Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friday Links

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

Video: Woman Endures Endless Catcalls During 10-Hour Walk In NYC [Gothamist]

Amy Poehler has a new memoir out this week called Yes Please. Here, Terry Gross interviews her for NPR’s Fresh Air.

Related: “Amy Poehler’s Book ‘Yes Please’ Will Give You All The Life Advice You Need On Every Subject” [via HuffPost]

“What It’s Really Like Being Asexual In A Heteronormative World” [via HuffPost]

“‘I Was a 4-Year Queer’: 15 Straight(ish) People on Their Gay Time in College” [via NYMag]

“Dear Jian Ghomeshi: Keep Your Abuse Out of My Kink” [via Jezebel]

“Homeownership in America Has Collapsed—Don’t Blame Millennials: Blame 35-to-44-year-olds, the true cheapest generation” (holla!) [via The Atlantic]

Self Promotion:

“‘Do I Have to Invite My SIL to My Daughter’s First Birthday Party?'” [via HuffPost]

“15 Things Couples Should Do Before Moving in Together” [via HuffPost]

“I Don’t Understand Pumpkin Patches, and Other Confessions a Seasonally-Challenged Mother” [via HuffPost]

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to [email protected] and if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

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20 comments… add one
  • avatar

    RedroverRedrover October 31, 2014, 1:28 pm

    There’s a lot of talk about how Gen Y got screwed, but that article about home ownership really highlighted it for Gen X too. I have plenty of friends who just never got into a good career and are still kind of waiting around for it. And that article points out why – the crash came as we were just getting settled in and making big investments. We got pushed down further than Gen Y did, because they were still in highschool and college. And now a lot of us are getting to the point where we’re going to have to start taking care of our parents soon, and our parents’ generation is way bigger than ours. And a lot of them are missing the retirement money they should have had, because of the crash.
    .
    I think Gen X is highly divided – some of us were lucky enough to hang on during the crash (two crashes, actually, for those of us who were affected by .com), and we’re doing ok. The rest of Gen X is pretty much screwed. But the screwed portion isn’t nearly as visible, because they’re not a force in the market, so no one notices. Anyway, I guess we’re small enough that it won’t really make a big difference, the Millenials overshadow us just like the Boomers did. We’ll never be the “important” generation. I think the Millenials will be like the Boomers, in that the world will revolve around them.

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    • Dear Wendy

      Dear Wendy October 31, 2014, 2:35 pm

      As a Gen Xer, I agree with all of this. It’s depressing.

      Reply Link
  • FireStar

    FireStar October 31, 2014, 1:31 pm

    Why are the comments on the HuffPost so annoying?

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    • othy

      othy October 31, 2014, 1:47 pm

      Because we’re spoiled by the awesome DW commenters.

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    • Miel

      Miel October 31, 2014, 1:57 pm

      All the people saying “#1. Get Married” on the moving in article… Come on people. I get that some people don’t want to move in with their partner before getting married, but those should be glad that Wendy is suggesting so many steps. (And all those steps I would recommend before getting married anyway). I would be curious to see their list of “things to do before getting married”.

      “The one thing to do before moving in with your partner:”
      -Get Married

      “The one thing to do before getting married:”
      -Meet your soul mate

      Here you go !

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    • Dear Wendy

      Dear Wendy October 31, 2014, 2:36 pm

      Seriously. I don’t even read the comments on any of my stuff that gets posted on HuffPost anymore. I skim the first few for the general idea and then move on.

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    • Lyra

      Lyra October 31, 2014, 5:37 pm

      YES. Some of those on the 15 things to discuss before moving in drove me BATTY! Especially the lady who was all “ohhhh you just get married and you don’t have to worry about the financial part of things!”
      .
      Ummm. WHAT.

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      • Lyra

        Lyra October 31, 2014, 5:41 pm

        I jumped all over her for that comment and I’m pretty sure she reported me because the comment isn’t there anymore. It’s ignorant to assume marriage solves everything!!!

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      • othy

        othy October 31, 2014, 5:41 pm

        And then blocking the woman who told her that you should talk about finances before you get married? People frighten me sometimes.

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      • Lyra

        Lyra October 31, 2014, 6:04 pm

        Exactly! It’s terrifying.

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  • Miel

    Miel October 31, 2014, 1:45 pm

    I would have submitted the catcalling video if it wasn’t a Friday link this week. I watched it thinking “YES ! I know ! This is how it is !” but still, on every site I saw it, the comment section is full of people thinking “she should be polite and say hello back”, and “Saying good morning is not harassing, am I not allowed to ever talk to women now ?” and UGH those people want to make me scream !

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    • avatar

      RedroverRedrover October 31, 2014, 2:03 pm

      “I’d love it if random people complimented me all day!”

      Couldn’t believe that guy who walked beside her for 5 minutes. Who the hell do these people think they are?

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      • avatar

        RedroverRedrover October 31, 2014, 2:04 pm

        Just read TheRascal’s comment, and realized that “these people” could be taken with a bad connotation. I meant “these people” = “catcallers/street harassers”.

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      • avatar

        TheRascal October 31, 2014, 2:15 pm

        I most definitely agree with your point, though. Who do these catcallers think they are?
        *
        I really like Jessica Williams of the Daily Show and her videos.

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      • Miel

        Miel October 31, 2014, 2:35 pm

        From the Daily show video, I really like when the 30 or so women all walk as one big group in the street like “who needs to go to Queens ?”

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  • avatar

    TheRascal October 31, 2014, 1:57 pm

    I do find the catcalling video very interesting, but I also find it very charged with racial politics. This article (and Roxane Gay’s response) sum up my problems with the video: http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2014/10/29/catcalling_video_hollaback_s_look_at_street_harassment_in_nyc_edited_out.html

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    • kare

      kare October 31, 2014, 3:05 pm

      I think that’s an interesting point that I never considered. I didn’t notice that there was a pattern, but I’m disappointed to hear the original video was edited. However, I will say the majority of street harassment I encounter is from homeless black men. Homeless people in general harass me multiple times a week, but a lot of times it’s asking for money.

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    • TaraMonster

      TaraMonster October 31, 2014, 3:55 pm

      That Slate piece sums up exactly what made me uncomfortable about that video, even though I completely identified with it. I could have made it myself. These two points stood out to me the most:
      1. “…if you find yourself editing out all the catcalling white guys, maybe you should try another take.”
      2.”…if the point of this video is to teach men about the day-to-day reality of women, then this video doesn’t hit its target. The men who are sitting in their offices or in cafes watching this video will instead be able to comfortably assure themselves that they don’t have time to sit on hydrants in the middle of the day and can’t properly pronounce “mami.” They might do things to women that are worse than catcalling, but this is not their sin.”
      .
      It’s a shame because it really COULD have been solved with another take that didn’t edit out the white men. I don’t need a video to prove to me that a. this level of catcalling is relentless and exhausting. or b. and that men of all races do this. It’s the men who think this type of behavior is a compliment (It’s not- it’s a demand. A demand that a man be acknowledged because this desire trumps a woman’s right to simply exist.) and the men who think this PSA does not apply to them who need to get this message. And I don’t think this video did that. But it IS getting people talking. I’ve lost count of how many times it’s been brought up this week in all sorts of settings and contexts, and for the most part, the people I’ve talked to have been thoughtful on the subject. If I go by the comment threads on various sites where the Hollaback video was posted, though, the same level of critical thinking cannot be found…

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  • avatar

    Wendy_not_Wendy October 31, 2014, 10:00 pm

    While none of it is really okay and just watching the video (and putting myself in that space, which I know so well) was kind of stressful… I honestly don’t mind the street harassment from the homeless dudes nearly as much. It gets old, sure, but most of them are really good-natured and I know they’re just looking for ways to pass the time. If I smile and say hello back (I usually do, since it cuts the harassment off, even though it plays into the game) sometimes they say something really funny that gets a genuine laugh out of me. I did notice, when watching the video, that most of the pictured catcallers were men of color, and that bothered me. I think if I’d made this video and that was even an AUTHENTIC version of what happened, I would have called it a failed experiment and not posted it. Average-sized white women with an average standard of living do have certain kinds of privilege they (we) need to be conscious of, IMHO. (Definitely NOT saying that everyone should be like me and not feel threatened by particular categories of catcaller!)

    No, the people who really bother me are the non-homeless, whether they’re dressed casually or blue-collar or professionally. I think I really don’t get any sense of power from the homeless men; the others really feel like they’re doing it to show their power over me.

    And FFS, I wish people would stop saying “there’s nothing wrong with just saying Hello”–when random men start saying “hello” to all the MALE strangers they happen to pass on the sidewalk, then I’ll start feeling like it’s not sexist garbage.

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  • avatar

    MsMisery November 3, 2014, 2:18 pm

    I read the asexual article, and I’m not sure I agreed with the author. We must be different types or on different places on the spectrum or something. I am not offended by gratuitous sex or the sexualization of culture (except when it denigrates women). As an asexual, I am still able to appreciate the human form, the same way I can go to an art museum and appreciate the works of art, even though I can’t paint and know dick about art. Something can still be beautiful without a need to POSSESS IT. Weirdly enough, what gets to me is seeing kissing (mostly on tv). I am like “don’t you know about GERMS?!” or “why do we need to mash our trout faces together to convey emotion?!” But I guess that’s just me ^_^

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