Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friday Links

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

“Study Finds That Women Aren’t Run by Their Periods. Scientists Everywhere Are Confused.” [via Slate]

“The 5 Best and Worst States for Working Moms” [via The Atlantic]

“Stop Saying “I Have A Boyfriend [when a guy hits on you]”

“Beauty Unmasked for All to See: No-Makeup Look As a New Beauty Standard” [via NYTimes]

“Meet The Woman Who Did Everything In Her Power To Hide Her Pregnancy From Google” [via Think Progress]

It drives me nuts when people say they are “blessed,” when what they mean is “lucky.” Why must we always try to out-special one another? Most of us are just average, normal, and not blessed (even if we are sometimes lucky), and that’s ok. “They Feel ‘Blessed’: Blessed Becomes a Popular Hashtag on Social Media” [via NYTimes]

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to [email protected] and, if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

Follow along on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

168 comments… add one
  • avatar

    lets_be_honest May 9, 2014, 12:17 pm

    I haven’t read the blessed article yet, but I once had this friend come over to my old apartment and go on and on about how I must feel so blessed and grateful to god about how my life turned out. It really annoyed me. God didn’t work every day to make sure I could afford an apartment or whatever he was commenting on. I felt like he was taking away credit due me and giving it all to god as if I just sat back and let god provide food on the table. Maybe I was just defensive, but it was annoying.
    But, I do get why people say they feel blessed if they believe in god. I guess its attributing the fact that they even still exist to him?

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  • avatar

    Christy May 9, 2014, 12:18 pm

    My coworker (and the guy who gives me the paper in the morning) tells me to have a blessed day. You don’t know what my religion is. Stop trying to put your religion onto me.

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    • avatar

      bethany May 9, 2014, 12:20 pm

      I cannot stand when someone tells me to have a blessed day. Fuck off is what I really want to say back.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest May 9, 2014, 12:23 pm

        Really? I feel like its just their way of saying have a nice day. I don’t think its religion pushing. Sorta like saying Merry Christmas to everyone without knowing if they even celebrate. (then again, I just ranted above about a similar thing, so this is probably hypocritical).

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      • avatar

        bethany May 9, 2014, 12:25 pm

        I totally feel like it’s Religion Pushing. I also hate it when strangers say Happy Easter, or Merry Christmas to me. I try very hard to never say that stuff to strangers.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest May 9, 2014, 12:30 pm

        I had a guy respond to an email wishing me a happy mothers day yesterday. Never met the guy and he doesnt know that I’m a mom. I thought that was weird. Is that a thing? You say it to all women?

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      • LlamaPajamas

        LlamaPajamas May 9, 2014, 12:34 pm

        I started getting regular happy mother’s day wishes from strangers a few years ago (I’m 33). I tend to answer with a cold stare and say “I do NOT have kids”, then they say “oh, you’ll be a mom someday”. And I’m like, “seriously, cashier at the grocery store? YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME? YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT?” Then I chill out because I don’t really care, but it’s fun to get all worked up over stupid things.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson May 9, 2014, 12:35 pm

        We are all mother’s of the earth and the spirit. #grateful#practicinggratitude#blessedlife.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest May 9, 2014, 12:32 pm

        Oh, does it bother you guys when people say bless you after you sneeze? I feel like that’s lost its meaning and is just what everyone says after they hear a sneeze.

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      • avatar

        bethany May 9, 2014, 12:38 pm

        No, because I feel like that saying has become secular over time with all the overuse.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest May 9, 2014, 12:40 pm

        I wish I could say the same about the guy who wiped his boogers on me after I said bless you…

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      • TaraMonster

        TaraMonster May 9, 2014, 3:40 pm

        Same here. My ex’s mom is uber religious. One time I said “bless you” to my ex in front of her and she said, “You can’t bless anybody!” because she gets annoyed that people leave God out of the phrase anymore. I didn’t get worked up about it at the time, just inwardly rolled my eyes and continued to say “bless you” in a secular way.

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      • Lyra

        Lyra May 10, 2014, 12:02 am

        See I think you’re overreacting — a LOT. I try to be very aware of different religions, but they’re just wishing you well. Literally that’s all it is. I kind of hate how politically correct everyone is becoming.

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      • LlamaPajamas

        LlamaPajamas May 9, 2014, 12:27 pm

        I grew up in a super religious family and it drove me insane (and to atheism). I wasn’t allowed to say I was lucky when I was a kid because my mom said luck had nothing to do with it – I had to say “god blessed me” with whatever. And if I worked really hard at something and achieved what I was trying to do, the glory had to go to god because he was the one who gave me the necessary skills to be awesome. It made me feel so shitty because I never got credit for anything, god was the glory hog.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest May 9, 2014, 12:32 pm

        Haha, that’s exactly what I meant above. That would’ve sucked to hear as a kid!

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      • LlamaPajamas

        LlamaPajamas May 9, 2014, 12:36 pm

        It totally sucked. My prayers pretty much consisted of, “Seriously, god? I can’t just have this one thing? WHY IS IT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU?”

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest May 9, 2014, 12:38 pm

        That’s funny to me. You should tell your parents that’s all you ever prayed for.

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      • Lyra

        Lyra May 10, 2014, 12:06 am

        There’s definitely a balance and yes I think extreme religion can and will drive people away from religion as a whole. One of my schools is pretty extreme in the fact that they pay their full time teachers $20,000 because they see teachers as missionaries doing God’s work and God will provide. It’s really kind of sad (this coming from a religious person who attends church weekly).

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    • othy

      othy May 9, 2014, 12:25 pm

      I wonder if it’s a regional thing. I’ve never heard anyone tell me to have a blessed day.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest May 9, 2014, 12:26 pm

        Me either.

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      • avatar

        bethany May 9, 2014, 12:29 pm

        I had never heard it until I was a recruiter and worked with people from the city a lot. I usually tended to hear it from middle aged women who are from certain areas in the city (North Philly and SW Philly). It seems very region specific to me. I rarely hear it from anyone else.

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      • BriarRose

        BriarRose May 9, 2014, 1:55 pm

        It’s huge in NC, unfortunately. Drives me nuts.

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    • Portia

      Portia May 9, 2014, 12:28 pm

      Yeah it might get under my skin after a while, but since I’ve had people tell me they’d pray for my soul or pray for me that I find Jesus, I think I’ve gotten a little more understanding of those little things. Bassanio did successfully get his mom to stop sending me cards with bible verses or mentioning the lord, so I count that as a success. I’m sure they mean well even if it doesn’t come out right (except not that girl who told me she’d pray I’d find Jesus). I don’t know, I guess I have mixed feelings.

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    • Lyra

      Lyra May 9, 2014, 11:59 pm

      Still, the sentiment is there…it’s not like he was all “come find Jesus” to you. As a religious person even I can get uncomfortable when I have someone tell me to find Jesus or how they found Jesus or whatever, but blessed could mean any number of things.

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  • avatar

    bethany May 9, 2014, 12:23 pm

    I couldn’t even finish the Blessed article, because after reading the word so many times it started getting nonsensical to me. Like when you say “orange” 20 times in a row and it just sounds like gibberish.

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    • avatar

      lets_be_honest May 9, 2014, 12:25 pm

      Orange you glad you’re #blessed?

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  • iwannatalktosampson

    iwannatalktosampson May 9, 2014, 12:28 pm

    Fuck I hate the word blessed, and I ESPECIALLY hate it when people use it on social media, ESPECIALLY when I know they aren’t religious.

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    • avatar

      bethany May 9, 2014, 12:31 pm

      I don’t think I’ve ever seen it?? But now that it’s been pointed out, I’m sure i”ll see it everywhere.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson May 9, 2014, 12:33 pm

        I guess I have a lot of wannabe religious friends? Oh god, I also know this girl that will post pictures on social media (mostly instagram) of her “gratitude board” at home and will have pics of her hiking and it’s like “I have such a blessed life. Practicing gratitude.” I feel bad that it annoys me so much. She says gratitude like everyday. I guess I feel like the people I know that are happy and thankful don’t go word vomitting it on instagram with cheesy pictures.

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    • LlamaPajamas

      LlamaPajamas May 9, 2014, 12:31 pm

      Seriously. I want to be like, “let me #bless you with a punch in the throat”.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson May 9, 2014, 12:33 pm

        hahaha. Exactly how I feel.

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    • iwannatalktosampson

      iwannatalktosampson May 9, 2014, 12:52 pm

      Oh and another thing, I think it just really bugs me that blessed is like the new buzzword. YOLO.

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  • avatar

    kerrycontrary May 9, 2014, 12:38 pm

    I say blessed….but it is because of my religion/faith (I’d say faith more than my organized religion). Don’t want to start a religious debate so no mean comments please, but I believe all good things in my life come because of God. So I do feel blessed. I am thankful every day for things like good health, a great job, great family, etc….So a lot of people who are saying “#blessed” actually mean it. When I win a free ipad, then I’d feel lucky. But for having a happy family and a good life? I feel blessed. Because I know so many things are circumstantial and life can be a lot harder than it is. And it’s not like those people are “unblessed”, but there’s nothing wrong for thanking God for the blessings in your life (if that’s what you believe in. Totally cool if you don’t).

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    • avatar

      Banana May 9, 2014, 1:10 pm

      Yeah. I definitely get annoyed when it’s overused or used in a trite way, but I don’t have anything against “blessed” in general. I use it as well, very rarely, when I really do feel it. I don’t think it’s “taking credit away” and I don’t think it’s anyone trying to out-special anyone else. I never, EVER get that at all when I hear people say it. I think it’s all a matter of listening to people compassionately, even when you disagree with their beliefs. If you listen to someone compassionately, and give them the benefit of the doubt, you won’t automatically leap to the assumption that they’re using the term “blessed” as part of a narcissistic attention grab. Maybe they’re using it because they actually feel that way. Just a crazy thought.

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      • avatar

        Banana May 9, 2014, 1:12 pm

        Though honestly, I just don’t get it when people feel mad in general about other people expressing their religious views in relatively harmless, non-obtrusive ways like that. Even if you really do believe that no one’s blessed and we’re all just lucky, why get all steamed about it when people use your non-preferred term? Why not just shrug it off, and write it off as one of the ways that we’re all different?

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      • Portia

        Portia May 9, 2014, 1:30 pm

        Yes to this, I think this is the feeling I was trying to get at earlier, that if it’s not directly intruding on your life, it’s better to just think of it as how they express themselves. I mean, it’s not like they’re expecting you to say to say it back? After Bassanio explained that his mom praying for me to do well in x or get better or whatever was her way of saying she cared about me, I felt much better about it. I still don’t really like the expression, but I appreciate the sentiment and just pretend she’s wishing me luck. For people I don’t know, I try to remind myself it’s not really about me.

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      • avatar

        Banana May 9, 2014, 1:41 pm

        Yeah, and it actually took me a while to NOT get annoyed by stuff like that, too. My family isn’t super religious but my parents go to church, and when I was younger my dad once told me that the reason we’re not super talky about faith around the house (we were never the kind of house where people would toss around words like “blessed” all the time) was because he believes that someone who feels it genuinely doesn’t need to talk about it or try to prove it all the time. What I learned, when I started to encounter more vocally religious people, was that to them, it wasn’t disingenuous or overcompensating or anything — it was just how they liked to express themselves, and I didn’t have to look down on them for that. I’d never get into expressing myself that way, personally, but I don’t need to get all judgmental when other people do.

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      • avatar

        kerrycontrary May 9, 2014, 1:44 pm

        Yeh it really depends on the person. I don’t talk about it much and some things my church believes in I just do not subscribe to (which is fine). But the type of churches I attend (charismatic, born-again) have a lot of people who insert their religion into everyday conversation. They’re just more comfortable doing it. Also, I don’t think a lot of it is religion-pushing, it’s just an ignorance that talking about those sort of things may make other people feel uncomfortable. Or maybe not caring about making people feel uncomfortable haha.

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      • avatar

        Banana May 9, 2014, 1:49 pm

        Yeah, I think for some people it’s the evangelical impulse — they believe it’s their DUTY to introduce their faith into everyday conversation because it IS their goal to get people to feel the way they do, too. But the way I see it, it’s not like they’re coughing MERS on me or something. If a person is just dropping words like “blessed” into conversation I can just politely ignore it if I want, and it’s no skin off my back.

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      • LlamaPajamas

        LlamaPajamas May 9, 2014, 1:51 pm

        See, that’s a nice way to be a Christian. The church I grew up in (a form of Baptist) taught everyone that it’s their job to work religion into everyday conversation – a common example they used was striking up conversation in line at the grocery store – because as Christians they have a responsibility to introduce Christ to everyone and help convert them. So now when I hear this kind of language I’m instantly triggered back to my awful, oppressed, totally small minded, racist and homophobic church, and feel like people are trying to make a point and convert me. That’s totally on me though. It’s taken me years to recognize that not all churches are like my old one.

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      • Portia

        Portia May 9, 2014, 2:00 pm

        Yes, this is why I didn’t write off a bunch of born again Christians I was friends with in undergrad. Just add much as they thought it was their job to convert me (and others), I felt it was my job to force them to know their audience and check their language. Because if no one points this out to them, they’re not going to change. Some people I got through to and was glad I did.

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      • Portia

        Portia May 9, 2014, 2:05 pm

        But that’s certainly not for everyone and took a lot of patience and willingness to stand up for myself and leave social situations if necessary. Which didn’t always end well, but there were only a handful I really needed to avoid.

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      • avatar

        Banana May 9, 2014, 2:09 pm

        Exactly! When we jump down someone’s throat automatically just for using the word “blessed,” or otherwise dropping faith into conversation, we become as small-minded and intolerant as we suspect them of being. However, there are gentle ways to let people know they should consider their audience and tone it down a little, without resorting to accusing them of narcissism or insincerity every time. That’s what irritated me about that article, and the sentiment in it — mostly he had legitimate grievances with people who are clearly just bragging or being insincere, but the author lost me when it became clear that he was JUST as irritated that someone was expressing their faith at all, as he was at the bragging and insincerity.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson May 9, 2014, 1:34 pm

        Eh see that’s my point, the people that I know that use it aren’t religious, and just think it’s the trendy term du jour. It’s annoying as shit.

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      • avatar

        Banana May 9, 2014, 1:38 pm

        Yeah, and that annoys me too. But in those cases, what’s REALLY annoying me is that they’re bragging, or being “fake.” When someone sincerely uses the term “blessed,” it doesn’t bug me so much. Sometimes it makes me roll my eyes, but it doesn’t make me mad or anything.

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      • avatar

        csp May 9, 2014, 2:24 pm

        Do people have to be religious? I just think it has to be about feeling overall spiritual.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson May 9, 2014, 2:31 pm

        If they’re spiritual, they’re the biggest spiritual assholes I know.

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      • avatar

        Banana May 9, 2014, 2:43 pm

        Bahaha. It might just be one of those things that pushes your buttons, too — we all have something that makes us just unbelievably annoyed. I definitely get irritated when I think someone is talking about spirituality in an insincere or superficial way. But normally I try to hold back that irritation unless they’ve just done or said something EXPLICITLY hypocritical (like, talking about the spiritual benefits of veganism while eating a cheeseburger) because I figure it’s impossible for me to see into their heart and say whether their belief is genuine or not.

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      • Lyra

        Lyra May 10, 2014, 12:11 am

        Exactly. Quite honestly it makes me sad how politically correct people want things to be. It’s non obtrusive, and doesn’t affect your life negatively so why get so mad at it? It is probably meant in a positive way.

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    • Dear Wendy

      Dear Wendy May 9, 2014, 2:16 pm

      When used in a religious connotation, the word “blessed” has the following definition:

      1.consecrated; sacred; holy; sanctified: the Blessed Sacrament.

      2.worthy of adoration, reverence, or worship: the Blessed Trinity.

      3.divinely or supremely favored; fortunate: to be blessed with a strong, healthy body; blessed with an ability to find friends.

      4.blissfully happy or contented.

      I think when people say they feel blessed, they are referring to the third meaning, which is fine, but it’s also like saying you’re supremely favored. I mean, it’s one thing to say you are grateful to God for the things you have in your life, but to say you are “blessed” as if other people aren’t blessed… is weird. And if you think EVERYONE is blessed, then why the need to point out your own blessings unless it’s to brag? (I am not referring to you, Kerry; I mean the general “you.”). Basically, I just thinking saying you are “blessed” has become a socially acceptable way to brag. And it makes me cringe.

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      • avatar

        Banana May 9, 2014, 2:28 pm

        I cringe as well when I hear it used in a bragging way — I fully understand your irritation with that. But even in the worst of cases, I’ve NEVER suspected anyone who I’ve heard use it, of using it in the exclusionary sense you describe (“I’m blessed, you’re not.”). And working in politics in DC, I’ve encountered MANY, many, many ultra-conservative, ultra-evangelical people who toss that word around a lot. Even among them, I’ve never got the impression that it was used in an exclusionary sense. I guess that’s what confuses me about your dislike of the term. I get being annoyed by the insincerity of some people who use it, and being annoyed at it being overused, and used as a way to brag. But I don’t think I’ve ever encountered a person who used it as a way to make other people feel like they’re left out of the “blessedness.” I think that’s just reading too much into it.

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        csp May 9, 2014, 2:29 pm

        So I see the point of the humble brag in the article. But, I think if you focus on your blessings (big or small) versus complaining, I don’t see the harm. I think when people say FML when they are late to work is way worse then saying, “I have been given a set of life circumstances that I don’t deserve.” Honestly, it is hard not to feel humbled because I was fortunate enough to be born where I was and had the opportunities that I have.

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      • BriarRose

        BriarRose May 9, 2014, 2:37 pm

        The context Wendy detailed is what I frequently see on Facebook. People wanting to brag about their lives, but attempting to appear humble and tacking on a “#soblessed” to their post. I have quite a few decidedly non-religious friends who do this and it makes zero sense to me.

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        lets_be_honest May 9, 2014, 2:46 pm

        Isn’t 90% of the crap people post on Facebook bragging though?

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson May 9, 2014, 2:49 pm

        Yeah but it’s outright bragging, not trying to pass it off and “practicing gratitude” or other barf worthy shit. It’s those girls that wear cross necklaces that hang right between the cleavage of their huge fake boobs and aren’t religious at all.

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      • avatar

        Banana May 9, 2014, 2:49 pm

        Yeah, I guess that’s what confuses me by the amount of vitriol focused on this one particular form of bragging. I find it annoying because it’s bragging, but not because I find the term “blessed” exclusionary or offensive. I think pretty much everyone here agrees that bragging of that kind is really annoying. But why get annoyed at “blessed bragging” above all other kinds? Maybe they’re bragging AND they happen to feel sincerely blessed, at the same time. Like I said above, I can’t see into a person’s heart and know whether that person genuinely feels blessed, or is just saying it to score a point. So I’d prefer to give them the benefit of the doubt, or at the very least take the neutral stance of admitting I don’t know, shrugging it off, and focusing my outrage on something that actually deserves it.

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      • BriarRose

        BriarRose May 9, 2014, 2:59 pm

        I see what you’re saying Banana, and I wouldn’t say that it enrages me when people do it, but I guess I just don’t get it when people I know to be non-religious use the word. It makes me feel like they are insincere and just trying to “get away” with bragging, since it seems trendy/accepted to use the word “blessed” these days. It seems fake and sneaky.
        .
        The people who I know who ARE religious might get an eye-roll from me (because I don’t dig the concept of some people being more blessed than others for no good reason) but at least I know they genuinely believe what they are saying.

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        Banana May 9, 2014, 3:06 pm

        See, that’s exactly what I’m getting at. Yes, I fully understand that initial WTF reaction you feel when you hear someone avowedly unreligious use the word. But even then, can you actually look into their heart and KNOW for certain that they are being insincere? Maybe somewhere deep down in an unexplored way, they do feel it. And that’s why I try to hold back on slamming everyone who uses it. I agree with you that probably the vast majority of people DO use it insincerely, but since I will never be able to know for certain who is, and who isn’t, I’ll just withhold judgement.

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      • avatar

        Banana May 9, 2014, 3:07 pm

        Look at it this way: if we were talking about sexuality and not religion, would you say of someone, “You’re not really gay, you’re just posting about that dude being hot because it’s trendy to say stuff like that right now.” NO! Probably not even if you strongly suspected they were being insincere. I think the attitude you (general you) would take would be simple, “Hm. That seems a little weird, given what I know about him. But maybe there’s a lot more that I DON’T know.”

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      • rainbow

        rainbow May 9, 2014, 3:11 pm

        I find it annoying and hurtful when people say they were #blessed with a great family, for example. So let me see if I understand: You believe god meant to #bless you with yours, so what about me? Mine are basically drunks, child molesters and narcissists. Did he have something against me or did he just go “bless you, bless you, bless you, and I need a drink so I’m out of here. Fuck the rest of the little girls.” I’d rather call it luck/chance so I have no one to resent and can move on.
        I hope no one who does this takes it personally, I wouldn’t hold it against you because I’m sure you don’t mean to make people feel bad, but I do feel bad and pretty #unblessed on purpose, and I don’t like it.

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      • rainbow

        rainbow May 9, 2014, 3:14 pm

        Oh and two kickass sisters I would kill for and who would do the same #blessed

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        lets_be_honest May 9, 2014, 3:19 pm

        This is such a good point, rainbow.

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      • Dear Wendy

        Dear Wendy May 9, 2014, 3:26 pm

        Yes! Thank you. This really sums up exactly why “blessed” (or #blessed) bugs me so much. Whether people mean to or not, when they say they are “blessed,” there is an intrinsic implication that others are NOT blessed.

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      • Dear Wendy

        Dear Wendy May 9, 2014, 3:29 pm

        I just wonder if the people who say they are blessed would say instead, “I am supremely and divinely favored.” I doubt it. Because it sounds obnoxious. But that’s actually the definition of “blessed.”

        for the record, I have no issue with people wishing me/others/strangers “a blessed day.”

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      • Addie Pray

        Addie Pray May 9, 2014, 3:36 pm

        I think I’ll start saying it and see how quickly I get punched in the face.

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      • rainbow

        rainbow May 9, 2014, 3:41 pm

        Exactly! It would be like tagging things #godLovesMyKidsMoreThanHeLovesWarOrphansYay! seriously.

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      • avatar

        Banana May 9, 2014, 3:52 pm

        I still think that’s reading WAY more into it than anyone ever means. I know that’s the dictionary definition, but people don’t always know/mean the full dictionary definition when they say something. I don’t think that feeling grateful for the good things in your life means you simultaneously believe everyone else who doesn’t have those things deserves to be kicked out of the club. All the time on here, we talk about how someone isn’t succeeding AT you, etc. Someone isn’t being fortunate AT you. If you feel that way, it’s on you to address why it makes you so uncomfortable to hear that other people enjoy/appreciate what they have.

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      • Dear Wendy

        Dear Wendy May 9, 2014, 3:55 pm

        But… can’t I just be bothered that people are mis-using a word? And, like, ALL THE TIME. And, often in a way that is braggy?

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      • rainbow

        rainbow May 9, 2014, 4:00 pm

        No, it doesn’t bother me that they appreciate what they have. I appreciate what I have too! It’s just that luck covers it without implying that someone who knows better decided you deserve more than others. Isn’t that god’s function simplified? To bring order into chaos and to give to people what they deserve? Why the fuck did I deserve this? That’s my problem with it.

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      • avatar

        Banana May 9, 2014, 4:00 pm

        Hah, I’m 100% with you on being annoyed at the bragginess. And yes, the misuse and overuse of a word. But the reason I’ve been so dogged about this is because, in addition to being annoyed at those things, you expressed a view of the people who do them that I thought was unfair, and that I thought reads intentions into their use that reflects unfair on them. Okey doke, well, I’m off to do my exit interview, and I’ll also bow out of this discussion for today (amicably!). I think I’ve said everything I have to say on it.

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      • Cassie

        Cassie May 10, 2014, 1:54 pm

        See, I just don’t read it that way at all. It’s like connotation versus denotation when it comes to what the word means. I think the connotation of ‘blessed’ CAN mean “supremely favored” above others, but more often I think people use it in the, “My life could be so much more horrible than it is, I am thankful for what I have,” way. Although, I could just know awesome people on Facebook since I de-friended all the obnoxious ones by now anyways.

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      • Dear Wendy

        Dear Wendy May 11, 2014, 8:37 am

        Then, people should just say: “So grateful for my beautiful, healthy family.” Or: “So lucky I have such a loving family.” As opposed to “So blessed to have my wonderful family.” I know it’s splitting hairs, and really, it’s not as big of a deal to me as this thread would make it seem, but to me, there is a difference in those sentences. Two of them sound just a little more humble than the third.

        Sidenote: Jackson’s sitter just texted me a happy mother’s day message and said, “May God richly bless you.” Totally appreciated sentiment (especially knowing it comes from a deeply religious woman), but it made me chuckle in light of this conversation.

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      • Addie Pray

        Addie Pray May 9, 2014, 3:36 pm

        rainbow for the win!!!!

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      • rainbow

        rainbow May 9, 2014, 3:42 pm

        \m/__(o.o)__\m/

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      • Addie Pray

        Addie Pray May 9, 2014, 3:50 pm

        what does that say? Show? I assume something wonderful haha.

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      • rainbow

        rainbow May 9, 2014, 3:53 pm

        it’s a little person doing the metal hands thing =(

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      • Addie Pray

        Addie Pray May 9, 2014, 5:07 pm

        i wuv it

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      • BriarRose

        BriarRose May 9, 2014, 2:50 pm

        Not me LBH! I only shame myself for being a bad mom and not checking my daughter’s homework 😉

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest May 9, 2014, 2:55 pm

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      • BriarRose

        BriarRose May 9, 2014, 3:08 pm

        So perfect. That was hilarious!
        .
        Also, the math question to prove I’m not a bot is harder than usual, which I think should be the opposite since it’s almost summer and I just. can’t. with the school stuff anymore.

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      • Lyra

        Lyra May 10, 2014, 12:21 am

        It bothers me and makes me super sad that “blessed” bothers people more than “FML” and “WTF”.

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      • avatar

        rachel May 10, 2014, 2:18 am

        What in the world would be wrong with wtf?

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      • Lyra

        Lyra May 10, 2014, 10:45 am

        It makes me sad that the f bomb has become socially very acceptable and yet a greeting like “have a blessed day”, which 99% of the time is simply meant to be a positive greeting, makes people uncomfortable.

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      • avatar

        rachel May 10, 2014, 1:42 pm

        But you just complained above about people getting too PC. What could be MORE PC that deciding that “the f bomb” is a word people shouldn’t say? (For the record, “have a blessed day” doesn’t bother me as an atheist b/c I know it’s just a friendly greeting.)

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      • avatar

        rachel May 10, 2014, 1:43 pm

        than*

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      • avatar

        kerrycontrary May 9, 2014, 3:29 pm

        Hm…I mean I do think of it as being fortunate. Like at the holidays I’ll say how blessed I am to have a happy and healthy family. And I did feel fortunate since my nephew was in the NICU the month before the delivery was dangerous for mother and baby. And I know that other people are not as fortunate to have healthy families with new babies. So I think when I’m in conversation and I say our family is really blessed…I do feel that way. Life can be a LOT harder than I have it, and I know that. And I’m just thankful. Like I said, I don’t think the other people are un-blessed…but there’s whole sermons on how “god can’t put blessings in full hands” so you have to be thankful for everything you’ve been given. But that gets into a deeper theological discussion than I want to get into. And I guess I don’t think people all use it in the form to brag. Like maybe I’m talking about an unfortunate situation someone else is going through, and I’ll say to a friend “we’re both really blessed to have our parents around”. That’s not bragging. That’s just recognizing that we’ve been given something wonderful in our life and to embrace it and be thankful for it.

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      • avatar

        kerrycontrary May 9, 2014, 3:32 pm

        Also, I wouldn’t want to imply anyone is “unblessed”. But I would say people are blessed in different areas of their lives. Like I don’t think anyone can argue with “Alicia Keys was blessed with a beautiful voice”. I mean she was divinely favored to have that talent. (if you believe in god/christianity) and yes she had to work hard and get lucky and meet the right people. But she was favored with a particular talent. I dunno, I also think people are getting too deep in the weeds with symantics here. Basically I think people should be able to use words how they want them to.

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      • Dear Wendy

        Dear Wendy May 9, 2014, 6:47 pm

        Also, if Alicia Keys said, “I’m so blessed to have the voice I have,” that would be obnoxious…

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      • Dear Wendy

        Dear Wendy May 9, 2014, 3:41 pm

        I understand your intention in the use of the word. I just still think it’s mis-used. And I certainly don’t mean any offense! And this isn’t even an anti-religion thing at all. I actually believe in God and believe in prayer. I just reject the idea that some people are blessed and some aren’t. (Like, to use your example, if you have living parents and someone else doesn’t, and you are saying you are blessed because your parents are still alive, what does that say about the person whose parents are dead? It seems me that if living parents = blessed, then dead parents must = not blessed or, more literally, not favored by God). In my opinion, it’s better to think of it as luck and good fortune. You can still recognize that you are lucky and be grateful to God for the luck and gifts in your life. But, I don’t know… there’s just something about “blessed” that really rubs me the wrong way. I just can’t get behind the idea that any of us are more divinely or supremely favored than others. Luckier? Of course. More favored by God? No.

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      • avatar

        Banana May 9, 2014, 3:58 pm

        How about looking at it this way: one person being favored by God in one way (like having living parents) doesn’t exclude the possibility that someone else can be favored in another way (their parents aren’t living, but they have other blessings in their life). It’s not a zero-sum game or a competition. One person saying “I’m blessed by x” doesn’t mean they believe everyone lacking in x also lacks God’s favor. They’re just expressing gratitude for God’s favor in that particular respect. When it’s overused, it annoys me because I think it diminishes the power of the word; but the word itself really doesn’t bother me in this context.

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      • Addie Pray

        Addie Pray May 9, 2014, 3:31 pm

        Whenever I hear people talk about how blessed they are they sound like smug assholes. For some reason. That’s just the air it gives off to me.

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    • mylaray

      mylaray May 9, 2014, 2:33 pm

      I agree with the distinctions about feeling lucky versus feeling blessed. I live in the south and rarely hear anyone say they are blessed though. Admittedly it bothers me a little when someone tells me to have a blessed day. But it bothers me more that someone can be so bothered by a word that is closely tied with someone’s faith. It’s not doing anything to hurt you. It’s fine if you believe something different. But when I hear someone complain about the word, it’s as if I’m being told my views are wrong. I’m not on social media anymore so maybe it has become popular and a trendy thing to say. I don’t use the word often, but when I do, I really mean it. My faith is the most important thing to me, but I don’t rub it in to anyone and an fairly quiet about it. When I feel blessed, I don’t feel above someone who doesn’t believe in God. It’s simply my way of expressing my relationship with Jesus and God. And I don’t think the word should be used for ordinary things either. But really, it’s just a word.

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      • Dear Wendy

        Dear Wendy May 9, 2014, 2:37 pm

        It’s used on social media ALL THE TIME. An example: Someone posts a picture of pancakes her husband made her, with hashtag #so blessed as the caption.

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      • LlamaPajamas

        LlamaPajamas May 9, 2014, 2:45 pm

        Oh geez. My response to that would involve mention of being blessed with a good gag reflex and thankful I didn’t puke on my own breakfast when I read that.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest May 9, 2014, 2:48 pm

        I’d think that person were braggy even without the pound sign.

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      • BriarRose

        BriarRose May 9, 2014, 2:48 pm

        One of my FB acquaintances recently put up a pic of her and her two daughters at Bob’s Big Boy and wrote “I am SO incredibly blessed”. Does she mean about the kids or being at Bob’s Big Boy?

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      • avatar

        rachel May 10, 2014, 2:20 am

        I worked at an Elby’s Big Boy in college, and let me tell you, they ARE blessed to have those onion rings.

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      • mylaray

        mylaray May 9, 2014, 2:52 pm

        Oh gosh, that is ridiculous. Social media is like one big, bragging circle jerk sometimes. People who use it like that ruin the word for others.

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      • avatar

        kerrycontrary May 9, 2014, 3:33 pm

        See that’s kind of weird and braggy to me. I think I use it in the form of conversation.

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      • avatar

        Painted_lady May 9, 2014, 4:42 pm

        Wellllllllll…aside from Wendy’s annoyance with it (which I share), it’s also sort of…a privilege issue for me, for lack of a better term. I’m an atheist, and it doesn’t make me uncomfortable for someone to express their religion, I just don’t feel the same freedom to express mine. Obviously, religion/faith is deeply personal, and so while someone may not intend to push that faith and insist everyone believe like them AT ALL, I don’t know how, for example, to make a hashtag that both expresses my beliefs which are SO important to me and express that I feel fortunate or accomplished in some way, in a way that wouldn’t offend people: #jesusdidntdothisjustme? #blessingsarentarealthing? Don’t get me wrong, I would NEVER post something like that because I know it would be offensive and arrogant and would hurt people I care for deeply…except so many of my friends who are religious don’t even stop for a moment to give me the same consideration. And I don’t care that someone else loves Jesus or Allah or Vishnu or whoever, other than I do care about things on the merit of them being important to friends – that’s not it. It bothers me that I have to (choose to, really) make sure they’re comfortable, and no one ever stops to think I might be uncomfortable. And not because I hate religion, or I like to shit on people’s good time. I’m not uncomfortable because I’m looking for a reason to be offended or because I’m a fun-ruiner or a religion-hater. I just….hate the fact that default mode is to be religious and it makes me feel a little invisible.

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      • avatar

        BettyBoop May 9, 2014, 7:28 pm

        Many likes to this! I’m currently dealing with my partner’s mother being *obsessed* with getting me to force him to go to church for her and completely ignoring that I will not be attending the church of her choice. I really hate that she treats my beliefs and carefully considered views on religion as not real because that don’t match hers. The whole blessed thing gives me the same feeling of ickies. Especially seeing the people I know who use it most as being particularly un-Christian in their daily actions.

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      • katie

        katie May 10, 2014, 11:05 am

        Oh so much this. I hate that Christian is the default, assumed, “regular” normal thing. And in other countries, to be whatever the majority religion is. Cracked did a list recently about a guy who had to flee his country because he talked about how he was an atheist. We are so lucky (ha, see what I did there?) to be in a country where the worst of it is someone telling us to have a blessed day, or that they will pray we find Jesus or whatever… But this problem is all. Over. The. World. It’s so sad.

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      • katie

        katie May 10, 2014, 11:11 am

        Oh! Perfect case in point! My friends wedding. They are somewhat religious. I know my friend grew up going to and being very active in her local Scandinavian church. So I fully expected religion to be a part of her ceremony. But then at the very beginning, the officiant asked that everyone recite the Lord’s Prayer. Because it’s assumed that everyone attending the wedding is all religious and even knows the Lord’s Prayer. That is the kind of thing that makes me twitch, because it’s just like, why do they even think that everyone all believes in or even knows the Lord’s Prayer? Why is this an assumed thing in our society? It shouldn’t be. Just like you shouldn’t assume every woman over 30 is a mother, you shouldn’t assume everyone is straight, ect. Christian should not be the default. There shouldn’t be a default, period.

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      • Lyra

        Lyra May 10, 2014, 12:03 pm

        If it was a semi religious wedding though so that makes sense. It’s not as though everyone is forced to say it. If I were at a wedding that wasn’t Christian (Jewish, Buddhist, Hindu, Islam whatever) I would simply bow my head respectfully during a prayer that everyone knew. If it’s meant to be a Christian wedding, there will be some kind of prayer. In that particular situation it’s more about what the couple wants than catering to the guests and their beliefs.
        .
        I’ve been to a lot of weddings where they say “if you’re comfortable, let us recite the Lord’s Prayer”. Priests and pastors and deacons understand that not everyone on the guest list is going to be Christian and in my experience they cater to that. It’s safe to assume if you’re going to a Christian wedding there will be prayer, responses, hymns, etc. and if it makes you (general “you”) uncomfortable, skip the ceremony and go to the reception.

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      • Lyra

        Lyra May 10, 2014, 12:05 pm

        Not to mention a wedding is totally different than splashing “blessed” all over social media. I agree it is over used on Facebook and social media and that bothers me to an extent, but at a religious wedding…prayers are going to happen.

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      • katie

        Katie May 10, 2014, 1:01 pm

        Oh no there was no “if you would like to, recite this prayer with me”. It wasn’t even like “let’s start the ceremony with a prayer” where you could just respectfully bow your head. I completely agree those are 100% acceptable ways to go about this. It’s not like I’m mad that my friends chose to have their religion as a part of their wedding. It makes me twitchy when, in this country, it’s just assumed you are some flavor Christian, and the priest says “everyone please join me in saying the Lord’s Prayer”.
        .
        I get that it’s a nuanced thing. And I honestly don’t think religous people even see it when it happens, because it’s just going along with something that is already a big part of their lives. It’s just normal. But when a person is not religious, these small, nuanced things do matter, and you do notice them. It’s the same way that gay people feel when the world assumes they are straight, because that is the default, or anything like that. IT JUst sucks to assume a default for anyone in any respect.

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      • lemongrass

        lemongrass May 11, 2014, 10:55 am

        Funny, the default here is that you don’t have religion. Not that there aren’t a lot of religious people here in western Canada but it’s pretty hush hush. Nobody talks about it! Which, I guess is better for people who are non-religious but not those who are. You can never win.

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      • Portia

        Portia May 10, 2014, 2:49 pm

        I entirely agree. I’m Jewish but I’m not going to start doing #chosen or something (“chosen people”) because, well, that would be offensive/arrogant/whatever. But the way the term “chosen people ” is used in for instance religious ceremonies or prayer books, it’d would be the next logical step. And although I don’t necessarily think of Jews as the “chosen people” in my personal belief system, there are others that do and I’m sure wouldn’t use it on social media, and anyone who would, I bet it’s a joke (like during Hanukkah I like to call anything good that happens the “miracle of Hanukkah” because, well, I think it’s funny).

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    • Lyra

      Lyra May 10, 2014, 12:15 am

      Thank you for this. I feel blessed in my life too. My family and friends are amazing. I also believe that so many things in my life have happened for a reason and I’ve grown because of that, but some things are just too coincidental to NOT have happened for a reason…

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  • othy

    othy May 9, 2014, 12:39 pm

    I read the pregnancy article a few days ago, and I found it so interesting. It always creeps me out how quickly the internet ads respond to be. Like, when I was reading the forum post about sheets, and suddenly, all of my ads were for sheets (I didn’t even click on the links!). Then I got to my home computer, got on my Facebook, and more sheets.
    .
    Oh, and the internet assumes I’m having fertility issues. Because it knows I’m 29 years old, that I’ve been married for 8 years, and that I don’t have kids. Which obviously means that I am having fertility problems. If I was, I would be annoyed at how insensitive seeing ads like that constantly would be. But I’m not, so I’m just annoyed that even the internet wants me to have kids.

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    • Portia

      Portia May 9, 2014, 12:47 pm

      I also thought the pregnancy article was fascinating. My friend told me about the Target incident with the girl getting pregnancy things and that certainly made me take a step back. I mean, stuff like that is absolutely frightening to me, but I get a little kick out of when the internet gets me wrong, and it happens quite often, usually Facebook ads.

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      • avatar

        bethany May 9, 2014, 1:26 pm

        The article about the Target thing is really interesting:

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      • Portia

        Portia May 9, 2014, 1:33 pm

        Yeah, it is, I read it and The Power of Habit, which is a fantastic book I thought and I think the Target thing was the jumping off point for the book? I totally recommend that to anyone.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest May 9, 2014, 1:35 pm

        Its like they PLANNED to get me in there to buy 100 useless things when I only wanted milk. I’m freaked out.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson May 9, 2014, 1:36 pm

        I have never left there without spending $100 it’s awful. I go there thinking I just need a new pair of sunglasses and I leave with two work shirts, new make up, sunglasses, random grocery items, a bone for Sampson, and beer.

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      • avatar

        bethany May 9, 2014, 1:40 pm

        I think I’m the only person I know who can control themselves in a Target. I freaking love everything there, but I am working really hard to stop buying “stuff”. Although I did just buy 2 of these the other day and love them!
        http://www.target.com/p/threshold-global-round-storage-basket/-/A-15130829#prodSlot=medium_1_17

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest May 9, 2014, 1:43 pm

        They have great baskets there! I love everything they have actually. Its terrible. I will go there just because I’m bored and manage to fill up a cart.

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      • othy

        othy May 9, 2014, 1:36 pm

        I find the Target thing extra creepy. But it’s ironic because I work in ‘big data’ in the cancer world. Except I use my powers for good, and not evil. Like, instead of trying to figure out who is pregnant so we can advertise to them, we try and figure out who is more likely to die of their cancer. But when I sit down to think about how much data I have access to, it’s really quite scary. Especially because very few people realize what data we keep on them.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest May 9, 2014, 1:39 pm

        That sounds scary! Am I?

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      • othy

        othy May 9, 2014, 1:46 pm

        No.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest May 9, 2014, 1:51 pm

        This is great news! I knew those cigarette warnings were lies!

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      • honeybeenicki

        honeybeenicki May 9, 2014, 2:57 pm

        Lies, all lies!

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      • Portia

        Portia May 9, 2014, 1:53 pm

        That is also scary to me, but at the same time I’m glad people are using data in that way. I’m a fan of data for good. In Linguistics, so much is big data these days and subjects put a lot of trust in researchers that their data or conversations or details about their lives won’t be misused. It is misused sometimes, but I do my part to use my powers for good.

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      • Portia

        portia May 9, 2014, 2:33 pm

        Lol, case in point: my current Facebook ads are: 4 online clothes stores (one of which is modcloth and it has that red dress from yesterday), verizon wireless, grocery delivery, 2 ads for children’s clothes, and some online university (I get that a lot). Oh, and Zappos, but I bought stuff from them last week and am returning most of it soon. So, they get 1 of 10, but the 1 is for an ad that is useless to me at this point.

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      • othy

        othy May 9, 2014, 2:59 pm

        Lets see, I’ve got a “Discover YOUR Purpose”, a student loan management company, a mountain biking company, a local car dealership, a new townhouse development company, and ‘sexy swimwear’. So 0 for 6 from Facebook (although it was close with the mountain biking).

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  • avatar

    lets_be_honest May 9, 2014, 12:46 pm

    Re: the no makeup look. Does anyone really think these women have no makeup on? I see someone with flawless skin, long eyelashes and pink cheeks, I’m thinking they’re wearing makeup. Unless its like, Gisele whateverhernameis. You “no makeup” people aren’t fooling me!

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    • iwannatalktosampson

      iwannatalktosampson May 9, 2014, 12:50 pm

      This is only the slightest bit relevant but I’m going to share it anyways. So I told you I had way too many drinks with my boss yesterday right? Well like near the end (read, near when we were both drunk) he was like I wonder what you look like without make up. And I was like YOUNG. Meaning YOUNGER than I already do. It’s awful. These are the things you apparently discuss when your boss after whiskey shots.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest May 9, 2014, 12:56 pm

        You look young with no makeup? Ok, bragplainer. I look old, wrinkly, tired and old with no makeup. With makeup, I just look the same, but with pink cheeks. fml.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson May 9, 2014, 12:57 pm

        Haha that is not a bragplain. I also look less feminine. Kind of like a teenage boy. If that helps. I have kind of a round face? So if you don’t define my eyes – I don’t know. It looks weird.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest May 9, 2014, 12:59 pm

        I feel better knowing this.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson May 9, 2014, 12:58 pm

        Also despite the fact that I disagree that this was a bragplain, I had to thumb up your comment for your effort to police bragplaining, those assholes are the worst.

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      • Portia

        Portia May 9, 2014, 1:13 pm

        Lol I just have to thank you both for bragplain. I’m now going to use that word all the time.

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      • avatar

        bethany May 9, 2014, 1:20 pm

        I think I look the same without makeup, except my skin looks blotchy. With make up I basically look exactly the same as I did when I was 15 and had nicer skin.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson May 9, 2014, 1:32 pm

        Yeah, the funny part was that I’ve actually worn very minimal make up to work before (think, during a hangover. For some reason my eyelids cannot handle eye liner or mascara when I’m hungover) and he’s never said anything. I can’t leave the house without some type of foundation/cover up on though. I’m blotchy as all get out.

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      • muchachaenlaventana

        muchachaenlaventana May 9, 2014, 2:36 pm

        yeah seriously I am only 26 and without face makeup I look wrecked. My wrinkles are out of control.

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      • Portia

        Portia May 9, 2014, 12:57 pm

        Yeah I’m pretty sure that most of the reason people think I look younger than my sister (who’s 4 years younger) is because she wears makeup and I don’t. I was a TA for a few years and younger than some of my students, so I did a bunch of tricks to appear older, one of which was makeup. I hated it, the last thing I wanted to do on a Friday morning when I’ve already done so much work getting the class ready was put on makeup, but yeah… And if I get a job in an office setting I’ll probably have to start wearing some makeup again. Blarg…

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        lets_be_honest May 9, 2014, 1:01 pm

        You were theattack once? How did that work exactly? Morphing? Skin theft?

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      • Portia

        Portia May 9, 2014, 1:07 pm

        Lol LBH, she doesn’t get total ownership of the acronym! It’s “teaching assistant” at my school. Although I used to say GSI (“graduate student instructor “) all the time because that’s what they called it at my undergrad, but then I confused people to much… Although come to think of it RA meant “research assistant” and “resident advisor” and no one bat an eye.

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      • Portia

        Portia May 9, 2014, 1:08 pm

        Although to be fair it would be more like Mystique from the x-men.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest May 9, 2014, 1:11 pm

        Hahaha

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest May 9, 2014, 1:09 pm

        🙂

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      • avatar

        Banana May 9, 2014, 2:20 pm

        Yeah, I only started wearing makeup regularly when I started office life. But once I got into the habit, now I wear it all the time anyway — on weekends I have a much more minimal routine, but now I feel weird leaving the house without something on my face. I, too, have uneven skin tone, and a lot of acne scarring, and I like how makeup smooths it all out. That’s actually why sometimes “natural beauty” and fetishizing the no-makeup look bugs me sometimes. It’s like “real women have curves” — it’s meant well, but it neglects the fact that it’s actually putting one group of women down to make another one feel better. In the case of makeup, I think it puts pressure/guilt on women who actually DO like wearing makeup or simply prefer it because it makes them feel more confident.

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      • muchachaenlaventana

        muchachaenlaventana May 9, 2014, 2:39 pm

        yeah I sort of hate people all “I don’t even wear makeup” umm good for you, people say that like a badge of honor or like wearing makeup makes you less somehow, when really we should all just do what makes us feel most beautiful. If you are lucky enough that is you without makeup, great but don’t brag about it to the rest of us who like wearing makeup for an extra confidence boost or for fun, etc.

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      • Astronomer

        Astronomer May 10, 2014, 2:06 am

        Agreed. I’m one of those “I’ve never worn makeup” people, but I dye the shit out of my hair. I’d be a total hypocrite to pretend I’m like this all-natural granola goddess. We all have our things that we like to do, you know?

        I also think that modifying the body and face for aesthetic reasons are some of our oldest impulses as humans. Between hair removal, piercings, makeup, hair dye, tattoos, and everything else, we’ve been doing this sort of thing for thousands (millions?) of years. Sure, it manifests itself differently in different cultures (and subcultures within a larger culture) depending on what kinds of looks are valued, but everyone does it to some extent whether they’re aware of it or not.

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      Jessibel5 May 9, 2014, 1:56 pm

      I’m pretty convinced anyone and everyone who gets their picture taken who claims they’re wearing no makeup is actually wearing “Beauty Base Zero”, which is no less than 9 products. You need to even out the skin tone, mascara, lip balm of some kind, blush, etc. Vogue or Vanity Fair had a spread a few months ago of “omg, these celebrities aren’t wearing any makeup, aren’t they gorgeous?!” and I was just so annoyed. So what, you mussed up their hair and didn’t do eyeshadow and they’re “makeup free”? If their skintone is even, then it’s a dead giveaway that they’re wearing some kind of makeup. I’m pretty sure that 100% of women have uneven skintone in some way, shape or form.

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      • BriarRose

        BriarRose May 9, 2014, 2:11 pm

        Thank you. I agree completely. When you see a picture of a celeb without makeup, you know it immediately, because you think, “Wow, she does look like a normal person!”.

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      • avatar

        iseeshiny May 9, 2014, 3:19 pm

        Well, and even if they’re not wearing makeup, it doesn’t mean that the photos weren’t retouched, or that the lighting wasn’t specifically set up to be the most flattering.

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      iseeshiny May 9, 2014, 3:11 pm

      I don’t wear makeup, and the few times I have it’s made me break out. I do wear moisturizer and sunscreen, or maybe I’m just #blessed with decent skin, but maybe the makeup is like a vicious cycle?

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson May 9, 2014, 3:13 pm

        It’s like your skin is in on the conspiracy to keep the foundation business profitable. You use it once and then your skin is hooked on it and NEEDS IT.

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      • avatar

        iseeshiny May 9, 2014, 3:19 pm

        Like heroin – THE FIRST HIT IS FREE.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson May 9, 2014, 3:24 pm

        My mom actually told me that when I was a teenager. She was like don’t use eyeshadow it will make the blue veins in your eye pop out more after that and then you’ll ALWAYS have to use it. She also told me I’d get sick if I didn’t wear a coat in the winter. My childhood was just a series of lies.

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      • LlamaPajamas

        LlamaPajamas May 9, 2014, 4:50 pm

        I don’t wear makeup for a few reasons, mainly because I have really sensitive eyes and everything hurts them. But even before my eye problems I rarely wore it because I growing up my mom always used to tell me I’d be so pretty if I’d just wear mascara. My sad bare little face was/is my rebellion!

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      • avatar

        Painted_lady May 9, 2014, 7:08 pm

        I actually only get a zit maybe four times a year. I wear makeup nearly every day. But my skin has always been like that. I just assume it’s a trade-off for also being allergic to everything under the sun. I’ve got hives/eczema rash from the neck down. Above the neck? Smooth sailing.

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  • avatar

    Lily in NYC May 9, 2014, 1:24 pm

    Re: Not using “I have a boyfriend” as a way to get someone to stop hitting on you. The author makes very good points. But I’m going to keep telling guys “I’m married to the sea” in order to get rid of them. Works every time.

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    • avatar

      Banana May 9, 2014, 1:28 pm

      I love that!
      .
      I’ve read other articles about why women should stop saying “I have a boyfriend” as a way to deflect unwanted attention, and I think they make good points, but I also think that women should feel free to use whatever words or strategy they want to. It seems like in an attempt to free them from one controlling tradition (the idea that a woman “belongs” to her mate) we’ve just created another controlling societal rule (you’re not allowed to say “I have a boyfriend” even if it’s true and/or it’s your preferred way of turning guys down). I mean, in the past I’ve even said it, when it was untrue, just because it seemed like a NICER way to let someone down than to just say, “You smell really weird.”

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      • muchachaenlaventana

        muchachaenlaventana May 9, 2014, 2:42 pm

        Also when the alternative is to be called a bitch sometimes its just easier to be like yo I have a dude leave me alone. I have tried to not use that line, but yeah been called cold, ice queen, full of myself, a bitch etc. Which is just awful yeah and it shouldn’t happen, but it does. So to not deal with that sometimes I just would say, sorry I am taken.

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        RedroverRedrover May 9, 2014, 6:44 pm

        I don’t think it’s meant to be a “rule”, the author is just trying to make us mindful of the effect. I think a lot of feminism is like that. No one can make the “most feminist” choice all the time, and no one’s expected to. But it’s good to be aware of the effect of your choices. At least consider it, and make your choice with all the information.
        .
        Like if you want to be a stay-at-home mom, or change your last name, or that kind of thing. Sure, a hardcore feminist might say it’s an unfeminist choice, and there are reasons why that may be true. But everyone needs to balance that choice against the other needs in their life. For some people they’ll keep saying it, as you will, because to you the awkwardness and difficulty and potential meanness to the guy isn’t worth the gain for feminism. For other people, they’ll decide that it is worth it. And hopefully at some point enough people do each “feminist” thing, so that it becomes the norm and not a big deal, and then we won’t have to worry about which way we choose. But for now, I think it’s good to be cognizant of the overall effects of these kinds of choices on the future of gender equality.

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        Painted_lady May 9, 2014, 7:27 pm

        I think most decent men hear “I have a boyfriend,” as a soft no, or at the very least a possible soft no, and would respect it as such, as much as “I’m just here with my friends,” or “I just got out of a really bad relationship.” And so you could say any of those things and have it heard as, “I’m not attracted to you,” no matter what. But a guy who won’t accept a soft no, is unlikely to hear even, “I’m not attracted to you,” as anything beyond, “I am a nasty bitch who thinks I am too good to have sex with you.” Or whatever it is guys who don’t respect “no” think. Because so many guys actually know a denial and someone who isn’t into them, just some choose to ignore it. So I just don’t know that it would make that much difference.

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    • othy

      othy May 9, 2014, 1:32 pm

      Funny story time!
      .
      So I was in Italy a few years ago, and a friend of mine and I were wandering around. This guy came up and started hitting on me. He kept telling me ‘You’re beautiful’. I wasn’t interested and kept trying to deflect him. And he kept saying ‘You’re beautiful.’ Finally he picked up on my nos, and asked me what was wrong. I told him “I have a boyfriend”. Then he turned to my friend and asked her if she had a boyfriend. She said no. He responded “Well, good. Because you’re VERY beautiful.” It took us almost an hour to finally ditch him.

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    • avatar

      Jessibel5 May 9, 2014, 1:57 pm

      I always start talking about my son “Timmy”. Talking about the pooping habits of a non-existent one year old makes the creepers eyes glaze over.

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    • mylaray

      mylaray May 9, 2014, 1:58 pm

      Several years ago a friend and I were at a bar when a guy came up to us trying to hit on us. My friend said she had a boyfriend (true) but he wouldn’t stop and wanted to see a picture of him. It was annoying. I didn’t say I had a boyfriend, even though I did. Sometimes you just have to say whatever will make them go away.

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    • avatar

      AliceInDairyland May 9, 2014, 3:09 pm

      I just always start talking about rectal palpation and artificial insemination in cows. No one except Benjamin has survived that conversation, so it’s an easy way to rule in/rule out.

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      • CatsMeow

        CatsMeow May 9, 2014, 9:07 pm

        It’s poop and syphilis for me. Holla!

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  • Lyra

    Lyra May 10, 2014, 12:41 am

    OK, re: blessed article. I see the points above about it being overused. I think it is overused in a lot of situations…but in a lot of ways I feel *truly* blessed. As an example, when I attended a funeral in February for an amazing woman who had a huge impact on my life. She was literally the most incredible woman I’ve ever met. She was my church music director for maybe 3 years of my childhood, but she made a HUGE impact on me and the person I became. I realized that she is the type of person I want to be. I think of what she would do and how she would treat other people. And I am *truly* blessed to have known her. I’m DEFINITELY not just saying that.
    .
    I guarantee the majority of the people who use “blessed” on a regular basis — especially in person — don’t mean to offend anybody with it. They are simply trying to look on the positive side of things. Frankly I wish more people would have a more positive outlook on life.

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  • Lyra

    Lyra May 10, 2014, 12:43 am

    BAM. All comments on the side bar haha. And no one is on to see it, dang!

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  • Cassie

    Cassie May 10, 2014, 2:02 pm

    I am having a great day reading DW. #MyLifeCouldBeWorseThanItIs #NotSupremelyorDivinelyFavoredJustHappy #OtherThingsSuckButThisPartOfMyLifeIsOkay

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    • Portia

      Portia May 10, 2014, 2:38 pm

      Hahaha Cassie you’re killin’ it with those hashtags! #lazySaturdayCommenting #DWisObviouslyDivinelyFavored #JustMakingUpHashtagsNow.

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      • Cassie

        Cassie May 10, 2014, 5:04 pm

        It definitely is a lazy Saturday after a busy week… I’m in my pj’s, had some popcorn, and am just chillaxing. It’s awesome. #PortiaTotallyGetsIt #IReallyLovePopcorn #LifeIsAwesomeRightNow #NoThisIsNotASecretFU

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