Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friday Links

BodyImage_Feat

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

“See How Much the “Perfect” Female Body Has Changed in 100 Years (It’s Crazy!)” [via Greatist]

TOMS isn’t the only company that gives back. Here are 22 others: “23 Charitable Companies That Actually Give Back” [via Buzzfeed]

In case you missed it when it went viral last wee: “What It’s Like to Date Your Dad” [via NY Mag] Ewww.
Related: “‘Consensual Incest’ Is Rape” [via Daily Beast]

“When terrible, abusive parents come crawling back, what do their grown children owe them?” [via Slate]

Do you agree with all of these? “21 Lost Lady Traditions That Still Apply Today” [via She Is More]

“21 Lost Gentleman Traditions That Still Apply Today” [via Good Guy Swag]

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to wendy@dearwendy.com and if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

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28 comments… add one
  • avatar

    MsMisery January 23, 2015, 1:18 pm

    Didn’t surprise me that the Lost Lady Traditions was on a religious website. I absolutely hate anything that says “real women/men are…” Basic etiquette is one thing, but telling me I am not a lady or a true woman because I swear, wear graphic tees, or make a phone call at 9:15pm is bollox.

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    • avatar

      RedroverRedrover January 23, 2015, 1:29 pm

      Ugh, I couldn’t even finish it. Also, is it disgusting that I talk with food in my mouth? Sometimes someone asks me a question, so I tuck it into my cheek and answer. Or I cover my mouth with my hand and answer. Can people tell me if that’s gross? Am I just gross?

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      • avatar

        Sunshine Brite January 23, 2015, 1:33 pm

        I’m super gross so I probably shouldn’t be the response but I definitely do the hand covering thing. Probably too often.

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      • avatar

        Sunshine Brite January 23, 2015, 1:34 pm

        I will say though, I’ve choked before and I learned my lesson. I take my time in chewing so it’s super awkward when I do try to not speak while eating. It leaves too big of a pause, especially if you’re in a small group of people.

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      • avatar

        RedroverRedrover January 23, 2015, 1:35 pm

        That’s the thing! My chewing takes too long! What other choice do I have, if everyone’s conversing and they expect me to participate?

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    • honeybeenicki

      honeybeenicki January 23, 2015, 1:59 pm

      I talk with my mouth full sometimes… I usually try to put a hand in front of my mouth as to not give the person a show of what I’m eating. What I actually think is more rude is to ask someone a question while their mouth is full (especially if you are then going to get upset that they talk with their mouth full).

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      • avatar

        booknerd January 23, 2015, 3:35 pm

        I just chew until I’m done and then speak. Then the person knows they’ve been either a bit rude or untimely. It’s never been weird or awkward.

        And not to offend, but I do think talking with food in your mouth is kinda gross. I guess the hand over is better, though.

        I was seriously reprimanded as a kid whenever I displayed poor manners so, maybe they’re just really ingrained in me.

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      • honeybeenicki

        honeybeenicki January 23, 2015, 3:41 pm

        With us, it wasn’t a big deal when I was a kid as long as you did the mouth covering thingy (no “see-food”). It’s when I can see people’s partially chewed food that I get grossed out. My bonus daughter does that all. the. time. She also chews with her mouth wide open and smacks a lot. I’ve learned to try to ignore her when we’re eating because there’s just so many times we can correct the behavior. She’s gotten a little better because her friends think its gross and as a 17-year-old all she cares about is what they think.

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      • avatar

        booknerd January 23, 2015, 4:16 pm

        Yeah, seeing the chewed up food is the bad part. Lol to your 17 year old. Of course!

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  • avatar

    RedroverRedrover January 23, 2015, 1:21 pm

    That perfect female body one is all well and good, but not true from what I’ve seen. Especially the later ones, like from the 80s and on. I was dating in the 90s and 00s, and no, men did not particularly want either of these looks. Of if they did, they needed big boobs added to them. Very few guys actually like that “waif” look, in my experience. I was really skinny back then, medically underweight, and men did not find it attractive. And then in the 00s I had a fit figure but not much boob, it was not really a draw, that I could see. I guess it was for my husband, luckily for me. 🙂 But not in general.

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    • JenjaRose

      JenjaRose January 24, 2015, 12:16 pm

      I can see your point, but I don’t think the article was just about what men found sexually appealing. I think it was supposed to be about what society preached as the “ideal” female figure and displayed all over the place, especially in various media. In that regard, I think it’s a pretty accurate reflection of the majority of female actors, models, and other stylish ladies in the spotlight during those times.

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  • avatar

    Sunshine Brite January 23, 2015, 1:32 pm

    Okay, okay, I said I was going to do work, but…

    I like the perfect female body infographs, I did know a number of people who still like the waif look. It also led to things like all of us girls refusing to eat when the boys we liked walked by our lunch table in elementary school. Which was difficult because there was like 2 tables since there were so few of us and sick because we were little girls.

    Hell no I don’t agree with either the traditions pieces. At least they found each other to be married to.

    I’m so reactionary towards the consensual incest piece. No, just no.

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  • honeybeenicki

    honeybeenicki January 23, 2015, 1:51 pm

    I haven’t made it far on the list… but for anyone interested (and has a need) – Chegg.com offers textbook rentals (or you can buy them, sell them, etc) which is much cheaper than buying them and they plant trees for every book you rent from them. They give you an option of where you want the trees planted. They do other good stuff, but that’s all I remember from my time renting books for classes I knew I’d never need the book again (grad level statistics, anyone? bleh).

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  • honeybeenicki

    honeybeenicki January 23, 2015, 2:01 pm

    That lost lady traditions article just rubbed me the wrong way. Especially on the dating front… don’t call him, he’ll call you? Uh no. How about take some control and responsibility? And in this day and age (did I just say that?) meeting someone somewhere is much more expected and safer than having a stranger show up to your home and getting in their car.

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    • avatar

      HollyMarie January 23, 2015, 2:47 pm

      Ugh, don’t forget that you’re supposed to set yourself a “curfew” (seemingly before 10pm). Yes, because women need to be further infantilized and act like they are still teenagers living with their parent who expect them home at a certain time. Sorry, this one just really bugged me. Nothing good happens after 10pm? Clearly, this woman has never seen The Daily Show.
      I also like how she tells you not to be “entitled” by ordering something expensive for dinner or even picking out your own alcohol (I presume she’d faint if a “lady” ordered a beer) but has no problem with women being “entitled” enough to assume the guy is paying.
      I also swear quite frequently (and wear graphic tees, too. Hi, Ms M!) so I guess I’m not really the “lady” this list was written for 🙂

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      • honeybeenicki

        honeybeenicki January 23, 2015, 3:09 pm

        I’m really surprised when I… don’t swear 🙂 Luckily the girl that sits on the other side of my cubicle is in the same boat as me. We often discuss new cuss words to use in various situations. And if I could wear graphic tees to work, I would. And I wear them everywhere else.

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      • avatar

        HollyMarie January 24, 2015, 12:42 am

        “We often discuss new cuss words to use in various situations”

        And now I want to come work with you 🙂

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    • avatar

      SpaceySteph January 25, 2015, 6:51 pm

      I think most of the suggestions on that site are actually NOT terrible, but they are framed poorly, both in the language and by being directed only to “a lady.”
      For example, RSVPing promptly, not ordering the most expensive thing on the menu just to test your date, putting your phone on silent for meals… I can get behind all of those.

      The two things that I completely disagree with are the same ones you picked out…
      – I asked my husband out. He married me anyways and I don’t think would have ever asked me out. So that’s just bullshit. If you want to be the kind of woman who asks men out, then some men will dislike that and turn you down, but you’ll end up with a man who likes that– and I’d say you probably dodged a few chauvinistic bullets on the way.
      – And my own personal rule (when I was dating) was to always drive myself to the first date. The article did cover the safety thing of if you don’t know the person to meet in a neutral place, but I generally want to drive myself on the first date even if I trust the guy, for 2 reasons: 1. so I can leave easily if it sucks without the awkward car ride home and 2. because it sends what I think is a clear message that I can take care of myself (and also that I’m probably not going to sleep with you).
      In all my dating time, one guy insisted on picking me up for a blind date (he was a friend of a friend so it wasn’t a safety concern). I should have expected what came next, which was that he also insisted on ordering for me and started (probably baiting) conversations about gender to get a rise out of me. The only surprising thing, actually, is that after all that I found out he was a hardcore Democrat. Which still baffles me.

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  • mylaray

    mylaray January 23, 2015, 2:53 pm

    Love the list of charitable companies. I have a pair of Rayban eyeglasses and needed a less expensive backup so I went to Warby Parker and bought 4 pair. Whoops. Their glasses are so stylish!

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    • muchachaenlaventana

      muchachaenlaventana January 23, 2015, 3:32 pm

      I just bought some Warby Parker and they were SO amazing throughout the whole thing. I didn’t have the right prescription, it wasn’t dated, all this stuff and they sorted ti all out and were super friendly. And their home try on is awesome!!! I love their glasses too.

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      • mylaray

        mylaray January 23, 2015, 3:41 pm

        Yeah, I love their home try on! I know a lot of sites let you upload a picture to “try them on”, but I wouldn’t want to take a chance with that.

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  • avatar

    Taylor January 23, 2015, 2:58 pm

    This cracked me up…
    on the gentleman’s guide:
    13. He holds an umbrella over her when it rains
    illustrated with a picture of Leonardo DiCaprio, a notorious db when it comes to the ladies.

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  • avatar

    booknerd January 23, 2015, 3:26 pm

    Ugh the incest story. Shiver! Gross! How is this legal? I love warby Parker. I’ve had two prescription sunglasses and two glasses. I love them.

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  • Lyra

    Lyra January 23, 2015, 6:51 pm

    I agree the lady traditions was a bit whacky…and some just downright ridiculous…but I think the whole point of the article is that general courtesy is never out of style and I definitely agree with that.
    .
    On the flip side Navy Guy is suuuuuuper chivalrous and I L.O.V.E. chivalry. Holds doors, carries bags, lets me go first, holds my coat for me when we’re somewhere fancy…you name it, he does it. It is a LOT to do with his upbringing because his brothers are like that too. And it’s totally NOT a sign of disrespect when he does it; he uses chivalry to show me he cares about me and respects me, and I love that. I kinda hate when people get mad at guys (or girls for that matter) for being chivalrous or say it’s disrespectful and they can take care of themselves. OF COURSE I can take care of myself, and NG of course knows that…but he likes to use his actions to show I am appreciated.

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    • LadyinPurpleNotRed

      LadyinPurpleNotRed January 24, 2015, 7:48 am

      NG may do it, believing that you can take care of yourself, but I have seen it where a guy is doing it in a disrespectful manner, infantilizing the woman, so it’s not always as nice as it is in your case.

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      • Lyra

        Lyra January 24, 2015, 9:47 am

        Yup, I believe that. It’s so depressing to me that guys would use chivalry to do that.

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    • avatar

      MsMisery January 26, 2015, 12:29 pm

      Is it chivalry or common courtesy? I don’t get all bent out of shape when stranger/men hold doors for me because I hold doors for other strangers. It seems like in this day and age (ps- get off my porch) it’s just a thing we should be doing for each other. I also kinda like the look on guy’s faces when I hold the door and give the “after you” arm motion. Some of them are mentally like “Me? Really? Huh…” YES YOU REALLY, GO.

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      • Dear Wendy

        Dear Wendy January 26, 2015, 1:55 pm

        I agree and had this conversation with my friend matt a few weeks ago. Women can — and should — hold doors open for men, too. It’s just common courtesy. I do appreciate when men give up their seats on subways but that’s because I’m lazy and would like to sit down. But I don’t necessarily expect them to unless I’m visibly pregnant or with Jackson.

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