Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friday Links

49093091.cached

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

Italy wants women to hurry up and get knocked up, and the ads promoting “fertility day” are pretty appalling.

Hey! The New York Times has caught on that women like to/can think analytically about their own love/dating/sex lives and how they relate to changing social mores and trends: Sex and Dating: Now the Thinking Gal’s Subject.

Dan Savage, like the University of Chicago, has some thoughts about “trigger warnings.”

I love Mike Birbiglia and I love what he says here about “Making It Small in Hollywood. Or Anywhere.” If you’re a creative type, or even if you’re simply someone who hasn’t yet figured out how to share whatever your particular gifts are with the world, you might find his tips particularly meaningful.

The Relationship “Rule” 1 in 5 Americans Are Breaking

My Brother’s Pregnancy and the Making of a New American Family

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to wendy@dearwendy.com and, if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

Follow along on Facebook, and Instagram.

7 comments… add one
  • avatar

    artsygirl September 2, 2016, 12:09 pm

    When will politicians look at WHY women are not embracing marriage and motherhood? They blindly look for simple catch phrases and media blitzes that attempt to scare their audience rather than bothering with a deep investigation at the systemic, institutional issues women face when they balance motherhood and jobs. Women need better day care options, more governmental support, and flexible schedules since women still preform the majority of child care and household chores despite working the same hours as their male partners – especially in traditional societies like Italy, Japan, and China.

    Reply Link
    • avatar

      Vathena September 2, 2016, 1:10 pm

      Seriously. And are these ads supposed to be sharing news that women haven’t already heard? “Hey ladies, DID YOU KNOW? FERTILITY DECLINES WITH AGE!!!! Better get on that whole baby-making thing before you’re a shriveled-up husk!”

      Reply Link
    • avatar

      RedRoverRedRover September 2, 2016, 1:19 pm

      For awhile now, studies have shown that men are more interested in having kids than women are. Gee, I wonder why?

      I’ve always said, the one surefire way to get rid of abortion would be to treat mothers like queens. A salary for as long as you’re a mother, a nanny if you want to go back to you, complete societal acceptance of your parenting choices, adoration from coworkers when you come back and happiness from them if you get pregnant again and want to leave, etc etc. Imagine that world. Women would be going nuts to have babies!

      Not that I’m advocating that of course, that’s completely unsustainable and also pretty crazy. But that is a world in which women would be completely happy to have kid after kid after kid. The further you get from that world, the less women will want to have kids. Basically the greater the “effort gap” between a have-kid life and a no-kid life, the less women are going to want to have kids. If it makes the life you want all but impossible, why would you do that to yourself?

      And lastly, all of this smacks of “women aren’t rational creatures and don’t know how to act in their best interests”. As if they don’t have reasons not to have kids, and just telling them to have them is enough. Ridiculous.

      Reply Link
      • avatar

        artsygirl September 2, 2016, 2:06 pm

        Many countries that do not have declining fertility do treat mothers extremely well. Iceland, Norway, Finland, and Sweden all have sustainable fertility (approximately 2 births per mother) and they all insure that women are given great maternity leave, provide amazing day care and schools, financially support the family, and insure that women cannot be forced out of jobs if they get pregnant. Counties like Japan and China basically force women to quit or put their career on hold after they have a child because they in no way support working mothers so why would a woman spend the majority of her life working towards a career only to be forced out as soon as she has a child?

        Link
      • avatar

        snoopy128 September 2, 2016, 2:43 pm

        I also think evening the balance for men would be helpful. I know one of the worries I have about having kids is that even if my partner wants to stay home, it’s still rare to find a company with parental leave that will allow him to do so and relieve some of the burden off of me for taking the time off to raise our babies.

        As shitty as it is, until parenting is seen as an equal task, it will be considered as predominantly ‘women’s work’ and therefore less valued.

        I’m also so so so so so sick of people/governments trying to govern women’s bodies. From the clothes they wear (France trying to ban the burkini) to the reproductive choices they make (can’t get aboritions, have more babies). Could you imagine if governments were encouraging men to have vasectomies, or perhaps telling men in Zika ridden areas (Miami?) to stop having procreative sex.

        Link
      • juliecatharine

        Juliecatharine September 2, 2016, 2:53 pm

        Yep to all of the above. I also kinda want to slap the smug grin off that poster girl’s face. Economic realities make having children flat out irresponsible for many many people. Ignoring that fact doesn’t do anyone any favors.

        Link
    • avatar

      memboard September 4, 2016, 7:32 pm

      Hmmm…. no. See the fertility rate in Europe is calculated at 1.58 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Total_fertility_rate#Europe so well below replacement rate. And that’s with all these socialist (almost communist) countries with far more generous maternity leave policies: http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2012/05/22/maternity-leaves-around-the-world_n_1536120.html and more generous day care policies: http://www.nytimes.com/1993/02/15/us/child-care-in-europe-admirable-but-not-perfect-experts-say.html

      So there is something else, probably far more cultural, at play here that makes women of the western world not be super keen on the baby bump and it’s 20 years of blissful life experiences. What is it? I don’t know, but I think it’s simplistic to say that women don’t have babies because society doesn’t help because clearly even when it’s much easier than in the US, fertility rate is still below replacement.

      Reply Link

Leave a Comment