Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friday Links

Marriage

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

Hmm, I disagree with a couple of these, but, for the most part, they’re right: “9 Small, But Overlooked Things That Put Your Marriage At Risk Every Day” [via Yahoo]

Angelina Jolie writes about her recent surgery to remove her ovaries and fallopian tube. [via NYTimes]

I’m sorry, but this article is fucked up. I’m a mom and wife, too, and I would never give my husband only 1% of my attention (on a given day, maybe, but in general? Um, no), and I would never give away my pets because I had a baby and suddenly couldn’t care for them anymore (I have a real issue with people who do this). The crazy thing about this essay is that the woman’s youngest child is 11. God, I’m banking on having a little more time for my marriage by the time my kids are in double-digits, not even less time. This is pathetic. “I’m 99% Mother and 1% Wife — And It Has to Be That Way” [via Good Housekeeping]

“Going Dutch: Can You Have Your Free Cake and Feminism, Too?” [via PopSugar Love]

“A Lost Possibility: Women on Miscarriage” [via The Nib]

Right after I got pregnant, we switched our health insurance plan. We needed better coverage for the same price (or cheaper) and we settled on insurance through the ACA. It’s been great so far — much better than what we had. Anyway, it was with that perspective, and as a supporter of Obama in general, that I read this and got a good laugh: “GOP congresswoman gets surprise on Facebook after asking constituents for Obamacare horror stories” [via Daily Kos]

“Why We Need to Stop Asking, ‘How Do You Do It All?'” [via HuffPost]

Legalized discrimination, how disgusting: “Indiana businesses can legally refuse gay customers because of religion” [via Las Vegas Review Journal]

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to wendy@dearwendy.com and, if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

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67 comments… add one
  • avatar

    jlyfsh March 27, 2015, 12:10 pm

    I read the article from the 99% mother, 1% wife yesterday. I don’t have kids so I don’t understand some of the emotions she’s talking about, but I don’t know anyone who is this extreme. I mean I get what you’re saying that some days your partner does only get 1%, I feel like some days I only have 1% to give and I don’t have kids. But, I can’t imagine giving 1% every day for years. And I pretty much immediately dislike anyone who gives away pets because they have kids. Pets are not placeholders for kids, they are pets. Either you want to take care of them for life, or you don’t. I get that a kid might be allergic or a pet might change with age and become dangerous. But, I don’t have time is just a shitty excuse, and unfortunately used be so many people including non-parents. The author is going to get an unpleasant surprise when 7 years from now when her youngest is at college she looks at her husband and doesn’t know who he is and she realizes he no longer loves her. I don’t think she’s doing her kids any favors either.

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    • avatar

      RedroverRedrover March 27, 2015, 12:23 pm

      It sounds like they have a screwed-up marriage, actually. For the first half of the article I thought she was just, as she says, a biatch. But in the second half, where she describes how she’s barely keeping afloat, I have to wonder. How is he able to propose going out for lunch, when she hardly has enough time to sleep? If she’s the main (and for a long time, the only) breadwinner, why isn’t he the one doing the lion’s share of the childcare? Why does he seem to have free time and she doesn’t? Maybe he doesn’t and he’s just wishing they could get time away, but if I didn’t have time for lunch, I wouldn’t ask someone to go out to lunch with me.
      .
      Bottom line: in a marriage, you should both be the same level of tired. You should both be doing the same amount of work. One of you shouldn’t be exhausted while the other’s totally fine. The one who’s fine should be taking some of the load off the exhausted one. They need to have a serious talk about priorities and how to balance them. Because I think once the kids leave and she has time to focus on her own life again, she’ll find that she and her husband hardly know each other.

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      • avatar

        jlyfsh March 27, 2015, 12:29 pm

        Well she said that he does do most of the stuff at home already. Packing kids lunches, doing laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, and a list of other things, and works. She’s just the primary bread winner, which is a big burden to bare. But, if she feels that stressed maybe she needs to talk to him? Tell him what he needs to do instead of what he is doing. Maybe instead of cooking and going grocery shopping she’d prefer him to take kids to practices while she cooks. Instead of just telling him constantly that he’ll always come last for her. That’s just crappy in any marriage with or without kids.

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      • avatar

        jlyfsh March 27, 2015, 12:30 pm

        ugh typos.

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      • avatar

        RedroverRedrover March 27, 2015, 12:55 pm

        You’re right, I was so flabbergasted by the first half of the article that that part of it went out of my mind. But my point still stands that they should be doing equal amounts of work, and they need to talk about the priorities and balance, because clearly it’s not working. Unless she’s a workaholic, in which case they still need to talk. But I honestly can’t see how she has a job in Manhattan where she works long hours and they’re still struggling financially. Like, that sounds like a decently high-paying job. They need to seriously sit down and decide what their goals are – financially, professionally, and with their marriage and family – because right now something is off.

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      • something random

        something random March 27, 2015, 12:56 pm

        Yeah this article was sad. It read more like a public breakdown than a think piece. I think the author sounds like a workaholic with massive mommy guilt. I don’t think she should be killing herself for her college age son to avoid a loan. As much as her daughter is growing up fast, self-care is such an important example to set. The child with special needs is the most understandable time-taker. I imagine she’s probably reluctant to publicly acknowledge just how much of the pie that takes up.

        All the comments on the bottom of the article are predictably negative. Out of curiosity I just googled her name and some other articles she’s put out include Benefits of Second Marriages (number 8 is being protective of couple time), 10 Things Women who get Cheated On have in Common, and How to Make Sex get Better with age.

        I wish she would read the article about mother’s Not doing it all. I completely agree that her and her husband are on a bad path. I’m not sure public humiliation is what they need but maybe she’ll have an Ah Ha moment.

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      • something random

        something random March 27, 2015, 1:05 pm

        *she* and her husband

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    • Cassie

      Cassie March 27, 2015, 1:07 pm

      This will be her follow-up article: “I’m 99% Mother and 100% Divorced– And I Wish it Wasn’t This Way.”

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      • BriarRose

        BriarRose March 27, 2015, 2:55 pm

        I was super focused on my daughter at the expense of my ex-husband and firmly believe that’s part of the reason we got divorced. Getting married again in July and I’m now totally in the camp of the marriage being more important than the kids. That doesn’t change how much I love and adore and am devoted to my daughter (which is a lot, btw). I wish more people felt that way.

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      • avatar

        Sunshine Brite March 28, 2015, 2:06 pm

        Exactly, I’m surprised he’s sticking around. They both work, he does the majority of around the home stuff and she still doesn’t have time for him? One of the kids doesn’t even live there anymore. Boohoo you have a long commute, I wouldn’t sacrifice my marriage for a commute even if Junior had to take on a few student loans like pretty much every other person under the age of 35 had to do at some point or another.

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      • Portia

        Portia March 28, 2015, 2:51 pm

        Her whole outlook on her family bothered me. I’d hate to be her kid, too, because imagine the pressure they feel with a mom who’s dedicated her life to them, possibly at the expense of her marriage. If I were her kid, I’d feel like I was failing her at every turn.

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    • Cassie

      Cassie March 27, 2015, 1:14 pm

      I kind of worry about the pet thing when we get to having kids. Our cat Amos is… ornery. If you just get up and touch him, he bats away (sometimes with claws), and if you don’t stop, he has no qualms about biting to show he’s serious. That concerns me, because small kids grab on to animals, but I don’t want to have to give him up because when I adopted him as a kitten I made the decision to do it for life. So I think that my future kids will just have to be taught this mantra from Day 1: Do not touch the kitty unless the kitty touches you first.
      .
      Perhaps it will be like the lesson about hot stoves?

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      • muchachaenlaventana

        muchachaenlaventana March 27, 2015, 1:23 pm

        IDK I am so torn on this, my sister had two dogs that were basically like her children. Then she had twins and one of the dogs has responded so great, like is the best thing ever with the babies who are now toddlers who wreak havoc. The other is jealous, but not aggressive at all, just basically doesn’t give a shit about them and I guess recently went on this spree and chewed a bunch of their toys, my sister thinks maliciously and now she wants my parents or her in laws to take him. He is a 10 year old dog she’s had since he was a puppy and it just upsets me so much. I know I don’t have kids adn I know how stressful it must be for her, but like you take on an animal and you make that commitment to it. Also since she had the babies the dogs have been more or less completely neglected, like I doubt they were walked for 8 months by anyway other than people visiting to help with the kids. Which yeah I get it, but her dog is acting out for a reason. Anyways its hard and a main reason I tell anyone looking to get an animal–if you want kids in the next 2-6 years DO NOT GET A DOG OR CAT. I have a super clingy/possessive rescue dog that is 3 now and by the time I have kids will be 8-9 and it scares me how she will react and I wish I had thought it through a bit more before getting her.

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      • avatar

        jlyfsh March 27, 2015, 1:41 pm

        I don’t know, I know a lot of families with young kids and I pretty much only have friends with pets, I can count on one hand the number of people I know without at least one cat or dog. And none of them have had issues to the point where they want to get rid of the dog. Sure, their pets might tick them off a little bit more than before kids but, they don’t get rid of them or have such bad issues with them that they think about it.

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      • muchachaenlaventana

        muchachaenlaventana March 27, 2015, 1:52 pm

        Yeah I mean I know its not universal, but I know a lot of cases where people do give their pets back. I volunteered at the SPCA for awhile and this was such a common reason that people tried to get rid of their pets. Not to mention troll CL pets ads and see the 300 people giving up their 9 month old dogs because they didn’t realize they would get “too busy” or because they don’t get along with the kids or they don’t have time. It is really common.

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      • avatar

        jlyfsh March 27, 2015, 1:57 pm

        It is common, but I guess I don’t think it’s because the pet is the issue, or even that people shouldn’t do it if they plan on having kids. It’s people getting pets who don’t need them. If you’re the kind of person who is going to give up a pet due to lack of time, you should never get one in the first place. Because, kids or not you’ll probably end up getting rid of the pet. People should think about what taking on a pet means in general regardless of whether they plan on having kids. Because, doing both is possible.

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      • avatar

        jlyfsh March 27, 2015, 2:21 pm

        And I’m probably super sensitive to this today because my sister’s cat died unexpectedly last night and I’m still sad. Thinking of giving up a pet today for stupid reasons has me mad when my sister lost her cat she loved so much.

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      • muchachaenlaventana

        muchachaenlaventana March 27, 2015, 2:38 pm

        no I get that and I am sorry about the kitty cat 🙁 losing a pet set. The only thing is I never in 1000 years thought my sister would be the type to contemplate giving up her pets, we even had talks about it before her children were born. I guess the thing is once you have kids its really hard to know how you will react and how things already existing in your environment will react and the bottom line is once you have kids, what they need basically comes first. Its just the advice I dole out to people who ask my perspective on having a pet, which surprisingly happens a lot ha and its advice I definitely stand by.

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      • avatar

        RedroverRedrover March 27, 2015, 1:25 pm

        You’ll have lots of time to see how it goes, it will happen slowly. First the baby won’t even be able to move. Then it will shuffle/push around. Then crawl. Then cruise. Then walk unsteadily. Then walk. Then run. Far before the “run” stage, the cat will probably have decided he doesn’t want to be near the baby. Lol. That’s what both of mine did. When my son comes toward them, they take off. And if your cat doesn’t, you’ll have time during the unsteady walking period to teach the baby to leave the cat alone, or to shoo the cat away from the baby when the baby gets too close.
        .
        Make sure his claws are always clipped though. Accidents still happen, no matter who’s been taught what.

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      • Cassie

        Cassie March 27, 2015, 2:01 pm

        That’s a really good perspective!

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      • avatar

        Ange March 29, 2015, 10:56 pm

        If possible maybe think about nice high cat trees or shelves for kitty so he can get away and find his own space away from grasping kiddie hands. If he’s not able to be cornered he would be less likely to lash out.

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      • avatar

        RedroverRedrover March 30, 2015, 8:42 am

        Oh yeah this is a great suggestion. One of my cats can jump over the baby gates, so he escapes to the stairs when my son comes after him. The other won’t try the baby gates, but she can get up on the counter and then up on the fridge and cupboards. That gives both of them a safe space where they know my son can’t get them. Very helpful.

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  • avatar

    RedroverRedrover March 27, 2015, 12:11 pm

    The way she described going dutch disgusted me. How entitled can you be? You ate the food, now pay for it.
    .
    I agree that products for women are too expensive, and that we get paid less. But dating is not the battlefield to fight that out on. Your date shouldn’t have to pay for your makeup, which is essentially what this article is arguing.

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    • mylaray

      mylaray March 27, 2015, 12:16 pm

      And then at the end, when she said whoever asks for the date should pay. Which I agree with for the most part once you’re already dating. But that was just another justification for her as I doubt she’s the type to ask out a man first.

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      • avatar

        RedroverRedrover March 27, 2015, 12:23 pm

        Exactly. It’s a convenient rule for women who always expect the men to do the asking.

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      • muchachaenlaventana

        muchachaenlaventana March 27, 2015, 1:11 pm

        eh I think in general the person who asks should pay regardless. I think this becomes less so the further in to dating you get when things kind of blur and whomever pays is who pays.

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      • muchachaenlaventana

        muchachaenlaventana March 27, 2015, 1:13 pm

        eta- I think regardless you should still offer and be willing to pay, but I think it is a nice courtesy that the person who invites out, is willing to pay for the meal, in general.

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    • avatar

      emily85 March 27, 2015, 12:56 pm

      I don’t know if anyone else still (or ever did) reads the frisky, but this article reminded me a lot of the most recent dater x. So awful. Also, nobody is making women color their hair, wear makeup or get spray tans for craps sake. And we need to factor tampons into the cost of getting ready for a date now???

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      • avatar

        RedroverRedrover March 27, 2015, 1:03 pm

        I always insert a tampon before a date. You know, just in case. (????)

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      • honeybeenicki

        honeybeenicki March 27, 2015, 1:36 pm

        Well apparently it makes you more presentable?

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      • avatar

        RedroverRedrover March 27, 2015, 1:37 pm

        She presents herself differently than I do, that’s for sure. 🙂

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      • honeybeenicki

        honeybeenicki March 27, 2015, 1:49 pm

        Well if she’s really presenting herself that way, I don’t know why he’s not offering to pay.

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      • avatar

        RedroverRedrover March 27, 2015, 2:03 pm

        Lol!

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      • avatar

        RedroverRedrover March 27, 2015, 1:06 pm

        Oh also, men usually wear clothes and shoes to a date, and have a wallet and a haircut. My husband pays way more than I do for haircuts, because he goes every two weeks and I go, like, twice a year. My hair products cost about the same as his too, because while mine are more expensive, he washes his hair every day and I don’t.

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      • avatar

        emily85 March 27, 2015, 1:10 pm

        Yeap. I’m not gonna try and argue here that it’s not more expensive to be a woman, because I do think overall that is true (especially if you give birth to children). But good lord, the people who expect men to pay for dates drive me totally nuts. I have friends who will go out on dates with men they’re not interested in “to practice” and then let those men pay for their meals.

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      • avatar

        RedroverRedrover March 27, 2015, 1:27 pm

        Ugh. That’s awful.

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  • muchachaenlaventana

    muchachaenlaventana March 27, 2015, 1:05 pm

    That 9 things that could ruin your marriage, some of them are fine but others-like not farting in front of your partner or whatever, we are all human and sometimes people fart. If that is enough to slowly undermine your relationship, you have a lot of other issues going on. Another thing is really every single couple has different standards on this and what works for one couple will not work for another. Personally I try not to fart in front of my boyfriend and don’t like to broadcast my BMs but we talk about that stuff jokingly. Other couples I know have no compunctions about farting around each other or gasp being human and pooing while the other is maybe not in the room, but knows what is going on. And the re-stacking the dishwasher thing I just think is bs– some people have NO IDEA how to load a dishwasher, I live with one now, my entire family sucks at it, and it drives me crazy. I already told my boyfriend when or if we move in together- the way he does dishes and how he loads the dishwasher are huge pet peeves for me, so if I reload it its not a dis to him but rather just my OCD tendency kicking in.

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    • honeybeenicki

      honeybeenicki March 27, 2015, 1:24 pm

      Based on the farting thing, I shouldn’t even be married. My husband has done that since like 3 weeks in. We do have a pretty clear bathroom door closed rule though. I like to have a little to myself but its not like we don’t know that we both *gasp* poop! Actually, this morning before I left, my husband was still home and he gave me a kiss goodbye a few minutes before I was leaving and said “In case I’m not done pooping in time to see you off.”

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    • avatar

      RedroverRedrover March 27, 2015, 1:29 pm

      I didn’t like that article overall. Most of them were pretty obvious. And I wouldn’t call “not really talking” a small thing.
      .
      The one that bugged me the most is not losing the baby weight. I. AM. TRYING. Jesus! How often do women have to hear that they’re not allowed to carry any extra weight, even after a baby? I guess I’m ruining my marriage by not spending all my time working out instead of being with my family.

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    • avatar

      cleopatra jones March 27, 2015, 1:50 pm

      Ha ha, if you’ve been married as long as I have…you will be able to tell that he has to poo by the way he walks and the look on his face (or maybe that’s just me).
      🙂

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      • honeybeenicki

        honeybeenicki March 27, 2015, 2:11 pm

        Mine just straight up tells me. It grosses the kids out 🙂 I can tell when we’re in the car by how he’s driving though.

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      • avatar

        RedroverRedrover March 27, 2015, 2:53 pm

        We say “I have to go to the bathroom with a book”. These days we bring e-readers or iPads, but whatever. 🙂

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  • avatar

    Sonia March 27, 2015, 1:27 pm

    I was going to submit the 99% mother one so I’m glad not only that it showed up here but that I wasn’t along in thinking it was fucked up. I always feel weird when I disagree with that sort of stuff since I’m not a wife or mother but for me the “goal” (for lack of a better word) has been finding my partner, and kids/no kids aren’t a necessity. Honestly, if there were kids I would think I’d be like Ayelet Waldman in this article,which is one of my faves: https://myaccount.nytimes.com/auth/login?URI=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.nytimes.com%2F2005%2F03%2F27%2Ffashion%2F27love.html%3Fpagewanted%3D1%26_r%3D5&REFUSE_COOKIE_ERROR=SHOW_ERROR where, bottom line, I would just love my husband (maybe not more than my kids but at least on an even playing field, as, no matter what, it has to be DIFFERENT than the way you lve your kids). I get so frustrated watching people’s relationships crumble once kids enter the picture and the partners are just tossed aside, like this woman does. Ugh.

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    • avatar

      Sonia March 27, 2015, 1:28 pm

      Oh, and there is NO FUCKING WAY I give up my dog for a kid, either physically or in attention. That’s the difference between a dog owner and a dog lover. So she must be a husband owner instead of a husband lover.

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      • avatar

        RedroverRedrover March 27, 2015, 1:35 pm

        Well, you would give up some attention, at least in the beginning. You have to. It’s the same as giving kid #1 less attention when kid #2 comes along. You just have to. You only have so much time. But a normal person should have attention for both a kid and a dog. I think it’s crazy that she thought she had to give up the dog.

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      • honeybeenicki

        honeybeenicki March 27, 2015, 1:41 pm

        I agree that sometimes the attention will slip, especially at the beginning. But later on, it becomes a great learning tool on how to love an animal and take care of it and how they’re family. We have two dogs (and a menagerie including a tortoise, bearded dragon, hedgehog and rabbit) and a new baby on the way and instead of thinking of getting rid of them (not gonna happen, they’re family), I’m thinking of ways to make the transition easier for them.
        .
        When we got our tortoise, we actually got it from a couple who had an almost 1 year old. They said they had to get rid of the tortoise (their only pet) because they didn’t have the time for it since having the baby…. do you know how much time a tortoise requires? Like 5 minutes a day. Maybe. To give him food and water. And maybe an extra half hour weekly to give him a bath, which consists of filling up the tub and sticking him in there to wander around while I do something else. And when its nice, a little time to let him sunbathe outside. In an enclosure. Where he doesn’t even need to be supervised. So that takes like 3 minutes to take him out there and bring him back in an hour later.

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      • avatar

        RedroverRedrover March 27, 2015, 1:48 pm

        I agree giving up pets is unnecessary. But to think that you can give a pet the exact same level of attention before a baby as after is unrealistic as well. Unless it’s a pet that didn’t need much attention to begin with, like the turtle. We have two cats and they definitely got less petting and cuddling when the baby came. The upside is that once my son gets older, the pets will get even more attention than they had before from just my husband and I. Maybe way more attention than they want. 🙂

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      • honeybeenicki

        honeybeenicki March 27, 2015, 1:55 pm

        I’ve already informed the dogs that when Roarke comes, they won’t be the babies of the family anymore and are going to have to give up some time and attention for him. They seem understanding 😉
        But really, a tortoise? Doesn’t need attention. Actually, he prefers we ignore him with the exception of providing him with his meals.

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      • avatar

        RedroverRedrover March 27, 2015, 2:11 pm

        My cats were super pissed. 🙂 My son’s almost two now though, so they’re almost back to pre-baby levels of attention. And frankly they’re both such attention hogs that I don’t think we could ever give them enough. But they’re getting a good amount, more than they deserve, the selfish things! 🙂

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      • honeybeenicki

        honeybeenicki March 27, 2015, 2:20 pm

        The dogs have known for awhile that something is going on (probably from my head in a toilet or garbage can pretty much 24/7) and now there’s *STUFF* showing up and they just don’t know what to think about it. My best friend had her baby over the other day and they were vaguely interested but seemed mostly scared of her.

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      • mylaray

        mylaray March 27, 2015, 1:55 pm

        I’m jealous you have a hedgehog. I really want one, but my husband thinks they’re weird.

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      • honeybeenicki

        honeybeenicki March 27, 2015, 1:57 pm

        They are a little weird. And mine is a bitch. Like straight up meanie. She likes me (sometimes). When I got her I was actually at a pet store shopping for stuff for my other critters and I heard someone returning this hedgehog to the store. After eavesdropping for a bit, this was the 2nd time she’d been returned because she wasn’t pleasant. She just doesn’t like people. So they gave her to me for about 1/4 of the cost and a free bag of food and I promised to provide her with food and a home and not harass her into trying to snuggle with me. And it’s worked out great. I’ve had her for about 7 years now. She was 1 when I got her. She still has no interest in being part of the family as a whole, but I feed her, water her, let her wander around every once in awhile and we have a nice truce.

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      • mylaray

        mylaray March 27, 2015, 2:02 pm

        Aww that’s sad she kept getting returned, but at least she has a good home now.

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      • avatar

        RedroverRedrover March 27, 2015, 2:05 pm

        7 years? How long do they live?!?! I guess I assumed they were like rabbits or guinea pigs, just 3-5 years (if you’re lucky).

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      • honeybeenicki

        honeybeenicki March 27, 2015, 2:15 pm

        Average is about 4-6 years, but she just keeps on going. She even looks old. Her face is wrinkly and she’s slow and doesn’t do anything but sleep. At this point, we go check on her and just ask her if she’s alive. There was a close call a few months back where she got super dehydrated (we both thought the other was filling the bottle, but in reality it was plugged and she couldn’t get water! I felt so shitty for that 🙁 )

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      • avatar

        RedroverRedrover March 27, 2015, 2:25 pm

        I had a little mousie and it died like that. 🙁 I still feel bad. It was less than a day, too, but they’re so small and delicate. Poor little thing.

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      • honeybeenicki

        honeybeenicki March 27, 2015, 2:47 pm

        We finally figured it out because she actually *looked* dehydrated. Like it looked like there was no water in her body. And she was so weak and wouldn’t eat. I force-fed her water with a dropper to get her back on her feet. And now we always double check with each other to make sure one of us filled the bottle.

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      • something random

        something random March 27, 2015, 1:46 pm

        It’s sounds like she might have to give up her husband, too.

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    • Lianne

      Lianne March 27, 2015, 1:58 pm

      I found it incredibly fucked up too. I know I don’t have kids yet, and I was insulted by her message. My husband and I have talked about the fact that we want our foundation to be solid so that we can be great parents to our kids. That means putting our relationship first with our kids a super close second. That doesn’t mean we won’t be able to love and care for our kids like crazy – it just means we are going to try not to do it at the expense our own relationship.

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      • avatar

        RedroverRedrover March 27, 2015, 2:09 pm

        We took a pre-marital class, and they stressed how important it was to put your spouse ahead of your kids. Your relationship is the basis of the whole family. With that gone, where does it leave the family? Broken.
        .
        They illustrated it with concentric circles. The small one, in the middle is you. You have to put yourself first. You have to be happy. If you’re miserable, you can’t keep up any of your relationships properly. The next circle around that is your spouse. The next circle your kids. The next one is your family and friends. And that’s the order you have to focus on them in. Not to always put yourself first, obviously, but to ensure that you are getting what you need out of life to keep your relationships healthy. Then your spouse next, to keep that relationship happy. Then the kids, etc. Makes a lot of sense.

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      • honeybeenicki

        honeybeenicki March 27, 2015, 2:17 pm

        People always look at me like I’m nuts when I say this is how we parent. We (as a couple) come first. Because without us being happy and healthy, we can’t properly raise happy, healthy kids. But I like the circles. That’s a good way to illustrate it. And we love our kids to death and often put their needs above our wants, but never at the expense of our marriage.

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        RedroverRedrover March 27, 2015, 2:31 pm

        Oh, tell them you put yourself first and see the looks you get! 🙂 But it’s true. There have been points in my life where I had to put my needs above my husband’s (and my son’s). There’s nothing wrong with knowing what you need and finding a solution for getting it. But it’s been driven into our heads that the kids come first, and I think that’s completely the wrong way round. Of course I want to give my son everything. But I can’t do that if I’m a wreck. So I start with me and work outwards.

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      • Lianne

        Lianne March 27, 2015, 2:35 pm

        Could not agree more. I really think we are going to begin to see a societal shift soon in parenting from helicopter style to what you’re describing.

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        RedroverRedrover March 27, 2015, 2:43 pm

        I hope so!!!

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  • mylaray

    mylaray March 27, 2015, 2:15 pm

    I really enjoyed Angelina Jolie’s op-ed and her continuing to open up about her health issues. I have endometriosis and was just with my doctors and specialists yesterday, and it’s time to do something more serious about it. Just knowing that there are all these options out there for women is really helpful.

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    Sunshine Brite March 28, 2015, 3:38 pm

    The Indiana laws that got signed in pisses me off. Totally discriminatory and should be unconstitutional based on the separation of church and state in my opinion.
    .
    Also signed in that day, a clean needle exchange to address an HIV public health emergency with dozens of new cases in the last few months revolving around an injectable opiate. But the exchange will only last 30 days and the governor is refusing to make it part of a long-term plan on drug abuse prevention. It’s too bad people can’t see the potential for harm reduction methods in combating this. If people are going to use, offer the needle exchange to get the HIV rates down and have an opportunity to offer assistance with addressing further issues.

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    MsMisery March 30, 2015, 12:17 pm

    I bet that GOP congresswoman was regretting that…
    .
    I work in health insurance and the whole ACA rollout has had much less impact in my sector than anticipated. And even for those of us with insurance thru the employer, there are benefits (esp. women). The ICD-9 to ICD-10 conversion is 10x more of a headache than “Obamacare.”

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