Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friday Links

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

“Friends Without Benefits” [via Vanity Fair]

“If a Woman Buys Her Own Engagement Ring, Is It Really an Engagement Ring?” [via Slate]

“How America’s Marriage Crisis Makes Income Inequality So Much Worse” [via The Atlantic]

“19 Everyday Situations That Are Impossibly Difficult For The Socially Awkward” [via Buzzfeed]

“Hugs Are Falsely Intimate Power Plays. Stop Imposing Them on Everyone You Meet.” [via Slate]

“First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage, Then Comes a New Gmail Address?” [via The Atlantic]

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to wendy@dearwendy.com and if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

You can follow me on Facebook here and sign up for my weekly newsletter here.

118 comments… add one
  • JK

    JK October 4, 2013, 12:08 pm

    I saw the buzzfeed one the other day, and I felt identified in like 18 of the situations. Nice to know so many people feel my pain!

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    • Imsostartled

      Imsostartled October 4, 2013, 1:01 pm

      #12 is me to a T ” When someone actually calls you instead of texting.” I hate hate hate talking to people on the phone. No I shouldn’t say that, I’m fine with calling a vendor for a quote or something for work because I have a very defined reason for calling them. To chit chat though, only if your my mother. My friends always say, “you’re never near your phone” or “it’s always off” — Um no, I saw you were calling… I just hit Ignore, because I’d like to know why you’re calling first so I know how to respond and if you just want to chat…. no.

      Also this one “When you can’t hear what someone said, so you say “what?” and they repeat it, and you still can’t hear it.” I hate that I always just smile and nod, because I think that works for most things… unless they asked me a question… hmm, that would be bad if they asked me something like “So do you think K left me because I’m ugly?” … Crap

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  • avatar

    jlyfsh October 4, 2013, 12:10 pm

    I saw the socially awkward article the other day. I can never hear anyone, I try to come up with things other to say than What. Eventually I just end up smiling and nodding. I never know what to say to the hair stylist, beyond normal conversation, because I guess I’m boring and awkward. I also do just about anything possible to avoid talking on the phone. If I email you and then you call me but I miss it and you tell me feel free to call or email and I email and then you call again, don’t give me a choice that time because I will always choose email, even though you choose the phone.

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    • Imsostartled

      Imsostartled October 4, 2013, 1:09 pm

      YES! If I text you… That does NOT mean call. My iphone to me is really not for phone purposes. They could take that out and call it an I-emailer and I’d be happy.

      I bring in a book to the hair stylist, but then I think I’m being rude so I talk… and I’m really feel awkward the whole time….

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      • othy

        othy October 4, 2013, 1:20 pm

        I finally found a hair stylist where it doesn’t feel awkward, regardless of whether or not I talk. That in and of itself is enough to keep me coming back (besides the fact that I love how he does my hair).

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    • avatar

      MsMisery October 4, 2013, 1:59 pm

      I like to hope that not all stylists need to be talked to the entire appointment by every client. I am their ray of darkness. Enjoy the silence, ladies.

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  • avatar

    bethany October 4, 2013, 12:13 pm

    Ok, I was pretty sure I wanted to have kids, but that Friends without Benefits article is scaring the shit out of me. I’m only half way through it, but now I’m terrified. Jesus.

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    • avatar

      bethany October 4, 2013, 12:17 pm

      Ok, I take that back, apparently I was only like 1/8th done with this article. I’m even more scared now.

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      • katie

        katie October 4, 2013, 12:34 pm

        ha, yea, i could only get a little way through …. yikes.

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    • BriarRose

      BriarRose October 4, 2013, 1:18 pm

      I started reading it and was like, hey, my hometown is in an article (Santa Clarita)! Then I read more and got really freaking sad. Sure wasn’t like that 15+ years ago when I was in HS.

      My daughter is 8 and for as long as I can remember, I’ve talked to her about the internet. Hopefully it will make some impact once the hormones start kicking in.

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    • KKZ

      KKZ October 4, 2013, 1:32 pm

      I only read about 80% of the first page. It wasn’t the contents that bothered me, but that it was written in a way to make it sound like ‘all teens everywhere are doing exactly this and everyone should be very worried.” Puhlease. Even if they are, OMG, teens will be teens, you know? Facebook became a thing when I was graduating high school, before that everyone was on AIM and email. And it stopped none of us from sending whatever naughty photos we wanted and cyber-sexing and all that. I was in “18+” chat rooms when I was 13 cybering with people from other countries and reading erotica and fooling around (“hooking up”) with any friend equally curious about sex as I was. New technology, same behaviors. Instead of trying to prevent the inevitable, why not just focus on better sex education for all? <<– Not directed at anyone, just in general

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      • Fabelle

        Fabelle October 4, 2013, 2:29 pm

        Yes, yes, yes, yes. I totally agree with all of this. And honestly, I feel like in 50 years societal attitudes will have changed enough where it’ll be no big deal to employers/colleges if a candidate/applicant has a bunch of drunken, codeine cup (what even), blunt smoking pics with their tits/dick out? (Jumping to this point, because I know that’s the first warning people give to teens; “you’ll never get into college/get a job if you post this stuff to the internet!”)

        But yeah. I remember being on AIM at 13 with another classmate, discussing how we were going to meet somewhere, & do sexual stuff. And I didn’t have a camera attached to my phone (didn’t have a cell phone until I was 16, even), but I had an iZone camera that I took naked pictures of myself with. Same behavior, new technology indeed.

        The thing that does worry me are the attitudes, though? Like, the whole wanting to be famous thing translates into something very different with all the social media. Kids CAN sort of “be famous”, or at least pretend to, & I think it leads to sort of… being… deluded, in a way? They need to learn about the real world, too, not just be content being famous in their digital world. Oh, & that one line— “there’s two paths a girl can take, be a dumb bitch or just be a bitch” is just sad. But I agree; not all teens are this way. It’s a tiny subset— like, think how big (or rather, small) the group of “popular” girls was at your high school. It’s probably that.

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    • avatar

      mertlej October 4, 2013, 2:10 pm

      I don’t know if i can finish this article… it makes me so sad. And I know that not all kids do this, but it makes me feel like I need to either lock my kids in a closet and never give them access to technology, or this will be their reality. blargh.

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  • katie

    katie October 4, 2013, 12:13 pm

    ok, jake has actually always said that if i want to i can just buy my own ring.

    i absolutely agree that we should just get rid of the whole tradition though. it means nothing nowadays anyway, why continue it?

    so…. discuss. if a woman buys her own ring, does it still count as an engagement ring like the article says?

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    • avatar

      jlyfsh October 4, 2013, 12:16 pm

      to me absolutely. i get that maybe to certain people it might matter. but, i guess in my head since it’s the start of a commitment you’re making together, why should it matter who pays for the ring? paying for it together/counting it towards to cost of the wedding almost makes more sense to me. but, i’m pretty non traditional!

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      • avatar

        MissDre October 4, 2013, 4:38 pm

        I agree with @jlyfsh. I would totally pay for half the ring and it doesn’t mean any less to me. Others have said that they think of it as a “gift” so it has to come from the guy, but I don’t see it that way. I see it as a symbol of the engagement, and if the guy wanted an engagement ring too I think that’s totally cool. So, since WE are getting engaged, I see no reason why WE shouldn’t split the cost.

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    • JK

      JK October 4, 2013, 12:17 pm

      I agree to do away with engagement rings! Here nobody uses them (at least no one I know does) and it´s not like we´re missing out on anything!

      And yeah no matter who buys the ring I would say it still “counts” I mean if it´s an heirloom ring from the woman´s side (like in the forum the other day) it still counts.

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    • theattack

      theattack October 4, 2013, 12:21 pm

      Ehh, not really. I guess I can’t identify though because I would never buy myself an engagement ring. Engagement rings/swords/whatever are gifts. If you buy it for yourself, you just bought yourself a ring. It’s different to me.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest October 4, 2013, 12:35 pm

        Would you also say heirloom rings aren’t engagement rings then? If your fiance took your grandma’s ring, then he’s not paying for that either. And it would technically be a gift from your grandma, not him. So then technically, with this logic, you’re engaged to your grandma!!!

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      • theattack

        theattack October 4, 2013, 12:37 pm

        hahaha, No I think that counts. I consider it a gift from the grandmother to the boyfriend though, not from the grandmother to the girlfriend.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest October 4, 2013, 12:38 pm

        So now you’re saying grandma proposed to your boyfriend?!?! Jesus you guys are wacky 🙂

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      • theattack

        theattack October 4, 2013, 12:42 pm

        haha! Yup. I really took her by surprise and stole her thunder at the altar.

        P bought my ring for me after I told him not to, and after my parents offered him my grandmother’s old rings. They didn’t offer them to me though. It was to him.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest October 4, 2013, 12:45 pm

        Poor grandma! 🙂

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      • theattack

        theattack October 4, 2013, 12:40 pm

        To clarify, it’s not about payment of it necessarily as much as it is about the giving of it. If you pay for it yourself, you’re giving it to yourself. If he finds it on the street or uses an heirloom ring or buys a ring for $20 at Kmart or something, it’s still an engagement ring.

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      • katie

        katie October 4, 2013, 12:45 pm

        so you are saying that the only person who cannot contribute to the procurement of an engagement ring is the person who will be wearing it?

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      • theattack

        theattack October 4, 2013, 12:49 pm

        That’s sort of how I feel about it, yes.

        And for the record, this is another thing that I really don’t care about. Everyone should do whatever they want. But I know that if I were in that situation myself, I wouldn’t have thought of it as an engagement ring if I purchased it. It would have just been a ring. Not that I would ever do that, because the whole thing is pretty stupid.

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      • MaterialsGirl

        MaterialsGirl October 4, 2013, 1:20 pm

        i have to agree with you, theattack. it’s a gift, so i personally wouldn’t contribute. (i mean, in all fairness, i guess eventually it’s my money too, but still)
        It doesn’t have to be a ring.. it could be an engagement cow.. or a necklace or something else

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest October 4, 2013, 1:22 pm

        ? for you both: what if he couldn’t afford a “real” ring and only would propose with a “real” one? Would you put off the engagement or loan him $?

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      • theattack

        theattack October 4, 2013, 1:27 pm

        I would tell him to get over himself and either propose without a ring or get a fake one for now that he could replace later. Or tell him that I really had my heart set on some kind of cheaper stone he could afford. I wouldn’t loan money though.

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      • avatar

        AliceInDairyland October 4, 2013, 2:05 pm

        Engagement cow FTW!

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      • rawkmys0cks

        rawkmys0cks October 4, 2013, 3:39 pm

        Yeah I consider it to be like that too. When my great-grandfather gave me the ring, he was all “use this for when you get married someday” when I was 16. My great-grandmother had died a few years earlier and he wanted me to use her ring. I also think, between my (now) fiance and I, that it was cute when I gave him the ring–signalling that I was ready to be engaged to him–to give back to me. It felt kind of egalitarian. Also he’s paying for the resizing 😛

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    • avatar

      lets_be_honest October 4, 2013, 12:34 pm

      Couldn’t you call a paperclip ring, or ring pop your engagement ring if you wanted? I don’t see what difference it makes on who pays for it. Its not like it used to be when it was an actual surprise. Many women choose the ring with their partner, so I don’t see why it matters who pays for it.

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      • JK

        JK October 4, 2013, 12:35 pm

        The ring from around a chocolate, like in that Keanu movie! A walk in the clouds, or something?

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      • avatar

        jlyfsh October 4, 2013, 12:37 pm

        Yes! a walk in the clouds, loved that movie!!

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      • JK

        JK October 4, 2013, 12:38 pm

        The serenade part is the best. 🙂

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      • avatar

        jlyfsh October 4, 2013, 12:47 pm

        I wonder if it’s on netflix, I must watch it! We don’t have any video stores where I live so if it’s not on netflix I guess I’ll have to buy it!

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    • avatar

      GatorGirl October 4, 2013, 12:35 pm

      I don’t really care who buys the ring. I didn’t want a ring anyways, and we ended up using a family (FREEEEEEE) ring. It was super important to GGuy to do the formal proposal/ring exchange and super not important to me. So, I guess if it’s important to the woman she should at least contribute, IMO, but if it’s important to the guy than maybe he should foot the bill? IDK what ever works for each couple is best!

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    • CatsMeow

      CatsMeow October 4, 2013, 12:36 pm

      “The entire discourse about women having to “snag” a husband and obtain expensive totems of his commitment to hold him in place before the actual wedding is offensive to both genders. Women provide for themselves now. Instead of hanging onto these sexist, retrograde wedding traditions, why not make up some new ones that reflect our modern era?”

      I could have written this myself! (No, I didn’t send in the article, BUT I totally thought about it).

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    • katie

      katie October 4, 2013, 12:41 pm

      oh question though- how would anyone ever know who paid for the engagement ring? like how does that come up?

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      • theattack

        theattack October 4, 2013, 12:44 pm

        Well payment for the ring has come up a lot in our conversations. People always ask him how much he paid for it (Rude!) or make comments about how much money they think he makes or whatever when they see it. It’s weird.

        But I don’t care what other people think about it either way. I just know that I myself wouldn’t think of it as a gift if I paid for it myself. And engagement rings have to be gifts to me.

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      • avatar

        jlyfsh October 4, 2013, 12:45 pm

        i guess it would be something ‘you’ would know? i mean i don’t get why it matters, it’s just a ring. i don’t really get how it would ever come up in conversation or why it would matter. and i guess if i went that route and my friends were offended for me, i would probably drop the friends and keep the ring.

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl October 4, 2013, 12:45 pm

        You would be surprised the things some women discuss. At a bachelorette party last year the conversation was dominated by all the ladies “proving their worth” by their ring specs/price. It was disgusting.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest October 4, 2013, 12:47 pm

        Wow! People are gross.

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      • CatsMeow

        CatsMeow October 4, 2013, 12:51 pm

        I worked with a group of women like that. I swear they sat in circles and discussed the value of their diamonds. “Well, Fred had to get me one that was completely free of flaws! Of course, he had to spend extra to make sure it was perfect.” One of them had a $30,000 ring.

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      • avatar

        kerrycontrary October 4, 2013, 1:46 pm

        omg I would never discuss that. I don’t discuss salary and I don’t discuss what we spend on stuff. I could see friends trying to guess but I’m private about that. Either they think he spent too much or not enough. It’s a lose lose situation.

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      • avatar

        kerrycontrary October 4, 2013, 1:49 pm

        Oh also, I guarantee my parents and siblings will think my boyfriend spent too much on a ring. Since my mom and sister have rings that cost under $1000 they don’t see why anyone would spend a good chunk of money on one. So judge away, suckers!

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      • Imsostartled

        Imsostartled October 4, 2013, 1:22 pm

        I kind of bought my own ring. He was supposed to pay me back over time (and he did!) but we were married only like 5.5 months after engagement so then it really just was put into the pot after that.

        It was brought up because he couldn’t afford a ring outright because he had a lot of debt and was working towards getting rid of that before we got married. He also had not so great credit and couldn’t get a payment plan for it. Looking back on it I would have gotten either a cheaper engagement ring or no engagement ring, but it was really important to him that I have it. (He actually would have liked a ring for our engagement as well, but he didn’t want to explain it to others… oh how societal norms can bite you in the ass in so many ways).

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    • avatar

      kerrycontrary October 4, 2013, 12:44 pm

      If a woman buys an engagement ring for herself, and her and her boyfriend (or girlfriend) decide that it is a public symbol that they are engaged, then yes it counts to me. I know a couple who recently bought each other engagement rings (he’s wearing one too). Personally I would rather someone buy me a $200 ring than go halvsies on a $5000 ring, but I’m more traditional. My boyfriend would be mortified if I suggested buying my own ring but he’s traditional.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest October 4, 2013, 12:48 pm

        Yea, I mean the only way I see it not “counting” as an engagement ring is if the woman buys it herself without telling the boyfriend that its going to be an engagement ring. Like, “surprise hunny, we’re engaged!”

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      • avatar

        bethany October 4, 2013, 1:58 pm

        I’m sure there have been a few carzies over the years who’ve tried that!

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    • mylaray

      mylaray October 4, 2013, 1:42 pm

      I paid for half of my engagement ring. I never would have saw myself doing that, but we had talked about marriage for so long, and he was waiting until I was ready, and then went ring shopping together. We ended up picking something a little more than twice what our original budget was (mainly because my skin is super sensitive to gold) and it made sense for me to pay for half since I make twice as much and we were going to be merging our finances right after, so I didn’t want him to be broke from buying a ring. Because now that all the money is our money, it really doesn’t matter where it came from. I would have paid for the whole ring, because half was still a stretch for him, but he insisted. He’s very traditional but we both wanted the proposal to be a surprise and to us that mattered a whole lot more than where the money came from.

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    • avatar

      bethany October 4, 2013, 1:57 pm

      The question should actually be why the fuck does anyone care who bought another person’s engagement ring?!

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    • Kate B.

      Kate B. October 4, 2013, 2:06 pm

      I still believe in the tradition, so I would say no, it doesn’t count if I have to buy it myself. It means a lot to me.

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      • Kate B.

        Kate B. October 4, 2013, 2:14 pm

        The more articles like this I read, the bigger that gulf between me and other people gets. I need to stop reading them, they depress me.

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    • Skyblossom

      Skyblossom October 5, 2013, 7:53 pm

      If the ring means that you’re engaged then it’s an engagement ring regardless of who paid for it. It’s what it means to the two of you that is important.

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  • avatar

    TECH October 4, 2013, 12:15 pm

    Regarding the hug article (which I found oddly funny)
    “It is time for us to recognize the hug for the charade that it is. Rarely is it a gesture of sincere fellowship, compassion, or affection.”
    I guess I don’t understand how a hug could be considered a power play? Can someone explain that me? I mean, I’ve certainly received hugs from people that I know don’t give a shit about me. But whatever, I just take it as a friendly gesture. It’s not falsely implied intimacy. Just a “Hello, I’m a friendly person.”
    I met my friend’s new girlfriend recently and after spending a few hours at the bar, when I went to leave, I hugged them both and she let out an audible “Oh!” as if she was shocked to receive a hug from me.
    Anti-huggers need to lighten and loosen up!

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    • Fabelle

      Fabelle October 4, 2013, 12:18 pm

      I’m with you. I read that whole thing, & pretty much was like, “Oh, COME ON.” It’s just a hug. And social greeting/goodbye hugs aren’t even very physically close at all?

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      jlyfsh October 4, 2013, 12:22 pm

      I think the hug vs non hug debate goes back to how you grew up. We were huggy people. But, some of my friends were non-huggy. It took me a while to learn that they just weren’t brought up that way so to them hugging meant something different. To me it’s oh my gosh I’m so excited to see you, meet you, whatever and to them it’s something that is reserved for specific circumstances.

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      • avatar

        AliceInDairyland October 4, 2013, 12:26 pm

        Yeah, for me…. Hug equals:

        1) I want to get in your pants now/later
        2) You are feeling some shitty, shitty feelings, here borrow some energy
        3) I am not going to see you for a very, very long time… here we can touch

        Greeting hugs are strange to me. Goodbye hugs only if I won’t see you for like a year and we are really, really close. Other hugs only if something really crappy is going on.

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        lets_be_honest October 4, 2013, 12:50 pm

        Oh I like that! here borrow some of my energy! What a sweet way of describing a hug Alice!

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      • Miel

        Miel October 4, 2013, 2:44 pm

        That’s exactly what I was thinking. The only thing that I would add is greeting hugs for the same people than in number 3. I see one of my brother only every other year or so and we have a greeting hug when we see each other.

        But you know, that’s my brother. And I haven’t seen him in a while. Awkward half-hug with strangers as a way to say hi is just… awkward.

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    • theattack

      theattack October 4, 2013, 12:25 pm

      I don’t get how it’s a power play either. Maybe in some scenarios it is, but not usually. I do think it’s frequently falsely implied intimacy though. I hate when people hug me just because they want to look like we’re friends in front of other people or whatever.

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      • Fabelle

        Fabelle October 4, 2013, 12:54 pm

        But is that why they’re hugging you? I mean, is there a specific situation that made you think that was why? (I guess I’m just curious, because what if people I hug are thinking I’m doing it because I want other people to think we’re friends?)

        I hug because it’s actually LESS awkward for me than waving, or handshaking, or whatever? And if I’m saying bye to a group of people, & I just met one person in the group, I’ll hug them too, so then it’s not like I’m definitely ranking, in my head, who deserves the hug based on how long I’ve known them or something. haha. But I’m also not CONSTANTLY hugging people; there are times I just wave quickly & dash. Or, with my boyfriend’s family— his mom is so clearly not a hugger, so I never go in for the hug. I do feel weird about it sometimes, though!

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      • theattack

        theattack October 4, 2013, 12:57 pm

        It’s not like that’s typical, but it’s happened before. People who I’m clearly not close to and we never pay attention to each other one on one, and then once we’re around other people they want to pretend like they’re my best friend. It’s mostly just a handful of backstabbing bitches I can’t stand anyway. I seriously doubt your friends think you’re doing that.

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      • theattack

        theattack October 4, 2013, 1:17 pm

        Like the crazy mean woman I work with. She does this in front of our boss to make herself look innocent and friendly so that I’m the crazy one. Plus a couple of other people I know.

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      • KKZ

        KKZ October 4, 2013, 1:39 pm

        We hugged when we met! 😀

        And couple weeks ago, met a new coworker’s wife and did the accidental “oh you were going for a handshake, well now we’re hugging, deal with it!” thing from the Buzzfeed article. But we laughed about it so it was cool, I’ve seen her here a couple more times since then and there’s no awkwardness or anything, but man I felt stupid in that moment. I don’t even know WHY I went in for a hug, I’m not a person who customarily does that, it was an impulse.

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    • katie

      katie October 4, 2013, 12:26 pm

      yea i dont get it. i like hugging. touch as a part of experiencing other humans is something we do, its coded into us.

      im gonna hug you, sorry im not sorry

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      • JK

        JK October 4, 2013, 12:33 pm

        You´d do well in a latin country, personal space is practically nonexistent! Thankfully I´ve become quite used to it, it was hard at first though!

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      • CatsMeow

        CatsMeow October 4, 2013, 12:39 pm

        Yeah, my ex is Brazilian and he and his family are super huggy and physically affectionate. When DWers talk about lingering hugs, I’m like, uhhhh, I’m pretty sure my ex hugs EVERYONE like he just got back from Iraq.

        I’m not big on hugging, though. I’ll give people the half-hug because I’m usually just not feelin’ it.

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      • JK

        JK October 4, 2013, 12:42 pm

        I usually reserve hugs for my friends, and not like all the time, but since here everyone kisses hello and goodbye, you get used to it pretty fast!
        Today there was a thing at kindy and my daughters teacher hugged me then like rubbed my tummy. It was so weird.

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      • CatsMeow

        CatsMeow October 4, 2013, 12:52 pm

        OH god I would NOT like the tummy rub! Keep your hands off my food baby! (as I’m shoveling pumpkin spice m&m’s into my mouth)

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      • katie

        katie October 4, 2013, 12:43 pm

        its cool, ill take your half hug. good enough for me!

        haha

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      • katie

        katie October 4, 2013, 12:44 pm

        oh yea, i love hanging out with my latin and greek friend’s families.

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        lets_be_honest October 4, 2013, 12:56 pm

        I’m not a hugger. I’ve gotten a little better about it, but really the only people I’m actually comfortable hugging are lil and peter. I have one friend I make a hugging effort with now because she’s a hugger and the first time she hugged me she said I felt like a tree. haha. I guess its just awkward for me? My family are not big huggers, although the once in a blue moon hug from my siblings are great.

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    • avatar

      Lyra October 4, 2013, 12:36 pm

      For all the discussion on this site about personal boundaries, etc, I find it interesting that anti-huggers are supposed to “lighten and loosen up” and allow someone to physically interact with them in a way that they don’t like. I agree that the tone of the article was over the top and I don’t really see hugging as some sort of power play, but, as someone who doesn’t like hugs from people I don’t know very well, I don’t quite understand why I’m supposed to suck it up and be touched if I don’t want to be. I get hugging if you haven’t seen someone for a while or won’t see them again soon, but really, if I saw you yesterday and I’ll see you tomorrow, do we have to hug every time we see each other?

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      • avatar

        TECH October 4, 2013, 1:26 pm

        I think most people are able to read body language and don’t hug someone when they clearly don’t want to be hugged. And I’m not a fan of invading someone’s personal space when it’s unwelcome. But what are you supposed to do, ask someone “Can I hug you?” That’s awkward.

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      • avatar

        Lyra October 4, 2013, 6:21 pm

        It’s less awkward than having me side-leap away while yelping, “Sorry, I prefer not to hug!” But I mainly do that to the coworker who tries to “fix” me (her words) by randomly seizing me in her clammy, powerful arms. I’ve encountered a lot of people who really don’t take no for an answer when it comes to hugging, so I think I’ve become a little cynical about the subject.

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    • avatar

      GatorGirl October 4, 2013, 12:43 pm

      Admittedly I didn’t read the article, but I hate when people hug me. SUPER close family or my husband…that’s the only people I need to be that close to. Otherwise give me a high five or something.

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    • avatar

      AliceInDairyland October 4, 2013, 12:19 pm

      Blah I hate being hugged by strangers. I don’t actively hug anyone besides my BF. I receive hugs from BF’s mom and my parents sometimes. I just have a rather large personal space bubble and get really confused and awkward about it. It’s fine, like I’ll survive. I just fundamentally don’t get it.

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    • avatar

      MsMisery October 4, 2013, 2:02 pm

      Yeah, I don’t get it either. I am not a hugger because I don’t like to touch a whole lot, especially strangers. But I don’t see how it is some sort of dominant “pee on your shoes” move by one person over the other.

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    • mylaray

      mylaray October 4, 2013, 2:11 pm

      As a former anti-hugger (I love hugging now and hug most people) I can understand why people don’t like it. But what I don’t get is the people who don’t understand when it’s not appropriate to hug someone. At my work, things can be fairly casual when meeting with clients. Some of our clients have been doing business with us for years, but I still find it really inappropriate when a male client comes up to hug me. I hug all my male friends, but I don’t think much prefer handshakes over hugging with clients.

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  • avatar

    GatorGirl October 4, 2013, 12:29 pm

    I reserved my new gmail address the day after we got engaged. My first choice was already taken too. And it was a HUGE pain in the ass to switch e-mails (most specifically for iTunes/iCloud).

    Also, MY NEW COUCH IS HEREEEEEEE!!!

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    • theattack

      theattack October 4, 2013, 12:36 pm

      So did you completely shut down your old email address? I guess I don’t see the huge deal. I just have two email addresses now.

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl October 4, 2013, 12:41 pm

        No, I still have my GatorGirl.MadienName address and it’s forwarded to the new one. But I wanted to update my iPhone stuff which was a clusterfuck.

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      • MaterialsGirl

        MaterialsGirl October 4, 2013, 12:45 pm

        i can’t change my name right now cause SS is shut down.. boo government.

        but since my maiden will be my middle, i’m just not gonna do anything different except update my profile name

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      • avatar

        bethany October 4, 2013, 1:38 pm

        I have 3 email addresses! Old name, new name and Hotmail from 1996 that I won’t let die.

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    • avatar

      MsMisery October 4, 2013, 2:09 pm

      I admittedly thought that article was ridiculous. I guess because I still use my aol email that I created back in high school, and only sorta recently (BEGRUDGINGLY) created a job application-appropriate email address when I discovered, hey we’re putting email addresses on job applications now? I don’t know why you need this, you only have my home address, current work info, and like three phone numbers.

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      • avatar

        bethany October 4, 2013, 2:53 pm

        I reply to resumes we receive at work, and I only every reply via email. If someone sent in a resume without an email address, I guarantee they’d never hear from us.

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      • avatar

        rachel October 4, 2013, 3:01 pm

        Funny, I can’t imagine doing any sort of job communication in any way OTHER than email.

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      • avatar

        jlyfsh October 4, 2013, 3:07 pm

        to save trees! there is a lot of paper waste associated with job applications/interviewing. all of the communication i’ve done with jobs i’ve applied for, hotel reservations, directions, etc have been sent via email. as well as we’re not interested letters. no need to waste a piece of paper to tell me you’re not interested.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest October 4, 2013, 3:08 pm

        plus its WAY easier to just email everyone with the same copied email rather than call a bunch of people!

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      • avatar

        bethany October 4, 2013, 3:36 pm

        Yes! And phone tag is SO annoying! It’s so much easier to just tell someone what you need to tell them via email, then they can respond whenever they have time, instead of having to wait for them to call you back and possibly missing the call or being busy.

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      • avatar

        MsMisery October 8, 2013, 1:23 pm

        Ok, I guess I am calling this weird because I have applied for a lot of city/state jobs in the past couple of years and not only do I have to MAIL them my resume, plus all the required forms, but I usually get stuff back in the mail, too. Sometimes I have to fill in something on their website but only one of these places has ever used the email addy I provided on my rez. But I guess when it’s government work, they like everything in quadruplicate.

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  • Kate B.

    Kate B. October 4, 2013, 12:42 pm

    I couldn’t even finish reading the first article. I am doomed. I think I’ll build a cabin in the woods and live there with 150 cats. My social life will consist of jumping out from behind trees and scaring hikers. Soon, I will be the stuff of legend.

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    • CatsMeow

      CatsMeow October 4, 2013, 1:03 pm

      OMG. Thank you for giving me my new life plan! That sounds amazing.

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      • Kate B.

        Kate B. October 4, 2013, 2:09 pm

        My original life plan was to move to New Zealand and raise sheep, but there are a lot of scary bugs and things there, so no. I think I do need a dog in addition to the cats.

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    • BriarRose

      BriarRose October 4, 2013, 1:24 pm

      This made me choke as I tried to silent laugh at my desk. Thank you for your last two sentences.

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      • Kate B.

        Kate B. October 4, 2013, 2:11 pm

        They will make a movie about me, a la The Blair Witch Project. The Discovery Channel will have a series about me: “Finding Crazy Woods Lady”. I will live forever.

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      • BriarRose

        BriarRose October 4, 2013, 2:15 pm

        I think my co-worker thinks I’m having a seizure or something.

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  • avatar

    lets_be_honest October 4, 2013, 1:00 pm

    Um, just read that internet article about teens. Its a real shame my computer just smashed to pieces and I can’t afford to replace it until Lil is 30.

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    • avatar

      bethany October 4, 2013, 1:39 pm

      Now you just need to find a way to keep her away from smartphones!

      Reply Link
      • avatar

        lets_be_honest October 4, 2013, 1:41 pm

        That’s easy! I just won’t buy one for her. Plus the lock system we’ve assembled for the basement door should keep her down there for YEARS!
        If anyone’s looking for extra excellent parenting advice, feel free to ask! 🙂

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  • the_optimist

    the_optimist October 4, 2013, 12:06 pm

    “Gotta wheel the bitches in” is about the saddest thing I have ever read from a teenager. That first article gave me so many sads.

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  • mylaray

    mylaray October 4, 2013, 1:58 pm

    I have a funny story about not hearing what people say. I’ve been living in the south 6 years (! Sometimes that still amazes me) but I still have a hard time understanding deep drawls. A couple of weeks ago, I was exiting a gas station convenience store, staring at my iphone looking at the baseball score. So this guy who could see what I was looking at asked me a question and I thought he was asking about the Marlins game but I wasn’t sure (since I live in Georgia not Florida) so said “what?” at least 5 times and felt awkward for not knowing what he said. Then I figured out he was asking me if I had seen Molly (aka asking me to buy drugs) and I couldn’t stop laughing because I felt so awkward about that. It was pretty funny in the moment, and even he was laughing at my inability to understand his drawl. In general, I always feel like I am asking people to repeat themselves and it makes me feel bad when I have to ask several times.

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  • avatar

    lets_be_honest October 4, 2013, 2:27 pm

    Actually read the VF article now. Am I naive or is my best chance at avoiding this:
    1. Teach your daughters to know that landing a man isn’t a goal.
    2. Teach your daughters stuff on the internet will haunt you.

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    • avatar

      lets_be_honest October 4, 2013, 2:41 pm

      Also, does anyone think the severity of this issue will start to dissipate as time goes on since today’s parents are pretty clueless about facebook, etc. since it didn’t exist for them, but, say, my generation of parents will have a clue and know what to tell their kids?

      Reply Link
  • mandalee

    mandalee October 4, 2013, 3:10 pm

    Is it weird that I changed my name legally and kept my Gmail address with my maiden and just tacked on my new last name in my identifier? So, my e-mail address is the same but my name that shows up next to it is (mandalee old last name new last name) Changing my e-mail is just SO MUCH work that I refused to do it. I know at some point I’ll do it, but it’s been 2 years and no one has questioned it , so I have no motivation to do it.

    Also, who cares who buys an engagement ring. You don’t need the ring to financially be funded from your boyfriend to be engaged. Hell, you don’t even need a ring to be engaged. My husband technically “bought” my ring, as in he went and picked it out, but we shared money at the time, so in reality, yes I bought it too.

    Also, hugs suck. Please don’t hug me unless something terrible happened/it’s been a long time since I’ve seen you/your my husband and maybe immediate family members/I’m really, really drunk.

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    • Imsostartled

      Imsostartled October 4, 2013, 3:20 pm

      I still use my gmail address that has my maiden name in it. I originally got a different gmail, but it’s too hard changing, so I don’t care what people think about me keeping my email. It’s mine!

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    • avatar

      bethany October 4, 2013, 3:38 pm

      I don’t think anyone cares. One of my best friends has been married for over 5 years and still uses lindsayoldlastname as her email.

      Reply Link
      • mandalee

        mandalee October 4, 2013, 3:47 pm

        Glad I’m not the only one! I’m trying to think of all the women I know that got married and changed their name and I don’t remember one who actually changed her personal e-mail address.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest October 4, 2013, 3:51 pm

        Your friend’s marriage probably isn’t legit!

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      • avatar

        rachel October 4, 2013, 3:59 pm

        She probably bought her own ring too.

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      • mandalee

        mandalee October 4, 2013, 5:00 pm

        LOL

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    • Lady_Red

      Red_Lady October 4, 2013, 7:16 pm

      My e-mail address has my maiden name. I mean, I still identify as part of the “maiden name” clan, so why not? Soon after we got married, my mother-in-law e-mailed my husband something and mentioned she didn’t have my e-mail, which confused us, because she’s e-mailed me plenty of times before. Then I realized that she thought I wouldn’t be using the old one anymore. It never even really occurred to me to change it!

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    • avatar

      MissDre October 5, 2013, 9:30 am

      @mandalee that’s exactly what I plan to do when I eventually get married. I plan to just keep all my social media stuff as is and just tack his last name on to the end. I don’t actually want to hyphenate my name, but I guess sort of have two last names (on my official documents and stuff).

      Socially I’ll probably be Mrs. HisLastName and at my family business I’ll go by my maiden name because it’s part of the business name and I want to continue to personally identify with the business.

      Reply Link
  • avatar

    Sara October 4, 2013, 4:56 pm

    Married 4+ years and never changed my gmail address. And I have a ring I didn’t buy. So, my marriage is half-legit! 😉

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    • avatar

      Sara October 4, 2013, 5:01 pm

      This was meant to be a reply to above. I have an excuse though: the eye doctor dilated my eyes, so I can’t see well right now.

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  • avatar

    Sue Jones October 4, 2013, 5:59 pm

    I never had an engagement ring. We just decided to get married. But I did inherit a giant rock of a ring from my mother. Sometimes my husband and I go to a fancy restaurant and he pulls it out of his pocket and pretends to give it to me, and I squeal “Oh, you SHOULDN’T HAVE!!!!!” I get all kinds of attention that way! I can be a real attention whore!

    Reply Link

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