Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friday Links, April 12

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

56% of respondents turn to the internet rather than friends for dating advice. Read other interesting statistics in “America’s dating scene: By the numbers” [via The Week]

“People think I’m crazy for being in Ellie’s wedding party. Four years ago, I thought she was going to marry me” [via Salon]

Yeah, well, I’m clutching strongly to my underwire, thank you. “Women are better off without their bras” [via Daily Mail]

“How not to say the wrong thing” [via LA Times]

Reading the comments of this one, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry (also, does anyone remember in YM magazine back in the day that column that was all about embarrassing period stories? Does anyone remember YM? I am old). “Period Nightmare Stories” [via The Hairpin]

Well, this is a unique way to deal with wedding-planning stress: “‘Oh my gosh!’ Groom surprises bride with early wedding” [via Today]

“Most Expensive Celebrity Weddings: Were These Nuptials Worth The Price Tag?” [via HuffPo]

“Over-sharing on Facebook can really mess up your career and your relationships” [via Psychology Today]

“A new study suggests that all mental major illnesses, including anxiety, eating disorders, schizophrenia, ADHD, bipolar, and OCD, might get worse during the winter.” Thank God Spring has finally arrived for most of us!! [via PopSci]

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to wendy@dearwendy.com and if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

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66 comments… add one
  • avatar

    MissDre April 12, 2013, 12:01 pm

    I remember YM! I loved it!

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    • Copa

      Copa April 12, 2013, 12:08 pm

      Same! I used to steal my older sister’s copies of YM because my mom didn’t think I was old enough to read them.

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    • avatar

      GatorGirl April 12, 2013, 12:13 pm

      I remember too! And Trauma Rama in Teen or what ever. Those were some good years.

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      • Copa

        Copa April 12, 2013, 12:16 pm

        Ahahaha. Trauma Rama was awesome. It was always stuff like, “My bikini top fell down, RIGHT in front of my crush. I was so mortified!” or “I was wearing Little Mermaid underwear because they were my only clean pair, and my crush saw. I was so mortified!” (Trauma Rama is where I learned the word “mortified” because I swear that’s how every anecdote ended.)

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      • TaraMonster

        TaraMonster April 12, 2013, 1:36 pm

        I loved Trauma Rama!! I remember reading one when I was like 11 or something and this girl was sitting by the pool with her friend and her crush (of course!) and they were giggling and pointing at her. It turned out she had “major pubes sticking out” and she was “so mortified” (of course!).

        Why do I have this one memorized??? Because I didn’t know what pubes were. Now imagine my face when I found out a few years (yes YEARS) later.

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      • Dear Wendy

        Wendy April 12, 2013, 12:51 pm

        I had to Google it because I forgot, but “Say Anything” was the name of the column in YM with all the “My bikini top fell off in front of my crush” and “I bled on chair in homeroom!” stories.

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      • Dear Wendy

        Wendy April 12, 2013, 12:51 pm

        Now, I want to start a “Say Anything” thread in the forums…

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    • Fabelle

      Fabelle April 12, 2013, 12:14 pm

      I THINK I remember YM, but I may be thinking of “Twist.”

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    • CatsMeow

      CatsMeow April 12, 2013, 12:24 pm

      Definitely remember YM, but I think I only had a Teen subscription.

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    • katie

      katie April 12, 2013, 12:32 pm

      yep YM was awesome. i read many issues on airplanes in between parent visits.

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    • KKZ

      KKZ April 12, 2013, 12:57 pm

      I had a subscription! And yes, totally remember the Embarrassing Stories part of it. I can’t remember most of what was in it besides nail polish and Q&A’s with “hot” guys.

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    • avatar

      lemongrass April 12, 2013, 1:03 pm

      I remember YM and the YM websites forums were the first forums I ever wrote in. So you all can thank YM for my presence here lol.

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    • othy

      othy April 12, 2013, 1:06 pm

      I haven’t though of YM in years! I had forgotten it existed.

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  • theattack

    theattack April 12, 2013, 12:10 pm

    I would love a surprise wedding. I’ve tried to convince my fiancé to do the whole Jim and Pam scheme of getting married in secret before the wedding, but he’s not interested. Not having to do the planning would be the best wedding present ever.

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    • avatar

      GatorGirl April 12, 2013, 12:12 pm

      See, I don’t like it at all. I am WAY too much of a controll freak and I hate surprizes. Plus what if he picked stuff you didn’t like?

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      • theattack

        theattack April 12, 2013, 12:15 pm

        Then I guess we’d be married faster, and I would have less time to think about the stuff I didn’t like. The only “stuff” I actually care about is the ceremony and getting to dance. Planning a wedding seems stupid to me because it’s a series of making a lot of decisions that I really don’t care about, but they all have to fit into some certain pattern that makes sense, so I just arbitrarily picked something easy and went with it.

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl April 12, 2013, 12:22 pm

        Yup. I agree!! I just want to have a nice ceremony, eat some good food, drink some yummy beer, and have an epic dance party. All the rest is clutter.

        Except the chairs.

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      • CatsMeow

        CatsMeow April 12, 2013, 12:25 pm

        Hahaha! Oh, the chairs.

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      • avatar

        BreezyAM April 12, 2013, 2:17 pm

        MrAM did that (picked stuff without me). I sent him and the groomsmen to the tux shop to order and get fitted for tuxes which I had already gone in and picked out. They forgot to mention this and chose something entirely different. I nearly had a seizure. Luckily we were on the phone and I took a deep breath and said to myself “Breezy you STFU. He went and took care of this aspect, he is not an idiot, there were five of them there, I am sure they will be fine.” I then told him “oh okay that’s nice” in my best fake “that’s cool!” voice ever. I stressed the next week about it but shoved it out of my mind dealing with other crap. The big day came and damn, I liked the ones he picked better than what I had picked!

        He did it with the flowers too. I went in and said I just wanted some simple red and white carnations and stuff and no roses, too expensive. He was supposed to pick them up, went in that morning to get them, looked at them and said “oh hell no” and redid them all, (boquets, corsages, boutonierres, centrepieces, the works) with roses and lilies and other stuff. It was more expensive, but he liked it, and it looked better so hey, whatever! I was just floored he went in *that freaking morning* and they were down with scrapping the plan and redoing it all for our 5pm wedding and didn’t charge him extra! He didn’t tell me either figuring I had enough to worry about (I was overseeing the preparation of the catering, one of my BFFs and I were cooking all the food together) so I walked in and was all “wtf?” and he was all pleased with himself.

        I wish I had let him do the whole damn thing except the dresses and food! He’s just a natural at that kind of thing I think.

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      • avatar

        SpaceySteph April 12, 2013, 4:21 pm

        I wish retroactively that he had done this, only so he could know what hell it is to plan a wedding. But then I guess I wouldn’t know, so it would still be lopsided.
        My husband was involved in planning, but I know that for every hour he spent visiting a venue or making the final decision on X or Y, I spent several hours researching, setting up the appointments, and narrowing down the options.
        He thought it wasn’t so bad. He doesn’t know the half of it.

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      • theattack

        theattack April 12, 2013, 4:25 pm

        That’s exactly where we are. From the beginning we both said we would plan the wedding together, and he thinks we have. He has no idea. He’s approved or rejected things that I’ve spent weeks researching every little detail, like you said. The stuff he’s done is all the fun stuff, so he doesn’t get why I’ve been stressed.

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    • avatar

      lets_be_honest April 12, 2013, 12:33 pm

      I always thought that was super cool too. I’d love for that to be my only wedding.

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  • theattack

    theattack April 12, 2013, 12:25 pm

    The “How to Not Say the Wrong Thing” article was a really interesting tool. I like that a lot. It feels so demoralizing and lonely when a person in an outer circle says stuff like that to a person in an inner circle. Like they really just don’t get it at all.

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    • CatsMeow

      CatsMeow April 12, 2013, 1:03 pm

      I liked it too but I’m pretty sure I’m always guilty of saying the “wrong” thing in delicate situations. My awkwardness kicks in and words just fly out of my mouth.

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      • CatsMeow

        CatsMeow April 12, 2013, 1:34 pm

        One time when I had to give someone his HIV results, I told him to “stay positive.”

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      • avatar

        bethany April 12, 2013, 2:21 pm

        omg. That’s horrible! Do you have to do that a lot? I don’t think I could handle it. It was bad enough getting my own test results (negative)! I couldn’t imagine telling someone they had it.

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      • CatsMeow

        CatsMeow April 12, 2013, 3:22 pm

        Yeah, I do it pretty regularly. :/

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  • katie

    katie April 12, 2013, 12:31 pm

    so the bra one- it got me thinking… why do we even wear bras? like, literally, why? when was it invented and why? because my immediate reaction was no i need my bra for ….. uh…. i dont know what! but i need it!

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    • theattack

      theattack April 12, 2013, 12:35 pm

      Duh, Katie, to hold your boobs inside a fabric bag. Totally necessary to sustain life.

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    • avatar

      lets_be_honest April 12, 2013, 12:35 pm

      You obviously don’t have a big chest. I don’t either, and if I didn’t care about people seeing my nipple outline on shirts, I wouldn’t need one, but I’m sure largest chested women really do need a bra.

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      • katie

        katie April 12, 2013, 12:41 pm

        But wasn’t that what the article said? It doesn’t actually help women with back pain, ect?

        You are right though that I have pretty small boobs.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest April 12, 2013, 12:43 pm

        Not necessarily to help with back pain, but more like flopping in the wind. Even with my teeny tiny ones, its uncomfortable to run without a bra.

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      • theattack

        theattack April 12, 2013, 12:44 pm

        holy crap, I almost died at “flopping in the wind.”

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      • avatar

        lemongrass April 12, 2013, 1:06 pm

        I have a really large chest. I”m talking 34H. Yes, I need a bra. I even wear light ones around the house because it is uncomfortable for me to walk around at home without one. The jiggling hurts! I have to wear two TIGHT sports bras to workout. When I play just dance I modify the jumping moves to hold my boobs in with my arms. I can’t flipping wait to get a reduction.

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      • KKZ

        KKZ April 12, 2013, 1:11 pm

        Amen sister! Not to mention bra shopping is possibly the most depressing experience of my life, second only to swimsuit shopping. I have enough trouble finding 38DDs, I imagine the 34H’s are hard to find too. I feel your pain, in my pecs. 🙂

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      • avatar

        lemongrass April 12, 2013, 1:17 pm

        I live in the capital city of my province and there is ONE store that sells my size. And they all start at $90 + I always buy some bras when I visit the states because they are half the price. Damn you guys and your cheaper shopping! Oh well, at least we are now getting target! Or as my Dad recently called it “the spot store.” It was cute. Anyways, I literally can’t find swimsuits that contain them enough for my personal modesty so I just wear sports bras. I hate having cleavage showing… you can already see how huge they are no matter what I wear, why shove it in peoples faces, you know?

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      • KKZ

        KKZ April 12, 2013, 1:38 pm

        I found a one-piece swimsuit made of, like, industrial-grade Spandex or something – it somehow manages to smooth out all my lumps and bumps and has a cute little skirt on it. It’s just barely big enough to contain my boobs and is definitely cleaveage-y, but in a good way I guess, kinda Marilyn Monroe-esque? If she was a pale-ass redhead. Still, I’m super self conscious wearing it and usually put a towel around myself until I’m in the water. It’s just the best swimsuit I’ve been able to find in years, I’m not willing to give it up on account of cleavage!

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      • KKZ

        KKZ April 12, 2013, 1:04 pm

        As the owner of 38DDs that I plan on having reduced ASAP, it’s uncomfortable to walk around without a bra. Well, walking not so bad, but if you have to pick up the pace at all – catch an elevator, run for the phone, or I’m just a naturally fast walker – forget it. Going braless even just around the house isn’t comfortable for me, I sweat a lot underneath & between which starts to stink pretty quickly, and my chest muscles ache after a few hours braless. So yes, I’d say I need my bra.

        I am happy/nervous/scared about getting them reduced. I am ecstatic about the idea of possibly being able to go braless and wear strapless stuff again, but at the same time that idea is SO foreign to me at this point I can’t even really fathom it! I’ve needed a bra since I was 14, and they’ve been DD-sized since I was at least 16, so a bra is so much part of my lifestyle and wardrobe that I’m all O.O at the idea of not wearing one.

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl April 12, 2013, 3:29 pm

        My aunt had a reduction and could not be happier. She says it was a better decision than going to law school.

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      • avatar

        BreezyAM April 12, 2013, 2:19 pm

        nipples don’t feel good rubbed on shirts either.

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      • avatar

        Anna April 12, 2013, 3:07 pm

        Yeah, I’m rather large chested myself and can’t stand going without a bra. It’s more uncomfortable than wearing one. Also, I hate the way they hang without a bra. My underwires keep them up where they should be and give me that nice cleavage I like. I can’t even imagine working out without a bra. Once they start swinging, someone could get knocked out.

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      • avatar

        AKchic April 12, 2013, 7:48 pm

        Yes, if I don’t wear a bra, I have to keep my arms at my sides or else I could end up pinching my nipples in my armpits, or worse, if I have to run, smacking myself in the throat while running (yep, it’s happened while pregnant, so I’ll never go sans-bra pregnant again).

        A woman’s chest is supposed to be above her elbows and below her shoulders. A nice, proportionate distance between the two. Not hanging down below the elbows like saddle bags.

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      • avatar

        lemongrass April 12, 2013, 8:55 pm

        When I was pregnant my boobs rested on my belly and when I laughed they would jiggle really hard up and down and it would make me laugh harder.

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    • Fabelle

      Fabelle April 12, 2013, 12:39 pm

      I dunno, my boobs aren’t ~that~ big (between a B and a C, or more of a full C/almost D with a bit of weight gain) & they’re perky (if I do say so myself, haaa) but I feel very uncomfortable without a bra. They bounce! They’re fleshy spheres on top of your ribcage. I kind of want them contained. (Plus my nipples are very, um, protrusive. Which is generally not okay in public—of course, that’s another argument altogether. Why are nipples so obscene?)

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      • Copa

        Copa April 12, 2013, 1:29 pm

        I’m the same. I’m a B and find it uncomfortable when my boobs are uncontained. I think the only time I go without a bra in public is when I’m wearing certain dresses, and it’s only do-able because I feel like they offer me some kind of containment. When I’m just lounging, I’ll sometimes wear those tanks with the built in bra shelf (“hidden bralette” is what one brand I own calls ’em) and even in those, I prefer a bra. I can’t imagine working out without a good sports bra even at the size I’m at now.

        I was at my heaviest weight ever last year (sadface) and my boobs were bigger (C cup) and I thought it was so awful. I really can’t imagine lugging a huge chest around everywhere because I thought C cups were plenty obnoxious. Even properly contained, they still felt in my way constantly. Ugh.

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      • CatsMeow

        CatsMeow April 12, 2013, 1:41 pm

        I am exactly the same. I can’t stand it if my boobs aren’t contained and supported. If I’m not wearing a bra, then I’m wearing one of those bra tanks – and I often wear the tanks with a bra underneath too (like today, for instance!). If I go totally braless, it has to be with a top that’s tight enough that I still feel at least somewhat supported.

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      • CatsMeow

        CatsMeow April 12, 2013, 1:42 pm

        No bra + loose shirt = worst feeling ever.

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      • Fabelle

        Fabelle April 12, 2013, 2:38 pm

        Ah, yes!! I’m heavier than normal right now & I cannot STAND my boobs. I mean, it’s kind of a novelty at times when I’m wearing the right bra & look down like “whoa” but other than that, I feel as though they’re in the way all the time (especially when I’m sleeping).

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest April 12, 2013, 2:45 pm

        I love that. I used to (maybe I should put this under the YM Forum) stare at mine for hours right after I had the baby and was massive. It only lasted 2 days because I didn’t nurse, and hurt so badly, but damn they looked great.

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl April 12, 2013, 1:56 pm

        I just found out I’m a 32D (I was wearing 34C’s). Yeah first thing I do when I wake up is put a bra on and it’s the last thing I take off before bed. I can’t stand them jiggling around. Also shirt fabric rubbing on nipples- kill me now.

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      • theattack

        theattack April 12, 2013, 1:57 pm

        Hey, that’s my size too! I always just wear 34Cs though because they’re easier to find on the clearance rack. It doesn’t bother me at all to go braless though. I feel like I’ve been released from prison after a long, long sentence every afternoon when I take mine off.

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl April 12, 2013, 2:10 pm

        That is seriously weird haha. I usually go 34C cause it’s easier to find too! But I often get a weird double boob thing so yeah, when I can find 32D I buy it. (Which I found Victorias Secret carrys them in store if you want to pay an arm and leg for your bras.)

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      • CatsMeow

        CatsMeow April 12, 2013, 2:12 pm

        YES the nipple rubbing. Ahh I hate that.

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      • avatar

        AndreaMarie April 12, 2013, 2:18 pm

        Ahh me too. Sooo hard to find that size bra though. I can’t even suppliment with the 34C because I really need the smaller strap size (I’m on the last hook on the 32).

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    • avatar

      kerrycontrary April 12, 2013, 12:51 pm

      because it’s painful for anyone above a c cup (maybe even a b cup) to walk, run, jump without one on?

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      • KKZ

        KKZ April 12, 2013, 1:08 pm

        Jumping SUCKS!!! I had to quit Zumba because there was too much “air time,” too many up-and-down moves. I couldn’t get my arms into the moves because I kept them crossed over my chest just to deal with the bounce! It HURTS for one (and I’ve yet to find a sports bra that actually works to prevent that) and it’s just awkward-looking for two, this big mass of flesh bouncey bouncey bounceying almost up to my face. I still hate it when I take a fitness class and am asked to do jumping jacks or jog in place as part of the warmup. F*ck you, my feet are staying firmly on the ground, thanks.

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      • avatar

        iseeshiny April 12, 2013, 1:19 pm

        I feel ye – I double bag mine for exercise. I have a super snug, burly Champion sports bra that I wear over my old bras (the ones where the underwires started poking out and had to be removed) and it helps so much.

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      • KKZ

        KKZ April 12, 2013, 1:33 pm

        I have a Champion bra too that did the job for a while but it is falling apart and I dread the thought of shopping for a new one.

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      • avatar

        rachel April 12, 2013, 1:16 pm

        This.

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  • avatar

    lemongrass April 12, 2013, 1:07 pm

    Did anyone else count the percentages on the pie chart just to make sure it was accurate? Am I a nerd for always checking that shit?

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  • CatsMeow

    CatsMeow April 12, 2013, 1:18 pm

    You know, I don’t really have any period horror stories. The only time I had leakage that showed through my pants was once in high school, but it was the end of the day so I just tied my hoodie around my waist and went home.

    The best story I can think of is this: I had a crush on this guy for a long time and finally we had our first kiss. We were making out in his room and I had to get up and go to the bathroom. I decided to change my tampon and tried to flush my used one. Bad idea. His toilet clogged up. I tried frantically to dig it out – with my hands! – because I didn’t want him to find out about it. It didn’t work. So I just left it clogged and didn’t say anything. I’m sure he figured it out, but he never said anything to me. But god, I still imagine him plunging away only to have a nasty bloody tampon float up.

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  • avatar

    applescruffs April 12, 2013, 1:35 pm

    Our people with bipolar tend to get MANIC in the spring. But yeah, I think everything else gets worse in the winter. Right after the holidays. Good for business, I guess?

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    • avatar

      Thunder_Power April 12, 2013, 3:45 pm

      Ahh my ol’ buddy, Bipolar Disorder….I find that I have the most troubles in the fall and in the spring when the seasons are changing. For me there is comfort in the winter and summer when the weather is mostly constant. But all the yoyo-ing in fall and spring just confuse my emotions and I’m more prone to anxiety/sleep problems/depression, etc.

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  • avatar

    lets_be_honest April 12, 2013, 1:33 pm

    Any of you ever wear Soludos?
    Thinking about getting a pair, but they look like they could be uncomfortable.

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