Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friday Links: Check Out Drew’s Tumblr

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

Drew has a Tumblr devoted to his hilarious resurrected comic strip, The Adventures of a Tuna Fish Sandwich

From The Telegraph: “I want my husband to lose weight. How do I tell him?”

From HuffingPost.com: “Why Men Disappear”

From Babble.com: “Are Wives Obsolete?”

From Trés Sugar: “What to Do After a Breakup”

From CNN.com and Oprah.com: “Moving in together can kill your relationship”

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to wendy@dearwendy.com and if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

34 comments… add one
  • Budj

    Budj February 24, 2012, 12:30 pm

    OMG I just spent like 30 minutes reading the comments on that Huffington post article and I appreciate everyone in this community soooo much more…sooo much hatred and blinded opinions on both sides there. Holy shit…

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    • iwannatalktosampson

      iwannatalktosampson February 24, 2012, 12:43 pm

      Ditto. Yikes. Also at some point today I imagine myself to commit some thread jacking – you have all been warned.

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    • avatar

      britannia February 24, 2012, 12:51 pm

      I agree! You should see the Democrats go after the Republicans on HuffPo… for people who preach tolerance, they sure have some downright insulting and unnecessary things to say (though, admittedly, religious Republicans can be pretty narrow minded too).

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      • Budj

        Budj February 24, 2012, 12:59 pm

        haha – yes there are crazies on both sides but the die hard crazy portion of the liberals definitely have some colourful ways of expressing their “tolerance.”

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      • avatar

        britannia February 24, 2012, 1:09 pm

        I agree. I’m all for liberals’ right to call Republicans “right-wing nut jobs” but I read a real comment from someone on a video article about BC in Arizona saying (paraphrasing here), “What these Republican men don’t seem to know is that all their wives are taking birth control because none of them want to have children with these assholes”. That’s just so, so out of line. I also don’t appreciate liberals’ opinions that all Christians are idiots who are in some “cosmic Zombie Big-Brother-living-in-the-sky cult”.

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    • avatar

      ReginaRey February 24, 2012, 12:51 pm

      I know!!! I feel like DW is this internet gem. There are ignorant, dumb trolls everywhere! I feel safe here. Haha.

      But seriously, reading the Huffington Post comments makes me scared for the prospect of humanity. Can there truly be that many crazy, dumb people??

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    • avatar

      silver_dragon_girl February 24, 2012, 12:52 pm

      If you think that’s bad…have you looked at CNN.com?? Those comments seriously make me lose my faith in humanity and swear of politics forever every time I read them.

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      • avatar

        Eljay February 24, 2012, 2:28 pm

        OMG! CNN.com is the absolute worst. Unbelievably narrow-minded, hateful, assinine commenters there. Never ceases to amaze me.

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      • Moneypenny

        Moneypenny February 25, 2012, 3:31 am

        I agree. CNN has some of the worst comments I’ve ever read.

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    • Jess

      Jess of CGW February 24, 2012, 1:17 pm

      It is so so true. I’ve been saying that for awhile. There are only 2 online communities that I have found to be safe and supportive –this one and my Cancer Support group. Doesn’t THAT tell you something?

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    • Leroy

      Leroy February 24, 2012, 2:24 pm

      HuffPo is crazy town. It’s like visiting Northern California.

      The article did make some good points, but realistically if someone just up and leaves you without even acknowledging why – it’s probably not because they’re intimidated by your awesomeness and trying to preserve their fragile male ego in a time of fracturing gender roles and social anxiety. This explanation of male behavior seems to have become a staple among certain female writers, but it’s very condescending to both men and women.

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      • Moneypenny

        Moneypenny February 25, 2012, 4:03 am

        What’s so crazy about Northern California, hmm?
        I agree that if a guy disappears on you, it’s not likely that it was because you were too awesome for him to handle. Or that they are just too insecure in their male-ness. That *is* really condescending. (And women can be just a guilty as men of doing this!) It sucks to be “ghosted” on, for sure, especially when you’ve been dating awhile, or at least several weeks, as described in the article. At that point it would be nice (not to mention respectful) for at least some explanation. If it’s only been one or two dates, I don’t think it’s worth wasting my energy trying to decipher, but it still a little disappointing.

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      • Leroy

        Leroy February 25, 2012, 12:02 pm

        It’s not the geography, it’s the people. If you know that region, you know what I’m talking about – there are a lot of wackadoos running around in northern CA.

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      • Moneypenny

        Moneypenny February 25, 2012, 3:10 pm

        Haha, yeah, I know, because I live (and grew up in) in northern CA! And I live in SF, so I could tell you some interesting stories (like, the board of supervisors wanting to pass an ordinance that it’s ok to walk around naked as long as you put something under you when you sit down on a chair at a cafe or public property. That was a recent interesting one.) I don’t think I’m one of them, but… you might disagree!

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      • avatar

        Marta February 25, 2012, 2:54 pm

        That is an American thing, that when men don’t like you it’s because they are ‘intimidated’ by you because you are better than they are. Apparently any woman is better than every man. It’s childish.

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    • Will.i.am

      Will.i.am February 24, 2012, 5:21 pm

      It’s bad news over there. I’m reading through the comments for insightful information. On page three and I’ve read two or three comments that I felt were legit.

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  • avatar

    Yammy February 24, 2012, 12:51 pm

    Yes!!! I love the Tuna Fish Sandwich comics! I was thinking about them just the other day.

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  • Jess

    Jess of CGW February 24, 2012, 1:03 pm

    Dear god, I am afraid to click on any of them. It’s like one scare-tactic title after another.

    This is not directed at you Wendy –it’s just what’s out there (and what people read and refer to you). But geez let me break this down:

    Wives are obsolete so presumably marriage is out. Maybe you could move-in together instead. But wait! No! Moving in together might kill your relationship. And if you’re confused, you better figure it out soon or else your man might disappear.

    You can’t win!

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    • Dear Wendy

      Wendy February 24, 2012, 1:11 pm

      Well, that’s why there’s a little Tuna Fish Sandwich thrown in for comedic relief.

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      • Jess

        Jess of CGW February 24, 2012, 1:14 pm

        Wendy, I ALMOST mentioned that to say that it was by far the best of the bunch!! Tuna sandwich’s life is complicated but he seems to handle it with such poise.

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    • avatar

      ReginaRey February 24, 2012, 1:17 pm

      Ha! Well, I’ll grant that the titles definitely sound scary, but all of these were pretty good! The one about wives being obsolete was the idea of the traditional role of wife (as mother, cooker, cleaner, happy domestic goddess) being out, and the one about moving in was just really solid relationship advice in general…it was basically a list of things to make sure you do/employ to have a happy live-in relationship). You’d like them!

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      • Jess

        Jess of CGW February 24, 2012, 1:30 pm

        hey RR, yeah, I went back and read them all and they were mostly fine. What gets me is the fear-grabbing titles. I get why they do it. It’s attention-getting, shock-value, and it gets people to read, etc. But I don’t like that sometimes it feels like there is a whole family of articles built on this premise that it’s women’s goal to find marriage and men’s goal to play the field. It preys on women’s fears. That’s my point.

        For example, that article about how moving-in can ruin your relationship? It’s REALLY an article about the steps you should take before moving in. Things to consider and ways to repair. And it makes the point that you should move-in to FIX a flawed relationship (can’t say I’ve seen that much but it’s a fair enough point). However, the title makes it sound as if you might have a perfectly good relationship and the ACT of moving-in kills it. You know what I mean?

        Sorry if I’m being grumpy. It’s just a sore subject with me.

        P.S. To be super clear, I think Wendy and THIS community do not at all fit into that syndrome and that’s one reason I visit every day!

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      • Jess

        Jess of CGW February 24, 2012, 1:32 pm

        Sorry, it won’t let me edit. I meant to say

        “And it makes the point that you SHOULDN’T move-in to FIX a flawed relationship…”

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    • Lili

      Lili February 24, 2012, 1:51 pm

      Jess I agree! However my friends appreciated the Commitment phobe article:)

      Sadly the tuna fish was just as scary to me, because I’m going low carb this week. All. I. Really. Want. Is. A. SANDWICH!

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  • Budj

    Budj February 24, 2012, 1:27 pm

    I just read the wives one and was really surprised about the comments below…not in a bad way..I think everyone should be able to do what they find fulfillment in.

    It also makes me wonder if families would be happier if one person worked and the other did the 1950’s “wife” work…obviously this isn’t a gender specific thing..men or women would be doing it depending on who found fulfillment from a career and who didn’t care about a career and was ok at home…but I wonder if having both parents working in a family situation adds to a lot of stress if you can’t afford cleaning/cooking/day care services and if in the future when if it isn’t mostly necessary to have dual incomes to live comfortably that this would be a viable solution to some family issues.

    For me I’d gladly be a stay at home dude…but I would still need to find some ambitious fulfillment outside of my hypothetical kids..be it in music or something else. And as long as my wife wasn’t a slob that came home and undid everything I did that day to keep the house in order :X On second thought..I’d have so much time to invest in music being a stay at home…maybe I’ll post an ad on craigslist…

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    • avatar

      ReginaRey February 24, 2012, 1:32 pm

      I definitely think the stay-at-home-dad trend will be on the rise as our generation settles down and has kids. Personally, I know I couldn’t be a full-time stay at home mom. My future career means too much to me to give it up, even for a few years. Though, I do plan to be my own boss and set my own hours, so I hope to have a really good work-life balance.

      I don’t know how I’d feel about being sole breadwinner, though. I’m really attracted to dudes who are super passionate about something (like I am about what I want to do), so I feel that any dude I marry would be discontent (like me)to be a full-time stay-at-home-dad. But anyway, it’ll be interesting to see how much more fluid this kind of thing will be in the next couple of decades.

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      • avatar

        camille905 February 24, 2012, 2:16 pm

        Even if he (or she or whatever) is super passionate about something doesn’t mean that translates in to a real job (i.e. a job they can support themselves or help support a family with). So your partner could stay at home with kids and do their passionate thing a couple mornings a week with help from a sitter or something.

        While I really like my job, if my fiancee ended up making enough money so that I could not work, I of course would take the opportunity to stay at home BUT I would still have to do things for me. I play rollerderby and that’s what I’m passionate about but it’s nothing I can really make money at. I think staying home all day would actually drive me crazy though. I’ve always felt that even if I stayed at home with my kids, I would still have to get a sitter/daycare for a couple mornings a week so I could work part time or volunteer with something important to me.

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      • Budj

        Budj February 24, 2012, 2:36 pm

        That’s what I’m saying.

        The whole corporate thing serves a purpose for me right now…money…I hate the politics..I hate the b.s…and what I would love to do on my own is something that is really tough to make a living in unless you are super famous, haha. The reality is very few people currently actually make enough money to be a sole breadwinner today…and if they are they aren’t living very comfortably (complete and utter financial security with added life frills) with a family. Most of my comment was tongue in cheek because I will be working the rest of my life regardless of whether or not it’s something that pays the bills or it’s something I love doing.

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      • Budj

        Budj February 24, 2012, 2:39 pm

        and that is funny too, because I would truly appreciate a spouse that gave up a career to handle the home and children…I’d be curious to know if more women also would have a perception issue with their husbands if they were stay at home dads.

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    • avatar

      demoiselle February 26, 2012, 3:12 pm

      I think the problem with this is much of the “stay at home” work is grueling, repetitive, and thankless, and often solitary and lonely . . . and while much of the “out of the house” work is also grueling, repetitive, and thankless, at least you get a paycheck and social contact with adults.

      I doubt that the dynamic of happiness would be improved by returning to an even split, even if it was divided by inclination to work out of the house rather than strictly by gender. The set up seems to predicate that one partner will be more isolated and financially vulnerable, while the other will have more economic and social power. Doesn’t seem like a good route to happiness…

      What the best solution is . . . is unclear. I wish I knew.

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  • Budj

    Budj February 24, 2012, 4:41 pm

    Ok…I also read that Telegraph article just now and Vicki’s response made me puke in my mouth a little bit….

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    • CatsMeow

      CatsMeow February 24, 2012, 6:23 pm

      What the what?!

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    • Moneypenny

      Moneypenny February 25, 2012, 3:38 am

      This quote: “They may pretend not to like it, but men, in my experience, do expect women to tell them what they should and shouldn’t do in life.” – Um, what??

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  • avatar

    Addie Pray February 26, 2012, 5:19 pm

    I love the Tuna Fish comic strip. I like Drew’s sense of humor. I’ve seen several of his videos, Good Luck Everyone. In fact I “like” it on Facebook, which makes me a groupee, right? Kind of? I’ve always wanted to be a groupee.

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