Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friday Links: April 6

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

From Esquire: “Ladies: You’re Not as Good in Bed as You Think”

From Nerve.com: “New male birth control shot is 100% effective and lasts ten years”

From CNN.com: “Birth control may affect long-term relationships”

This article from Daily Mail caused quite a stir online this week: “There are downsides to looking this pretty: Why women hate me for being beautiful”

From The Stir: “20 Signs He’s Not Over His Ex”

From Match.com: “How to Know if You Should Stay or Go”

From The Hairpin: “On the Happiness of Procreation”

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to wendy@dearwendy.com and if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

57 comments… add one
  • SweetsAndBeats

    SweetsAndBeats April 6, 2012, 3:11 pm

    I think that the Samantha Brick article is either a very sad case of extreme narcissism or some weird form of trolling/desperate attention-seeking. Really, I know that plenty of beautiful women experience ostracism thanks to insecure peers, but this woman is talking about being sent bottles of champagne all the time, which I really just cannot fathom happening that often, even to a woman much more beautiful than this Samantha girl.

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    • Brad

      Brad April 6, 2012, 4:06 pm

      I don’t want to be mean or anything but that woman is not *that* attractive. I’d say she’s average. She acts like she’s drop dead gorgeous and that I’d have a hard time fighting off an erection around her. Uh no. I know several girls from college that would put this woman to shame and you don’t hear them making asinine comments. The other women in that small country town in France she lives in must be ugly or super insecure or something for her to be getting the attention she claims…

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      • SweetsAndBeats

        SweetsAndBeats April 6, 2012, 4:25 pm

        THIS is why they’re all bitchy to her:

        “Take last summer and a birthday party I attended with my husband. At one point the host, who was celebrating his 50th, decided he wanted a photo with all the women guests. Positioning us, the photographer suggested I stand immediately to his right for the shot.
        Another woman I barely knew pushed me out of the way, shouting it wasn’t fair on all the other women if I was dominating the snap. I was devastated and burst into tears. On my own in the loos one woman privately consoled me — well out of ear-shot of her girlfriends.
        So now I’m 41 and probably one of very few women entering her fifth decade welcoming the decline of my looks. I can’t wait for the wrinkles and the grey hair that will help me blend into the background.”

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    • avatar

      Marta April 6, 2012, 4:52 pm

      She is pretty for an English woman.

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      • Lili

        Lili April 6, 2012, 4:53 pm

        Comment of the Week! Lol.

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      • avatar

        Trixy Minx April 7, 2012, 2:05 am

        I miss comment of the week.

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      • SweetsAndBeats

        SweetsAndBeats April 6, 2012, 4:58 pm

        This remark makes me sad. I’m English.

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      • Lili

        Lili April 6, 2012, 5:02 pm

        Aw Sweets, you need to write your own column talking about all the pretty baubles men buy you, then you’ll be less sad.

        PS Marta’s comment was tongue in cheek-right? Thats how I read it…or do I need to lay off the snark cookies I’ve been eating.

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      • avatar

        Marta April 6, 2012, 5:16 pm

        Yes Im teasing. She does look very British.

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      • SweetsAndBeats

        SweetsAndBeats April 6, 2012, 5:18 pm

        Luckily I’m only English by blood and have the privilege of living in the U.S. of A! But half my family still lives there and I see plenty of stunners in the pictures they send me of their shenanigans and outings. I don’t know where the idea that all English women are homely comes from. But it really doesn’t matter!

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  • avatar

    kerrycontrary April 6, 2012, 3:57 pm

    I understand where Samantha Brick is coming from in her article. I consider myself attractive but by no means stunning or a perfect ten (and I sincerely hope that all women consider themselves attractive) and I have definitely experienced this sort of ostracism from females. It’s very unfortunate and isolating, but I’ve come to accept it and realize its pointless to complain about being pretty. Usually women who talk about other women negatively like that are miserable and have their own problems. Usually. The only other thing I wondered about with her article is that all of these women get this gut feeling that she is trying to steal their man. Despite Brick’s claims that shes in a happy marriage, perhaps she is a flirtateous person (she did admit to flirting at work to get ahead-which I think is aprehensible)who comes off overly attention-seeking. Whenever I’ve had a gut feeling that someone was interested in being more than friends with a boyfriend I’ve been 100 percent right, so perhaps Brick’s should take a look at her actions instead of looking in the mirror.

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    • avatar

      kerrycontrary April 6, 2012, 3:59 pm

      Oh, and to everyone calling Samantha Brick ugly–in the world of the US and Uk where 2/3 of people are overweight, a tall and slim person with an OK face is probably more *conventionally* attractive and will receive more male attention than the majority of the population who call her ugly behind computer screens.

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      • avatar

        SweetPea April 9, 2012, 9:20 am

        Kerry- I would barely call her “ugly”, but I would honestly call her “average”. I have a hard time believing she is considered any kind of stunner. I think if she was kind and sweet, there are people who would consider her beautiful. But, she comes across as a rude and conceited person, I’m sorry… I would not want to be friends with her… and that is her problem. Very obviously.

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    • SweetsAndBeats

      SweetsAndBeats April 6, 2012, 4:09 pm

      It’s true that a woman who is willing to talk to a newspaper about how beautiful she is, is probably not acting in ways that make her likeable to other women IRL. However, oftentimes women really are just plain bitches to pretty women. In example, my boyfriend’s mother is an incredibly (naturally, with no plastic surgery) gorgeous woman who is intelligent, exuberant, and very moral. She’s a type-A personality and couldn’t be a more loving and selfless person. She’s gone through so much hardship (unrelated to her beauty/resulting ostracism) but still finds reasons to be happy and grateful for her life and her successes. So many women actively HATE her, not even giving her a chance. For no damn reason at all! She’s an incredibly nice and humble person, very tolerant even though she’s a devout Christian, and has an endless source of love that she willingly gives to anyone who treats her with respect. But still, women ostracize her and say nasty things about her. I think it’s because she reminds women of everything they wish they were.

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      • avatar

        Zepp April 6, 2012, 4:21 pm

        My boyfriends mother was Miss Austria and a model in her 20s and is very beautiful, and she has no female friends, never did. I feel bad for her, I think its kept a lot of happiness from her. Although I consider myself very attractive (at least definitely better looking than the woman in the article) and I have lots of friends, so i think it can go either way.

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      • SweetsAndBeats

        SweetsAndBeats April 6, 2012, 4:58 pm

        Some women just seem to have that je ne sais quoi.

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  • Brad

    Brad April 6, 2012, 4:14 pm

    And I’d rather wear a condom than have someone shove a needle into my dick. Yeowe! Are they freaking kidding me? Oh and “up to ten years” … excuse me. WTF do you mean “up to”!? If I’m getting a shot in my dick I expect you to give me a specific expiration date. Up to … pff! Somebody needs to smack those researchers.

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    • avatar

      iseeshiny April 6, 2012, 4:22 pm

      Ha! That’s a good point on the “up to” part. But I think I’d rather have someone else get a needle stuck in his dick than have an IUD inserted.

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      Zepp April 6, 2012, 4:24 pm

      I think they mean by the “up to” that is it reversible. If you leave it be it lasts ten years, but you can undo it at any time.

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      • Brad

        Brad April 6, 2012, 4:39 pm

        I’d certainly hope that’s what they mean and not that at 9.5 years in it starts to wear off…

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    • katie

      katie April 6, 2012, 7:52 pm

      i dunno, i mean look at all the things that women do to their bodies that are uncomfortable or painful just for beauty! and also for birth control….

      i think this concept might freak men out because it is very foreign. i think that once it catches on (which i am sure it will), it will become one of those routine things that guys will joke about and talk about… just like women do now with getting pap smears and iuds inserted and stuff.

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    • Leroy

      Leroy April 6, 2012, 10:09 pm

      The first needle is to inject the gel, but then they have to flush it out with another injection. And the gel works like a bug zapper. It’s not hormonal, rather it uses electrostatic interference to break down the cell walls of sperm. And when you’re not having sex you can use it to charge your mobile phone. There’s an app for that.

      I’m kidding, but it does rely on an electrostatic charge arising from the hardened gel.

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  • CatsMeow

    CatsMeow April 6, 2012, 4:14 pm

    From the Esquire article:
    “Pro tip: The crush-grind is not the new up and down.”

    What, exactly, is the crush-grind?

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    • avatar

      iseeshiny April 6, 2012, 4:16 pm

      I think it’s when your legs get tired so you just start wiggling?

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    • SweetsAndBeats

      SweetsAndBeats April 6, 2012, 4:18 pm

      I pictured it as pushing hips together and not doing any in-and-out, to be crass. I don’t know if he was talking about cunnilingus or what, though. But I can understand why crush-grind is lackluster… men need friction.

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    • Brad

      Brad April 6, 2012, 4:19 pm

      I’ve never heard the term either. I’d imagine it means some sort of missionary-like position where the guy is resting a lot of weight on top of her and is grinding his pelvis (probably to try and stimulate the clit?) around rather than the typical in/out.

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    • avatar

      Zepp April 6, 2012, 4:25 pm

      I think it’s when girls move back and forth while on top instead of actively going up and down? btw full disclosure i only do the back forth motion lol

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      • CatsMeow

        CatsMeow April 6, 2012, 4:41 pm

        I’m more likely to “crush” someone when the “up-and-down” goes awry, you know what I mean?

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      • Brad

        Brad April 6, 2012, 4:42 pm

        OH owe! painful image!

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      • avatar

        Zepp April 6, 2012, 4:42 pm

        i know someone who did that! apparently you CAN “break” a dick… something about tearing blood vessels… it’s an ER trip for sure!

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      • Brad

        Brad April 6, 2012, 4:52 pm

        well technically you can’t break it cause there’s no bone to break, but the term break is used to describe a severe penis sprain. I count it among my blessings that it’s never happened to me.

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      • katie

        katie April 6, 2012, 7:53 pm

        you can actually rupture the different “chambers” that hold the blood… i read about it in a playboy article once. it sounds very painful for sure!

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    • Lili

      Lili April 6, 2012, 4:52 pm

      Oh my! This thread is a little to R rated for me to be reading at work. My delicate sensibilities are just so overwhelmed and I’m red in the face :O

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      • SweetsAndBeats

        SweetsAndBeats April 6, 2012, 4:54 pm

        I hope you have some pearls to clutch!

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  • avatar

    iseeshiny April 6, 2012, 4:15 pm

    Umm can I just say the 10-year bc shot sounds super exciting?

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    • Brad

      Brad April 6, 2012, 4:20 pm

      You can keep your dick piercing needles to yourself thankyouverymuch.

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      • avatar

        iseeshiny April 6, 2012, 4:23 pm

        See that’s the point! I wouldn’t need to worry about it! I could shove all of the responsibility for birth control onto the other party and never have to deal with a condom again!

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      • SweetsAndBeats

        SweetsAndBeats April 6, 2012, 4:26 pm

        Why can’t both parties get the respective birth control inserted and call it even?

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        iseeshiny April 6, 2012, 4:35 pm

        Why indeed? Twice as baby proof that way!

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      • dandywarhol

        dandywarhol April 6, 2012, 6:41 pm

        Hmmm a needle poked in once or extra hormones every day making you a crazy, low libido-ed biotch??? I am pretty sure I know what my boyfriend would go for haha.

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    • avatar

      Zepp April 6, 2012, 4:26 pm

      I predict a 100% drop in the number of children born out of wedlock by professional athletes and rappers

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      • Brad

        Brad April 6, 2012, 4:40 pm

        Yeah I can see them needing this. Potentially movie stars and musicians too.

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      • SweetsAndBeats

        SweetsAndBeats April 6, 2012, 4:56 pm

        I think most guys need birth control! There’s a legit subculture of crazy biotches who deliberately get pregnant to hook a guy who isn’t too invested in the relationship. Not to discount the importance of waiting for financial and emotional security before procreating (which is why men and women should use birth control), but actually having your genetic material basically stolen sounds really scary to me. It doesn’t just happen to super rich men…

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      • avatar

        Over It April 9, 2012, 12:20 am

        Hmmm seem to only mention 2 demographics, you’re not as subtle as you think you are.

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  • Lili

    Lili April 6, 2012, 4:29 pm

    I think it depends on how you present yourself and your looks. I’ve been on both sides, having the ‘beautiful friend’ who is not only tall, naturally thin, attractive, but smart (a dr!) too. She always shrugged off compliments and said that she lucked out in the gene lottery, or that her mother is far prettier (not true!) and then I have a friend who is fit, in shape, and attractive, but she tries WAY too hard to get attention for her looks. I’ve had her sweep in multiple times when I’m talking to a guy and have her ‘win’ him over by hogging the convo and looking up at him with the big unblinking eyes. Her, I’m not so fond of and I find her less attractive than the dr. friend of mine, but she’s gotten A LOT more free drinks, dates etc.

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      iseeshiny April 6, 2012, 4:46 pm

      Yes to this! It’s true, sometimes insecure women do feel threatened by attractive women. I consider myself decent-looking, but I don’t have a problem with female interaction because I’m good at not being threatening.

      I will say this too: there are some women out there who put a lot of their self worth into how many free drinks they can get in a night, the ones who cozy up to men and ignore the women around them. And then they’ll complain later, “Girls are so mean to me, I’m so pretty that they hate me,” when in reality every other woman in the room can tell that she was angling for male attention and only male attention. Rather than feeling threatened by this behavior, the other women are repulsed.

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    • Lili

      Lili April 6, 2012, 6:11 pm

      I will say that the article has inspired me to wear my false lashes out tonight! So thanks Samantha 🙂

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  • avatar

    Zepp April 6, 2012, 4:39 pm

    First off, I think the woman in that article is either insane or faking (remember the daily mail article about the woman who gave her daughter botex and it turned out it was all fake?)

    Mainly, because *ACTUAL* extremely famously beautiful women such as Elizabeth Taylor, countless models, Jennifer Aniston, etc, (who I’m sure we can all say with 100% confidence are more attractive than this samantha woman) have raved about their friends and the importance of female friendship. I mean, closer to home, I’m sure we all knew at least 2 or 3 girls in high school who were much much prettier than this Samantha woman, and they had friends.

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    • SweetsAndBeats

      SweetsAndBeats April 6, 2012, 5:00 pm

      Women always manage to find a few friends. I’m pretty sure that people like Liz Taylor rave so much about it because they’ve been denied it so often that they’re acutely aware of its benefits and are grateful.

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    • CatsMeow

      CatsMeow April 6, 2012, 5:12 pm

      I’ve just never heard of someone having gifts lavished upon them randomly so often, based on looks alone. And yeah, I think I know women who are prettier than she is. Is that really a thing? Entire BOTTLES of wine/champagne being given? I mean, I’ve had random guys buy me and/or my friends ‘A’ drink but that’s about it. But I also don’t think I’d feel comfortable accepting anything more than that.

      Actually, I rarely accept drinks. When I was younger, a kind of creepy old man offered to buy me a drink, and at first I didn’t want to accept but he insisted, so I asked for like a $1 beer or something. And then I said thank you and tried to walk away and he grabbed me by the hand and was like, “Wait a minute. You don’t think you get somethin’ for nothin’ do ya?” Gross. He can HAVE the beer.

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      • Cleopatra_30

        Cleopatra_30 April 7, 2012, 2:11 pm

        Man that is disturbing. I know a friend who had a similar experience, i am not sure how old you were when this happened, but my friend was 19 i think (This was in Canada), and an older guy offered to but here a drink on the flight home. She refused, but man if she hadn’t…who knows.

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    • Leroy

      Leroy April 6, 2012, 6:28 pm

      It’s the Daily Mail. Their articles are always a little over the top. I wouldn’t be surprised if her story is entirely made up. Maybe she’s just delusional. Because she’s not a bad looking woman, but I doubt that anyone is showering with gifts and all that. Though she does live in England.

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  • avatar

    brendapie April 6, 2012, 5:40 pm

    Considering how she writes about using her sex appeal to get ahead in the workplace, I can see why other women may not like her. (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2029781/I-use-sex-appeal-ahead-work–does-ANY-woman-sense.html)

    I would love to read about her from the perspective of the women in her life because I’m pretty sure it isn’t her physical beauty that is attracting so many haters but her attitude.

    Of course I’ve been jealous of the really gorgeous women that I’ve gotten to know throughout the years. It’s hard not to. When I struggle with my self esteem and feeling attractive, it’s hard not to be envious of my coworker who looks like she should model and has guys tripping over themselves to ask her out.

    The truly beautiful girls I’ve met in life were humble, unassuming, hardworking, generous and so very kind. It just made them that more gorgeous and I could see why they had so many admirers. In contract, the women who tried too hard just came off as fake and needy. Their personalities didn’t match the plaster they piled on their faces. I think many women and men can pick up on that and I think that may be the case with Samantha Brick.

    I don’t think Samantha is unattractive but when she says she’s so beautiful and is frequently complimented on her appearance, she is inviting criticism on her physical appearance. I think what got lost in that criticism is the very valid point that some women are hateful towards more attractive or successful women. If her article focused on that we would have seen a much different reaction.

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  • bittergaymark

    bittergaymark April 6, 2012, 7:49 pm

    Taking a cue from Samantha Brick, look for an article next week about me and my incredible wealth. Yes, I am universally hated everywhere because I am so — dare I say it? Staggeringly rich. Seriously. I hate to brag, but why lie? I have thousands upon thousands in the bank. I mean it! We are most definitely talking mid to HIGH four figures here… But there is such a terrible downside to all this, seriously, none of have any idea!

    But don’t worry! You will! Starting next week!

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  • avatar

    Anna April 6, 2012, 8:48 pm

    I agree that Samantha Brick is not *that* good looking. She happens to be tall, blonde, and fairly thin but her face is pretty average,if not on the slightly funny-looking side. If she gets free bottles of champagne from random men all the time, maybe I should move to Europe. I might be hotter there.

    Did anyone else notice that she blatently lied? She said she doesn’t drink or smoke but then referenced drinking alcohol on several occasions (wine at the dinner party, bar tabs that have been waived off, etc). WTF? There’s nothing wrong with drinking but lying about it is kinda pathetic.

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  • Cleopatra_30

    Cleopatra_30 April 7, 2012, 2:16 pm

    The Samantha article really played with my head. I mean in some of the photos she was kinda pretty, but i mean compared to other women i have seen around her age, she is average, nothing beyond that. And the way the article was put together and the photos with the captions, just seem to be a little to out there. I really thought it was an April Fools joke, but i looked at the date. She basically made her self sound like she looked like Helen of Troy where her looks launched a thousand ships. I have a feeling she is looking at her situation with a grain of salt and that there is more than meets the eye, pardon the pun, where her personality may play a large role in why many women are not interested in her.

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  • Betsy

    Betsy April 9, 2012, 12:07 pm

    “Thirdly, that you can have a wonderful life and experience all the possible human emotions just as well with a border collie pup and some kind of Game Meats of the Month Club subscription.”

    HAHAHAHA, I loved that Hairpin article.

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