Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friday Links, December 14

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

“60 Moments That Gave Me The Chills During Seattle’s First Day Of Marriage Equality” [via Buzzfeed]

“On Being a Late Bloomer: Success Doesn’t Happen Overnight” [via HuffPo]

“Why Are So Many Professional Millennial Women Unable To Find Dateable Men?” [via Forbes]

Advertisers paying special attention to PANKs (Professional Aunts, No Kids) [via NYTimes]

“How Older Parenthood Will Upend American Society” [via The New Republic]

“In-laws can help — or hurt — your marriage” [via CNN]

“Can I Be A Mom And Still Be Me?” [via Musings on Life and Love]

What’s a NALT Christian? Dan Savage explains. [via Take Part]

“The Good Men Project is being awfully sympathetic to rapists” [via Salon]

‘Bigger Boobies’ Hallmark Card For 13-Year-Olds Provokes Angry Protests On Twitter [via HuffPo]

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to wendy@dearwendy.com and if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

You can follow me on Facebook here and sign up for my weekly newsletter here.

29 comments… add one
  • katie

    katie December 14, 2012, 1:03 pm

    i just want to tell everyone that i emailed the PANKs one to wendy at 11:33 chicago time, and it made the list.

    wendy is epic.

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    • avatar

      Rachel December 14, 2012, 2:50 pm

      That was a great article! I’m excited to be a PANK when my sister starts having kids.

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      • katie

        katie December 14, 2012, 3:03 pm

        me too. i like PANK. i like that there is a name for what i think im going to become in my lifetime.

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray December 15, 2012, 9:03 pm

        i’m a proud PANK in SPANKS! (i dunno)

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  • avatar

    lemongrass December 14, 2012, 1:30 pm

    On the mom thing- I don’t personally view becoming a mother as losing myself and I think that it is sad that other women do. Starting a family is not a loss- it is a gain! I’m only adding more to my personality and to my life.

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    • avatar

      lets_be_honest December 14, 2012, 1:36 pm

      Great reply!

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    • Skyblossom

      Skyblossom December 14, 2012, 3:55 pm

      I’m feeling sorry for the baby she’ll have because she sounds mentally off. I don’t know why she thinks you have to lose yourself to be a mother. Parenting is an extension of who you are and you see that in every parent. Yes, there are sacrifices that we all have sacrifices no matter what we do. When we choose one career over another we sacrifice the other option. When we go to college we sacrifice time and money to get a degree. None of it means you lose yourself. It is more of defining yourself and choosing among all the options, including parenthood.

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      • avatar

        lemongrass December 14, 2012, 8:55 pm

        I don’t know why you would have a child if you are so afraid of parenthood. Having a kid isn’t a right of passage, it is optional! If you aren’t super stoked on having a kid and being a mom- don’t be.

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      • avatar

        Jiggs December 15, 2012, 8:07 pm

        Mentally off?! Really, you’ve never met the mom is who talks about nothing but her kid(s) all the time, every status update and photo is of the kids, never seems to go out and do anything except park trips and kiddie activities? Because that is the model of parenting that seems to dominate the cultural conversation right now. Now, whether they’re actually representative of most parents or simply the most vocal, I don’t know. But I can certainly understand the fear that your child may erase you, the cool person you totally love. Of course you know you’ll love your kid! But I wouldn’t want my kid to be my entire world to the exclusion of all other experiences, hobbies and loves in life.

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    • CatsMeow

      CatsMeow December 14, 2012, 5:28 pm

      I don’t think her fears are unfounded given that she grew up with a mother who says things like this: “And so it begins – the babies take over your life, your own wants and needs are put aside in favor of theirs, and you stop being Jenny and start being mommy.”

      I think many women who have children do let “MOM” take over as their only identity. But I like your attitude, Lemongrass. You’re still you, but now you’re a mom too!

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    • seven7three

      seven7three December 14, 2012, 7:44 pm

      This is exactly how I feel. Being a mom (of an amazing little boy) is just one more thing about me. Yes, I’m a mom. But I’m still a wife, a daughter, a granddaughter, a sister, a friend…A woman. I’m still an artist. I still go to concerts, the opera and the ballet. I still get my brows waxed every two weeks. I still paint. I still obsessively collect nail polish and I still travel. I’m still a member of my local armature astronomy club. On clear nights, I’m still out with my telescope. I’m still a huge nerd.
      I’m still ME. I’m still Seven, not just “Little Seven’s Mom”.

      I’ve talked to my younger sister about this (losing HERSELF when she became a mother) but it has fallen on deaf ears. And I saw it happening before she even gave birth! Every FB post, every photo, every text is about being a “mommy”. And it makes me sad for her. I have DCFC tickets and I’d planned on taking her when she comes home for Christmas…I’ve decided to take a friend. She was my best friend and now I don’t even know her.

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    • avatar

      Jiggs December 15, 2012, 8:16 pm

      I think many women (myself included) fear losing themselves because the cultural conversation about motherhood is so wack. Everywhere it’s “Formula fed? Monster!” or “Co-sleep? Your baby will never learn social skills!” or “Not co-sleeping? Your baby will never feel loved!” It’s easy to feel as though every decision you make as a parent is so fraught that surely it will consume the life you knew entirely.

      And then there are those FB moms who literally seem to do nothing unrelated to their kids. You know the type – the “my new name is MOMMY” ladies who photo-document their kid’s bowel movements.

      I don’t know, for me it’s easy to wonder “will I ever do the things I love again after kids?” and find the prospect a bit scary.

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      • avatar

        lemongrass December 16, 2012, 11:39 am

        I think motherhood can be as all-consuming as you let it. There are a whole range of mother’s out there, I’m not sure why you spend time worrying that you’d only fit into the one category, especially if the category is unlike your usual self. It’s like a shy, quiet 14 year old girl worrying that she’s going to grow up to be a gaudy show-off. You can be anything you want to be when you grow up and you can parent in any way that you want to (but mostly I think, what feels right to you.)

        This author writes nothing about her desire to be a mother, to have children that will enrich her life or anything that states why she is having them. I don’t understand why you would have children if you don’t look forward to being a mother. Children are optional in life and shouldn’t be created simply because that’s what everyone else is doing. I don’t think they should be brought into households where the parents are more concerned about going to boring soccer games than making sure that their children have a healthy home where they feel loved and supported. If you truly feel that by having children you are experiencing a loss instead of a gain than you shouldn’t have kids.

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  • avatar

    GatorGirl December 14, 2012, 1:51 pm

    DWers, give your kids an extra big hug from me. This school shooting is devistating.

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    • avatar

      lets_be_honest December 14, 2012, 2:05 pm

      I just cannot comprehend this.

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  • landygirl

    landygirl December 14, 2012, 1:52 pm

    My thoughts are with those who were affected by the terrible tragedy that took place in CT this morning. It makes everyone else’s problems look small in comparison. Very sad day indeed.

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  • bittergaymark

    bittergaymark December 14, 2012, 2:13 pm

    Well, great, there goes my long awaited gay teen focused greeting card line. Here, it was all set to go.

    “You’re 13 today. And you wanna date that hot jock…
    Maybe next year when you have a much larger cock!”

    PS — Curiously, no advertising dollars are presently targeting LUNKs. (Loser Uncles No Kids…)

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  • avatar

    kerrycontrary December 14, 2012, 2:19 pm

    I don’t really like the article on Millenial women and dating. Well, mostly just the part where it quote’s Liza Mundy’s Book and says: Millennial women are increasingly finding two options when it comes to romance: marry down or don’t marry. “There needs to be a cognitive behavior change in what are [considered] important traits,” says Mundy. “I talk to so many women who are obsessed with finding men on their level. They want someone as ambitious, engaged, and high-achieving as they are. They maybe need to rethink that to seek a partner who is supportive, rather than competitive.”

    Like…UM OK?? Number 1, I don’t think a lot of Millenial women are “marrying down”. Number two, since when is it bad for women to try and find men who are ambitious, engaged, and/or high-achieving? From everything I’ve read a woman marrying a man who is less educated than her can become a disaster situation (no seriously, this is statistically speaking not just anecdotal). So we’re supposed to focus on finding a supportive man who has no career or life goals?

    I also know that single, childless, women DO NOT outearn their single male counterparts as there is a huge disparity between what men get paid and what women get paid starting from they DAY they graduate college. A lot of this has to do with women not negotiating salaries for their first job, but a lot of still has to due with sexism. So, I think the article has some valid points but I think they needed to do their research a little better (yes, I’m talking to you Forbes)

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    • avatar

      CG December 14, 2012, 2:45 pm

      I actually didn’t like that article either, but mainly because of the writer’s tone. She was all “OMG my Millennial GFs and I are so hot and awesome and smart and have closets full of designer clothes and have great jobs and aren’t you totes jelly???!!!” Maybe it’s true that you really are a high-earning, couture-clad special snowflake, but you don’t put that in the lede if you don’t want to turn off your audience. So I just rolled my eyes and skimmed the rest.

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      • avatar

        kerrycontrary December 14, 2012, 2:53 pm

        I also thought it was a little “you can’t have it all”. Like “us millenial women are so successful in our careers that we don’t have time to look for men.” Well, there are many women out there who have successful careers and boyfriends/husbands. And not every millenial woman is an upper-class white female who has gone to college/lives in their own apartment/has designer clothes so I’m not going to even address that this article left out the majority of the female population of the millennial generation.

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        Desiree December 14, 2012, 6:57 pm

        Yeah, I didn’t think her bragging about every other aspect of her life was the best approach. It kinda made me think that maybe her attitude is affecting her dating life (self-absorbed is deeply unattractive in anyone, male or female). The other thing I didn’t like about the description of her and her friends lives is that it made a “suitable husband” seem like just another accessory they are looking to acquire.

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    • Fabelle

      Fabelle December 14, 2012, 3:03 pm

      I just feel like I’ve seen a version of this article a million times before. Like, “Ladies, guess what, while you were getting your life together, everyone else was pairing up! Missed the boat, biotch!” or “So you have careers now, girls? Way to go! But WAIT… is your career HURTING YOUR CHANCES of LANDING A MAN???” (I hate the phrase “land a man”, by the way, which is also why I was annoyed)

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      • CatsMeow

        CatsMeow December 14, 2012, 5:21 pm

        My career is NOT awesome and I STILL haven’t “landed a man.” Gah! Way to make me feel bad, article.

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    • TaraMonster

      TaraMonster December 14, 2012, 3:57 pm

      Ugh a friend sent this to me earlier in the week. I just rolled my eyes and told her I couldn’t really say if this had any validity since I haven’t been back on the dating scene for long enough and couldn’t relate. But she’s the friend who I’m taking a semi-break from so I’m just not telling her what I really think about any topic that comes up when she gchats me or whatever.

      What I really think:
      Every time I see a “The Problem With Millennial Women Is _____” I want to set the internet on fire.

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      • avatar

        kerrycontrary December 14, 2012, 5:04 pm

        Me too!!! Or anything that includes the words/phrases “entitled” “lazy” “no work ethic” “coddled” because they don’t apply to me or most other millenials I know. Most of us are working our butts off to survive in an economy that was created by the irresponsibility and greed of previous generations.

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      • CatsMeow

        CatsMeow December 14, 2012, 5:20 pm

        Also, what makes a man “dateable”? I’d go with “not already married” and the rest is highly subjective.

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  • katie

    katie December 14, 2012, 3:05 pm

    that article about older parents was SO interesting. i knew that fertility treatments were bad… i knew it!

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    • avatar

      Sara December 14, 2012, 9:57 pm

      I was too scared to finish the article as an “aging” woman who is not in a place to procreate.

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  • avatar

    scattol December 16, 2012, 9:22 am

    See, there are drawbacks to having kids later

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