Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friday Links, February 15

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

Drinking compatibility one key to successful marriage [via LA Times]

“Why do we lie on our dating profiles? It’s all in the DNA, say evolutionary psychologists” [via New York Daily News]

“The calculus of online dating: Teeth, grammar, and these three questions” [via Quartz]

“Why smart women go for jerks” [via Daily Life]

(VIDEO) Esther Perel: The secret to desire in a long-term relationship [via Ted Talks]

This is weird. For the people who HAVE to communicate via a screen but want a little more privacy than social network allows, “Couples apps are part of a movement away from promiscuous sharing online to sharing more exclusively.” Whatever happened to phone calls? Or, you know, talking face-to-face. [via Slate]

“Inconvenient Truths About Love” [via Thought Catalog]

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to [email protected] and if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

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28 comments… add one
  • avatar

    GatorGirl February 15, 2013, 12:12 pm

    I’ve always found mis-matched drinking in a couple to be strange. We have couple friends who the guy is a big drinker- loves to go to the bar, seek out craft beers etc and the girl doesn’t drink more than half a glass of wine a month. She does come out to bars but is always making comments like “you don’t neeeeeed another beer” and the like. It’s just weird to me that they are so mismatched.

    I guess when I think about it my parents are too. My mom maybe has one drink a month while my dad drinks more than he should. My fiance and I are 100% on the same page about drinking. Is anyone on different pages? Does it work or create stress?

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    • avatar

      lets_be_honest February 15, 2013, 12:17 pm

      Hmm, well if its bothering her when he drinks, they probably aren’t a good match. I think its probably ok for some couples. My so will have a beer or two, but that’s it. I on the other hand, would be considered the bigger drinker between the two of us, but it works out nicely since I have a DD in him.

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl February 15, 2013, 12:45 pm

        Like my mom, she doesn’t care really. But this couple friend- I think the girl resents him for it and looks down on all of us. Which is annoying because I don’t want to be looked down on!

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest February 15, 2013, 12:50 pm

        Yea, that would not be someone I’d want to hang out at the bar with. Def sounds like she’s not cool with it.

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      • avatar

        kerrycontrary February 15, 2013, 1:35 pm

        I hate that! We have a friend whose girlfriend does that. My boyfriend didn’t eat before an event the other week and the alcohol hit him way too hard. He only drank beer, but I had to take him back to our hotel room. The next morning the girl was complaining about his “drinking problem” and called him a mean drunk! (even though he was just inconvenient, not mean). What a sourpuss.

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      • Fabelle

        Fabelle February 15, 2013, 1:55 pm

        Yeah, this is how it was with my ex-boyfriend. He didn’t drink at all, except maybe one super sweet drink (Bailey’s, usually) every now & then. Whenever I drank, he’d constantly be like “that’s enough alcohol!” or refuse to listen to anything I was saying because “you’re so drunk!” UGH. Like, I get it, even slightly tipsy people can be annoying when you’re stone-cold sober, but that’s why I agree with that article—if you have very mis-matched drinking habits, both partners are going to resent the other & find them annoying.

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    • avatar

      bethany February 15, 2013, 12:30 pm

      My husband and I are very different drinkers. For example, I’ve had between 1-3 drinks every night this week except 1. My husband had 1 beer all week. I’ve always been a big drinker, and he hasn’t. He really only has a problem with it when I drink way too much and get out of hand. That’s down to about once a year though, at this point. It was more of an issue when we were younger.

      I worry about it sometimes, if he has concerns over my drinking more than he does, but so far it seems like he doesn’t care, so long as I’m not obnoxious. This was an interesting article to read, and certainly worth me thinking about..

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl February 15, 2013, 12:46 pm

        Do y’all talk about it? We talk about drinking all the damn time. Like does one beer mean I “drank” last night or is it two? And are we spending too much money? is it bad to drink 3 days in a row? It gets really overwhelming sometimes. (My faince over thinks pretty much everything.)

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      • avatar

        bethany February 15, 2013, 1:44 pm

        No, we don’t really talk about it. I spend my personal money on wine (my drink of choice), so that’s not an issue. Sometimes I think I drink too frequently, but I dunno… I don’t see it as a problem really. I don’t drink and drive, I don’t really get drunk, other than at wine club or out with my girlfriends. I don’t go to work hungover, I exercise about 5 days a week…

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    • theattack

      theattack February 15, 2013, 12:54 pm

      I think we’re mismatched drinkers, and it really doesn’t affect our relationship. It used to be frustrating for me, because I’ve never once seen him drunk, and I’ve been trying to get him drunk for probably three and a half years. We might drink the same quantity, but if I have five drinks, I’m laughing hysterically and taking off my clothes, and he’s pretty much still sober at that point. I used to nag him to drink more, and that didn’t go very well. I’ve learned to be content with his constant sobriety, and he finds my tipsy or drunken antics entertaining. Doesn’t really make a difference as long as the two people are both accepting.

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    • avatar

      kerrycontrary February 15, 2013, 1:17 pm

      We are mis-matched drinkers. I used to drink a lot more, but it made my migraines bad. Now I have MAYBE 2 drinks on a saturday night. Maybe a little more on special events. My boyfriend on the other hand will have 2 glasses of wine a night, and enjoys drinking more on the weekends. I only get annoyed when everyone is drunk and I’m the DD. Or if he gets out of hand, which is rare, and I’ve definitely had my moments so I don’t care.

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    • Lyra

      L February 15, 2013, 1:26 pm

      My boyfriend is a pretty frequent drinker while I’m not. He has told me that he drinks considerably less now than he used to (weight and other things caught up to him) but he still drinks a lot more days per week than I do. As in, he has at least one beer most every night after work and I maybe will drink one glass of wine on the weekend. It hasn’t been an issue between us, though if it got to the point where he was partying like he says he did in college that would bother me immensely.

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    • katie

      katie February 15, 2013, 1:50 pm

      what do you guys think of the highest divorce rate being where the woman specifically was the heavy drinker and the man wasnt? thats odd. i dont get how that works.

      for the record, jake and i are pretty matched up in this area. we dont drink very frequently, but when we do drink, we drink a lot (kinda, maybe not a “lot”, maybe moderately? i dunno)

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    • iwannatalktosampson

      Iwannatalktosampson February 15, 2013, 1:54 pm

      Yay I sent in this article because of the Tech forum! Ethan and I used to be super mismatched but I am apparently rubbing off on him because now he drinks probably twice a week. When we first met he could go 6 months without drinking. But it was never a problem because I always had a DD. Even now drinking kind of upsets his stomach so it wasn’t like he wasn’t drinking because he was opposed to it it just seemed like drinking didn’t agree with him.

      My Mom and Dad are pretty mismatched too in that my Dad will have on average 4 beers a day now that he’s retired. Both of their drinking has picked up now that he’s retired but my Dad still drinks way more than her. When I was in high school my Dad would have maybe 2 beers a week and my Mom would have a glass of wine every 6 months. Now that they have a group of about 20 couples that they do happy hour with about 4 times a week they’re both drinking much more – but he’s still the dominate drinker. I think it’s partly because my Mom always feels like she has to be DD. He’s kind of a yahoo like that in that he probably would never offer so she just takes it upon herself to only have a glass of wine over 4 hours. Now that I think about it he’s a jerk, haha.

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl February 15, 2013, 2:45 pm

        You know what we’re mis-matched on? Weed. He likes it, I don’t. It actually creates a bit of tension in our relationship. Mostly because I don’t like keeping illegal drugs in the house (duh) and he over rationalizes it when he is going to smoke (which is like once a week). I don’t smoke at all.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest February 15, 2013, 3:19 pm

        I almost sent in a link this week about a “Marijuana Mom.” Interesting article. Thnk it was on xojane.

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    • avatar

      lemongrass February 15, 2013, 3:06 pm

      Pre-pregnancy I would drink 1-2 glasses of wine 4-5 nights a week and my husband wouldn’t drink weeknights. When we went out with friends we would both drink equally and spend the night at a friends house or one of us would stay sober and drive home (we live 45 mins away from our friends so had to have a plan!) Now we won’t be going out on weekends and my husband hasn’t had a beer since E was born. Once he’s 6 weeks+ and consistently feeding longer I plan to have a glass of wine ( and so looking forward to it!) It’s never been a problem for us at all. My husband just grew up in a non-nightly drinking house (though they do drink nightly now) and my parents did. We model our parents in that aspect. If my husband thought that nightly drinking was bad then we would have a problem but he doesn’t, just not for him.

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    • BriarRose

      BriarRose February 15, 2013, 4:38 pm

      My ex-husband and I were very mismatched when it came to drinking. He could down 8 beers on a Tuesday night, while watching TV, whereas I really only drink if I go out to dinner or something. His grandfather was an alcoholic, so I felt constantly on edge about it. He would “quit” for like 3 days then be right back at it. I always felt caught in this weird place of enabling (he’d ask me to buy more when I went to the grocery store), worrying, nagging, giving up….Anyway, that wasn’t the main reason for our divorce, but I don’t miss that at all. Although I did worry about him a lot after we got divorced. I know he still drinks a lot.

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    • Skyblossom

      Skyblossom February 15, 2013, 5:14 pm

      My husband and I are mismatched. Alcohol puts me to sleep and I mean tiny amounts of alcohol so I don’t drink. My husband drinks wine probably 3 to four nights per week and always when we go out to dinner. When I drink I feel like I’m drugged and can’t wake up and it is a terrible feeling. I don’t know what my body does with alcohol but it isn’t what most peoples bodies do.

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  • avatar

    Addie Pray February 15, 2013, 12:57 pm

    YOU GUYZ, speaking of drinking, i need to quit. i have had 3-4 glasses of wine a night for like 10+ days straight. my whole body shakes from my chin to my belly to my thighs to my toes when i’m using my electric toothbrush. It’s gross. The alcohol is probably not helping me.

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    • avatar

      lets_be_honest February 15, 2013, 1:54 pm

      Shaking = weight loss? Maybe? I don’t think 3-4 glasses will give you the shakes though. That’s strange.

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      • Fabelle

        Fabelle February 15, 2013, 1:57 pm

        Wait, I thought she meant flab. Like, body fat that jiggles when she’s brushing her teeth?

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      • avatar

        rachel February 15, 2013, 1:59 pm

        Yeah, I think she meant flab.

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray February 15, 2013, 3:59 pm

        Definitely meant flab. (Btw, isn’t the word “flab” perfect for flab? It’s just so blah. f-l-a-b.)

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest February 15, 2013, 2:05 pm

        Oh, duh.

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    • iwannatalktosampson

      Iwannatalktosampson February 15, 2013, 1:57 pm

      Yeah weight loss or too much caffeine. I go through periods of drinking everyday (before anyone freaks out it’s never more than 1-2 glasses) and then will go weeks without drinking. I wouldn’t worry about it too much – you are going through a big life change. But if it doesn’t make you feel good maybe replace wine with yoga! That’s how I know when I need to quit drinking for a while – when I’m not even really having fun doing it I’m just doing it out of habit.

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    • avatar

      MJ February 15, 2013, 3:55 pm

      Last year I gave up beer for Lent and lost 7 pounds! Seriously, when you’re drinking 5-6 days a week it’s a lot of calories.

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl February 15, 2013, 4:07 pm

        My fiance lost 12 when he gave up beer for 3.5 weeks! It’s amazing!

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