Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friday Links, April 5

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

“The Real Problem With Hooking Up: Bad Sex” [via The Atlantic]

“6 ways of looking at college hookup culture” [via The Week]

“People Who Never Apologize Are Probably Happier Than You” [via Smithsonian.com]

“How to Break Up With a 2-Year-Old” [via NYTimes]

Photos of child brides from around the world [via National Geographic]

“Bacon Flavored Condom Could Make Porking More Fun and Safe” [via Science World Report]

“Adventures in Menstruation: Time to Dump Those Silly Taboos” [via Alternet]

“Un-Memorizing the “Silence is Sexy” Date Script” [via Queer Guess Code]

“Spanx, But No Spanx: Let Your Flab Flag Fly” [via Cheeky Chicago]

For those winos watching their weight: “Wine or your waistline? 3 rules to follow” [via CNN]

After some recent discussions in the forums, I thought this might be of interest to some:
“Is Colorado the Napa Valley of Weed?” [via BusinessWeek]

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to wendy@dearwendy.com and if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

You can follow me on Facebook here and sign up for my weekly newsletter here.

66 comments… add one
  • katie

    katie April 5, 2013, 12:13 pm

    ugh those child bride pictures make my heart sad.

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    • avatar

      EB April 5, 2013, 12:37 pm

      The 14 year old girl who already has two children and is still bleeding from her last birth? That slayed me…

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    • avatar

      bethany April 5, 2013, 12:58 pm

      Me too 🙁

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    • Classic

      Classic April 5, 2013, 1:00 pm

      Same here.

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    • theattack

      theattack April 5, 2013, 1:01 pm

      Okay, not clicking through to that one. Can’t handle it.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest April 5, 2013, 1:05 pm

        same here.

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  • avatar

    lets_be_honest April 5, 2013, 1:07 pm

    That apology one sorta makes sense. I just was lecturing my sister about saying sorry too much about things she shouldn’t have to apologize for, and then I realized I do the same thing.

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  • avatar

    lets_be_honest April 5, 2013, 1:15 pm

    That 2 y/o breakup story makes me want to cry.

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    • avatar

      Taylor April 5, 2013, 1:25 pm

      I read it thinking it would be about breaking up with someone who acted like a 2-year old. Sigh.

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    • avatar

      bethany April 5, 2013, 2:04 pm

      Uugh. It kinda made me want to have a baby.
      crap.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest April 5, 2013, 2:29 pm

        The part about the baby rubbing her arm as she was fed made me feel that way too.

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    • avatar

      CG April 5, 2013, 1:50 pm

      I commented the same thing before seeing your comment!

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  • katie

    katie April 5, 2013, 1:16 pm

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  • theattack

    theattack April 5, 2013, 1:22 pm

    I loved the “Un-memorizing the ‘Silence is Sexy’ Script” article. This is something I had a very hard time with as a teenager navigating sex, and I never found words for it. I would always want things to continue but not go too far, but if I said no it would end everything. It was just easier to go along with things I was uncomfortable doing.

    God this is such a good piece.

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    • avatar

      kerrycontrary April 5, 2013, 1:32 pm

      It is an awesome piece. I can’t tell you the amount of times I did something just because I felt weird saying no (which is ultimately my fault, I should be able to say no). I never realized it or thought about this, but when my boyfriend and I first started getting physical, he would ASK if he could do stuff or if it was Ok. I have a newfound appreciation for him today.

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    • avatar

      Lindsay April 5, 2013, 1:48 pm

      Me too. I think it makes a good point that saying “no” often ends things abruptly and on a negative note, which I think probably makes some women reluctant to stop things if they were enjoying it so far.

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  • avatar

    MsMisery April 5, 2013, 1:38 pm

    Really? Now I am a bad feminist and/or environmentalist because I won’t eat my period? FFS.

    I QUIT.

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    • CatsMeow

      CatsMeow April 5, 2013, 1:46 pm

      Yeah, I’m all for changing the narrative around periods and making tampons safer, but I will never ever eat or make art with any of my body fluids. (Unless I lactate, then I’m sure I’ll try my own breastmilk).

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl April 5, 2013, 2:01 pm

        I will be trying my breastmilk. I’m so intrigued/confused by the idea of my boobs producing anything.

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      • Fabelle

        Fabelle April 5, 2013, 2:08 pm

        I found out recently that the alveoli in your lungs is what produces breast milk! Apparently, it converts the blood into “milk”?

        (Sorry, random/possibly gross factoid, but I thought it was interesting! Did anyone else know this?)

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest April 5, 2013, 2:09 pm

        Yuck! Sorry all, but everything about it gives me the willies! I sound like a man. haha

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      • Fabelle

        Fabelle April 5, 2013, 2:23 pm

        Haha, my boyfriend was pretty disturbed when I spouted this info at him, too.

        Also, to GG, by “the blood” I just mean regular blood (in the lungs, I guess?), not period blood. Just wanted to, um, clarify that?

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl April 5, 2013, 2:54 pm

        Hahahaha. Thanks 😉 I totally didn’t take it there but I’m glad you clarrified. I need to investigate this whole milk producing thing.

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      • avatar

        Christy April 5, 2013, 2:22 pm

        No shit! That’s awesome.

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      • Fabelle

        Fabelle April 5, 2013, 2:25 pm

        RIght?? I’m glad someone had a positive reaction, haha, I just think this stuff is so cool!

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      • avatar

        Taylor April 5, 2013, 2:27 pm

        What’s the deal with tampons being dangerous? I know the whole TSS, but is there something else?

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      • katie

        katie April 5, 2013, 2:30 pm

        Recently I’ve read about like the bleaches and chemicals they use to make tampons are bad and bad for you. Maybe that?

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      • avatar

        Taylor April 5, 2013, 2:54 pm

        Huh. They’ve been around long enough it seems like if they were causing trouble we’d know? Although isn’t there a debate about deodorant too?

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl April 5, 2013, 2:55 pm

        Yeah, that’s what I think it is, the bleeching and overprocessing and the chemical additives. They even make scented tampons. WHAT? Because I need perfume in my ho-ha. I’m thinking of switching to organic tampons but I’m concerned about their reliability.

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      • avatar

        Taylor April 5, 2013, 3:04 pm

        Gah, another thing to fret about putting in my body.
        Any brand recommendations?

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl April 5, 2013, 3:16 pm

        The only one’s I really know about are the Seventh Generation organic cotton tampons, but I don’t know anything about their reliability.

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    • Paki

      Paki April 5, 2013, 1:49 pm

      I am right there with you, i quit too!

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    • avatar

      EB April 5, 2013, 1:54 pm

      Consigned. I mean I also have no interest in lapping up the blood on my leg after I cut myself shaving sooo maybe this has less to do with my feminist leanings and more to do with me not being a vampire.

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    • avatar

      kerrycontrary April 5, 2013, 1:55 pm

      I think the person that made that statement is a little ridiculous, but the rest of the article had an important point. Women and their periods are still seen as dirty and unclean by most of the world. Reading about the Mikvah bath and the rituals around a woman getting her period when she’s an orthodox jew horrified me.

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      • avatar

        Eagle Eye April 5, 2013, 2:18 pm

        I’m not orthodox, but FWIW, but the mikvah baths is a pretty complicated and complex symbol circling around women and their bodies. Its a female-only sphere, its alot about getting re-intouch with your body in a safe space, in a culture where dressing modestly is so important, its a space to be naked.

        Not saying that its all happy flowers and sunshine but its pretty loaded and the article didn’t really do this particular aspect all that much justice…

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      • avatar

        kerrycontrary April 5, 2013, 2:31 pm

        I more meant I read about it from the detailed description of Deborah Feldman in her book Unorthodox. I’m just really disturbed that a man can’t touch a woman who’s menstruating. I mean what’s a bigger symbol of “You’re unclean and you will contaminate me” than that?

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest April 5, 2013, 2:42 pm

        Can’t even hand a woman a glass of water!

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    • Miss MJ

      Miss MJ April 5, 2013, 1:55 pm

      Holy hell. I quit, too. Some things just should not be eaten, used as lipstick, or used as finger paint material. And it’s not because I’m ashamed. It’s because doing any or all of the above with bodily fluids is just gross. Because they’re bodily fluids.

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    • avatar

      GatorGirl April 5, 2013, 1:59 pm

      I seriously just almost barfed all over my computer.

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    • Stonegypsy

      the_other_wendy April 5, 2013, 2:01 pm

      Yes! Dear god, I was hoping I wouldn’t be the only person horrified by that suggestion. Just ew.

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    • katie

      katie April 5, 2013, 2:02 pm

      i dont think your a bad feminist, i just think those ladies are going to the extreme to prove a point, which is cool in my book, even if i also wouldnt use my period blood for really anything..

      however, period blood is actually really full of nutrients and proteins or something- its apparently amazing plant fertilizer. also, people eat their placenta, and thats not *that* weird anymore, right? and, how is it really any different then swallowing ejaculate? or a man giving oral sex to a woman? or what about babies who eat their mothers milk? our society has a very weird relationship with body fluids in general, i think. some of it is ok, some is completely off limits, ect. so maybe this will be good just in general for people.

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl April 5, 2013, 2:07 pm

        I don’t know that eating placenta is THAT common. There are definitely people who do, but I have an aunt who drinks her pee so people do lots of things.

        I don’t swallow, personally. It creeps me out. And yeah, the goo factor with female oral sex freaks me out too.

        I think breastmilk isn’t really compairable as it’s only function is to sustain the life of a child. (obvi placenta is too but that’s while the baby is in utero)

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      • katie

        katie April 5, 2013, 2:38 pm

        Well I think the way I’m looking at it is that period blood is not an elimination of waste from the body in the same way that urine or feces is, so then I have to put it in the same category as other “not gross” body fluids like ejaculate, breast milk, ect.

        You know what I mean? Like I can get behind thinking poop is gross and wanting to clean it up/clean myself of it, but period blood really, functionally isn’t on that same level.

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl April 5, 2013, 2:45 pm

        Yeah, I get what you’re saying, but I see it opposite. It is waste to me. You build up all that liner and when it’s not used it’s expelled- since it’s no longer needed. Sort of the same with food and drink- your body takes what it needs and expels the rest via urine or feces. Period blood is definitely in that “yuck” category to me as is snot, spit, ear wax…(but I don’t think women should be condemned or “off limits” during their period or anything like that.)

        It’s fine to disagree.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest April 5, 2013, 2:07 pm

        Omg, can you imagine if women liked when their man swallowed their period blood like men like us swallowed their cum?

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      • Fabelle

        Fabelle April 5, 2013, 2:10 pm

        Well, not to be disgusting (although, in this thread, how can I not?), but if a guy goes down on you during that time of the month…

        (I had a guy once that would do that, & while I can’t say I got erotic pleasure from the “he’s kind of eating my blood” thing, it ~did~ make him kind of a badass in my eyes, haha)

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        lets_be_honest April 5, 2013, 2:13 pm

        lol. That’s not a “thing” though, right? Like most women aren’t all ‘i love when you go down on me when I’m on my period” right???

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl April 5, 2013, 2:16 pm

        Um. No. Gross.

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      • avatar

        Taylor April 5, 2013, 2:25 pm

        I was wondering if that was the norm?! Cuz I don’t think I’m talking to man into it any time soon.

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      • avatar

        Taylor April 5, 2013, 2:51 pm

        “the man”, not “to man”.

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      • katie

        katie April 5, 2013, 2:19 pm

        That’s called “earning your redwings”!!!

        Learned about that one on my last business trip. Hilarious.

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      • avatar

        JMac April 6, 2013, 7:40 pm

        I think that term comes from the Hells Angels. I have read (Hunter S. Thompson?) that members of that biker gang who wished to boast of having performed that exotic oral feat would add a red Harley-winged patch to their colors. It added to their outlaw image or, as Fabelle said above, made them look “badass”.

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      • CatsMeow

        CatsMeow April 5, 2013, 2:33 pm

        I thought of the cum thing too. If you ask guys, most will say that they’ve never tasted their own – not directly anyway (maybe by kissing the girl after the act). But they don’t seem to have a problem with vaginal fluids. So I always compared semen and vaginal fluids – I’ll taste yours if you taste mine. (I guess I’ve tasted my own vag juice. TMI?)

        I don’t tend to be too grossed out by periods. I use Softcups, which require you to get pretty up close and personal with yourself. I just……have to draw the line somewhere. And that somewhere is eating my period.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest April 5, 2013, 2:41 pm

        Whats softcup?

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl April 5, 2013, 3:19 pm

        Softcup.

        It’s a mensrual cup.

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      • Miss MJ

        Miss MJ April 5, 2013, 4:55 pm

        “I just……have to draw the line somewhere. And that somewhere is eating my period.”

        Can this be the line of the day?

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      • theattack

        theattack April 5, 2013, 2:52 pm

        I don’t know, Katie… If anyone told me they ate a placenta, I would immediately barf. I know Tom Cruise did it, but beyond that I really don’t think it’s very common. My cat did it, and I just wanted to roll over and die. I also think it’s really different from sexual fluids because it’s expelled from your body like waste, and it’s full of human blood.

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      • katie

        katie April 5, 2013, 3:49 pm

        I have no idea how common it is, but I’ve read enough about it that I have to assume it is at least somewhat common?

        And really, were the “weird” mammals, as you learned with your cat.

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    • Fabelle

      Fabelle April 5, 2013, 2:04 pm

      I mean, I wouldn’t eat it, but I did joke to my boyfriend about making period art the other day (don’t ask why). It was more of a marketing scheme, though—I figured some crazy people would probably buy it!

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    • avatar

      bethany April 5, 2013, 2:08 pm

      While I agree with them that menstruation isn’t some disease we should need medicine to cure, I’m going to skip the period lipstick, thank you!

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  • avatar

    Taylor April 5, 2013, 1:45 pm

    That’s quite a mixture of articles. I was happy to end on the spanx one – wiggly jiggly indeed =)

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  • sobriquet

    sobriquet April 5, 2013, 2:45 pm

    I haven’t read it yet, but the “People Who Never Apologize” article reminded me of something I learned years ago to help raise self-esteem.

    1] Don’t say “I don’t know” unless you really, truly do not know.
    2] Don’t say you’re sorry unless you are really, truly sorry!

    It’s crazy how much I used to say both of those things, almost instinctively. If someone ran into me, I would apologize to THEM. Now I don’t apologize unless I truly am remorseful. I’m much more assertive and have a lot more confidence than I used to!

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    • sobriquet

      sobriquet April 5, 2013, 2:52 pm

      Okay, I didn’t realize it was such a short article.

      “When you refuse to apologize, it actually makes you feel more empowered,” he said. “That power and control seems to translate into greater feelings of self-worth.”

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  • avatar

    CG April 5, 2013, 1:49 pm

    The “how to break up with a 2-year-old” story is going to make me cry!

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    • Jess

      Jess April 5, 2013, 2:56 pm

      Just came on here to say the same!

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  • avatar

    lets_be_honest April 5, 2013, 3:43 pm

    YEAAAA, totally unrelated, but I just realized I made a mistake on my budget and wrote in my cell phone bill as $1000 instead of $100 for 4 months!!!! Woo Hoo!

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