Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friday Links

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

“A Jewish Matchmaker Whose Hand Led Hundreds Down the Aisle” [via NYTimes]

“What It Really Feels Like To Be A Childfree Woman” [via HuffPost]

“What an Introvert Sounds Like: The World Well-Being Project uses Facebook updates to correlate language with personality traits.” [via The Atlantic]

“The kiss that ended my engagement” [via Salon]

Plus, self-promotion time. Here are some re-prints of my writing published this week (please feel free to like and share these on social media!):

One of my favorites: “Showing Up: The Single Most Important Thing a Friend Can Do” posted on HuffPost, and also a popular Australian website, Mamamia.

Ooh, this one got me several personal attacks on Twitter, and I had to stop reading the comments after the first few. It was like writing for CNN again. “49 Life Skills Every Modern Woman Should Have” [via HuffPost]

The Germans were nicer when the same piece was translated: 49 Fähigkeiten, die jede moderne Frau haben sollte [via HuffPost.de]

A Korean translation of my “30 Things That will (Probably) Happen to You in Your 30s”
“30대가 되면 당신에게 일어날 30가지” [via HussPost.kr]

“20 Wedding “Must Haves” That Are Not Actually Necessities” [via PopSugar]

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to wendy@dearwendy.com and if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

Follow along on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

33 comments… add one
  • avatar

    MissDre August 22, 2014, 1:26 pm

    Twitter attacks? Really? People take this stuff way too seriously. I re-read the list and some of the items do not apply to me, so obviously they are not all going to apply to everyone, but why on earth would anybody care enough to be offended? If it doesn’t apply to you, or even if you disagree with it, close your browser window and move on.

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    • Dear Wendy

      Dear Wendy August 22, 2014, 1:40 pm

      I know, seriously. I really don’t mind or care or pay much attention to negative comments where I can choose not to read them. But people seeking me out and attacking me directly through Twitter or Facebook or email — and over something so innocuous as some silly/ just for fun list — is really sad. It’s such a simple thing to say, but… I wish people were nicer to each other.

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      • avatar

        MissDre August 22, 2014, 1:50 pm

        After just skimming the comments, I guess maybe the difference is that here, we know you, and we know it’s just a list for funsies. The people on HuffPost I guess don’t know you at all so they are taking this as some serious piece of literature which they were hoping would advance feminism by 50 years (or something) and instead decided it was shallow. But even in that case… them making nasty comments doesn’t advance their cause at all. You’re right. I wish people were nicer to each other too.

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      • Dear Wendy

        Dear Wendy August 22, 2014, 1:54 pm

        The upside is that it was a good reminder for me, after a several-year hiatus of writing for such a big platform where people aren’t familiar with me, that I need to think carefully about my intention and the way I express that intention. I guess it’s easy to get a little lazy when I know people who know me (in the way you know someone whose writing you have read for a while) and have context around what I write will “get” my intention.

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      • avatar

        Skyblossom August 22, 2014, 2:36 pm

        I think you’ve just learned the hard way, or been reminded, because you probably already knew this, that you have to keep your target audience in mind when you write. The article that is perfect for DW may be to light for HuffPo. So now you know that the HuffPo readers expect an article with lots of meat and potatoes with not much fluff or you need to introduce the article in a lighthearted fashion that lets them know up front that the article isn’t super serious. We know that you can write, and you know that you can write and that you can do this.

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      • something random

        something random August 22, 2014, 2:40 pm

        WENDY, HOW FUCKING DARE YOU?!! Don’t you know a woman (who runs a viable website, provides a community platform, and independently publishes her own writing) has no place having a sense of humor?? And writing practical tips for women to enjoy their lives???!! ARE YOU MAD WOMAN? Don’t you know your genitals prohibit this kind honest, balanced feedback? Where the hell do you get off creating a list without reviewing it analytically, neurotically, manically reviewed OVER and OVER until its guaranteed to apply to ALL three billion woman in the world. To do otherwise is just plain, insulting! What kind of message does free, unburdened writing deliver to The Club of Boys?!! Why, telling a female how to say thank you for a gift or pick a nice pear will DESTROY THE MOVEMENT!!! I can only hope your banished from HUFFPOST for ALL time and eternity.

        Sincerely,
        You fellow sister

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      • something random

        something random August 22, 2014, 2:44 pm

        P.S.

        Forgive my grammar, dammit! Oh wait, I’m not sure how to give a sincere apology. Hmm.

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      • something random

        something random August 22, 2014, 3:07 pm

        Okay, now I’ve settled down. BGM I am not. I’ve tried but I’m not cut out for funny or ironic.

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      • Dear Wendy

        Dear Wendy August 22, 2014, 3:29 pm

        I thought it was funny 😉

        And speaking of BGM, where IS he? I always get a little worried when he disappears for a few days. Has anyone heard from him?

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      • something random

        something random August 22, 2014, 8:06 pm

        I worry about him, too. I hope he’s okay.

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      • avatar

        MissDre August 22, 2014, 1:52 pm

        Anyway, nuts to them. I still love DW and I think you’re awesome! (even if I don’t drink and couldn’t care less about cocktails 🙂

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      • Moneypenny

        Moneypenny August 22, 2014, 2:14 pm

        Some of those comments were just ridiculous- like, how DARE you not mention how to accept a Nobel Prize or run a corporation! Like it’s your fault for wasting their time for reading an article that wasn’t what they thought it should be. Ugh. Because otherwise you’re clearly setting women back 50 years. I’d say maybe you should make a disclaimer, but I’d hate to give in to them.

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      • FireStar

        FireStar August 22, 2014, 3:03 pm

        What was the Nobel Prize advice supposed to be? Don’t drop it? That applies to the baby too. It’s amazing how up in arms people can get over nonsense. It must b nice to have no real problems.

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      • Lyra

        Lyra August 23, 2014, 5:41 pm

        I laughed out loud at the Noble Prize and corporation comment. Most comments were just ridiculous. Haters gonna hate. We <3 you Wendy.

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      • the_optimist

        the_optimist August 22, 2014, 2:21 pm

        SHIT people are so mean. That list was one of my favorite posts of yours and I cannot believe how sensitive and irritable people were about it. It’s funny that people were more angry over the absence of certain life skills (“WTF lip gloss but not a swiss army knife?! Holding a baby but not buying a house?!” type bullshit) than over some of the included skills. Cool your shorts, guys. Ridic.

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      • Dear Wendy

        Dear Wendy August 22, 2014, 3:31 pm

        On the upside though, the post was “liked” by 18K people, so I know it wasn’t universally hated.

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    • avatar

      ktfran August 22, 2014, 1:49 pm

      Yeah, I started to read the comments and then I just had to stop. People take things way too seriously. I mean come on, get a life.

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      • muchachaenlaventana

        muchachaenlaventana August 22, 2014, 1:59 pm

        Yeah like the comments were so aggressive and just mean. I sometimes hate how the anonymity of the internet gives people the free reign to act like heartless dicks and say things they would never say in person.

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    • avatar

      RedroverRedrover August 22, 2014, 2:09 pm

      In my experience reading and posting on articles, you can’t have any article about women without getting a LOT of flak. Doesn’t matter if it’s funny or serious, based on facts or an opinion. It seems like the web is making sexism worse. Try to find one article on a major platform about any female issue, and there will be a bunch of men in there talking about how it’s bullshit or that women are doing it to themselves. And then there will be a bunch of women getting angry and reacting to that, or agreeing with it. Women seem to be ultra-sensitive now, I think because of all the damn nitpicking and negative feedback we get on any opinion we might have about our gender. Actually men are sensitive too, the ones who post responses seem to take it all personally, as if they’re constantly being made out to be “the bad guy”. It’s all going into a tailspin. It’s really depressing. 🙁
      .
      Anyway, Wendy, it’s definitely not a reflection on you. It wouldn’t have mattered what your article said, you would have gotten the same kinds of comments. Unfortunately.

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  • coconot

    coconot August 22, 2014, 2:37 pm

    Psh looks like half those mean comments are from people who think women who drink are evil, or from people who think women who wear makeup or do any domestic work are shallow. Those judge-y jerks are the ones who are anti feminist! FFS if I’m ever going to run a corporation or win a nobel prize I’m definitely still going to wear lip gloss and make a mean cocktail! When will people start getting that being feminine != anti-feminist.

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    • FireStar

      FireStar August 22, 2014, 3:05 pm

      amen. There really is a subset that believes feminism is WHAT THEY SAY IT IS and anyone who deviates is oppressive/being oppressed. Exhausting.

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      • Amanda

        Amanda August 22, 2014, 3:09 pm

        I feel like that’s true of almost any “-ism”

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  • muchachaenlaventana

    muchachaenlaventana August 22, 2014, 2:49 pm

    Personally and I am pretty damned feminist- knowing how to set a table well is a GREAT skill to have, and yes regardless of gender–but whatever; you write a column directed at women so that is how you titled it. Having or possessing these skills doesn’t negate the fact that you can also run for office or own a business etc. but those aren’t really *skills*. IDK people read and see what they want to.

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  • avatar

    Scooze August 22, 2014, 2:50 pm

    I read the “49 Things” article and the comments…. I tried to see the issue from the point of view of these negative commenters. When I do that, it does strike me that because women are bombarded by ridiculous expectations and slut-shaming, we are on guard to find the misogyny in everyday articles. In that context, a list of what women “should do” already puts many women on the defensive. The readers then look for the evidence that this is just another ploy to put women in their place. The concept of a “Life Skills for women” itself feels a little old-fashioned – and so many of the points had to do with keeping house. Some of the commenters actually made very good points about things that would be really useful like keeping a swiss army knife in your purse. And did you mention handling your own investments?

    Now I’m a fan of Wendy and I know that you are a progressive and a feminist. Your regular readers all know this. You have written many excellent essays about life issues here. I know you wanted to write something light-hearted that would be applicable to modern women and would drive traffic to Dear Wendy, but I think the concept of “life skills” is probably too loaded for that purpose. I think perhaps in the future, you might consider offering up something closer to your core competency – relationship advice. For instance, a compendium of the best Friday Shortcuts might get you noticed and could be funny.

    I hope that this is helpful, I’m still a fan.

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    • avatar

      RedroverRedrover August 22, 2014, 2:57 pm

      Just a note on the swiss army knife in your purse… don’t do it if you do a lot of air travel. That’s how I lost mine which I had actually bought in Switzerland. 🙁 I had it in my backpack, where it always is, and totally forgot about it when I grabbed that backpack for a trip. I didn’t have time to go back out and check it, or to mail it to myself, so they just took it. 🙁

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    • avatar

      Scooze August 22, 2014, 3:00 pm

      Not that life skills aren’t a competency of Wendy’s…. just that relationship advice may be an easier sell.

      And good point about swiss army knives and air travel.

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    • avatar

      jlyfsh August 22, 2014, 3:15 pm

      It’s kind of sad though that we can’t write a list and have it just be fun. And counting only 8 of them were ‘house keeping’ things, unless you include assembling furniture. Handling investments was mentioned. But, honestly I didn’t open that article and read it thinking, yes Wendy is going to teach me to be a modern woman. I read it thinking, I’m going to read a catchy list that is funny too. And if people are that up in arms about it, why don’t they write a counter article of what they think a modern woman should do?

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    • muchachaenlaventana

      muchachaenlaventana August 22, 2014, 3:18 pm

      But is carrying a swiss army knife a skill? No that is just something that is common sense. Skills are a lot different than what some of the people commenting were advocating. It was a list on “skills” to know–someone’s skills don’t define them and it isn’t though it was implied you aren’t a real woman if you can’t do these things. People just need to lighten up. I do get where some of the commenters were coming from and think you offer a good justification but idk some of the comments and how mean they were just seemed unnecessary.

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    • Dear Wendy

      Dear Wendy August 22, 2014, 8:12 pm

      No, I totally hear what you’re saying. And I appreciate the constructive criticism.

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  • avatar

    jlyfsh August 22, 2014, 3:22 pm

    I enjoyed reading the showing up for friends article again.
    .
    I’m kind of on the fence about the child-free woman article. She’s definitely on the extreme end of things. As much as I don’t want children, I don’t think I’ve ever thought of being sterilized. I do understand where she’s coming from though. As more friends start on number 2, I’m getting more and more of the isn’t your life meaningless, are you really happy type questions from some. I guess it’s hard for people to remember that their life decisions don’t mean anything about anyone else’s. It is hard at times though. I think some friends assume I won’t get excited about their kids, but I do, they’re my friends of course I’m excited for them and want to talk about it.

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    • avatar

      RedroverRedrover August 22, 2014, 3:43 pm

      I agree that there probably aren’t that many childfree women who go as far as wanting to be sterilized. Maybe because for us, it’s a major (irreversible) surgery, compared to just a snip for guys. Maybe too because there’s so much talk about women’s biological clocks, and a lot of women are probably afraid that it’ll kick in and then they’ll be screwed because they’ve made themselves infertile.
      .
      Personally I couldn’t imagine doing it, just because I don’t like to close the doors on opportunities. People do change their minds (not just women, there’s a reason we’ve found out that vasectomies are reversible). Even if I had been thinking about it, the fact that 7-17% of women regret doing it would really give me pause. That seems pretty high for an elective procedure.
      .
      With that being said, I do think it’s ridiculous that men can get sterilized in their 20s and women can’t. I would imagine that part of the pushback is that it’s a major surgery being done for no clear health reasons. But I think doctors need to expand their minds a bit and realize that mental health is part of their job too – maybe the risk of surgery is worth the piece of mind of knowing you won’t get accidentally pregnant.

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      • avatar

        jlyfsh August 22, 2014, 4:01 pm

        Yeah,I think the fact that it is major surgery is why I would probably never consider it. Messing with my body that much scares me some!

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  • Portia

    Portia August 23, 2014, 5:06 pm

    I just reread the skills article again and tried to read it as if I didn’t know the article’s writer and I still like it! Those mean tweets are unwarranted, in my book.
    .
    Also, that article about the matchmaker from Pittsburgh was hilarious and probably scarily accurate. As a Jewish woman who tends not to date other Jews, I’ve definitely felt the pressure from the older generation to find a nice Jewish man. Heck, my mom has tried setting me up with Jewish guys within weeks of my breakups. “You don’t need to go on a date, just get coffee, maybe you’ll make a new friend!” Subtle, mom… (She loves Bassanio, even if he is Catholic.)

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