Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friday Links, August 3: Ryan Lochte, America’s Sexiest Douche

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

I’m sure 90% of straight American women and like 97% of gay men have been having naughty dreams of Ryan Lochte this past week. Here, Jezebel attempts to kill our buzz with these “10 Reasons Why Ryan Lochte Is America’s Sexiest Douchebag”

A Hairpin reader asks: “How much do you love your [engagement] ring? Would I regret not having one? Is it worth putting our money toward this, instead of toward my student loans or a killer honeymoon? What is the compromise between indulgence and responsibility, in this situation?”

This post from Tiny Buddha might put me out of business: “25 Questions to Help Solve Problems that Seem Insurmountable”

A different look at that “40 Year Old Regression” essay we read a couple weeks back, from CNN: “Moms gone wild: “40-year-old reversion”

Continuing our pregnancy/mommy wars theme, from CBSNews: “Mayor Bloomberg’s infant formula plan aimed at promoting breast-feeding in NYC hospitals”

From Lydia Netzer: “10 Best Marriage Vows You Never Hear At Weddings”

From Hooking up Smart: “How to Choose Your Marriage Partner”

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to wendy@dearwendy.com and if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

54 comments… add one
  • avatar

    Addie Pray August 3, 2012, 2:25 pm

    I take my Lochtes shirtless and quiet – that’s how he is best. (Yes, BGM, it’s ok for me to say this but it’s not ok for a guy, like I dunno, Budj, for example, to say the same about a woman. It is how it is.)

    Reply Link
    • bittergaymark

      bittergaymark August 4, 2012, 12:11 am

      Actually, that’s how I’d take Lochtes as well…

      Reply Link
  • avatar

    j.walker August 3, 2012, 2:29 pm

    That engagement ring question, how ridiculous. My engagement ring budget is $50 and that’s only because my boyfriend really thinks I should have one.

    Why spend thousands of dollars on something that contributes to slave labor, pollution, decreases in value the second you step out of the store and is basically a con created by De Beers?

    Get creative and buy something original, hell get some fake diamonds. No one will know the difference and you’ll have that cash to put towards your wedding or maybe you know, your life together.

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    haggith August 3, 2012, 2:29 pm

    just when i finished this article about lochte (and wholeheartedly agreeing) i checked another website and he confessed peeing in the olympic swimming pool in London… disgusting!!!

    Reply Link
  • MaterialsGirl

    MaterialsGirl August 3, 2012, 2:31 pm

    I too have been having dreams (day and night) of this Lochte. I think most have started out with him spotting me running while he open water swam at Ohio Street.. Something about teaching me to swim… Blah blah you know what happens.
    I loved the comment from the article that ‘I’d hot that faster than a fire alarm.”

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    haggith August 3, 2012, 2:36 pm

    just when i finished this article about lochte (and wholeheartedly agreeing) i checked another website and he confessed peeing in the olympic swimming pool in London… disgusting!!!

    Reply Link
    • avatar

      painted_lady August 3, 2012, 3:09 pm

      According to a friend of mine who swam competitively for 8 years, this is a thing a lot of swimmers do. Another reason I shower like crazy when I get done swimming.

      Reply Link
      • MaterialsGirl

        MaterialsGirl August 3, 2012, 3:17 pm

        I lived with way too many swimmers in college. They all pee in the pool and get rather incestuous (meaning they date within their group a lot. A LOT).

        Link
      • avatar

        painted_lady August 3, 2012, 3:19 pm

        It’s kind of like the theatre kids I hung out with in college. Except no one peed onstage.

        Link
      • avatar

        Addie Pray August 3, 2012, 3:21 pm

        Do they have sex in pools? I used to think that would make you all dry and chafe but then I had sex in a hot tub and it was fine. More than fine.

        Link
    • avatar

      Addie Pray August 3, 2012, 3:18 pm

      I (secretly) pee in pools. And don’t feel bad about it. Come on, you know the chlorine kills that stuff.

      Stop trying to make me feel gross about this.

      Budj, do you still love me?

      Reply Link
      • avatar

        Addie Pray August 3, 2012, 3:19 pm

        I feel like I’ve shared too much.

        Link
      • avatar

        Addie Pray August 3, 2012, 3:19 pm

        Ok, my official stance is I do not pee in pools. So if anyone asks that is what I will say.

        Link
      • avatar

        Addie Pray August 3, 2012, 3:23 pm

        But come on, in hot tubs it’s hard not to because of the warm water.

        Fine, I officially do not pee in hot tubs.

        I feel like I’m getting the 3rd degree over this, yet no one is talking to me. Except my subconscious.

        Link
      • avatar

        Addie Pray August 3, 2012, 3:25 pm

        I’m getting back to work. I’m tired of talking to myself.

        Link
      • avatar

        Addie Pray August 3, 2012, 3:25 pm

        Also, now I have to pee.

        Link
      • avatar

        bethany August 3, 2012, 3:36 pm

        Me too! That’s why they have chlorine!!

        I love peeing in the ocean, too 🙂

        Link
      • FireStar

        FireStar August 3, 2012, 5:28 pm

        And this is why I can only swim in my own pool. Even when I was learning to swim – I paid someone to come and teach me in my own pool since I couldn’t handle the thought of kids peeing in the public pool and me swimming in there.

        Link
      • Lili

        Lili August 3, 2012, 6:19 pm

        Tip of the Day: DO not pee in a pool after taking a B vitamin. It turns your pee neon yellow and thats visible and gross.

        Link
      • avatar

        Addie Pray August 3, 2012, 8:13 pm

        Well now I am going to take a B vitamin and go pee in my pool – just to see. I’ll let you know how it turns out.

        Link
      • avatar

        jlyfsh August 3, 2012, 8:16 pm

        yeah i starting taking a new multivitamin this week with extra vitamin B in it. i kind of freaked out when i went to the bathroom the first time!

        Link
      • avatar

        Sue Jones August 3, 2012, 10:22 pm

        Don’t worry. Urine is sterile. It’s the other stuff you have to worry about!

        Link
      • avatar

        Sue Jones August 3, 2012, 10:23 pm

        Don’t worry. Urine is sterile. It’s the other stuff you need to worry about.

        Link
      • katie

        katie August 3, 2012, 10:29 pm

        Ahhh thats not true!!! Not true!!

        Link
      • avatar

        Yammy August 4, 2012, 12:02 am

        It is true, for the most part. You should be more concerned with everyone’s buttholes. When people get in the pool, I’m sure there’s tiny bits of fecal matter that come off into the water. Most people have sterile urine, almost no one has a sterile butthole. In fact, a lot of times, UTIs are caused by rogue butthole germs that manage to make their way to the urethra.

        Blame not the gentle bladder
        nor the contents from within
        I’ll always pee in my pools
        I don’t think it’s a sin

        Link
      • katie

        katie August 4, 2012, 9:24 am

        Urine is contaminated by whatever germs you have in your eurethra- so most peoples urine is *probably* sterile, but there is no way to know what kind of funky infections are in everyones bodies!

        Your own urine is sterile to you, though. Just not other peoples. Its like blood cleanup- you treat all blood as if its dirty for safety

        Link
      • avatar

        Sue Jones August 4, 2012, 9:29 pm

        Just think of all of the people swimming laps who blow snot out of their nose every time they take an outbreath…. that concerns me more…..and even if they breathe out of their mouth, they say that a human’s mouth has more germs than a dog’s butt….. Now who wants to go swimming????

        Link
      • katie

        katie August 4, 2012, 11:39 pm

        Its so true. Yuck!

        Link
  • katie

    katie August 3, 2012, 2:37 pm

    im pretty sure im the minority with this, but i think that the “swimmers body” is very, very odd. i dont find it appealing at all.

    Reply Link
    • avatar

      bethany August 3, 2012, 2:53 pm

      He looks cute in the first picture of the article, but that’s it. Something about the tanned shoulders…??

      Reply Link
      • katie

        katie August 3, 2012, 2:55 pm

        well, he looks fine from the stomach up. theres no denying he is in great physical shape. but then when you see the whole picture with the huge, long arms, the tiny torso and then small hips/legs and he is all like… topheavy? or something. i dunno its weird to me. lol

        im just glad its not about phelps because i am sick of him and i think hes a jerk too. so. yay. lol

        Link
    • Fabelle

      Fabelle August 3, 2012, 2:54 pm

      I usually think of a “swimmer’s body” as all lean muscle, but Lochte looks a little bulkier, which I’m not really into– don’t like that muscled-out (& hairless) look. so I’ll join you in the minority!

      (that article is hilarious, though. Wtf, the guy has a custom grill??)

      Reply Link
      • katie

        katie August 3, 2012, 3:00 pm

        the grill is so dumb too. i saw it. it stupid.

        Link
      • FireStar

        FireStar August 3, 2012, 4:49 pm

        I love the grill! It made me like him more when I saw it.

        Link
  • avatar

    bethany August 3, 2012, 2:46 pm

    It was interesting reading everyone’s thoughts on the engagement ring, especially since about 5 minutes ago I was talking to my co-worker about buying a diamond band for his wife for their anniversary.

    My ring probably cost 6-7K, and when I got engaged it was really important to me to have a ring. I love my ring, but now that I’m a few years into it all, and we just recently bought a house, I think about all the things that we could have done with that money, and I feel pretty wasteful.

    So… I’m kinda torn about the whole thing. I feel like the LW in the article had a point when she said that she felt like a fancy ring was better suited for a 20 year anniversary or something like that.

    Reply Link
    • avatar

      GatorGirl August 3, 2012, 3:03 pm

      I have my great grandmothers wedding band as my engagement ring. It was super important to my fiance to have a ring to propose with- but It made no sense for us to spend the money a traditional engagement ring costs. So we went with a family peice. There are three tiny microscopic diamonds in it and I love the ring to peices. I wouldn’t have it any other way. After I get married I’ll just wear my wedding band as this ring is alost 90 years old.

      I personally don’t see a point to fancy engagement rings. But I also think it’s perfectly fine if you want one. Although I would encourage looking for conflict free diamonds- I know there are some Canadian mines.

      Reply Link
      • avatar

        Kristen August 3, 2012, 8:26 pm

        Your grandmother’s ring sounds so beautiful. I love that story.

        My engagement ring has an opal as the center stone (just because I think they’re beautiful) and diamonds from his grandmother’s wedding ring as accents. It feels so special to have something that’s part “me” and part family history. My wedding band is just a matching silver band that curves around the engagement ring. We got it welded together so that it fits as just one ring. I love it 🙂

        Link
      • Lady_Red

        Red_Lady August 3, 2012, 8:50 pm

        That sounds really cool! You got something new that was just for you, but also incorporated some family heirlooms. I might be a bit jealous 🙂

        Link
    • iwannatalktosampson

      iwannatalktosampson August 3, 2012, 3:40 pm

      I’ve thought that same thing too. I got one at the time because everyone needs a ring or the engagement isn’t real right? I wish I had DW back then because I feel like I would have written in about it and had the confidence to spend that money on something way cooler! I never wear it anyway and I just look at it as the thing that costs more than my first car – and I don’t even like jewelry to begin with! So wth.

      I would sell it now and trade it in for something but then everyone would be like ‘why is a happily married girl selling her ring’ or whatever else would be said. It’s weird. And I even like mine. I mean as much as I can like it. But I don’t know. I want wood floors for our house more. 🙁

      Reply Link
    • FireStar

      FireStar August 3, 2012, 5:21 pm

      I love my ring. I’ve been married going on three years and every time I look at it, it makes me happy. My husband spent a lot of time finding me something beautiful and surprised me with a designer piece that actually has diamonds called ‘surprise diamonds’ on it. I was never someone into fancy diamond rings and, in all honesty, I think I would have loved anything he gave me – since he was the one giving it – but I’m thrilled with his choice. I think the key is budget. Don’t ever go into debt to buy one and make sure you have funds for the other things you want.

      Reply Link
  • katie

    katie August 3, 2012, 2:59 pm

    i absolutely do not want an expensive engagement ring. absolutely not. the thought of all the cool stuff i could buy with a few grand combined with the stress i will feel about having so much money in such a small, easy to lose package.

    i have pleaded with jake to not get me an expensive ring, but he wont listen. he just says he is going to get one that i and he will like and he doesnt care how much it is. i dont even know what to do because in addition to the fact that i could just lose it at any time, i will have to take it off for work.. and i just know it is a recipe for disaster. i just know it. it gives me so much stress!!!

    Reply Link
    • Lady_Red

      Red_Lady August 3, 2012, 8:59 pm

      I think I had it ingrained in my husband’s head that I did NOT want an expensive ring. I lose things way too much, and a tiny little ring just shouldn’t cost as much as a car, IMHO (unless, of course, it’s a real junker car. Then it might be OK to cost the same) He ended up getting a ring that was probably a little more than I would have spent, (but still less then a grand) and it’s so gorgeous and means so much that he picked it out, that I’m OK w/ it.

      Maybe try telling your boyfriend that when he gets an engagement ring for you, it’s a token of his commitment and love for you. That doesn’t mean he has to spend a lot to prove how much he loves you. It means a hell of a lot more if he gets something that shows that he understands who you are and what you like.

      Reply Link
    • avatar

      6napkinburger August 5, 2012, 1:57 pm

      INSURANCE!! That’s how you can deal with having such an expensive thing on your finger. Get it insured and make sure that covers accidental loss and has a reasonable deductible. Then, sentimentally, it will suck if you lose it but financially, not so hurt.

      Reply Link
  • Fabelle

    Fabelle August 3, 2012, 3:00 pm

    I’m stealing #3 from the marriage vows article & making my boyfriend promise me that…right now! He is TERRIBLE when he’s hungry– something that would only be a slight annoyance or even amusing under normal circumstances becomes The Worst Thing Ever if he’s skipped lunch.

    Reply Link
    • avatar

      painted_lady August 3, 2012, 3:25 pm

      Oh my god, yes! My boyfriend is terrible about not eating before work. And then he comes home and grouses about how society is collapsing because people are too stupid to read menus and no one says thank you. I put some food in his face to slow him down and then he’s totally fine.

      Reply Link
  • avatar

    Megan_A_Mess August 3, 2012, 6:15 pm

    I found the ring article interesting too, and it got me thinking. I’ve never been one for really expensive jewelry, because I’m “that” family member behind the reason why we can’t have nice things. It’s not that I don’t value them or take care of them or that I’m careless. I’m just clumsy accident prone.

    The BF and I have been talking about getting married, and I decided this time around (the third time … being engaged, not married.) I was going to do it my way, or no way at all. The first time around, it was the ring that my then BF’s mom had gotten from his dad (who had passed away.) The second time, it was a $700 ring that my then BF picked out with my birthstone in it, which I said I wanted for a wedding ring (I even flat out told him I didn’t want an engagement ring!)

    This time, the BF and I picked it out together. It was made with deep purple gemstones (I don’t think they were specifically amethysts) recycled silver band, and it was handmade. Not only did we save some supplies, we also saved some money, and got to support an independent artist. I found it on Etsy (I know some people don’t like, but I have no qualms) I think she should also look there. My ring, shipping and all, was under $70. We plan on getting a matching band made, with more deep purple stones, and some tiny diamonds that were in a ring of my grandma’s that was passed onto me. For him, since he’s a chef, he’ll probably just wear a plain silver band. And that’s what he wants. I would have been fine with a silver band as well. (You can find some really nice ones for under $50 on Amazon.) She could (as well as anyone else thinking about getting engaged) also look on eBay. They have a fantastic selection of vintage rings, if that’s her style.

    Truth be told, I would have been perfectly ok with one from the quarter machine. As long as it was from his heart, I don’t really care.

    Reply Link
  • Kristina

    Kristina August 3, 2012, 6:56 pm

    About the marriage vows…The main reason I’ve warmed up to the idea of marriage is because I’ve always wanted really honest and true vows, and then to say them in front of the people that mean the most to you. I think that’s admirable. It seems so simple to mean what you say, and to follow through with your actions, but too many people get divorced, and I wish more people were completely honest and upfront about what they’re really getting into. I feel like it will help make you hold yourself to be more accountable.

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    Susan Walsh August 3, 2012, 11:04 pm

    Thanks for the link to Hooking Up Smart, much appreciated!

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    Sue Jones August 5, 2012, 11:13 am

    I never had an engagement ring. Wasn’t really into the whole Bridezilla scene. We got married in our living room with 3 other people there including my stepson. We forgot to get our rings before we got married… seriously! That’s how much I cared about that stuff… so we made rings out of our hair and went and got simple bands after that. I wanted all of our extra money to go towards getting our house and fixing it up…

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    6napkinburger August 5, 2012, 2:25 pm

    I am going to be bold and just say it — i want a diamond engagement ring and I would like a nice sized one too. And i feel no shame saying this. I don’t begrudge people their rings of hair or hemp or recycled plastic or wood; don’t begrudge me my platinum and diamond. Yes, there are conflict diamonds and that is awful, but one can take steps to avoid those. (and while you can’t be 100% sure, you can’t be that way about your sneakers or your iphone for that matter).

    I personally love my grandmother’s ring which she left to me and I haven’t found a single ring that i think holds a candle to it in terms of beauty and class, so this is largely academic. But if i did, I would feel no shame in wanting it, if it was within his comfortable capabilities. I’d wear it practically every day for the rest of my life– talk about a good place to invest in quality. Divide by number of wears? My costume jewelry would be far more wasteful than the ring.

    Plus, I like that it’s shiny and that it means I’m engaged and that he cared enough to get me something I wanted. Tokens of affection are just that — tokens. Sure, you don’t need them but they are reminders. I understand if you don’t want or need one; and just because I appreciate being reminded of the man I love every time I look at my hand doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t know he loved me without it. Nor does it mean you do not think of the same thing every time you see your alterna-engagement ring. But those aren’t me, they aren’t my style, it would feel like a facade of some pseudoenvironmentalism, anti-consumerism for me to do that — it would be a sham. I don’t want my engagement ring to be a sham — I want it to be as genuine as the engagement itself. To me, that means a diamond ring.

    Sure, there are other things to spend money on. But am I going to remember that 1/16th of the down payment of the house? or the thing on my hand every day. I want to say it comes down to priorities and what you value, but it isn’t that i value a carbon trinket over a house or an experience with the man I love, it’s that I value the reminder, the way it makes me feel. I see nothing wrong with this and I won’t apologize for it in the least.

    Reply Link
    • avatar

      SpaceySteph August 5, 2012, 5:58 pm

      I agree with much of what you said here, burger. All this makes us sound frivolous for wanting something shiny on our finger. De Beers invention or not, it IS a globally recognized symbol of engagement and has been since way before I was born.
      And let me tell you, I love looking down at my hand in the middle of work or whatever and seeing a big ol shiny thing that means my fiance is gonna marry me.

      My ring is 100% conflict free- my white center stone is Moissanite, a diamond simulant that is closer than cubic (has more fire, almost as much hardness, but reflects more colors like a prism then a real diamond) and the side stones are lab grown purple diamonds. It wasn’t cheap and is shiny as hell. And I love it. I told him that I didn’t want conflict diamonds and didn’t really care if they were diamonds as long as it was something sparkly! He did good, by my standards.

      ETA: I love your point about the price per wear. Already my ring is approaching the most economical per wear, since I’ve been wearing it for 4 months every single day, than anything else I own.

      Reply Link
      • FireStar

        FireStar August 5, 2012, 6:57 pm

        It isn’t difficult to buy conflict free diamonds – particularly here in Canada since you can easily get Canadian mined diamonds. But any legitimate retailer gives you the providence of your diamonds when you buy. My ring came with more paperwork than my car…

        Link
      • avatar

        bethany August 6, 2012, 1:02 pm

        I think if you can get something down to less than 50 cents/wear, that’s an excellent deal! If I wear my ring until I’m 89, it’ll be down to about 29cents/day. That’s pretty reasonable!

        Link
  • avatar

    MsMisery August 6, 2012, 1:36 pm

    I fwded the Ryan Lochte link to a coworker. SHE’S IN SUCH DENIAL!!! Look, I’m sure he’s fun at parties (like a Magic Mike), but I don’t want to talk current events with him. What a short convo that would be.

    Reply Link

Leave a Comment