Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friday Links

Commuters crowd into the metro at Chatelet station in Paris

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

The Atlantic is doing a whole series on the sexism of telling women to smile. Men started telling me to smile when I was maybe 12 — and probably earlier than that, but I know I was around 12 when I became uncomfortably cognizant of what an implicit offense this was. At 40, I don’t get told to smile as often as I did in my 20s, and when I do, you can sure as shit bet the men making the demand will quickly regret doing so.

Hell, yes!! Why should it be solely a woman’s responsibility to change diapers when out in public with their babies? (Sometimes, dads even take their babies out on their own — gasp! — and now they won’t have to worry about where to change their babies’ diapers.) This seriously should have happened decades ago. “President Obama Signs Babies Act, Mandates Baby Changing Stations Be Available To Dads Too”

The Thing All Women Do That You Don’t Know About

How to raise a trail-blazing daughter (According to the Notorious RBG)

“It’s important to talk more about women who live happily without kids and acknowledge the hard reality that some mothers feel baby regret. So long as we consider the childless life an inferior one, not raising a family will always feel more like rebellion than an acceptable choice.” — Talking About Women Who Regret Having Kids Is Important, Not Horrifying

More American Women Want to Have Children Than a Decade Ago

“I’m a Minister and a Mother—and I Had an Abortion”

Your daily dose of Trump ick: How Trump’s Abuse of Women Hid in Plain Sight: The Republicans’ defenders argue that the timing of accusations of sexual assault are questionable. That’s only because they weren’t paying attention before.

Women Form Human Chain Outside Trump Tower: ‘Pussy Came To Shut It Down!’

Michelle Obama Says Trump Comments Have ‘Shaken Me To My Core’

After Nate Silver made a map showing what the election outcome would be if only men voted, Trump supporters, cretins that they are, suggested women shouldn’t be allowed to vote, making #repealthe19th a trending hashtag on Twitter this week. Consider this your daily reminder to get out and vote on November 8th. So much is at stake.

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to [email protected] and, if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

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16 comments… add one
  • avatar

    RedRoverRedRover October 14, 2016, 12:17 pm

    I saw the changing-table thing and asked my husband whether he sees them around much. He said he sees them in most chain restaurants/stores, and in a few smaller ones too. That’s about what I see… a lot of places here don’t have them at all, even in the women’s washroom, because washrooms are usually pretty small and tight (probably similar in NYC). But newer places all have them, in both the men’s and women’s. I live in a big city so maybe that’s why, but it’s pretty common here.

    Just wanted to add, this morning as I was driving home from the daycare dropoff, I saw a man with a stroller waiting at the corner. I pulled up to the stop sign, and so did the oncoming car, and the man in the oncoming car waved at the stroller man to go ahead and cross. I guess stroller man was just waiting for something, because he waved at car man to go. Then before car man started going, he looked into the stroller at the baby and made a little “awww” face. IT WAS SO CUTE!!!! I love it. I love seeing these dads taking care of their kids, and feeling free to indicate how cute another dad’s kid is, in public. Honestly it’s just so great to see how normal it’s becoming. In these days of treating women like shit, I can see how different it might be for our daughters, if this kind of trend continues.

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    Callifax October 14, 2016, 12:27 pm

    Changing attitudes about women who don’t have children is not only important for people who don’t want them, but also for people who can’t. Struggling to conceive or dealing with infertility is made worse by the societal expectation that your life can’t be good without kids – or that you matter less without them. It’s salt in the wound to an already tough situation.

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      RedRoverRedRover October 14, 2016, 12:35 pm

      This is also why it’s so messed up to ask a married couple when they’re having kids or why they don’t have them yet. Like, maybe they can’t? Ever thought of that? Maybe they’ve had five miscarriages and they really don’t appreciate you constantly bringing up the fact that they have no kids? Or maybe, just maybe, they don’t want kids at all and shouldn’t have to constantly defend it?

      And hell, even if they DO want kids and have no fertility issues, maybe they have an actual, you know, PLAN for when they are going to have them. Not everyone’s plan is to just do a crappy job with BC and see what happens (contrary to what we often see on this site). A lot of people want to wait till a certain point in their marriage, in their career, etc. And all of those choices are ok. And also no one’s business but theirs.

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      • avatar

        SpaceySteph October 14, 2016, 12:42 pm

        For years when my grandmother was all *must have great grandchildren I’m not getting any younger hey how about now* I would look her straight in the eye and say “not now, I’m busy.”

        Oh, she did tell me a crazy freaking story though. When she was pregnant with my dad in 1960 she was fired from her job as an elementary school teacher because the school had stairs and they were worried about if she fell down them while pregnant. At least now if they wanted to do that, they’d have to make up another reason. My, how far we haven’t come.

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        Callifax October 14, 2016, 1:34 pm

        The whole thing is bananas to me. The sheer number of times I get asked about my child-having plans in a given month is unbelievable – and often by people in my science-oriented workplace, who I feel should know better than to pry about such things. And the even crazier thing is that my husband almost never gets asked when he’s having kids. Sometimes it feels like a filler thing that people ask about because they don’t know what else to say, or maybe because they think it’ll foster a sense of closeness to inquire about something personal. But no. Just no.

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      • avatar

        Kate October 14, 2016, 1:46 pm

        Yeah, there are some things you should just not ask about. Like sure, I guess ask how someone’s existing kids are doing, but don’t ask about kids that don’t exist. Or, God forbid, kids that have passed. A woman at work lost her grown daughter, and people were asking how she died. Do not do that, people. She 100% did not want to discuss it. I didn’t ask anything about her daughter, but I did ask how she herself was doing, and I learned I shouldn’t have. She’s a wonderfully nice, kind woman who will always talk and talk, but she truly doesn’t want to talk about how she’s doing, because she’s doing shitty and it sucks, and she will cry. So either just say hello, or actually do something if you can. Like her friend who’s a hairdresser gave her a cut and color without asking or charging. If people volunteer talking about their struggles, ok, but if not, don’t bring it up, I think.

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        RedRoverRedRover October 14, 2016, 2:06 pm

        That’s a good point. Unless you’re a super-close friend, and really then all you can say is “I’m here. Let me know if you want to talk”. Otherwise, actions speak louder than words and all you need to do is be nice.

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      • avatar

        em October 17, 2016, 10:07 am

        is it rude to ask someone if they have kids?

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      • avatar

        Kate October 17, 2016, 10:16 am

        Not really, but why not let them volunteer it if they want to talk about their kids, you know? If they do, they totally will.

        Related, people always ask if I have siblings. I do, but I don’t want to talk about it, for personal reasons. And you can’t just be like “yeah…” and leave it at that, because they keep asking more questions.

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    Anonymousse October 14, 2016, 2:27 pm

    Win everything in the new, Lady Obama, the de-escalation article…it hits so hard. Is there A woman out there who hasn’t been sexually assaulted? Made to feel deeply uncomfortable? I’ve never met one. We need to do better to teach our boys that this type of male privelage is unacceptable. I can’t even believe this conversation is coming up because of comments and decades of deplorable behavior from a presidential candidate.

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    • avatar

      Anonymousse October 14, 2016, 2:28 pm

      *With * news

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  • avatar

    anonymousse October 14, 2016, 2:29 pm

    Also, OBAMA 2024.

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    • avatar

      RedRoverRedRover October 14, 2016, 2:34 pm

      Is that allowed? I don’t know how your term limits work. 🙂

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      • avatar

        anonymousse October 14, 2016, 2:45 pm

        Michelle Obama!

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      • avatar

        Kate October 14, 2016, 2:51 pm

        My whole family is on board to vote for Michelle. If I had a kid, she’d be named Michelle.

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      • avatar

        RedRoverRedRover October 14, 2016, 2:54 pm

        Oh, hahaha! I thought maybe they could run again if they took a break in between. We’ve had a Prime Minister do that. It was the current PM’s dad, actually.

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