Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friday Links: April 13

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

From New York Magazine: “The Meaning of a Naked Finger: When married men don’t wear a wedding ring, what message are they sending?”

From Purpose Fairy: “15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy”

From the Telegraph: “The End of Women Marrying Up”

Ashley Judd is burning the google search engines this week with her essay in the Daily Beast: “Ashley Judd Slaps Media in the Face for Speculation Over Her ‘Puffy’ Appearance”

From the Huffington Post: “Dropping F-Bombs At Work Helps You Make Friends, Relieves Stress: Study”

From Pajiba.com: “30 Practical Tips About the Horrors of Raising a Baby That You Will Never Learn from Movies and TV”

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to [email protected] and if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

74 comments… add one
  • Budj

    Budj April 13, 2012, 12:09 pm

    Any one read the holier than thou comments on the swearing article? I had to lol…those people probably are the ones that other people avoid at work. I also like how they assume the only time you use a swear word is when you are cursing AT someone.

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  • avatar

    Tax Geek April 13, 2012, 12:21 pm

    Didn’t read the article, but I was the last of my co-workers to drop the F-bomb on my boss. We still all have jobs. And I think he is a great guy to work for.

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  • katie

    Katie April 13, 2012, 12:32 pm

    yea! my link made it! haha

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    • katie

      Katie April 13, 2012, 1:16 pm

      oh, btw, my link was the ring article… your all welcome!! haha

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      • JK

        JK April 13, 2012, 1:20 pm

        Thank you!

        I´m hoping you sent it in knowing it would make us laugh, not that you found it enlightening?

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      • katie

        Katie April 13, 2012, 1:29 pm

        oh yes! it is total craziness. as if putting a ring on it changes anything about the actual relationship- please. cheaters cheat.

        i especially loved the women who were pissed to eventually find out the guy they were chatting with was married. i mean i guess if you were getting attracted to someone, maybe it would be a little bit of a let-down, but wasting your time? i love talking to people and i absolutely dont care if they are married or not. when i was single, i was not looking to bang/date/marry every man i talk to.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        Iwannatalktosampson April 13, 2012, 1:34 pm

        I agree! Talking to another human being should never be considered a waste of time. Especially just because it didn’t lead anywhere. I’m just picturing the women that complain about it like creepily on the prowl. Like out stalking prey.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        Iwannatalktosampson April 13, 2012, 1:44 pm

        So I realize I’m making this article about me right now but I have another comment to add. I have had guy friends who instantly became uncomfortable around me once I got married. I find this strange. I wouldn’t have banged you when I was single so why now all of the sudden are you uncomfortable? And it wasn’t like we had sexual tension when we were single – there were many times when we were both single at the same time and still didn’t bang – so what’s the deal? Articles like this really bug me because they make me feel icky in that people only converse with each other to get something out of one another. Like that everyone wants something from you. There are no innocent conversations anymore – no innocent friendships.

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      • katie

        Katie April 13, 2012, 1:55 pm

        no that is a great point! why cant there be innocent conversations and friendships? i know i have them all the time -everyday, actually….

        and that is way weird that your male friends were awkward pants after you got married. that just doesnt really even make any sense.

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      • TaraMonster

        TaraMonster April 13, 2012, 3:11 pm

        Agreed. It’s difficult to explain, but my boyfriend and I have a group of friends and some of the guys get super weird around me. At a certain point at a party a couple of years ago I got irritated by what I thought was me being kind of ignored, so I started to think maybe these people didn’t like me. Did I say something to offend them? I couldn’t figure it out so I asked my boyfriend and he told me that because I was off limits, they were probably trying to appear not to be making moves on me, just being respectful of him.

        WHAT?! So basically this means that the big red circle with the line through it hovering over my vagina means I can’t open my mouth in a bullshit conversation about Anchor Man. Ok. My boyfriend was standing next to me. Even IF I was trashy enough to blatantly flirt with people in front of my SO, what makes these guys think it would be with them? There was a whole lot of presumption in the scenario and all of it had to do with who was currently putting their p and my v. That wasn’t dehumanizing at all! /saracasm (see- I added it!)

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    • avatar

      Trixy Minx April 13, 2012, 7:34 pm

      Mine did too! It was the Purpose Fairy article.

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      • katie

        katie April 13, 2012, 8:38 pm

        we should get little hats or something. its like getting your name in the A group after a test in high school! makes me feel good. lol

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      • katie

        katie April 13, 2012, 8:40 pm

        good article, BTW!

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  • iwannatalktosampson

    Iwannatalktosampson April 13, 2012, 12:37 pm

    I love the f bomb. I think it can be overused (by me mostly, haha) so I try my best to save it for times when it’s really necessary. Sometimes it is the best word to describe how I’m feeling. People (that are against bad words) always assume that I just lack a better vocabulary to accurately describe what I’m feeling. This is not the case. I evaluate my options and usually just decide that a good FUCK YOU is most appropriate. Although I can’t remember the last time I used fuck in that way. But I’m sure when I did it felt great.

    Mostly when I say fuck it’s about me messing up. Like the other day when I wrote out three incorrect protection orders in a row. WHAT THE FUCK. Who does that. That’s like the easiest part of my job. So I let out some frustration and then had a red bull to try to stimulate my brain – because clearly it wasn’t working.

    I found the ring article interesting. I wear my wedding ring maybe 25% of the time. Maybe. I’m not wearing it now. The men in the article said it was because they don’t like jewelry and the author made the assumption that they were lying and really just wanted to be able to cheat without the other woman knowing they were married. I have flat out told my husband I could care less if he wears his. I think he has maybe twice since we’ve been married. My Dad never wore one growing up because he was an engineer and it was dangerous for his job. To me if you’re going to cheat you’re going to cheat. And I never get hit on so what’s the big deal? I would never cheat (if I’m unhappy enough to cheat I will just get divorced thankyouverymuch) so I don’t think I’m being sneaky by not wearing it.

    Anyway I just thought the author wanted to put all men that don’t wear wedding rings into one nice, neat little category and I think that’s a little ridiculous. Many men cheat while wearing their wedding rings too – although she conveniently fails to mention that. If you’re going to cheat you’re going to cheat. I trust him and he trusts me so end of discussion. If we cheat on each other we’ll deal with that when it happens.

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    • avatar

      bethany April 13, 2012, 12:43 pm

      My husband was concerned that a ring would “feel weird”, so I told him that he only had to wear his ring for the first month of our marriage. If it still bothered him after that, then it was his choice to wear it or not. He got used to it and has been wearing it pretty much every day, but if he didn’t want to wear it on a regular basis I wouldn’t have a problem with it.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        Iwannatalktosampson April 13, 2012, 12:47 pm

        Yeah I’m sure I could push it if I wanted to. But I have bigger fish to fry – like trying to teach him to pick up his Fing socks.

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      • avatar

        jlyfsh April 13, 2012, 12:53 pm

        when you figure how to do this please share 🙂 i find his socks everywhere. i keep picking them up though, so i guess i only have myself to blame. but they are EVERYwhere.

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      • katie

        Katie April 13, 2012, 1:17 pm

        omg seriously. they are EVERYWHERE!!

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        Iwannatalktosampson April 13, 2012, 1:36 pm

        Drives me crazy. CRAZY. And I have totally tried anything I can think of to make him see the errors of his ways. Like one week I told him I was not going to pick up a single sock so he could see how quickly they accumulate when he doesn’t pick them up and so he could also see how trashy it made our house look. I think I lasted two days before I picked them up. So you could say I’m an enabler, and I would have to say you were right.

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      • katie

        Katie April 13, 2012, 1:53 pm

        haha… or, you know, you just dont want dirty smelly socks laying all around our house for your OWN sanity!!

        i find jake’s under the couch cushions sometimes. i dont even know how that happens!

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      • avatar

        jlyfsh April 13, 2012, 1:57 pm

        my one dog is obsessed with my husband’s dirty socks and we find them tucked away in some crazy places. his *special* hiding place is behind the bed in the spare bedroom, haha.

        but i find them under the couch cushion too and i know the dog probably didn’t do that 😉

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        Iwannatalktosampson April 13, 2012, 2:08 pm

        Ladies – I discovered the secret to why they end up in the couch cushions. I caught my husband mid-bury one time. They lay on the couch watching tv and then rub them off and tuck them in the couch. They don’t want them on – but don’t want to have to move. I swear one of these days my husband is just going to bring a cooler and pee bucket to the couch for the weekends so he never has to get up.

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      • JK

        JK April 13, 2012, 2:10 pm

        Wasn´t there a letteron here about a guy peeing into bottles or something?

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      • Brad

        Brad April 13, 2012, 5:22 pm

        Fuck! Why haven’t I thought of that! Thanks!!

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      • Brad

        Brad April 13, 2012, 5:21 pm

        Haha yeah well you weren’t going to win that one anyway.

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      • FireStar

        FireStar April 13, 2012, 7:53 pm

        Tell him anything left on the floor for longer than 24 hours is considered abandoned. You can toss them or hide them – but eventually he will pick them up or go sock-less.

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      • avatar

        Rachel April 13, 2012, 1:29 pm

        Haha, good luck with that one. There is always an ever-growing sock collection under my boyfriend’s couch.

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      • avatar

        Tax Geek April 13, 2012, 1:50 pm

        I see what you did there…

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      • avatar

        bethany April 13, 2012, 1:50 pm

        Just to clarify, I didn’t mean that you should do what I did- my point was that if he didn’t want to wear it, it wouldn’t really matter to me.
        And I totally agree about the socks, but with my husband it’s his boxers. And he leaves them about 1 inch in front of the hamper!!!!

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      • TaraMonster

        TaraMonster April 13, 2012, 3:26 pm

        My boyfriend has a weird one: hangers. Seriously I find them EVERYWHERE- coffee table, the bed, behind the bed, the desk, the couch, the stove- YES on top of the effing stove.

        At least three times a week I wake up with one on top of me in bed. He leaves for work before me just tosses the hanger aside after he takes his work clothes off of it. I don’t understand why he can’t just hang it right back up!

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      • JK

        JK April 13, 2012, 12:48 pm

        Samething happened with my husband, he was convinced it would annoy him (especially when working), now he doesnpt even notice he has it!

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      • katie

        Katie April 13, 2012, 2:01 pm

        i actually think thats a good way to really see if you like or hate something… just do it for a set amount of time and if you really hate it, then stop.

        i could see how some guys would think like your husband did, and ultimately chose not to wear one.. i mean, boys dont really wear jewelry- im sure it would be pretty foreign at first.

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      • Brad

        Brad April 13, 2012, 5:24 pm

        I don’t even own a watch. Would definitely take getting used to.

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      • katie

        katie April 13, 2012, 6:48 pm

        seriously- i am more worried about me wearing a wedding ring then my boyfriend. he wears a necklace everyday, so he might not be so freaked out by wearing his…. i am TERRIFIED of how much money rings cost and would never want to have that on my finger on an even semi-regular basis…. *shudders*

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  • avatar

    bethany April 13, 2012, 12:39 pm

    I love swearing, but I think it’s one of those “know your audience” sort of things. Sometimes it’s ok, others it’s not. You just need to think before you speak, especially while at work!

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    • Budj

      Budj April 13, 2012, 1:08 pm

      exactly. I would hazard a guess that the reality is that people that do swear are more apt to warm up to someone after they hear them swear…typically those individuals are more laid back (sometimes for the worse)…I equate it to an “ice breaker” of sorts. I definitely don’t run up and down the hallways at work screaming obscenities in anger.

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    • CatsMeow

      CatsMeow April 13, 2012, 2:57 pm

      I just have a really hard time censoring myself. I cuss in front of everyone! Uuuuuuusually but not always I’ll catch myself in front of a child – but it’s so obvious that I’m trying to quickly change my word choice mid-word. You know, like “Oh fuh–reak!” or “Godda…bless America!”

      My direct supervisor uses whatever language she wants in front of us. My other boss thinks I’m a potty-mouth EVEN THOUGH my other co-workers are wayyyyyy worse. They apparently just censor themselves around him better. Oh, well.

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  • JK

    JK April 13, 2012, 12:42 pm

    I LOVED the parenting one. So many truths in there.

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    • TaraMonster

      TaraMonster April 13, 2012, 1:11 pm

      I’m not a parent, but it’s so funny to read. The reiteration of SIDS and babies’ ability to projectile poop had me dying.

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      • JK

        JK April 13, 2012, 1:18 pm

        Ah the projectile poop… one time last year my youngest was probably like 2 months old, I was changing her nappy so we could go and pick up my eldest from kindy… I ended up having to change completely, and wash the part of my hair that was affected (luckily the poop didn´t touch my skin, I had no time to shower!)

        But the fear of SIDS is honestly terrible. I for one spent the first few nights sleeping with one hand resting on my daughters´ribcages, to make sure they were still breathing. Luckily after the 1st couple of months they´both turned into terrible sleepers, so at least what I do get to sleep I rest!

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  • TaraMonster

    TaraMonster April 13, 2012, 12:29 pm

    On the “naked finger” op-ed about married men not wearing wedding rings.

    WTF.

    To sum up:
    -married men who don’t wear rings are looking to cheat no matter what they say, which makes them douchebags.
    -not wearing a ring is false advertising to single women because God forbid a woman chats with a married man unknowingly for 30 minutes when she could have using her valuable time to find her own future husband- which makes those guys douchebags
    -the only men who should be allowed to NOT wear a ring are the ones “forced” to buy their wife an expensive engagement rings so that they can cheat and philander in revenge, like douchebags. Because obviously women with expensive engagement rings are gold diggers who deserve to get cheated on!

    Conclusions: married men who don’t wear rings are douchbags bc this writer says so. And also, some women are bitches who deserve those guys.

    Got it.

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    • iwannatalktosampson

      Iwannatalktosampson April 13, 2012, 12:38 pm

      Haha at first I thought you were serious and was like uh oh. Please do not read my response below.

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      • TaraMonster

        TaraMonster April 13, 2012, 12:46 pm

        What? Why not? I read it and I agree with you! If someone is going to cheat, they’re going to do it whether they have the ring on or not. I think the writer of that piece is placing way too much importance on the ring. She seems royally pissed off that some men don’t wear rings and then acts like some men were duped into buying their wives expensive rings and that somehow entitles them to cheat? What?! I’m not sure WHO that writer is mad at, but it’s made her incoherent and nasty.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        Iwannatalktosampson April 13, 2012, 12:51 pm

        Well I thought you were serious – like guys that don’t wear rings are douchebags – and then my comment was that my husband doesn’t wear his ever and I wear mine like 25% of the time – so I thought you were going to say we were both a bunch of dbags. Things were about to get awkward around here.

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      • TaraMonster

        TaraMonster April 13, 2012, 1:00 pm

        Next time I’ll add a /sarcasm tag. 🙂

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    • JK

      JK April 13, 2012, 12:50 pm

      I wasn´t planning on reading that article, but I did because of your comment.
      Some people´s thought processes are scary.

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      vizslalvr April 13, 2012, 1:28 pm

      I like how the idea about how irritated these women are about being “tricked” into having a human-to-human conversation with another man because they are “misled” by his lack of a wedding band totally validates the explanation of the one guy who says he just wants to be approached like a human without being written off or stereotyped as a married man. Talk about a lack of awareness.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        Iwannatalktosampson April 13, 2012, 1:33 pm

        I agree – that idea creeped me out a little. It assumes that normal coversations with other human beings must lead to something sexual. I’m married – does this mean I can never have a conversation with a guy in a bar without him assuming he’s going to get laid at the end? It’s such a weird thought. Like what am I supposed to do – apologize for speaking to you without agreeing to penetration?

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      • JK

        JK April 13, 2012, 1:47 pm

        You don´t wear a wedding ring AND you talk to guys you don´t know?

        IWTTS, I would never have thought you were such a terrible terrible person! 😀

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      • Brad

        Brad April 13, 2012, 5:16 pm

        If it bothers them so damn much stop spreading your legs for someone who isn’t your boy friend. That ought to cut down on about 95% of the chances of it happening.

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      Samantha April 13, 2012, 1:52 pm

      Wasn’t that ridiculous? That article was weird to begin with, but it took such a bizarre turn in that last paragraph with the whole “women who demand expensive rings are like prostitutes without integrity.”

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        Muffy April 13, 2012, 3:22 pm

        That was really odd.

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      • FireStar

        FireStar April 13, 2012, 8:02 pm

        Maybe I am misunderstanding? She calls her friend a NF and then says he wears a ring on the third finger on his left hand? Isn’t that where one typically wears a wedding ring?
        The whole article was absurd and that last paragraph sounds like she has some sever resentment about the cost of her own ring – why else would you care how much someone else’s ring cost?

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    • beelzebarb

      beelzebarb April 13, 2012, 9:20 pm

      Agreed. I would be upset if my husband refused to wear a wedding ring but there are far more reasons than the author cited for a man to opt out of that tradition (not that I can think of them all). Prince William doesn’t wear a wedding ring and if he’s looking to present himself as unmarried, the whole globally televised wedding thing kinda blew his cover…

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  • MaterialsGirl

    MaterialsGirl April 13, 2012, 1:49 pm

    i swear at work all the time. It’s part of the culture. The F word is standard operating procedure. if you can string it with “whore” “shit” or “assclown,” more power to you. The only word I don’t allow to be used in my presence is the “C” word. The gentlemen have been warned.

    The baby article had me cracking up so much. That’s what happens when your youngest sibling is 10 years young and you REMEMBER.. you remember..

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      iseeshiny April 13, 2012, 3:56 pm

      Definitely. Especially about Caillou. I hated Caillou/

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      • MaterialsGirl

        MaterialsGirl April 13, 2012, 4:24 pm

        Thankfully my youngest brother missed that. That would have been a nightmare. On that note: cartoons were way better back in the day. Even sesame street was better

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      • JK

        JK April 13, 2012, 4:28 pm

        Sesame St. was definitely better. But the Backyardigans, and the Wiggles? I love them!!!

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      • JK

        JK April 13, 2012, 4:27 pm

        And the song gets stuck in your head for days afterward. Awful!

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  • avatar

    Michelle.Lea April 13, 2012, 2:09 pm

    that ring one is bizarre. i know several guys (most in my family) who have never worn their rings. some of them lost them, some are not ring wearers in general. and none of them cheated on their wives. if you’re going to cheat, doesnt matter if you’re wearing that ring or not.

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  • avatar

    MissDre April 13, 2012, 2:32 pm

    My brother can’t wear his wedding ring because of his job, so he wears it on a chain around his neck 🙂

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  • SweetsAndBeats

    SweetsAndBeats April 13, 2012, 2:55 pm

    Purpose Fairy’s article about how to be happy is beautiful and wise.

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  • avatar

    Samantha April 13, 2012, 1:55 pm

    My office should be like a trip to Disneyland, according to the swearing study. We bought “Creative Cursing” books to help in our endeavors. And actually, it has helped us deal with bad days more constructively.

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  • avatar

    iseeshiny April 13, 2012, 3:31 pm

    I love Ashley Judd’s essay. Love love love.

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    • iwannatalktosampson

      Iwannatalktosampson April 13, 2012, 4:03 pm

      I really liked that article too! I found it very thought provoking – and as sad as this is – was kind of shocked to find out a celebrity could write something of that calliber.

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      • avatar

        bethany April 13, 2012, 4:27 pm

        Didn’t she just get a masters or something??

        Just looked it up– Yeah, she went to Harvard:
        In July 2009, Judd enrolled at Harvard’s John F. Kennedy School of Government in the Mid-Career Master in Public Administration (MC/MPA) program. On May 27, 2010, Judd received her degree.[11]

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    AndreaMarie April 13, 2012, 4:14 pm

    Im not buying the ring thing. I know plenty of guys who don’t wear them. Either they hate jewlery or its “feels funny” or their hands are know too fat and they have yet to get it resized. And I don’t know any of them who cheat on their wife. But I do know a guy with a big fat wedding ring, adorned with attention getting diamonds, who cheats on his wife like its his second job.

    And the F-bomb at work can definitley be helpful at times. I work in Infrastructure technology. Im one of 5 women in a 160 person department. Its good to throw and F-bomb and other dirty launguage now and again. I notice that if the male coworkers hear you use that language then they feel more comfortable using that language around you. This opens up many opportunities to get closer into the “man circle”. They feel comfortable involving you when they can speak more freely not have to watch their words “because there’s a woman in the room”. For exmaple, a few of the managers and 2 senior managers went into an office to watch some Family Guy video on a phone…one of them came out to get me and said “you’re the only girl allowed…and don’t tell anyone!!”. You talk dirt with them and they see you as a “homie” as close to an equal as you can get. But there’s a time and place. And you definitley need to know your audience.

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    • avatar

      quixoticbeatnik April 14, 2012, 9:57 pm

      Haha, this reminds me of my first job where I became good friends with many of my coworkers, which included guys. I was young, pretty naive, and seemed like a good girl. I still remember the looks on my guy coworkers faces when I first cussed in front of them. It was hilarious!

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  • Lili

    Lili April 13, 2012, 6:02 pm

    FWIW: My friend who had an affair with a married man did so while he wore his ring. She wasn’t tricked into it. So, I guess cheating will occur as long as t here are willing parties.

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  • Fabelle

    Fabelle April 14, 2012, 1:58 pm

    Wow, what? (that ring article) I like how the writer calls legitimate reasons “rationalizations” when referring to guys listing why they choose not to wear a ring. Cheaters are going to cheat no matter what– sometimes the wedding band actually makes a guy more attractive (to certain women). And for her friend who gets upset because a guy she’s talking to doesn’t mention he’s married until 30 minutes in? What the fuck? Does she expect guys recoil as she approaches them and shout “NO I’M MARRIED! DON’T COME ANY CLOSER & DEFINITELY DON’T SPEAK TO ME!!!”

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  • avatar

    Addie Pray April 14, 2012, 5:07 pm

    I was hoping the article re 15 things you should give up to be happy would list more specific items, like gluten, alcohol, realty tv, hydrogenated oil, gossip magazines, the alarm clock, unavailable men, etc. That would have been more helpful.

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    • iwannatalktosampson

      iwannatalktosampson April 14, 2012, 9:47 pm

      Yo AP! Get back on the FB!

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray April 15, 2012, 1:16 am

        Oh, “Facebook” should DEFINITELY be on the list of things to give up to be happy.

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  • avatar

    Addie Pray April 14, 2012, 8:03 pm

    Oh I loved – nay, LOVED – the article by Ashley Judd. (Sorry, I’m late to the Friday Links post.)

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