Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friday Links

I’m light on links today since I wasn’t surfing the net too much this week, but here are a few things from around the web that may interest you (and feel free to share other links in the comments):

“23 Things Every Woman Should Stop Doing” [via HuffPo]

“Why are American Health Care Costs So High?” [via YouTube]

“Surviving Whole Foods” [via HuffPo]

So much yes to this: “Dear parents, you need to control your kids. Sincerely, non-parents” [via The Matt Walsh Blog]

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to [email protected] and if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

You can follow me on Facebook here and sign up for my weekly newsletter here.

118 comments… add one
  • avatar

    XanderT September 20, 2013, 2:29 pm

    I had to look up Namaste………..Loved the Whole Foods article. Living in SW FL where the closest one is an hour away I miss them every day. Not because I bought so much there, but because of the awesome feeling I got when I would allow myself to buy 1 thing! Usually the tricolor tortilla chips. I would usually just wander the store shaking my head at the ridiculous prices. But, man! I felt so healthy every time I left the store.

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    • avatar

      rachel September 20, 2013, 2:37 pm

      I sometimes make specific trips for the overpriced, but delicious, salad bar. And then ruin it with a slice of key lime pie. Yummm.

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      • avatar

        kerrycontrary September 20, 2013, 2:41 pm

        Ooh maybe I’ll get whole foods salad bar for dinner tonight! And then buy an overpriced 4$ drink.

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      • Fabelle

        Fabelle September 20, 2013, 2:43 pm

        I never feel healthy leaving Whole Foods, because I can never resist the freshly-made pizza. Last time I went, I had the guy cut off the entire end of a pesto pizza for me. MMMMM so good

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    • bagge72

      bagge72 September 20, 2013, 3:23 pm

      I go there for the hot food bars! The best! Especially breakfast, love the thick cut bacon.

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  • Miel

    Miel September 20, 2013, 2:38 pm

    I like the Health care cost video. I’m always taking all the explanations with a grain of salt, but I liked how the guy explained things. I don’t like reading stuff, I need somebody that talks about it.

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    • avatar

      snarkymarc September 20, 2013, 5:57 pm

      I like the video, too. Healthcare costs scare me. It is frustrating that the U.S. government is too busy trying to oust the other party and/or retain their own seats and in the process dragging us all down. The biggest cost driving that he mentioned, a lack of unified consumer power, isn’t that tough to solve. We just need the will.

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  • avatar

    GatorGirl September 20, 2013, 2:41 pm

    I thought the kid article was interesting. I definitely applaud the mother for not just giving into her child, but I don’t think “allowing” a full on tantrum to ensue is the way to deal with it either. Obviously, I’m still in the non parent category, but I really don’t believe that children are just wired to have flip outs. Perhaps some are, and figuring out a productive way to deal with that is definitely a challenge, but so many of the children I’ve known have never acted that way. Perhaps I’m living in lalaland. (I do think that guy who said the stuff about controlling the kids is an asshole though).

    Did anyone read the first comment? It was really bazar and frankly made me uncomfortable. The guy seemed to be implying the only way to teach discipline to children was spanking…which in some cases may be warranted, but really? I don’t want to get into a whole conversation about the appropriateness of spanking, because I don’t know what my opinion clearly is, but I do know each child reacts differently.

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    • avatar

      lets_be_honest September 20, 2013, 2:45 pm

      Haha, toddlers are definitely wired to have flip outs. Its quite possible (I’d bet on it, actually) that you are just lucky enough to NOT have witnessed the children you know having a tantrum. No matter what parents do in terms of raising, a toddler will have a tantrum once in a while. And there really isn’t anything to stop it while its happening.

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl September 20, 2013, 2:48 pm

        Yeah, I mean we’ve had this conversation before, but I’m substantially older than my siblings and when they where young I never witnessed a freakout. I actually asked my mom the other day and she said there wasn’t a handful of tantrums thrown between all three of us. Perhaps she just creates very calm children, but she claims we didn’t spontaneously combust.

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      • Fabelle

        Fabelle September 20, 2013, 2:52 pm

        I’ve asked my mom about this, too, & she said I was always really good in public, like not freaking out over something (i.e. she would take me to the toy store, let me play with stuff there, & then say it was time to go ((without buying anything)), & I’d just be like, “okay!”) But I was also kind of a weird, think-y child, & I definitely remember being upset about stuff & then not showing it until, like, hours later. I was a bad baby, though— like super scream-y? So maybe different kids have different “bad” stages?

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      • Copa

        Copa September 20, 2013, 3:14 pm

        I was a scream-y baby, too! Apparently my sister (older) was the perfectly adorable, super smiley bundle of joy with a full head of hair. (I loooove when babies have great hair, but for purposes of this anecdote it’s an irrelevant detail. Haha.) When I came a few years later, I was a crier and a screamer. My poor mom. She probably thought, when it was just my sister, that she makes happyhappy babies. No. No, she does not.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest September 20, 2013, 3:17 pm

        Another reason I’m not having another kid. 🙂

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest September 20, 2013, 2:52 pm

        Is it possible she has selective memory? I’m being completely serious. I know I do. I forget a LOT of the bad things Lil used to do just because time has passed and I’ve created this ideal memory of a very well-behaved kid. And then my friends/family are like, ‘um do you not remember the time she ate a crayon?!’ (example, didn’t actually happen).

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl September 20, 2013, 2:55 pm

        No, she doesn’t have selective memory. My step dad says the same thing, as does extended family. We where always just very calm.

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      • avatar

        rachel September 20, 2013, 2:56 pm

        Eh, I think some children *are* just quieter in general, but it’s just kind of luck of the draw, not really because of the parents. My sister was way more prone to tantrums than I was as a kid, and we are a year apart, so clearly were raised the same. Don’t get your expectations up too high, GG, or you might get a monster toddler 😉

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl September 20, 2013, 3:04 pm

        I’m fully preparing myself in case my child is prone to being a lunatic. Lots of reading before there is even a bun and practicing my patience with my crazy ass cat. (Obviously slightly different but he is a real pain in the ass sometimes.)

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest September 20, 2013, 2:57 pm

        And even if you happened to be a calmer kid that didn’t have tantrums even once, its not a reflection on the parents when kids do have them. Some kids are a handful no matter what you do and the idea of a parent having some superpower ability to stop a tantrum just isn’t real. You can talk calmly, tell them they’ll be punished, yell at them (which you will get just as many looks at the grocery store for doing!), etc. If its a full on tantrum, its not gonna work.

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl September 20, 2013, 3:03 pm

        Yeah, I mean I definitely understand parents aren’t super humans…but I also disagree that some kids are just a handful and that behaviors can’t be controlled at least to a degree. I understand I could be wrong, but NONE of us are experts, even those who are parents because that experience is unique to the individual child.

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      • theattack

        theattack September 20, 2013, 3:11 pm

        I think parenting for tantrums is more damage control than anything. If you don’t do any parenting at all, it’s going to be out of control, but if your kid is naturally wild and you do all the right things, your kid still might be out of control. They are probably still more well behaved with those parenting techniques than they would have been otherwise. So good parenting + an already well-tempered child = few fits. The same good parenting + a buck wild baby = a slightly less wild baby and a lot of judgment from other people. No parent could take a wild child and turn him into a fit-free angel.

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl September 20, 2013, 3:14 pm

        I definitely agree with you. I just think good parenting goes a LONG way. Also being a calm parent. No child is EVER going to be perfect. I get that. There are ways to set your kid up for success though.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest September 20, 2013, 3:21 pm

        I hope you come around to not thinking that way, only because its kinda setting yourself up for thinking you failed as a mom when your kid ends up misbehaving. If you think so much of a child’s tantrum is based on your parenting, I feel like its just asking for feeling like you didn’t do enough as a parent, or didn’t do it right or the best way.
        (that goes for everyone, not specifically you gg)

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl September 20, 2013, 3:25 pm

        I completely disagree that it’s setting myself up for thinking I failed. I have VERY realistic expectations that my child won’t be perfect. No one can deny that good parenting can have a very real affect on just about every child’s behavior.

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      • theattack

        theattack September 20, 2013, 3:30 pm

        I agree with you, GG, as long as it doesn’t go to the extreme. Obviously if you set a poor foundation (ie: buying the Lucky Charms so they’ll shut up), they’ll learn to keep behaving that way. If you reward good behavior, they’re more likely to behave that way in the future. It’s all pretty general though, because kids love to experiment. Once they learn that screaming for it doesn’t work, they’ll stop screaming, but they might try crying instead, for example. Kids naturally test their limits, so you’ll have to put up with poor behaviors at least a few times, but you do have control over whether you reward that behavior.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest September 20, 2013, 3:30 pm

        That’s good. I’m just saying from what you’ve said about parents and tantrums, that’s how it read to me. Like you thought that they could’ve done something more/something different and the toddler wouldn’t have had it to begin with, which every parent will tell you is false. No amount of perfect parenting guarantees anything.

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl September 20, 2013, 3:49 pm

        I mean I still disagree about what you think I’m saying, but I guess you read it how you read it.

        Working at Kohls, I see A LOT of what I consider bad parenting. People telling their kids, while shopping the clearance rack, that they don’t have time for them. People saying “If you keep acting like that I’m sending you to foster care.” People just letting their kids run fucking wild, like literally do laps around the store, throw things on the ground, open toys to play with in the store…the list goes on and on. Letting a two year old scream and cry in his stroller at 10pm on a Tuesday, because he is quite obviously exhausted, so they can shop…shit like that makes my blood boil. A little good parenting would completely wipe out all of that bad behavior, and the kids “tantrum” because he wasn’t having a tantrum, he was fucking tired.

        My cousins are thoroughly screwed up because their parents refuse to work together…to the point where they might go to foster care because the parents are so dysfunctional. It’s so sad. Anyways, I’m just ranting…I know there isn’t a magic recipe to raising perfect kids, but a little effort goes a LONG ways.

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      • katie

        katie September 20, 2013, 3:56 pm

        well, i mean, even if those parents magically started behaving better and being better parents, that wont stop tantrums. tantrums happen to wonderful parents, all the time. it just all depends. its a crapshoot. your kid could be a sociopath tantrum thrower, or they could be a really kind, quiet person who listens to you.

        i mean, parenting doesnt even “create” a kid, right, isnt that what parents always say? you cant just parent the way you want (or breastfeed or cloth diaper or whatever) if it doesnt work with the kid.

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl September 20, 2013, 4:02 pm

        Yeah I mean I guess…I just disagree. If your kid is a sociopath…well then get help from a professional!

        Some people would look at that 2 year old screaming at 10pm and be like, poor little thing throwing a tantrum! And it’s not a tantrum…it’s because his needs aren’t being met.

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      • avatar

        rachel September 20, 2013, 4:05 pm

        It just sounds like your only examples are your mom was a good mom, so her kids were good, and people you see in Kohls are neglectful, so their kids are bad. There is a lot of middle ground there, and plenty of good parents have kids who just act out.

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      • katie

        katie September 20, 2013, 4:11 pm

        so you are going to figure out a way to meet your kids needs 100% of the time -before they even know what they need or how they feel?

        thats not even realistic. thats why tantrums happen to all parents, regardless of how objectively “good” at parenting you are. you cant be there 100% of the time, you cant anticipate their needs 100% of the time (you cant even do that with adults who you can effectively communicate with), you just cant. its not realistic.

        and anyway, kids are smart, and so then they are just going to work you until you know that everyday at 2 pm they need their daily bowl of lucky charms, and now you are just right back where you started with the parents you see who just give their kids whatever they want so they will shut up.

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl September 20, 2013, 4:16 pm

        Katie, obviously a parent can’t 100% of the time anticipate a kids needs. Duh. But kids, just like grown ups, do tend to have patterns of behavior that a parent can learn. (Like knowing 10pm is way past bedtime and it’s selfish to have the kid out shopping then when they need to be in bed.) And I haven’t said I think good parenting ERASES tantrums, just that it can help make them few and far between. Nothing I’m saying is absolute, like everyone is taking it.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest September 20, 2013, 4:26 pm

        GG, your example is an example of a tantrum likely directly resulting from bad parenting. If you know your kid needs sleep before 10 pm, don’t bring them shopping unless its an emergency. Its all the other tantrums…during the day at the grocery store, at a restaurant at 6 pm, etc. that I think we’re thinking of.

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl September 20, 2013, 4:31 pm

        I think my point is too much is chalked up to “just a tantrum”.

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      • avatar

        kerrycontrary September 20, 2013, 3:15 pm

        Agree with TA. It’s just like anything else in life. You can do everything right and still have your kid throw tantrums, get in a fight at school, etc…

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      • theattack

        theattack September 20, 2013, 3:05 pm

        Here’s to hoping that your mom is understanding if and when your child has a tantrum. I think people who luck out with having really well-behaved kids are more judgmental when other kids have fits.

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl September 20, 2013, 3:16 pm

        She’s not very judgmental anyways, and pretty protective of us. I doubt she’ll have judgment issues. I do plan to model my own parenting after how she raised my siblings, so I don’t expect resistance.

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      • theattack

        theattack September 20, 2013, 3:25 pm

        That’s good that she’s non-judgmental! And what an honor as a parent that her daughter wants to parent the same way.

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl September 20, 2013, 3:27 pm

        Yeah, my mom is amazing. I feel lucky to have been raised by her.

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    • avatar

      kerrycontrary September 20, 2013, 2:47 pm

      GG,this is sort of random but I was reading the American Academy of Pediatrics book on children at my boyfriend’s parents for shits and giggles. It goes into extreme detail about how children’s brains are working at different ages. And what I found was interesting was that 2 year olds are totally egocentric and you cannot verbally explain other people’s emotions to them. So they just won’t “get it” and you can’t really reason with them if they are going to have a tantrum. So I always assumed poorly behaved 2 year olds were either “having a moment” or needed more discipline in general, but this was saying that they’re just kind of crazy and you have to get through it. I would recommend getting it before you have kids because I found it so interesting. it also has really detailed advice on breastfeeding, baby development, etc…

      That being said, my mom always removed children and calmly took them out to the parking lot if they were having a tantrum. She wouldn’t let children continue having tantrums in public places, and we were always scolded at home or in private, and I think that’s something she did really well.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest September 20, 2013, 2:49 pm

        Think about the “tantrums” adults have, myself included…when you’re flipping out, even while acknowledging its irrational, there isn’t shit you can really do to stop it that doesn’t involve waiting it out, taking a xanax or whatever.

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      • avatar

        rachel September 20, 2013, 3:00 pm

        Haha, yes, I was talking to Cmary about this the other day, cuz a baby was FREAKING OUT in the coffee shop. Like we get unreasonably cranky about things too, but we know how to fix what’s wrong, or at least know that it will pass, so we can calm ourselves down much quicker.

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      • cmary

        cmary September 20, 2013, 4:27 pm

        That little ball of rage had quite a set of lungs on her! Poor baby.

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl September 20, 2013, 2:50 pm

        I’d love to read the book! I’ve been reading What to Expect Before You’re Expecting and it kinda sucks. It’s way too general and like for people who know absolutely nothing about babies.

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      • avatar

        kerrycontrary September 20, 2013, 3:18 pm

        Yeh I hear that one isn’t great, and it can invoke fear with a lot of “don’t do this”. I got my sister The Baby Owners Manual and she really liked it. The AA Pediatrics book is like a million pages long. I’m def. going to read the whole thing before I have kids. And you learn really neat things (like babies bodies are entirely covered with hair before they’re born–gross!)

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        GatorGirl September 20, 2013, 3:22 pm

        I’ll look into both. I didn’t even think Expecting invoked fear…it’s so much “you could do this….” or “you could do this…” but not having a strong opinion about really anything. It was also SUPER basic stuff like what ovulation is…which I learned in 5th grade. GGuy is going to read it though, he needs the basics!

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      • katie

        katie September 20, 2013, 3:27 pm

        … all of our bodies are covered in hair, all the time… ? were mammals.

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        kerrycontrary September 20, 2013, 3:37 pm

        no like their faces and backs have hair (not the really short visible hair if you have any). Think like a baby monkey as compared to a baby human. and then it falls out and they eat it and poop it out.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest September 20, 2013, 3:39 pm

        Sometimes premies, premees (?) are extra hairy looking.

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      • katie

        katie September 20, 2013, 3:42 pm

        well some people are hairy too.

        i dunno, i guess babies have hair on them isnt a revelation to me? were mammals, we all have hair everywhere except the palm of our hands and the soles of our feet, and newborns having thicker hair makes even more sense because they need to be warmer anyway.

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl September 20, 2013, 3:55 pm

        I think maybe what Kerry is surprised by is HOW hairy infants can be. Like little baby monkey hairy. And that is weird!! My mom was born with a brown fuzz all over her…her hospital pictures are so weird.

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      • theattack

        theattack September 20, 2013, 2:57 pm

        So, so true. That egocentrism extends up to middle childhood to a degree too. That’s why I’m always telling parents that they can’t plead with their kids based on how they make other people feel. ie: “How could you say that to me after all I did for your birthday?” or “Stop screaming in the car because it makes it hard for me to drive.” They don’t understand it. They don’t care. Find another tactic.

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      • avatar

        kerrycontrary September 20, 2013, 3:17 pm

        yeh the example was like “how would you feel if Mary took your toy away”? Um no, they just don’t think like that. All they care about is that they want that toy right now. Or that they want to get into the bathroom right that second even if you’re changing your tampon.

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    • Copa

      Copa September 20, 2013, 2:56 pm

      I don’t blame parents for a child’s public tantrum, at all, but I haaaate being at a store and hearing and/or seeing one. HATE. It makes me ovaries shrivel up, pretty much. I’ve never raised a kid (or even helped raise younger siblings), so obviously I don’t know the solution, but I would’ve gotten really annoyed by someone who lets their kid carry on and on. I know it’s easier to judge the situation when I don’t understand it, but FDSJKLJAF kids can really annoy the shit out of me.

      The closest I ever came to a public tantrum was when I started crying at the Disneyland parking lot the first time we went — I was sad we were leaving and I guess I didn’t understand that the park was closing? Haha. My sister apparently threw more tantrums than I did as a kid, and my mom said her solution was to start imitating my sister’s behavior. Apparently my sister would stop crying almost immediately to give my mom a, “WTF are YOU doing that for?” look. Haha.

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      • avatar

        LT September 21, 2013, 12:40 pm

        I always want to reprimand the kid myself if they’re out of control, especially if they’re getting older (I have only sympathy for parents of the 2-year-olds with issues). I think it’s because I’m a teacher, but when a elementary-middle school kid is running around being annoying in a store, I just want to say, “You are not being appropriate, and you are bothering other people” to the kid. To alleviate this, I get my angry teacher look on my face and stare the bad kid right in the eye. It freaks them out and they usually stay away from me.

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    • Kate B.

      Kate B. September 20, 2013, 3:30 pm

      I read that first comment and, frankly agreed with most of it. I know that kids do things like throw tantrums, but I have also seen parents do absolutely nothing about it and let their kids run amok. My parents took me outside when I acted up in public and I was made to understand that my behavior was unacceptable. (There is a family legend about a tantrum in a restaurant.) The best public parenting I ever saw was in a video store. The kid threw a fit because she wanted two videos instead of the one Mom said she could have. Mom immediately dropped both videos on the counter, took the kid outside and told her she was getting nothing. The kid tried to apologize and Mom told her it was too late, the damage had been done. Best. Mom. Ever. Ignoring does work, I’ve done it myself when watching kids, but I also believe that spanking is appropriate under certain circumstances.

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      • theattack

        theattack September 20, 2013, 3:35 pm

        Uhh, spanking… My problem with spanking is less ethical and more strategic. Spanking is the ultimate consequence, so you probably only use it when your kid is being totally crazy. When you use it, you’re playing your final kid, and your kid knows it. Most of them don’t mind spanking that much either, so after you do it, they’re still full of steam to keep pissing you off, and you have nothing left to do about it. There are so many other techniques you can use instead that don’t have the problem of pitting you against your kid, which makes them more effective.

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      • theattack

        theattack September 20, 2013, 3:36 pm

        *final card, not kid. Oops.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest September 20, 2013, 3:38 pm

        …and the kid learns that when all else fails, violence is the answer.

        (I hope that’s read as fact, not judgment on whether its ok or not to spank)

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      • theattack

        theattack September 20, 2013, 3:41 pm

        True.

        I don’t think it’s usually extreme though, like spanking a kid won’t make them a fighter or an abuser. It does put the thought in the back of their minds though, that when they’re 25 and some asshole is heckling them in the bar, they might think of swinging instead of leaving after talking them down fails.

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        lets_be_honest September 20, 2013, 4:16 pm

        Yea, I totally agree. I don’t think it’ll create an abusive person. Just someone who might be quick to throw their cellphone at the wall or something. Your example was better than mine.

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        bethany September 20, 2013, 3:42 pm

        I got spanked about 10 times total, and I’ve gottta tell you, that shit worked. I usually only got spanked when I did something that put my life in jeopardy or where someone could have gotten seriously hurt. My dad was never “in the heat of the moment” when it happened either- it always happened after the initial anger/shock was gone, which I think makes a big difference. Anyway, it worked for me in the context of how my parents raised me but it doesn’t work for everyone, and I respect that.

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      • katie

        katie September 20, 2013, 3:44 pm

        yea, thats how i was raised too, and i agree it worked.

        i remember specifically being spanked when i stole marshmallows from the grocery store. that was a HUGE deal.

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      • theattack

        theattack September 20, 2013, 3:48 pm

        Not to pick on you or your parents, but there are so many better ways to handle stolen marshmallows than spanking. I know a grandparent (now raising his grandkids) who uses restitution x 10 as a consequence. Consequences that are related to the offense are always better than general consequences like spanking or losing tv privileges.

        That’s not to say that spanking can’t work, because I know it does. Kids just learn more from well-designed consequences that are related to what they did wrong.

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      • katie

        katie September 20, 2013, 3:53 pm

        well, i guess stealing marshmallows was a way bigger deal in my house then it is everywhere else. marshmallows are “unclean” food according to the bible. it was a huge deal.

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      • theattack

        theattack September 20, 2013, 3:55 pm

        Oh, so it was a religious violation rather than a stealing one? That’s REALLY interesting.

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      • katie

        katie September 20, 2013, 3:57 pm

        well both i guess, haha, because stealing is technically a religious violation too a la the 10 commandments. it was like a double whammy.

        sidenote: i fucking LOVE marshmallows.

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      • theattack

        theattack September 20, 2013, 3:59 pm

        Gotcha.

        Since we’re talking about marshmallows and the kid in the article wanted Lucky Charms, this is a great time to share how excited I am that the little (very liberal) Amish store here randomly carries bags of the marshmallows from Lucky Charms? It’s my childhood dream come true!

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      • katie

        katie September 20, 2013, 4:05 pm

        wait, like, a whole bag of just the marshmallows? where the hell are the amish getting those?? thats amazing. jake would die, he loves lucky charms, but only the marshmallows- which is like everyone, right?

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      • theattack

        theattack September 20, 2013, 4:08 pm

        Yes, a whole bag of JUST the marshmallows! If you ever need a little pick-me-up for Jake, let me know.

        Another side note about Lucky Charms: I ran out of groceries and haven’t had time to shop with my grandfather in the hospital, so this morning I bought one of those Lucky Charms “cereal bars” at a gas station, and it was so so gross. My old boss ate them every freakin day, and I disrespect her so much now.

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      • CatsMeow

        CatsMeow September 20, 2013, 4:42 pm

        WHOA whoa whoa… that is my dream. I was going to take boxes of Boo Berry and Frankenberry and just pick out all the marshmallows and eat a whole bowl of them plain. But I could just buy them like that?!

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      • theattack

        theattack September 20, 2013, 4:53 pm

        Maybe not Booberries or Frankenberry, but definitely for Lucky Charms! I wish the store had a website, but they’re not quite that liberal. Let me know if you need me to mail you some. 🙂

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      • katie

        katie September 20, 2013, 4:56 pm

        haha, careful TA, your going to be supplying all of earth those marshmallows before you know it!

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        GatorGirl September 20, 2013, 3:59 pm

        Because they are made of gelatin? I’m assuming.

        And isn’t don’t steal like in the 10 Commandments…I would think that would be a bigger deal? You religious upbringing is fascinating.

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      • katie

        katie September 20, 2013, 4:04 pm

        yea, its the gelatin.

        and yes, the 10 commandments and then the diet. that was the double whammy.

        yea, my boss thinks i should write a book about it. haha, that would be so weird.

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      • theattack

        theattack September 20, 2013, 4:05 pm

        Do it! I think everyone here at DW would read it. We could all buy a copy through Wendy’s amazon link.

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        GatorGirl September 20, 2013, 4:11 pm

        I’d read a book about it. I’m completely fascinated by “fringe” religions as I call them and how that shapes people.

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        lets_be_honest September 20, 2013, 4:18 pm

        Um, you SHOULD!
        Also, never heard this marshmallow religion thing. How weird!

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      • katie

        katie September 20, 2013, 4:23 pm

        haha, LBH, marshmallows are made of gelatin, and the main source of gelatin in america is pig skins. pork is an un clean food according to the old testament, thats why its a big deal. its not a religion based around marshmallows, haha

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        lets_be_honest September 20, 2013, 4:55 pm

        HAHAHA, I meant to add a / in between marshmallow and religion.

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      • katie

        katie September 20, 2013, 4:58 pm

        lol, i was so confused LBH!

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      • theattack

        theattack September 20, 2013, 3:54 pm

        Bethany, I think if spanking is going to happen, those are the only appropriate times. When someone is seriously in danger and after the anger has passed. Spanking can definitely work for isolated incidents like that. I just hate to see when people use it because they can’t think of anything better to use.

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      • Kate B.

        Kate B. September 20, 2013, 4:15 pm

        Worked on me, too. I think it worked because I knew that whatever I had done was REALLY REALLY BAD and spanking was the ultimate consequence. That shit hurt. I also think that if you do it right, you only have to do it once. Let me tell you, just the threat of a future spanking was enough to straighten me out once I’d experienced it.

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      • theattack

        theattack September 20, 2013, 4:19 pm

        But wouldn’t it be better for your kids to learn how to make good decisions based on natural consequences (ie: having to pay someone back when you steal) rather than a threat of spanking that won’t always be there? That’s how you end up with well-behaved kids/teens who turn into trainwrecks as young adults. They no longer have mommy and daddy there to spank them/ground them/take away their phone, and they never learned real world consequences. You make responsible kids by giving them consequences that are similar to consequences in the adult world.

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        lets_be_honest September 20, 2013, 4:17 pm

        I think that makes a big difference too, the heat of the moment thing. And the fact that you ran into the street or whatever. As a regular form of punishment? Idk.

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        bethany September 20, 2013, 4:41 pm

        I once smacked the cat when I was angry/in the heat of the moment, and it terrified me that I reacted to anger towards him physically. It sucked. That said, I’ll still swat at the cat (but not when I’m angry), because sometimes that’s all he understands. That’s kind of the logic behind how/why I was spanked.
        Except for the one time I was like 12 and my mom let me choose between s spaking and being grounded. I totally picked the spaking and laughed in her face 🙂

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      • theattack

        theattack September 20, 2013, 4:49 pm

        So when do you swat at the cat if not when you’re angry? Like if he does something bad that you’re not angry about, or do you wait until you’re not angry anymore?

        I lightly slap my cat when she bites me. I feel bad about it now that I’ve done it for awhile, because sometimes she runs off scared of me when she’s just *thinking* about biting me, but it’s the only thing that’s ever worked to get her to stop. 🙁 I don’t think it’s innately wrong because something worse would happen if she did that to another cat. It seems like basic animal language to me, but I hate doing it.

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        GatorGirl September 20, 2013, 3:54 pm

        So how I read that guys comment was that if a kid does something wrong, like knocks over a display, you should swat him on the bottom in the middle of the store to “teach him a lesson”. Terrible idea, IMO. What does that teach him? Absolutely nothing.

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      Sara September 20, 2013, 4:13 pm

      Yeah, I don’t judge parents whose kids have tantrums/break downs in public. I expect a toddler to have tough times, even when s/he is in public. But, I do judge parents who don’t feel the need to acknowledge and apologize for the fact that their child’s behavior is affecting other people. I’m not saying the mom in the story didn’t handle her child in an appropriate way. I just dislike it when parents think that because their child is making their day harder that they don’t have to acknowledge that the tantrum is also making other people’s day harder, too. And I bet a lot of parents do apologize, but, in my experience, not all parents feel the need to do this. Phew. I kept that comment bottled up inside as this story made the rounds on fb – I’m almost the only childless person my age that I know.

      In related news, I think I’m cranky about parenting issues today because I’ve recently experienced some mommy-jacking on fb, as others have before me (http://www.stfuparentsblog.com/tagged/MommyJacking)

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        lets_be_honest September 20, 2013, 4:25 pm

        Idk, not to defend because it is annoying to listen to kid’s tantrums, but I try to be sympathetic or put myself in their shoes. Not be like ‘this is making my day harder’ because really, its not. Its a few minute annoyance, whereas mom or dad’s day is WAY hard because of it.

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        Sara September 20, 2013, 4:40 pm

        I agree, LBH, mom and dad’s day is probably WAY harder than mine because of a tantrum. And, like I said, I don’t judge parents for a child’s tantrum. But, I guess putting yourself in the other person’s shoes goes both ways? It has not happened to me often, but I have been late to meetings because of a toddler having a tantrum in a check-out line, thus delaying my ability to get to my next appointment. You’re right: most tantrums don’t given me more than a few minute’s annoyance. But for some tantrums, well, I guess I kind of feel like if I can be sympathetic to the parent then the parent can acknowledge that it’s not super-great to be in my shoes either? And I don’t want to say that *all* tantrums affect me this way. But prolonged tantrums in small stores or check out line tantrums do affect my day/schedule, too. Again, not meant to be a sweeping statement. But, in general, I don’t think you get a pass to be inconsiderate just because you’re having a hard day.

        I don’t think we disagree on the main points?

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        lets_be_honest September 20, 2013, 4:57 pm

        That’s very fair. I didn’t mean to “mommyjack” you (love that word now!) which I think I sorta did. I agree with you.

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      • katie

        katie September 20, 2013, 4:26 pm

        ohhh thank you for showing me what mommy jacking is!

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        lets_be_honest September 20, 2013, 4:28 pm

        Oh god, just clicked your link. I hate people like that. haha. Never heard mommyjacking before. Love it.

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        GatorGirl September 20, 2013, 4:30 pm

        OMG I would be so annoyed if mommyjacking happened. How rude.

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    • katie

      katie September 20, 2013, 3:52 pm

      an interesting take on tantrums:

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        GatorGirl September 20, 2013, 4:09 pm

        I actually really liked that Katie…and it makes a lot of sense. I get the need to release, I need it too. I think people sometimes lump TOO much into that category though, like the little girl in your article- totally tantrum worthy. She was tired, sick, frustrated she wasn’t feeling better, and the only way to express that was screaming. Being told you can’t have Luck Charms…a “tantrum” caused by that isn’t a tantrum, IMO. It’s a reaction to discipline to get their way.

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      • theattack

        theattack September 20, 2013, 4:24 pm

        I liked that a lot too. It also reinforces the need for teaching communication in young children. If children are more verbal, they have more tools to communicate their distress instead of screaming.

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        GatorGirl September 20, 2013, 4:26 pm

        I just saw a thing about teaching very young children (like under 2) simple sign language signs to communicate their needs. Just the super basics like hungry, thirsty, tired, etc. It was amazing! I totally plan on looking into it more.

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        lets_be_honest September 20, 2013, 4:28 pm

        My friend did that. Seems common nowadays. Its helpful, but far from a cureall. Very cool though.

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      • katie

        katie September 20, 2013, 4:31 pm

        my friend who nannied for denver’s mayor’s something or other did the whole sign language thing with those kids. like- everything, not just what they needed or wanted, but animals and colors and stuff. its pretty cool, she would show me videos of them “talking” with her. but yea, they definitely still had tantrums sometimes.

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        GatorGirl September 20, 2013, 4:35 pm

        So Katie…I think this might be our disconnect…maybe. So on one hand, like your article describes, there is an inane need to release built up stress, which for an infant/small child is most easily released through a blow up/meltdown/crying fit. Then on the other hand, IMO, there is the “my needs aren’t being met and/or I’m not getting my way so I’m going to freak the fuck out” fit. Two super different things, from my point of view.

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      • katie

        katie September 20, 2013, 4:39 pm

        how do you tell though? thats the thing, is that kids arent able to actually tell you what is wrong, and that probably contributes to tantrums, sure, like- they have an inner ear infection and cant communicate that to you. but on the other hand, even well behaved kids are gonna be pissed when they cant have a lollipop and they might have a tantrum. it just happens.

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        GatorGirl September 20, 2013, 4:44 pm

        I guess I wouldn’t call a kid getting pissed because they can’t have a lollipop a true tantrum…it’s a reaction to being disciplined to push mom’s buttons to get their way. That’s a totally unacceptable behavior, IMO.

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      • katie

        katie September 20, 2013, 4:46 pm

        well, i dont think anyone would disagree with you there, but…. it still happens, you know?

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        GatorGirl September 20, 2013, 5:03 pm

        I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree that it still happens. Maybe once or twice, but once the freakout isn’t effective a kid will move on to other methods of resolving their issue. Also, there are ways to stop the freakout…distraction, consequences, removing the kid from the situation so they can calm down.

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        lets_be_honest September 20, 2013, 5:05 pm

        Sure, there are ways to TRY to stop the freakout that SOMETIMES work. Its just not as always effective as you make it sound like it should be.

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      • lemongrass

        Lemongrass September 20, 2013, 5:48 pm

        Parenting just isn’t that cut and dry, gg. There is no logical set of steps that you can take that will produce perfectly well behaved children. They aren’t robots that can be programmed by doing x, y and z. They are individual human beings with their own emotions that are often too intense for them to handle. A parents job shouldn’t be to control a child but to teach and guide them the tools for a successful life. The sooner a parent realizes that they can’t control their child the easier and more relaxed everyone will be.

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  • Fabelle

    Fabelle September 20, 2013, 2:41 pm

    Yeah, the Whole Foods article is HILARIOUS, although an exaggeration obviously (at least,the one I occasionally go to isn’t all health-pretentious like that ! Although once the sample man did appear annoyed at my boyfriend, when he requested to try the same flavor hummus TWICE)

    Also, this: “she rings me up for $313” <—aghhh

    I liked the 23 things women should stop doing, BUT I actually wish I un-tagged MORE Facebook pictures back in the day? People would post terrible pictures of me, but I never untagged because I didn't want to seem vain. Now there's a bunch of terrible pictures of me from college, haha

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      GatorGirl September 20, 2013, 2:53 pm

      I went through all my photos when I facebook friended by MIL and extended family. I deleted a bunch of college albums and untagged a bunch of stuff. Seemed a little silly but I didn’t want my crazy college years plastered all over for my conservative Southern inlaws to judge me by.

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      • Copa

        Copa September 20, 2013, 2:59 pm

        I eventually went through my FB albums and didn’t have it in me to delete the ones from college, so I made them viewable by “only me.”

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      • Fabelle

        Fabelle September 20, 2013, 3:02 pm

        Yeah, I have an album up from a lingerie party that’s viewable only by me (& the people who were also in attendance), but I don’t know how to make the tagged pics only viewable by me?

        I went to go through them once, & then was like, “ahh fuck it, I’ll just leave them up. Even though I’m making stupid faces & am clearly drunk because that’s a bottle of Everclear in the back & also I have a cigarette literally dangling out of my mouth as my wig is falling off”

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      • Copa

        Copa September 20, 2013, 3:10 pm

        The college pictures I have of my friends & I where we are just beyond wasted are some of my favorites. Of course, now I’m old enough to NOT want to share them with the world, but I do like going through my old albums from time to time. It was such a perfect, (relatively) carefree time in my life even with people I love dearly even if we’re scattered across the country now & rarely see one another. Oh, college.

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      bethany September 20, 2013, 3:22 pm

      I’m so old FB wasn’t around when I was in college 🙁

      But I’m kinda glad, because I really wouldn’t want that shit out there!!

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      • Copa

        Copa September 20, 2013, 3:43 pm

        I kind of wish it hadn’t been around when I was in college! I was DEFINITELY an obnoxious Facebook over-sharer when I was 18, 19. All the things I can’t stand other people doing now, I did as a teenager. So cringe-worthy.

        Also, I kind of miss AIM. That was also “in” when I was in college (though probably on its way out?), and Away Messages seemed very important at the time. And if you were in a relationship, it was OF COURSE mentioned in the profile section, usually alongside a cheesey quote about love & your anniversary date & a <3. (I hope someone knows what I'm talking about. Haha.)

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      • Fabelle

        Fabelle September 20, 2013, 3:59 pm

        Oh god, AIM. Yeah, Facebook came out the summer before my first year of college, but MySpace & AIM were still popular as well. I was dating my now-ex, cheating on him, & REALLY not hiding my, er, distraction well (I remember one away message I had were lyrics to this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQL-B3PNkeI “I’m looking for a new love, baby” because apparently 80s music was my inspiration at the time? My ex’s friends saw it, & started ragging on him about it, so eventually I put a little thing at the bottom of my profile with his initials & a heart. Ohhhh, what the fuck, 18-year-old Fabelle)

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    bethany September 20, 2013, 3:29 pm

    I read the “Dear Parents” article the other day… I think people need to understand that there’s a big difference between a child misbehaving and a child having a break down. My friend’s daughter (almost 3) certainly acts out on purpose, which can be corrected through discipline, time out, whatever. I’ve seen my friend put her in time out or take away something she wants, and the behavior usually stops. Then there are other times when she just has a full breakdown/tantrum, and honestly, you can’t really do much about that, especially if you’re out an about.

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  • katie

    katie September 20, 2013, 3:29 pm

    just so everyone knows, whole foods has an official couponing policy now and you can use one manufactors coupon and one whole foods coupon on one item and you can find some really good deals! for instance, i got bags of kettle chips for .25 cents each over labor day!

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  • mylaray

    mylaray September 20, 2013, 2:40 pm

    I love that first list. I never use all of my vacation days and I’m not sure why, but I did decide to take one today for the hell of it and it’s so nice to have a break. But I do think the list had a lot of great points, especially the last one of not setting up when to reach major milestones in life. I think it’s such a natural tendency for people that it’s hard to take a step back and just live life. I know I’m so goal oriented that it can be hard to just live without goals. Not that all goals are bad, but it is freeing to let myself go from those goals I aspire to.

    I saw this article last week “The Ultimate End of Life Plan” and found it really intriguing:

    It’s about how a lot of medical surgeries and treatments towards the end of life are just prolonging the suffering in uncomfortable ways, and about the author’s mother who decided to turn down these measures in order to have a different type of ending/death.

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