:34 pm

      I don’t like some of the really extreme stuff I’ve heard about (like couples collecting phones at the beginning of the reception so no one can use them) BUT on the other hand I do think it’s common courtesy at MOST major events, weddings included, to at least put your phone away for the important parts. Like, during a church ceremony, or someone’s graduation, or in the middle of someone’s big retirement speech, I think most decent people know they probably should put their phones on vibrate, and not answer them unless it’s an emergency.
      .
      The posting on social stuff is tricky, too. I think it’s tacky of couples to explicitly forbid people from doing it, but I actually think it would be nice if more people respected the idea that not EVERY moment of our lives — especially not very private moments — has to be plastered all over social media. So I can understand the feeling of having one’s privacy violated. I mean, a lot of my friends now ask each other if it’s okay to post a picture or even tag each other in a status before they post something, and that’s just in regular life. It’s nice to check with people.

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      • avatar

        Banana May 2, 2014, 1:36 pm

        I guess what I’m saying is it can come across as controlling or tacky for couples to lay out very stringent social media/phone rules at their weddings…but on the other hand it’s also really tacky for a guest to be playing with their phone through the whole ceremony. So I guess I just wish I saw more mutual respect there.

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      • avatar

        kerrycontrary May 2, 2014, 2:12 pm

        So my one thing—most people use their phones as cameras now. Like I’m gonna bet *most* of my wedding guests will not bring a camera but will take pictures with their phone. And I don’t want a ton of people “watching” us say our wedding vows through the screen of their phone. I guess it’s their choice. But I also don’t want the shot of me walking down the aisle to include a ton of people who are seated on the aisle holding up iPhones. So that kind of sucks. We’re not going to say anything other than “please silence your phone during the ceremony” because I don’t want to seem like I have a stick up my ass, but I’d really rather no one be photographing/videotaping our ceremony if possible.

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      • avatar

        kerrycontrary May 2, 2014, 2:15 pm

        Basically, I’m trying to say that I’d like for people to be fully present when we’re making this legal and religious commitment. I don’t really care about the reception or anything else.

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      • GatorGirl

        GatorGirl May 2, 2014, 2:21 pm

        Our officiate type person said something along the lines of “Welcome, we’re so glad you’re here blah blah, please check that your phones have been silenced so that we can enjoy this moment together.” I don’t remember exactly what she said, but I thought it was stated nicely, and was less blunt than writing it on the program or making a cutesty little sign like I’ve seen popping up on pinterest.

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      • avatar

        kerrycontrary May 2, 2014, 2:34 pm

        Yeh that’s pretty much all we’re planning on.

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      • avatar

        kerrycontrary May 2, 2014, 2:33 pm

        Oh and this is probably a stupid thing to worry about, but I think that phones are probably more of a problem with teenagers/tweens who may not be fully aware of social rules (or care about following them). O parents who give their children their phones to play with to placate them. But I guess it’s something I shouldn’t waste my time worrying about.

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      • GatorGirl

        GatorGirl May 2, 2014, 2:45 pm

        I just clicked through our ceremony pictures, and there are only 3 out of 50 or 60 that have a phone or camera in them. Hopefully you’ll be as lucky!

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      • avatar

        bethany May 2, 2014, 2:52 pm

        I just looked through the wedding pics I put on FB, and I see a lot of actual cameras, but no phones. Where are all these pictures these people took?? I only saw pics from one of them! 🙁

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      • avatar

        SpaceySteph May 2, 2014, 3:38 pm

        I would worry way more about older people my parents generation than tweens. People who didn’t grow up around cell phones seem a lot more oblivious to how rude they are actually being.
        Also they’re more likely to have their phone audibly ringing. Everyone I know under the age of 30 keeps their phone on vibrate pretty much permanently. (I only turn my ringer on when I’m on call for work because I’m paranoid about missing a call.)

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      • avatar

        Banana May 2, 2014, 3:45 pm

        Good point, I think there’s a lot of truth in that. Also, maybe there’s a generational divide in the pressure to pick up whenever someone calls. As it’s because easier to call people at any time, because we all have cell phones, it’s also become more acceptable to ignore calls for any number of reasons, including just not feeling like picking up. It seems my parents’ and older generations feel more pressure to answer simply to be polite, because that may have been more the norm for them? So they may be more likely to answer the phone at an inappropriate time?

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      • avatar

        Banana May 2, 2014, 3:45 pm

        *become

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      • avatar

        bethany May 2, 2014, 3:59 pm

        YES. I don’t answer if it’s not a good time, but I’ve noticed that a lot of older people will answer, then do the “it’s not a good time, can I call you back?” thing.

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      • mylaray

        mylaray May 2, 2014, 2:19 pm

        I agree with you. But some of my favorite photos are the candid iphone shots other people took during the ceremony. I didn’t say people couldn’t take photos nor did I explicitly encourage it during the ceremony because it didn’t occur to me, but I’m so glad people went ahead and took photos. I think it’s tacky to be texting or otherwise zoning out on your phone though. And my view is really different than Kerry’s so I feel like you can’t always win. But basically it’s about respect and I feel like if you’re really close to the couple, you will know what they are comfortable with.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest May 2, 2014, 4:01 pm

        Candid pictures are always the best, right? Or at least the funniest!

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest May 2, 2014, 3:17 pm

        Your first paragraph I totally agree with, even for not major events. you shouldn’t have your phone out on the dinner table kinda thing. I meant for people saying not to take pics at their wedding and stuff. I just can’t imagine saying “banana and guests, do not use your phone or discuss my wedding on your facebook.”

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      • avatar

        Banana May 2, 2014, 3:31 pm

        I totally agree. Actually dictating it to guests is weird and pushy, and actually likely to make me want to sneak a look at my phone even more.

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    • GatorGirl

      GatorGirl May 2, 2014, 1:53 pm

      I mean, if you read the infographic, there is actually only one point (bullet? stat?) where the bride and groom asked the guests to do something (put phones away during the ceremony) . The rest is more so how people use social media to share wedding stuff.
      .
      We did a hashtag and I loved it. I still look up the hashtag from time to time. And I do think it’s nice to ask if you can post pictures on SM, especially if it’s pre-ceremony (and say no one has seen the brides dress but you).

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      • avatar

        bethany May 2, 2014, 2:03 pm

        I wish people would have posted more pics from our wedding! I’d love to have seen the day from a guest’s perspective. But 4 days of insane rain made a lot of people’s phones freak out. Mine didn’t work most of our wedding day.

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      • LlamaPajamas

        LlamaPajamas May 2, 2014, 2:08 pm

        I’m really bummed that our ceremony/reception site doesn’t have wireless because I want people to share our wedding photos right away so I can see them when I get to the hotel that night. I love looking at photos, especially of special occasions!

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest May 2, 2014, 3:19 pm

        Yea, that is the one point I was referring to.

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      • GatorGirl

        GatorGirl May 2, 2014, 3:29 pm

        Do you think that’s THAT rude? It’s done for a lot of other events (church, graduations, presentation, plays)…so I guess to me it’s just a common request like no smoking please or please wipe your feet.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest May 2, 2014, 3:31 pm

        A pastor or whoever (or even a sign) saying please keep your phones off for the ceremony is not what I was talking about. More people saying don’t post my wedding pictures here, or don’t take pics at my wedding, etc.
        But honestly, it seems obnoxious when people say turn your phone off. Like we’re adults. Presumably we know to not have our ringer on high during a ceremony.

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      • GatorGirl

        GatorGirl May 2, 2014, 3:42 pm

        But that wasn’t what the article said? I’m confused.
        .
        We had a phone go off during our ceremony. So, it happens. (Not saying it’s the end of the world, just more so that not everyone does remember even with reminders.)

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest May 2, 2014, 3:46 pm

        I’m not sure what’s confusing to be honest. I think its obnoxious when someone tells another adult what to do with their phone.
        You said there was one bullet point about brides/grooms telling their guests they aren’t allowed to use their phones…that was the one bullet point I was referring to when I made my comment.

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      • GatorGirl

        GatorGirl May 2, 2014, 3:54 pm

        The point was “33% of wedding guests report being asked not to use a mobile or electronic device during the ceremony.” Soooo, that’s not what you’re talking about? Because none of the other points say anything about “brides/grooms telling their guests they aren’t allowed to use their phones”, it’s only during the ceremony…

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest May 2, 2014, 3:58 pm

        Idk GG. My point was…the first point I made above. If adults are being told what to do with their phones, I think that’s obnoxious and unnecessary.
        Its weird that one adult will tell another adult what to do with their own phones. I guess its not weird to you. Not sure what else you want me to say. I get WHY they say it. I’m saying I think its dumb. Sorry you’re confused by that.

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      • GatorGirl

        GatorGirl May 2, 2014, 3:57 pm

        My confusion is you say you take issue with “people saying don’t post my wedding pictures here, or don’t take pics at my wedding, etc.” but no one said that. Just a request to turn your phone off during the ceremony.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest May 2, 2014, 4:00 pm

        Lumping it in with phone “rules” I’ve heard of. They are all dumb to me. Clear now?

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      • GatorGirl

        GatorGirl May 2, 2014, 4:09 pm

        Do you think rules about not texting and driving are dumb? I’m not trying to be snarky, I just genuinely was confused as you seemed to be talking about the article…but now are just talking generally.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest May 2, 2014, 4:11 pm

        Haha, I don’t think driver safety is dumb. I think its dumb when an adult tells me I can’t use my phone.
        The article referenced guests being told they aren’t allowed to use their phones (however it was worded). I think that’s dumb.

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    • iwannatalktosampson

      iwannatalktosampson May 2, 2014, 1:53 pm

      I feel like people that would make those rules are obnoxious but people that are glued to their phones are obnoxious too so…

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson May 2, 2014, 1:54 pm

        But to summarize my thought, the rules are more annoying, haha.

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  • avatar

    No Pants May 2, 2014, 1:16 pm

    I usually just hide people, but I did just unfriend a girl from high school. She complains and complains about her FB friends’ crappy grammar, yet she almost always has grammar errors in those rants. She also announces when she’s going to start unfriending people so we should all watch out because NO ONE IS SAFE.

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    • LlamaPajamas

      LlamaPajamas May 2, 2014, 1:33 pm

      I usually go through my friends list every year or so and unfriend the people I don’t keep in touch with anymore. It’s not spiteful or anything, I just find that I go through phases where I meet a bunch of new people (like at a party or through a new social group) and become Facebook friends with them, but then never see or interact with them again. I actually did this with a huge group of people from a running group I used to be a part of – we were “friends” because we’d meet up for training and races, but once I stopped walking/running with them I realized that I really didn’t want to keep them around. I didn’t unfriend everyone in the group though, just the people with whom the only thing I had in common was the group.

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      • avatar

        Banana May 2, 2014, 1:38 pm

        I have a friend who was purging her FB list and unfriended someone without malice, just because they’d met once at a professional event and (despite living in the same town and having a few mutual friends) they NEVER hung out or talked. By a fluke of fate, the day after she unfriended this girl, their mutual friends invited them both to dinner, and somehow the girl had noticed in that span of time (even though FB doesn’t notify you when someone unfriends you) and publicly chewed my friend out for it. I’d say my friend made the right choice.

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      • LlamaPajamas

        LlamaPajamas May 2, 2014, 1:49 pm

        Yikes! Yeah, if I stayed “friends” with every person I’d ever friended I’d have tons of people in my feed who I met once or networked with at a previous job or who used to be friends with my sister or whatever. I prefer to keep my friends list smaller and more manageable.

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      • avatar

        No Pants May 2, 2014, 2:06 pm

        I do the same thing. I also need to create two friend groups – one with friends and one with family. My MIL and mom take everything literally and don’t get sarcasm. My MIL asked He Pants if I was really truly going to throw my laptop out the window last week.

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    • avatar

      bethany May 2, 2014, 2:05 pm

      I unfriend frequently. And I hide people who I’d feel bad unfriending, if they post too much political/religious stuff.

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  • GatorGirl

    GatorGirl May 2, 2014, 1:58 pm

    oooo I really liked the science of being happy in marriage article. The conclusions they draw about arranged marriages is very interesting. And how they basically say Cinderella screwed us all.

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    • avatar

      kerrycontrary May 2, 2014, 2:07 pm

      I think Cinderella only screwed us if you believe in it. I’m not one who believes in marrying *just* for love. Your values ideas for your life need to line up too (which they do a lot of the time in arranged marriages). Also, I still don’t think the writer presented the statistics correctly. Yes 50% of ALL marriages end in divorce but this includes people who are getting married at 17 or those who are on their 4th marriage or those who get married just because they got pregnant but don’t know the father that well or people who are “in love” but haven’t talked about kids or religion. Like these are all couples more likely to divorce. So I don’t know, I don’t feel overly concerned about my marriage ending in divorce.

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      • GatorGirl

        GatorGirl May 2, 2014, 2:12 pm

        Oh yeah, I mean I wasn’t trying to imply that actually all of us are screwed, but I do think the “one day my prince will come and everything will be great” mentality is pervasive in American culture. Or that getting married fixes a relationship, or magically means it’s going to be exactly X way forever. DWers are smart enough to realize that isn’t true, but I think a very large number of people have the Cinderella mindset.

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      • avatar

        kerrycontrary May 2, 2014, 2:14 pm

        Yeh I know someone who refuses to online date because it’s not romantic enough. That’s not the reasoning she gives, but she wants to just run into someone on the street one day and know that they’re The One. But that pretty much only happens in movies.

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      • katie

        katie May 2, 2014, 3:13 pm

        but that doesnt make that statistic untrue. i think what you are saying is that you want to see data on how many people who marry for the “right” reasons divorce- but thats not a realistic portrait of marriage, because the only requirements for a legal marriage in most places is to be of age.
        .
        i dont think that you can just throw out the “wrong reasons” marriages statistically, because they still happen, and probably will forever, you know?

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      • GatorGirl

        GatorGirl May 2, 2014, 3:21 pm

        Yeah, I do agree with you Katie. It’s mindboggling easy to get married.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest May 2, 2014, 3:24 pm

        Plus I gotta assume most people getting married thing they are doing it for the “right” reasons.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest May 2, 2014, 3:23 pm

        The stats are correct because they say all marriages. They don’t “X off” the marriages you deem to be facing a future divorce.

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  • avatar

    bethany May 2, 2014, 2:01 pm

    About the makeup thing… I don’t know about you guys, but I don’t think I’ve ever conciously thought about if a man would like my “look” or not (other than my wedding day, because I wanted to have my makeup done in a way Dave would like). It was always about what I thought looked good. For normal everyday stuff I wear minimal makeup. I feel like I don’t look like myself with a ton of it on.

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    • avatar

      kerrycontrary May 2, 2014, 2:09 pm

      Yeh I still don’t think most of men or society *get it* when it comes to how a woman presents herself. My makeup has nothing to do with a man. It’s so I don’t look tired or sick when I’m out in public. It’s so I look professional at work. And when I put on makeup to go to the bar, I’m putting on heavier makeup because it’s fun to wear a lot of makeup sometimes and it’s not appropriate to sport that much eyeliner at 8am. It’s not to attract a man.

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      • LlamaPajamas

        LlamaPajamas May 2, 2014, 2:17 pm

        I generally don’t wear makeup but Llama Guy doesn’t even notice when I do. I’m looking forward to wearing makeup at my wedding my his only request is that I wear my glasses the whole time. He has a thing for the librarian look.

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      • avatar

        No Pants May 2, 2014, 2:31 pm

        I’m so jealous of your pink glasses.

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      • LlamaPajamas

        LlamaPajamas May 2, 2014, 2:45 pm

        I wore my zebra print glasses last night! But I’m wearing plain brown ones for the wedding because I like the way they look with navy.

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      • avatar

        No Pants May 2, 2014, 3:13 pm

        You should wear the zebra ones on Tues!

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      • GatorGirl

        GatorGirl May 2, 2014, 3:17 pm

        Do it!!

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      • LlamaPajamas

        LlamaPajamas May 2, 2014, 3:21 pm

        I will!

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      • GatorGirl

        GatorGirl May 2, 2014, 3:31 pm

        Now I have to figure out something fun to wear. hmmm. a coat because it’s so cold there?

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      • avatar

        No Pants May 2, 2014, 3:53 pm

        Definitely bring a jacket. It loks like it’s going to be in the mid-60s next week. That’s warm for me, so I’ll be in shorts and a t!

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      • avatar

        bethany May 2, 2014, 4:06 pm

        I’m going to wear this:
        http://wheretoget.it/look/430013

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      • GatorGirl

        GatorGirl May 2, 2014, 4:10 pm

        OMG please do Bethany!!

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest May 2, 2014, 4:12 pm

        That’s a cute outfit bethany. I bet Tim Cream would like it.

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      • avatar

        bethany May 2, 2014, 2:40 pm

        YES about going out! Sometimes it’s just fun! I went out with my friend a few months ago and we both wore bright red lipstick. It was fun! And it was just for our own enjoyment. We weren’t looking to meet or impress anyone.

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    • GatorGirl

      GatorGirl May 2, 2014, 2:15 pm

      In college I sometimes dressed in a manner I thought would attract guys, but now? That’s not a high priority. For me it’s comfort and practicality, cute-ness, how confident I feel, and then last how much GGuy likes it.
      .
      And yeah, minimal make up. I had my wedding make up done professionally, and honestly wasn’t’ a fan. I didn’t think I looked like myself.

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      • avatar

        No Pants May 2, 2014, 3:07 pm

        I’ve had my makeup done for a few weddings (because I was a bridesmaid), and I thought it would be fun to get fake eyelashes for our wedding. They felt weird and the glue hurt my eyes. The next day, the lashes fell out in clumps and my grandmother kept asking what was wrong with my face.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest May 2, 2014, 4:14 pm

        I had fake eyelashes once and it was the weirdest feeling. Like my eyes were heavy or something. I don’t think I could do it again.

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    • Fabelle

      Fabelle May 2, 2014, 2:47 pm

      Yeah, I agree. It always confuses me when people (“people”=the media) make the association between makeup & attracting a man. It’s as confusing as associating… I dunno… my purse choice, with attracting a man. (Although a weird thing I’ve noticed–men have been complimenting my bags lately? By “lately”, I mean once I was out of college & working, etc. I’d notice men be like, “oh, nice bag.” Straight men, often a little older, with a S/O. Maybe they’re picking up ideas for gifts for their wives?)
      .
      BUT ANYWAY yeah I don’t pick out a purse with the intention of attracting anyone, nor do I wear makeup for that purpose. I wear so I look good, yeah, but wanting to look good & wanting to ATTRACT someone are two different things, I think.

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  • avatar

    bethany May 2, 2014, 2:17 pm

    I wish the cat/dog article was longer!! I think anyone who owns a cat will tell you that they’re highly intelligent, but I can totally understand why they’re so hard to study. Cats do not give a fuck. I think that’s one of the things I like about them. 🙂

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    • GatorGirl

      GatorGirl May 2, 2014, 2:25 pm

      I laughed out loud at this “Counting just isn’t that important to them.” and then realized Frank was nawing through a fortune cookie wrapper. damn cats.

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      • avatar

        bethany May 2, 2014, 2:54 pm

        I love Frank. Especially when he snapchat’s me.

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      • GatorGirl

        GatorGirl May 2, 2014, 2:59 pm

        I’m going to have to get GGuy to snapchat friend you so he can send you cat pictures when I’m not home for the next two weeks haha.

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    • avatar

      MsMisery May 5, 2014, 1:33 pm

      I loved the cat/dog article. I was not surprised the cats freaked out when brought into a laboratory setting. Cats don’t really like new places. My Gus turns into what I call “the angry sandbag” when I bring him to the vet. Completely limp and heavy and also the only time I ever hear him growl. And yeah, cats don’t really give a crap about what you want them to do, although Gus does know about pointing! I’m so proud of him. When I point to a piece of furniture, he almost always jumps on it. He even taught the other cat about pointing/jumping. They’re smart *when they feel like it.*

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  • avatar

    Banana May 2, 2014, 3:41 pm

    FUN STORY! At my brother/SIL’s wedding, one of my SIL’s aunts got a phone call IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CEREMONY. Her ringer was on, and very loud — audible clearly through the whole church. This aunt proceeded to ANSWER THE CALL, slip out and sneak down the side aisle to the back of the church, and commence a very short conversation: “Hello…oh yeah…ha! that’s great…okay, well, I’m kind of at a wedding right now, so I’m going to have to call you back.” Just in case you missed it…THIS WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ACTUAL CEREMONY.

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    • avatar

      lets_be_honest May 2, 2014, 3:47 pm

      Did everyone laugh? I probably would’ve laughed.

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      • avatar

        Banana May 2, 2014, 3:52 pm

        There were some chuckles. My SIL was livid at first, but eventually all of us, including her, laughed at it and still tell it as a funny story when we remember her wedding.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest May 2, 2014, 3:54 pm

        I feel like all those things end up being a great story in the end.

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    • avatar

      bethany May 2, 2014, 3:57 pm

      I would have kicked her in the face if that happened during my ceremony.

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    • GatorGirl

      GatorGirl May 2, 2014, 4:00 pm

      Oh, I would have been annoyed if it was my wedding. In hindsight it would be funny though.
      .
      My uncle got up and left 15 minutes into our ceremony. I was the only one who noticed, but it did honestly annoy me. He then showed up an hour and a half late to the reception with his two small children (who where not invited, and it was clearly told to him they where not invited) dressed in jeans and glittery leopard print crap. I’m still annoyed about that.

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      • avatar

        Banana May 2, 2014, 4:10 pm

        My uncle almost stormed out of my brother’s reception because he wasn’t seated at the table of honor.
        .
        There was no table of honor.

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      • GatorGirl

        GatorGirl May 2, 2014, 4:12 pm

        Hahahaha. That’s great. My uncle also changed out of his suit and into jeans before returning to the reception. Even though the rest of the guests where clearly in “wedding attire”. I’ve discovered that every wedding has the token “guy in jeans”.

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      • avatar

        Banana May 2, 2014, 4:15 pm

        My boyfriend was accidentally That Guy in Jeans at a wedding recently because he missed the dress code notice on the invitation. So I try not to judge too much…he was mortified! But the bride and groom didn’t seem to find at all.

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      • GatorGirl

        GatorGirl May 2, 2014, 4:24 pm

        I don’t judge in a bad way, typically. It’s more of like “oh tehe, cousin John is the guy in jeans!” (But my uncle I was annoyed since he’d already done a series of not cool things during the wedding/reception.)

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      • LlamaPajamas

        LlamaPajamas May 2, 2014, 4:24 pm

        I was a bridesmaid at a friend’s wedding two years ago and we were all stunned that her uncle hit on our limo driver then brought her to the reception as a last minute date! I mean, she *was* really cute, but come on! Fortunately the bride thought it was hilarious so we all had a good laugh.

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  • avatar

    Painted_lady May 2, 2014, 3:51 pm

    Well, lord knows when I wake up in the morning, the first thing *I* think of is, “How can I present myself in a way that will be most pleasing to men?” I mean, looking attractive is part of it, but it’s more like, “In the confines of this set of parameters that I like, what’s most attractive?” Makeup, like clothes, is a way to telegraph who I am, and who I am doesn’t revolve around whether people think I’m attractive.

    I don’t actually think this subject was handled all that well. First off, the “night out” makeup is going to be heavier because people are expecting low lighting, and they weren’t photographed that way. I play a lot more with eye color at night because of lighting, and also, I don’t do very severe makeup during the school day because, fluorescent lighting.

    Secondly, I’ve found in my experience that it’s kind of hard to determine context in these studies. I mean, if you go out someplace – say, a nightclub – and every woman there is wearing the typical nightclub “glam” makeup, except for one or two, then those two, I would imagine, would stick out, and probably not in a good way. And so in a context where everyone *should* be wearing makeup, by all social constraints, the ones who don’t would look careless or sloppy (or like they don’t give a shit what anyone thinks).
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    On top of all that, I also think most people (women and men) like to think that they’re the sort of person who thinks people look better without makeup, but a test like that is likely going to make clear what’s being tested – “Which version of this person looks better?” So the people who want to be that kind of person OF COURSE are going to pick the one wearing less makeup. And on top of it all, rather than showing these women with less make-up, they were digitally edited to look that way…and that’s such an imperfect process, we can’t know that the faces were also unintentionally changed in some way that makes them universally more appealing.
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    So aside from the fact that I just think we should stop worrying about how women choose to look quiiiiite so much, maybe if we have to worry about it, we should at the very least look into it with some objectivity.

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