Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friday Links, January 18

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

“When a friend won’t walk away from abuse” [via CNN]

“I Don’t Want My Preschooler to Be a ‘Gentleman’” [via NYTimes]

“Did porn warp me forever?” [via Salon]

“A Million First Dates” [via The Atlantic]

“Traits unhappy couples have in common” [via Match.com]

“The Best Birth Control In The World Is For Men” [via TechCitement]

“10 ways the brain dictates sex” [via Salon]

Good news! “‘Crabs’ Now Endangered Thanks to Bikini Waxing” [via Newser]

“In Defense Of Never Moving On” [via Jezebel]

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to wendy@dearwendy.com and if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

You can follow me on Facebook here and sign up for my weekly newsletter here.

168 comments… add one
  • avatar

    lemongrass January 18, 2013, 1:12 pm

    The preschooler article didn’t sit well with me. Maybe because I like it when a guy holds a door open for me? I don’t think it is wrong to enjoy such a thing and I think that I can enjoy it while still feeling like an equal. I hold doors open for anyone that needs it. I also feel strongly that kids should be kids and it just seems wrong to label their behaviour as sexist. Sure, the teacher shouldn’t be teaching the kids to be “gentlemanly” by letting the little girls go first because it is not the teacher’s job to enforce her morals on her students. The idea behind it though is just as bad as being gleeful that your kid stole a ball from a girl simply because she is a girl. Seems like the author is just projecting her own gendered issues on her kid.

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    • avatar

      lets_be_honest January 18, 2013, 1:15 pm

      I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a teacher teaching boys to be gentlemanly. It’d be nicer if the word used was polite, which means the same thing to me and can be applied to both sexes.

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      • CatsMeow

        CatsMeow January 18, 2013, 1:53 pm

        That’s the thing, though, she’s teaching the kids different things based on their gender. She’s telling boys what it means to be “gentlemen” – not what it means to be polite – and being a “gentleman” means treating girls differently because they are girls. And the girls, meanwhile, are being taught that they deserve special treatment from the boys simply because they are girls.

        I actually believe that these seemingly innocuous things children are taught from such a young age contribute to the more obvious sexism we encounter later in life. Not just chivalry, but the toys and the role models and the “boys will be boys” and “act like a lady” attitudes… We don’t need to have these messages ingrained in us literally since birth.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest January 18, 2013, 1:56 pm

        See my comment below about this. I agree with what you’re saying, really, but I’m also in the camp that any added teaching about being respectful and polite is fine by me.

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray January 18, 2013, 4:04 pm

        WCMS!

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      • CatsMeow

        CatsMeow January 18, 2013, 5:36 pm

        I got a “WCMS” from THE Addie Pray? I can die happy now.

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    • LadyinPurpleNotRed

      LadyinPurpleNotRed January 18, 2013, 1:19 pm

      I agree I didn’t like the tone, but I understand her point. If the girls aren’t taught that it’s polite, like lets_be_honest pointed out, it’s a little ridiculous. Girls should be taught to be polite, hold doors open, learn to wait for someone else to go in front of him. I agree kids behavior shouldn’t be labeled as sexist, but the teacher’s behavior isn’t exactly right either.

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      • avatar

        lemongrass January 18, 2013, 1:28 pm

        Sure, girls should be taught to be polite. They should be treated equally. The mother isn’t treating them equally though since she was happy that he son stole the ball from a girl because she was a girl. Pot calling kettle black, IMO.

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      • LadyinPurpleNotRed

        LadyinPurpleNotRed January 18, 2013, 1:31 pm

        Yes she was happy, but she did go over to tell him to share.

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      • avatar

        EB January 18, 2013, 3:04 pm

        I think she was happy because it demonstrated he had rejected his teacher’s belief that girls should be treated differently and by stealing the ball from a girl he was treating her just like he would another little boy and was basically “gender blind”.

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      • avatar

        lemongrass January 18, 2013, 4:25 pm

        But should she be happy that he is being “gender blind” by treating a girl poorly? That’s the pendulum swinging too far in my opinion. If him acting in a gender blind way by treating a fellow boy with respect was what she was happy about then I would agree with her. That’s what we should be striving for- treating everyone with respect regardless of gender, not tearing down any kindness shown to one gender or the other simply because one is of the opposite gender.

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    • katie

      katie January 18, 2013, 1:23 pm

      yea, the issue is that the boys are being taught this- those kinds of polite behaviors need to be taught to *everyone*.

      and, also, do you get mad if a woman holds the door open for you? its not the fact that its a man doing it (im assuming)- its just a kind gesture by anyone.

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      • avatar

        lemongrass January 18, 2013, 1:27 pm

        No, of course I don’t. I don’t think a woman has ever done so but I’ve held a door open for other women.

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      • katie

        katie January 18, 2013, 1:28 pm

        really? that is sad. i would say if i ever tried to track it, its about 50/50 who holds doors open for me. like, this morning- a guy held the door open for me going into the coffee shop, i opened the next door for him, then leaving i held the door for a woman. thats normal.

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      • avatar

        lemongrass January 18, 2013, 1:31 pm

        In my mind “holding the door open” means you grab the door and wait for the other person to enter. When I’m walking through a door I keep holding it open for the next person behind me but I wouldn’t call that holding the door for someone. I’m not sure if that makes any sense. The second one is both genders equally but the first has only been men for me.

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      • katie

        katie January 18, 2013, 1:35 pm

        yea, thats sad.

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      • avatar

        lemongrass January 18, 2013, 1:43 pm

        I’m not sad about it. I don’t think there is anything wrong with enjoying it either. The same way I don’t think it’s sad if a man enjoys a smile from a woman.

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      • FireStar

        FireStar January 18, 2013, 2:00 pm

        I noticed on public transit it is always a woman to offer her seat to a pregnant woman. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a man do it outside of my husband…even the men seated IN the designated seats for pregnant women or the elderly don’t get up unless told (though in fairness when told they all have given up the seat). I’ve held doors and given up my seat and helped the elderly carry their bags or walkers down steps/across streets regularly – if you see someone in need of assistance – just help – likely it takes nothing from you and it usually means a lot to them regardless of your gender or theirs. That’s what kids should be taught.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson January 18, 2013, 3:28 pm

        So question – what if you don’t know the person is pregnant – like you think they are but they could either just have a little more junk in that area or might have recently given birth and not be with the baby. I don’t ride public transportation but if I did I would give up my seat for anybody – old man, young kids, adults, whoever. But I would definitely have anxiety about offering my seat to a “pregnant” women in case she’s not and she’s offended.

        Really I’m projecting here – because I can’t tell if one of my advisors at school is pregnant. I want to say something to her because we’re close-ish, but she hasn’t brought it up. She’s not overweight normallyish but if she is pregnant she hasn’t gained weight only in her stomach if that makes sense. GAH THE ANXIETY. I just want to say congrats.

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      • avatar

        lemongrass January 18, 2013, 3:40 pm

        I always err on the side of pretending they aren’t pregnant if it’s not obvious. I didn’t start getting comments on being pregnant from strangers until I hit 30 weeks or so and my bump was pretty clearly a baby bump. But honestly- the only time I would have really needed a seat was in the first trimester where no one could tell I was pregnant. Even now I don’t mind standing.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson January 18, 2013, 3:47 pm

        Yeah if she is pregnant she’s probably about 8 months, haha. I just still can’t handle risking it – but why hasn’t she brought it up to me!?! She hasn’t even mentioned her maternity leave!

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest January 18, 2013, 3:45 pm

        Don’t do it!

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest January 18, 2013, 4:41 pm

        On the other side of this, I was doing my final speech in class at the end of the semester, 8 1/2 months pregnant, massive, couldn’t fit in the desk without sitting in it sideways and after I finish and ask if anyone has any questions, there 2 girls start whispering and finally one asks me if I’m pregnant. Wanted to smack her with my big belly.

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      • Skyblossom

        Skyblossom January 19, 2013, 8:46 am

        It’s best to say nothing. I’ve known a woman who had a large growth in her abdomen who looked pregnant but wasn’t. People would be shocked to see her drinking at a bar.

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      • avatar

        bethany January 18, 2013, 4:07 pm

        This happened to me once… The train was full, and a bunch of us were standing. There was a woman near me who COULD have been pregnant, but I couldn’t tell. No one offered her a seat.

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl January 18, 2013, 4:11 pm

        I wouldn’t bring it up! You run the risk of offending her big time if she’s not. Just go about your business until she tells you (if she is pregs).

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      • FireStar

        Firestar January 18, 2013, 4:35 pm

        Most women you can tell-ish or they are touching their bellies but I did offer my seat one time and the lady looked confused and I just pretended I was getting up anyway. It was the only save I could think of! I had a friend who people would ask when she was due ALL THE TIME… and she wasn’t pregnant :s. That was just rudeness.

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      • avatar

        rachel January 18, 2013, 2:01 pm

        I actually find it really awkward when a guy goes out of his way to hold a door open for me. It seems like a lot of times you then end up having to almost walk *under* their arm? Maybe that’s just b/c I’m short.

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      • avatar

        bethany January 18, 2013, 2:17 pm

        I HATE it when people who are walking ahead of me open the door and allow me to pass through first. Sure, hold open behind you as you walk through, or if I’ve got my hands full, fine open the door for me, but for some reason it drives me insane when people go out of their way to open the door for me. And also when men insist on the woman getting out of the elevator first. Whoever is closest to the door should get out first, duh.

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      • avatar

        lemongrass January 18, 2013, 2:31 pm

        Unless it’s awkward- he’s blocking you from the elevator door and you have to dance to get out or something like that, I like it when people do that for me. Their intention is to be nice and I take it at face value.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson January 18, 2013, 3:29 pm

        Aw that I think it’s gentlemanly. I kind of like it. (*don’t yell at me – I’m not trying to encourage sexism. But I like being treatly with respect because I’m young or adorable or a girl or whatever. I just like it*)

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest January 18, 2013, 1:27 pm

        So assuming they are taught to everyone, is there really something wrong with the word gentleman or behaving like one? I don’t think so.

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      • katie

        katie January 18, 2013, 1:29 pm

        no, but thats when gender is taken out of it, and thats the point. then its not being a gentleman- its just being a human.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest January 18, 2013, 1:53 pm

        I guess my thinking is that there is no harm in over-teaching a boy to be a gentleman/human/polite to everyone, but reinforce that its important to be that way to a woman. I agree that its just human decency, but I’m thinking of all the rapes and specifically those Stuebenville rapists. Maybe if they were drown with the idea of being polite AND being a gentlemen toward women, they would have more of a clue about acceptable behavior toward woman. Am I making sense?

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      • katie

        katie January 18, 2013, 2:03 pm

        honestly- i think that these kinds of attitudes regarding gender actually *contribute* to situations like stuebenville much, much more then help them. like cats was saying, its the over-arching thing that men are superior for acting “polite”, they are doing the women a favor just because they are women, women are different, women cant hold their bladder for as long- and however many more of these you can come up with just from this one situation… and there are probably hundreds more of these stupid little “rules” that can be taught. all it does is reinforce all the terrible gender sterotypes, and even though its seems so polite -oh, the cute little boys are letting the cute little girls go to the bathroom first!- later in life, those same boys wont have enough respect for women to care about the heavy, serious stuff.

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      • theattack

        theattack January 18, 2013, 3:37 pm

        While I agree with your overarching point, I definitely can’t hold my bladder as long, and I totally want to go in front of men who can chug four gatorades and hold it for hours. haha The line for me is drawn where there are actual biological differences. I fully expect the men in my life to help me with things that they’re better at (like carrying heavy or big stuff), and I help them with things I’m better at in exchange (is it sad that I can’t think of anything I’m better at right now?). I think that’s just kind of the nature of being kind to people, regardless of gender. You help someone when you can do something better than what they’re doing themselves, and that just so happens to fall on gendered lines sometimes, whether that’s from biology or socialization. Now, whether we should continue socializing those gendered behaviors is definitely an important question, but IMO there’s nothing wrong with acknowledging biology.

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      • avatar

        lemongrass January 18, 2013, 3:43 pm

        Yes. I also feel like ignoring or repressing those kindnesses based on whose gender is what is like throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

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      • theattack

        theattack January 18, 2013, 3:52 pm

        Exactly. When we see a boy being nice to a girl, why do we have to assume it’s because of chivalry? It could be because he’s been taught to be nice to everyone!

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      • avatar

        lemongrass January 18, 2013, 3:58 pm

        Also, when my male friends reach up to grab something for me, it’s because they are taller than me not that they feel superior. Men are generally taller than women and should be taught that when you see someone struggling, to help. I’ve definitely grabbed something from a top shelf for shorter women and men than me.

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      • katie

        katie January 18, 2013, 4:10 pm

        who said anything about repressing kindness?

        there is a difference. if you teach your kid to use his/her strengths to do good in the world (which, in my mind, = if your strong help people carry stuff/if you can hold your pee in better, let someone else pee before you), we will have a whole new generation of kind people who wont judge or hurt others based on gender. teaching young boys specifically that they should be kind to young women based on gender, while also enforcing that boys do x, y, z, and girls do a, b, c will give us a whole next generation just like the ones who are already here, and the cycle will continue.

        there is a profound but subtle difference.

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      • avatar

        lemongrass January 18, 2013, 4:29 pm

        My issue with the article is that she was happy that her son treated another girl poorly for the sake of being “gender blind.” That is where it is too far- we shouldn’t be happy about anyone treating anyone poorly! Especially not a little boy treating a little girl badly because she is a girl. What we should be happy about is people treating others nicely. Praise the little boy for letting the smaller boy go first, don’t rejoice when your son steals a ball from a girl.

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      • katie

        katie January 18, 2013, 4:32 pm

        well, i get that point, but i do agree with whoever said above- she was happy that her son hasnt yet bought into the issues with gender, even though he has already been taught them at school.. so no, its not good he took a ball from another little girl, but its good that he hasnt *already* learned that you dont take balls from little girls- you only do that to the little boys.

        and if you only latch onto that one part of the article, i think that is throwing the baby out with the water- this article has great, great things to say.

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      • theattack

        theattack January 18, 2013, 4:38 pm

        But I don’t think a little boy being mean to a little girl means he’s gender blind anyway. Little boys do that all the time! He could be flirting, or he could just want to play ball, or he could even think that ball is for boys only. It could mean so many things that I just don’t think it’s a real indication of progress anyway.

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      • avatar

        lemongrass January 18, 2013, 4:42 pm

        But who teaches that you only take balls from little boys? Nobody teaches that you should take balls from boys but not from girls. They teach that you don’t take balls from anyone. I highly doubt that rejecting stereotypes had anything to do with his actions there, he was just being a little shit and his mother was happy about that because she was projecting her own thoughts about gender stereotypes. Being happy about any negative treatment is bad for society. I think that we should only be happy about positive treatment of others regardless of gender.

        If this mother feels that the teacher is enforcing things that don’t match up with her morals then she should bring that up with the teacher.

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      • katie

        katie January 18, 2013, 4:49 pm

        well, if the “gentleman” stereotype is enforced, then yes, girls are nice and kind and pretty and soft and easily hurt, they dont play with balls, they play with dolls and pretend washing machines. boys are rough and tough and like to wrestle. you know what i mean?

        it just has such far reaching, personality-creating, societal repercussions.

        and really, lets be honest- what do you think she did? she probably reprimanded the little shit for acting like one!

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      • katie

        katie January 18, 2013, 4:51 pm

        she actually closes the article with that- “and with that, i cross the field and remind him how to share”

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      • theattack

        theattack January 18, 2013, 4:54 pm

        I think gender stereotypes are different from gentlemanly behavior though…

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      • katie

        katie January 18, 2013, 4:59 pm

        but thats where it starts. thats the entire point of that piece. its already started for her kid, in freaking preschool. as he goes on in life, its going to change from something very simple and seemingly good like this into something like the stuebenville guys.

        do you think all the “good ol boys” start out that way? no. they start out like this, exactly like this, learning from a young age to treat boys and girls differently… add in our countries terrible relationship with sex and presto! youve got our epicly sad rape culture.

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      • avatar

        lemongrass January 18, 2013, 5:08 pm

        The issue of rape is not that simple. Just because my husband will open a door for a woman doesn’t equal he will rape her. It doesn’t mean he thinks that he is superior. I get not wanting the “gentleman” behaviour taught in school but to say that it leads to rape is a pretty far stretch.

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      • theattack

        theattack January 18, 2013, 5:13 pm

        Oh I definitely agree with you about the horrible effects of gender stereotypes. I’m just saying that I think it’s a separate (but very connected) issue from gentlemanly behavior. Thinking that girls shouldn’t play ball doesn’t make little boys want to steal balls from little girls, ya know? Thinking that girls shouldn’t play ball is a gender stereotype that doesn’t have to seep into actions. Letting a little girl have the ball is most likely either politeness or chivalry (okay, or flirtation), depending on if he would let another little boy have the ball or not.

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      • katie

        Katie January 18, 2013, 5:22 pm

        No, but if you teach an entire generation of little boys that way, some will.

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      • theattack

        theattack January 18, 2013, 5:23 pm

        Very good point, lemongrass. The South is full of gentlemen, but it’s not full of rapists. I personally love gentleman-behavior. I grew up on it, and I thrive on it now. I love when my fiance treats me like his lady, because it makes me feel special and dainty and loved. It definitely does not have to lead to violent behavior. I think it does contribute to a culture that views women as less capable and more needy though. To me it seems like men who are raised specifically to be gentlemen and also raised to believe men and women are equal don’t seem to be influenced by that, but the ones who weren’t raised like that get it all mixed up. They hear messages about women and men, and they interpret it dangerously, or it angers them and they lash out.

        Southern culture is very different though, so that might not be true of other areas.

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      • theattack

        theattack January 18, 2013, 5:26 pm

        @katie, I’m just distinguishing the gender stereotypes from gentlemanly behavior because there are so many men who behave like gentlemen but completely 100% believe that men and women are equally capable of things and they reject gender stereotypes.

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      • avatar

        lemongrass January 18, 2013, 5:33 pm

        @ Katie- but will it? Is it the gentlemen behaviour that causes some men to become rapists? Correlation does not equal causation. Some men who aren’t raised with gentlemanly behaviour become rapists as well. The man who raped me certainly didn’t display any gentleman behaviour that night before it happened.

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      • katie

        katie January 18, 2013, 6:24 pm

        you guys are confusing being a gentlemen with meaning to be kind and meaning that women are different/needy/soft/ect, and need to be treated differently. teaching a kid to be kind is a good thing- like i said, no one is trying to repress kindness.

        the issues come when you add in all the baggage and gender issues that being taught to be a gentleman entails, at least in the classical sense, like how this teacher was using it.

        so, is teaching a kid to be a gentleman bad? no. not at its face. but, is teaching a kid to be a gentleman while dragging in all the baggage of gender issues -which contribute to a ton of problems in our society, like un-equal pay, legistlation against womens choices, and rape culture- bad? yes. very, very much yes.

        like i said, its a subtle difference… but it really means something.

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      • avatar

        Eagle Eye January 18, 2013, 9:07 pm

        WKS – This!

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      • CatsMeow

        CatsMeow January 18, 2013, 2:05 pm

        I get where you’re coming from. I think boys should be taught to be respectful of women, and to be generally polite, but I think that the emphasis on being a “gentleman” – which by the preschool teacher’s definition involves treating girls differently just because they’re girls – can potentially do more harm than good. Sure, it might instill in some boys that treating women like shit is bad (duh), but I think more often than not it just furthers “othering.” I think it magnifies the notion that women aren’t just humans, we’re women. We’re different. Special, even. Men are from Mars and women are from Venus. Viewing us through a different lens based solely on gender can lead to objectification and discrimination. The pressure to fit into a mold of what is “masculine” and what is “feminine” starts at such a young age, and it makes me sad. Just let kids be kids.

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      • melissafawn

        melissafawn January 18, 2013, 2:13 pm

        I didn’t see this before I replied, but yes othering is exactly what it does, even if for the best intentions!

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      • theattack

        theattack January 18, 2013, 3:42 pm

        I agree with you, Cats, but I’d like to add that it’s not just pressure to fit into gendered norms. Developmentally young children yearn for gender roles and gender norms, which is most likely because they see some differences in the society around them. Little boys are especially curious because they typically spend more time around female role models, and they become passionate and focused about what it means to grow into a man. That’s why little boys cling so much to what their dads are like and they want to be just like them. It’s not as true for little girls since they have more feminine role models in their lives, but still. Not all of it is because of parents and teachers, but that tendency definitely does speak to why it’s so important for adults to be sensitive in how they socialize young children. They will cling to every shred of gendered information you put out there.

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      • katie

        katie January 18, 2013, 4:36 pm

        i am always so, so paranoid about what i say around kids. especially my one cousin- she is …. however old you are when you are in 4th grade… but like, we were watching football at thanksgiving, and i asked her if she liked it, and she said no, and i dont like football either, and so i was like, yea, girl! and i gave her a high five. but then i was like. shit. i shouldnt say stuff like that.

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      • theattack

        theattack January 18, 2013, 4:43 pm

        Awh, I don’t think that was that bad. Don’t worry about it. Besides the fact that you said “girl,” (which is really just a nickname of sorts) there was really no pressure behind what you said. But yeah, kids are really sensitive. I’m kind of afraid to talk to kids at all for that reason, which isn’t good since I’m somehow always ending up in jobs where I have to do that.

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      • katie

        katie January 18, 2013, 4:45 pm

        well, i kicked myself for it more because all the guys (her brother, her dad, her grandfather, my boyfriend) were all talking about football, they all love it.. and then me and her are the only girls -save for her grandmother who is literally in the kitchen making thanksgiving dinner- and i make it cool to hate the thing all the guys like?

        i felt like an ass.

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        lets_be_honest January 18, 2013, 2:08 pm

        Very interesting points ladies.

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      • melissafawn

        melissafawn January 18, 2013, 2:10 pm

        I definitely understand your logic, and that may work for individual boys/men. If they are prompted to be polite to women in a physical manner, maybe they will grow up to be teens/men who respect them physically as well. This may be taking a leap, but this made me think about the larger rape culture we have. Men who view women as the “other” are more likely to assault women, blame the victim, etc. (although of course there are other factors involved). Isn’t something as innocent as letting “ladies go first” teaching them that girls are the other?

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest January 18, 2013, 2:15 pm

        Interesting. I read an article about a video those Stuebenville rapists made, basically some guy bragging and joking about it, and another guy was saying imagine if that was your sister, and the first guy said but it wasn’t and it wouldn’t be. My point is that your take on the “other” concept definitely seemed present in this video.

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      • CatsMeow

        CatsMeow January 18, 2013, 2:32 pm

        I know. So sad. 🙁

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    • avatar

      kerrycontrary January 18, 2013, 1:37 pm

      I agree, and another site I read (corporette) talked about this article earlier in the week. I think the author is just making a mountain out of a molehill. Men hold doors open for women and let women out of the elevator first at our office because it’s just easier. It’s social convention and there’s no awkward eye contact or bumping into each other that way. Women hold doors for men/women coming before/after them as well. And I don’t think the teacher who use the word “gentleman” was secretly trying to force gender roles on the children, she probably didn’t even think that deeply about it. And little boys should go after girls to the bathroom because they have bigger bladders and can often hold it longer.

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      • katie

        katie January 18, 2013, 1:41 pm

        “she probably didnt even think that deeply about it”

        but isnt that the entire problem? thats what the whole piece is about- this kid is however old you are when you go to preschool, and he is *already* having sexist things thrown at him. no, the teacher probably didnt do it on purpose and didnt think deeply about it, but that is the whole point! this shit is ingrained in us/our society to the point that we cant even separate if its good or bad for people.

        if you want the world to change, you have to change your behavior. period.

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      EricaSwagger January 18, 2013, 3:59 pm

      I’m late to this party but I have to just chime in and agree with you, Lemongrass.
      Although I’m sure the general idea behind the article comes from a good place of equality, the final product was exactly the opposite. Reverse sexism (saying the boys should go first to squash the “ladies first” idea) is still sexism and it’s just as wrong.

      This line angered me the most: “That’s the world I want my son to live in and I seriously doubt it will ever happen as long as women believe men should hold the door open for them.”

      I don’t believe men SHOULD hold the door open for me. That’s messed up. However, I do enjoy when a man holds the door for me. And by “holds the door” I mean he is walking in front of me and pulls the door open to let me through first. I thoroughly enjoy that. I DON’T think that it is the teacher’s place to teach this behavior, but I do think it’s a perfectly fine behavior for a man to practice if HE so chooses.

      And for the record, keeping the door from closing in someone’s face as they try to walk in behind you is a totally different thing. That’s just common courtesy and everyone should do that for everyone else. But true “gentlemanly” “holding the door” just makes me feel nice. And who is that hurting.

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        GatorGirl January 18, 2013, 4:14 pm

        I totally agree. My fiance opens the car door for me. I love it. It doens’t make me less of a women or inferior. It’s a nice gesture from him. And he’s by no means obligated to do it.

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        lemongrass January 18, 2013, 4:33 pm

        Exactly. I take peoples actions at face value- if they do something nice for me I don’t label it as gender stereotyping or whatever, I take it as they are doing something nice for me. I don’t think it makes my husband feel superior to open the door for me, of course he knows I can do it for myself. I know that he can make his tea by himself but I’m making myself a cup, why wouldn’t I do it for him too?

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      • katie

        katie January 18, 2013, 4:39 pm

        dont you think though, that by teaching a preschool class the things that teacher was, she really *was* teaching the little girls that the boys SHOULD be doing the things a “gentleman” does?

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        EB January 18, 2013, 4:49 pm

        I don’t understand your “reverse sexism” argument? The author suggests that the boys and girls alternate who goes first, how is taking turns reverse sexism ?

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      • katie

        katie January 18, 2013, 4:52 pm

        yea, she doesnt ever say anything about squashing the “girls going first”

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      • CatsMeow

        CatsMeow January 18, 2013, 4:53 pm

        I don’t think that holding the door for the person behind you rather than letting it slam in their face is the same thing as the chivalrous action of a man going in front of you, holding the door, and making you walk in in front of them. One is general politeness, one is gendered. I’ve done it for men before and they look at me like I’m nuts. Now if 2 people enjoy interacting like that, fine. More power to you. That’s not the same as teaching it to pre-school aged boys, though.

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      • Classic

        Classic January 18, 2013, 6:45 pm

        I just want to briefly mention that love all of you young women who have posted in this thread, and I think you are so awesome. The article itself is marginally interesting– I think that “being a gentleman” is the same as being a considerate person, just a term applied to a male. But you guys are awesome. OK bye now …

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  • avatar

    lets_be_honest January 18, 2013, 1:20 pm

    The porn article was pretty interesting.

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      TheTruth January 18, 2013, 3:14 pm

      I feel sorry for that don’t be a gentlemen kid when he grows up and starts dating. Then again, maybe not, if women really do prefer assholes, he will kill it with the ladies.

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  • katie

    katie January 18, 2013, 1:24 pm

    the gentleman article is SO true!! its insane the kinds of things that kids pick up, and then are just flat-out told to do, are told whats “right” or whatever. its sad- the whole process starts at such a young age, teaching men to be “gentlemen”, teaching women to plan their wedding days and play with their pretend babies…

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  • avatar

    kerrycontrary January 18, 2013, 1:40 pm

    I like the moving on article. I also feel nostalgic about some of my exes. While I don’t think about every single one every day like the author does, there are some things that bring me to a full stop. Whether its a smell or a song, I will have to take a moment to think about the good memories attached to that thing.

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      bethany January 18, 2013, 2:54 pm

      I agree with you. I enjoyed that article, and it was nice to see that I’m not the only one who thinks about an x. There is one in particular who I dated for less than a year over 10 years ago, but he had a profound impact on my life. Knowing him shaped who I became, and I think about him very often. I would never want to date him again (we’re both happily married), but he was very important in my life, and I think it’s silly that just because he’s my x-boyfriend, I should be expected to not think about him.

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  • katie

    katie January 18, 2013, 2:12 pm

    about the mens birth control one- i emailed this to my boyfriend last night and he read it and then said he was nauseous. seriously? wtf is with men and their penises? i really, honestly want to know. i dont get it.

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      rachel January 18, 2013, 2:18 pm

      Really? Mine immediately said he wanted to have his sperm die in electric fields. Though, he wants to get a vasectomy so I guess he’s already used to the idea of someone cutting there.

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      • katie

        katie January 18, 2013, 2:22 pm

        see that is what i was hoping for too. a, like, “omg!! best thing ever!!” kind of response.

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        lets_be_honest January 18, 2013, 2:26 pm

        katie, your bf made you a fucking wine cabinet. let him do whatever he wants!

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson January 18, 2013, 3:31 pm

        Agreed.

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      • CatsMeow

        CatsMeow January 18, 2013, 2:33 pm

        Hahaha, sperm dying in electric fields. The image is making me L O L.

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    • theattack

      theattack January 18, 2013, 3:50 pm

      I will never understand why men aren’t enthusiastic about taking responsibility for birth control. I was lecturing my fiance about this the other day. Yes, I’m responsible with birth control, but why the heck would you put your future in someone else’s hands like that?! Why wouldn’t you want to contribute to the birth control in a tangible (non-financial) way? I would think men would want more security knowing that they aren’t going to impregnate someone, but they are so disinterested. I’ve made it very clear to P that after we have kids, he HAS to get snipped. I refuse to undergo a major procedure because of a sperm ego, so it’s either a snip or no more sex at that point. (I’m kind of bluffing because I can’t really give up sex, but whatever)

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      • avatar

        lemongrass January 18, 2013, 4:50 pm

        See, my husband plans to get snipped after we are finished having kids and I am the one that is hesitant about it. I mean, what if we change our minds? I know it can be reversed but that doesn’t always work and what if I DO have a complex about his semen not being as sexy because it can’t get me pregnant? I won’t find out until its too late. But I also don’t like using hormonal birth control either and would never get my tubes tied. I just feel weird about messing around with my body in that way. Once I started tracking my ovulation and paid attention to the natural fluctuations in hormones during my cycle I gained a new respect for hormones and don’t want to fuck with them. They do amazing things.

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      mainer January 18, 2013, 3:50 pm

      The male birth control thing had me at: “If I were going to describe the perfect contraceptive…no hormones to interfere with mood or sex drive, no negative health effects whatsoever, and 100 percent effectiveness. The funny thing is, something like that currently exists.”

      Then I read the last paragraph: “So here’s the clinical trial/mailing list sign-up from the Parsemus Foundation to get further information about this procedure’s development. And again, please fill out the short non-spam petition to get the procedure funded and keep buzz going.”

      Wait, huh? You talk about no negative health effects and 100% effective, yet they are still looking to start clinical trials? Where are they pulling that information? So I went to their website. The reversibility has NOT BEEN established, formal studies have only been done on animals. Clinical trials have only started for a select few in India. They are hoping to get some *animal* studies done in the US sometime in 2013 at the mere hopes the FDA will even consider looking at any applications, and the company is currently just about out of money and will be looking for public funding.

      Hold your horses everyone. I know you all want men to jump on this birth control thing, but this is far, far, far from the “best birth control in the world,” it’s not even technically available (they’re *hoping* 2015) let alone clinically established.

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      • katie

        katie January 18, 2013, 4:29 pm

        yes, yes- this is all theory. i know. but, in theory, its the coolest thing ever.

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      • CatsMeow

        CatsMeow January 18, 2013, 4:38 pm

        Yeah, there was a link on that article to another method in development that would actually keep men from ejaculating. While I think men SHOULD jump on the BC bandwagon, I’m finding it hard to imagine men being enthusiastic about not ejaculating (even though they would still orgasm). Am I off base?

        On the bright side, women might be willing to blow dudes more often if they didn’t have to worry about getting a load of jizz in their mouths. And it could even help prevent the spread of HIV!

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      • avatar

        mainer January 18, 2013, 6:07 pm

        I would be all for that, provided it was not just blocked from being released, that sounds painful (but if it was not produced in the first place and you still got the good feeling, totally). I mean who wouldn’t want more blow jobs, no more wet spot on the bed, easier to have a quickie while out of the house, no more spitting, no more tube socks? If there was something clinically established with no health or long term issues that was on the market I’d be all for that.

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      • CatsMeow

        CatsMeow January 18, 2013, 8:11 pm

        haha, I think they actually dubbed it the Clean Sheets pill or something. Maybe I’ve seen too much porn but it seems like guys are so proud of their splooging abilities.

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    • bittergaymark

      bittergaymark January 18, 2013, 3:53 pm

      Ugh. To me this procedure JUST SCREAMS potentially deadly/harmful side effects down the line in ten or so years. Much like silicon breast implants, which at the time were “PERFECTLY SAFE.”

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      • theattack

        theattack January 18, 2013, 4:00 pm

        Why does this sound harmful? Women have IUDs implanted all the time. We’re constantly putting chemicals in our body for the sake of safe sex. They have to do more studies on this, like mainer pointed out, but what is it that screams harmful to you?

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      • bittergaymark

        bittergaymark January 18, 2013, 4:20 pm

        Read the description of the procedure and then consider how they’ve done no clinical trials as of yet… With regards to female IUDs, if they were brand spanking new right now, I wouldn’t be recommending them either.

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  • Lili

    Lili January 18, 2013, 2:38 pm

    The friend and abuse article really stood out to me because I’m currently struggling with a similar issue. Not a friend suffering physical abuse, but I have a friend who has SO. MANY. ISSUES. Like legit ones that stem from sex abuse as a child and all that are impacting her and how she interacts with men. I feel SO MEAN for saying it, but Its starting to really grate on me how she always spends half the night talking to sleazeballs, how her guy friends are condescending (one asked if I had “help” picking out and playing my fantasy football team, because you know I guess girls can’t be good at that–EYE ROLL) I know the easy thing to do is not hang with her so much, but she’s part of my core group and its not that easy to disengage. But I also feel so guilty for having these issues when really-being annoyed is NOTHING compared to the shit she has to deal with having that past..you know. IDK I guess I just needed to vent. Thanks DW!

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      GatorGirl January 18, 2013, 2:42 pm

      Aw, Lili that sounds like a crappy situation to be in! I sent the article in so I’m glad you got something out of it!! It’s such a hard situation to be in (being the friend).

      And I would have said a big F YOU to that guy. Ugh, I hate sexist stereotypes around sports!!

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      • CatsMeow

        CatsMeow January 18, 2013, 2:47 pm

        I appreciated that article as well. Thanks!

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        GatorGirl January 18, 2013, 3:11 pm

        Yay! It’s so hard for people “on the outside” to understand how their actions can affect the person “inside” the abusive relationship. I thought the article was pretty good explaining it. And I think it’s good to get the info out to more people! A lot of people don’t understand DV and how abusive relationships work so any info sheading light on them in the media makes me happy.

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      • Lili

        Lili January 18, 2013, 2:57 pm

        Thanks GG! Oh and I think I royally effed up last night by expressing that the guy she spent half the evening talking to was creepy. She shut down and reacted so strongly that I felt guilty for even saying that. Another friend just said that well, she’s UBER sensitive, but when you add drinks (grey goose martinis on the house–YES PLEASE–the bartender and I are TIGHT now haha) I lose my filter and say what I think. And since i’m not mean or anything, I don’t even know if thats something I want to change. Speaking my mind is something I’m still learning how to do.

        Oh and the ironic thing is, we all (me, my friends and that sexist guy) used to watch football together in 2011. He of all people should know I know and like football.

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        GatorGirl January 18, 2013, 3:22 pm

        Oh Grey Goose Martinis!! I want one! Not drinking sucks. Not that I’m an expert but it’s probably all about the approach with how you told her he was creepy. Rather than saying “Hello, he is a creeper!!” maybe try expressing how she can do better then the creeper and help re-direct towards a “better” candidate? It’s so hard because everyone is so different in how they react. But I would generally say the more positive and uplifting you can be is better (as oppsed to a negative reaction).

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      • Lili

        Lili January 18, 2013, 3:47 pm

        Yeah, I def need to learn how to be more tactful. I know I was a bit blunt thanks to the drinks last night. But its kinda hard to express myself in a positive way since she does have a BF (a horrible man in his own right, but thats another issue) so her talking to this guy who was weird, old and blatantly hitting on her and sexualizing her made NO sense to me. Especially since she was choosing to ignore me to talk to him. And I’m her friend here, he was a stranger at the bar. I eventually moved away from them, but it was really weird how appealing to a man matters more to her than conversing with a friend. I mean, I feel for her, I do. But I have to draw a line about how much rudeness I tolerate.

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        lets_be_honest January 18, 2013, 4:00 pm

        Sounds like she just wanted attention.

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        GatorGirl January 18, 2013, 4:09 pm

        LBH- There is definitely the wanting attention factor here, but the yearing for positive male attention is probably due to the sexual abuse. And by positive attention- I’m refering the the blantant sexualization Lili speaks of. Sexual abuse as a child can royally screw a person up leaving them with little idea of how a healthy relationship works, incredibly low self esteem and a desire to feel loved and want and not knowing what that means in a healthy way. It’s really sad.

        And Lili I get you on the rudeness thing. It’s so so hard to have patience with a person (even if there is a pretty valid reason for their flaw) when they are down right rude to you. Maybe try spending time with her in situations that aren’t a bar? Like go for manicures or something?

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        lets_be_honest January 18, 2013, 4:45 pm

        Yes, I would assume that’s why she wants the attention. Its a tough place to be in for Lili.

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      • Fabelle

        Fabelle January 18, 2013, 4:09 pm

        My one friend does this all the time— but it’s a little different, because she really doesn’t want the attention, per se. She’s just a chatterbox & gets caught up in talking whenever a random guy approaches… instead of like, shutting it down at the outset? & then *I’m* subjected to the creeper as well, because they’re talking, and I want to just be like GET AWAY GET AWAY (also, she’s not on the prowl or anything, so it’s not like I’m trying to cockblock her. She just doesn’t understand when she’s being hit on)

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      • katie

        katie January 18, 2013, 4:20 pm

        just remember lili, your happiness here matters too. so if she acts in a way that makes you feel bad, no matter that it is linked to her bad past, thats not an excuse for her. you are still free to either leave, tell her that her behavior hurts, ect.

        you dont have to sacrifice your own happiness and being a good friend to her, when she in turn acts badly to you- no matter where her actions come from. you dont just have to take that kind of treatment.

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  • avatar

    GatorGirl January 18, 2013, 2:45 pm

    I found this part of the “unhappy couples” article to be interesting-
    “In particular, engaging in new activities together — from taking a Thai cooking class to salsa lessons — will add additional sparks. And here’s why: novelty drives up your levels of dopamine, a chemical in our bodies that’s also released when we first fall in love. In one study, Arthur Aron at the University of New York in Stony Brook asked couples to spend 90 minutes a week together engaged in familiar pastimes, such as dinner out or a movie. The other group of couples spent 90 minutes a week engaged in more unusual activities. After 10 weeks, couples filled out a marital satisfaction survey. Those that had gone on unfamiliar dates were much happier than the ones who had stuck with doing the usual stuff — proof that staying in love isn’t as mysterious as we might think”

    My fiance and I are pretty good about carving out a date night each week, but we almost always do exactly the same thing. This is motivation to switch it up! Now I have to find something new to do…

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      lemongrass January 18, 2013, 2:52 pm

      My husband and I generally do the same activities all the time but we often find new and different topics to talk about/discuss. I bet that has the same effect on your relationship. As long as every day isn’t a repeat for 20 years, I think you’re good.

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        lets_be_honest January 18, 2013, 3:02 pm

        What do you guys usually do? We have tonight “off” and usually like doing something relaxing, that doesn’t involve being at home. We mostly only go to dinner and gorge on food and drinks, but with my biggest loser thing, I feel like that’s a bad idea.

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        GatorGirl January 18, 2013, 3:07 pm

        We usually do the dinner and drinks route too. Recently we went to the movies, which is something we only do maybe twice a year, and it was nice. We’ve tried to start going to local events too. Like comedy shows or speakers at his university. We’re sort of failing at that one, only one event in the past year but we’re trying!!

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        kerrycontrary January 18, 2013, 3:07 pm

        Ice skating? Bowling? BF and I are opposite of you guys, we are total slugs on friday nights. Like he literally falls asleep at 9:30 after we do take-out for dinner. But we’re going for a hike tomorrow.

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        lets_be_honest January 18, 2013, 3:09 pm

        haha, we’re total slugs too, but when you have a kid and a sitter, you MUST take advantage of it. Bowling or a comedy show might be a good idea. Thanks guys!

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        GatorGirl January 18, 2013, 3:13 pm

        Oh, go bowling!!! It’s the best! You can bet on games and most of the time drink at bowling alley. It’s one of our favorites we don’t do that often. We used to go bowling every week when we first stated dating. Oh memories.

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        lemongrass January 18, 2013, 3:17 pm

        We’re not spending much money going out right now to pay off debt but the usuals: go out to dinner, hang out with friends, go to the movies. Those are our evening things, weekends we’d go fishing, garage sale-ing, go for a walk, window shopping downtown or go for a drive. Doesn’t sound too exciting haha 🙂

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        kerrycontrary January 18, 2013, 3:35 pm

        I love window shopping!! Or just wandering around stores. This is so embarassing, but one sunday night my bf and I got bored and there was nothing open so we went to walmart…and walked around walmart. That’s what we did.

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        jlyfsh January 18, 2013, 3:36 pm

        no shame, walmart is the only thing open in our town on sunday nights so yeah, we’ve done the same thing before!

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        lemongrass January 18, 2013, 3:45 pm

        There are tons of little boutique shops with funky little things in my area. I love it! Plus we always get gelato and I never try on clothes so my husband has fun too.

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        lets_be_honest January 18, 2013, 3:51 pm

        My bf will go with me shopping only one day out of the year, my birthday. I could never go shopping and not try on at least 1 thing. It’d be torture! I prefer shopping alone though.

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        GatorGirl January 18, 2013, 3:09 pm

        We are constantly talking about different things! Mostly because I read the news obsessively and tell him all my opinions on everything…which usually leads to a good discussion. We’re in the process of figuring out what church (if any) we might want to attend so we’ve had tons of religion discussions.

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        kerrycontrary January 18, 2013, 3:11 pm

        GG, we are going to try to join a church as well (although the BF working every sunday in January isn’t helping). We had a religion discussion and it actually showed me a really weird side of my boyfriend. Like I’m very flexible as long as its a christian church, and he got like really defensive and inflexible. It was really strange for me to see as he’s usually super easy going. But I’ve picked out 4 churches that fit within our beliefs and we’re going to try them all out.

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        GatorGirl January 18, 2013, 3:17 pm

        My fiance was brought up in a more strict religion than I was (Baptist v Quaker) so it’s been a really interesting experience talking about it. I even went to Quaker schools and had religion classes (v him who went to public school with no religion course) and he know so so so much more about the bible and religion than I do. We’re so busy and Sunday morning is like our only time of rest (which actually means wedding planning) so we’re having a hard time getting to church. But I’m glad we’re at least talking about it and are on the same page!

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        kerrycontrary January 18, 2013, 3:31 pm

        Yeh we are in a similar situation. It IS hard to give up those sunday mornings, but I know it will be fine once we get in the habit. Plus church will offer a whole new group of friends and some volunteering opportunities. I think it will help us feel like we have more of a community because our friends are so spread out across our city.

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        GatorGirl January 18, 2013, 3:35 pm

        We’re looking forward to the community aspect of it too. Plus voulenteering. We have no friends in this town that aren’t from my fiance’s grad program so I’m hoping once we drag ourselves to church we can make some couple friends that are seperate from his school friends.

        And get some more God in our lives too haha. But obviously that is the main point of going to church!

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      • Lili

        Lili January 18, 2013, 3:50 pm

        I just texted a friend about checking out some Unitarian Churches with me. I feel like a compassionate sermon might inspire me to be a better person and make better kinder decisions.

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    • avatar

      kerrycontrary January 18, 2013, 3:06 pm

      Living social deals! They always have wacky little things to do here in DC and they aren’t expensive. We also take little weekend trips 1-2 times a year that aren’t too expensive. Something we also like to do is explore new towns close by. So just going somewhere that is 30 mins away to get lunch and walk around the shops. Once its warm out try turning your date night/day into an activity (which is healthy too!) such as a bike ride, a hike, etc…

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      jlyfsh January 18, 2013, 3:25 pm

      if you’re outside people at all i’d suggest a state park pass. i love our pass. we can get in to any of the south carolina state parks and in a lot of cases get discounts on various activities at the park (the ones that aren’t free, which most things are!). and our dogs love the parks too. and on the plus side because it costs the parks that have beaches usually have fewer people which is a plus! in fact my picture is taken at one of the parks near me! 🙂

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        lets_be_honest January 18, 2013, 4:07 pm

        We do a lot of hikes in the spring and summer. Too cold now 🙁

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        jlyfsh January 18, 2013, 6:04 pm

        yeah i forget just how much colder it is where a lot of you are. i would tell you what i consider cold now but you would probably throw things at me through the computer! 😉

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        GatorGirl January 18, 2013, 7:11 pm

        Jlyfsh it’s freeeeeezing here in north Florida! I bet it’s chilly in SC. I might have to tut the heat on lol.

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        jlyfsh January 18, 2013, 7:33 pm

        yeah it’s ‘freezing’ here too, haha. although technically last night i think it DID get below freezing. and our heat is definitely on! we were spoiled last weekend it was 80 and sunny and i went to the beach with flip flops on. not happening this weekend…

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        GatorGirl January 18, 2013, 9:30 pm

        I caved and turned the heat on. It’s 50 outside haha. Last weekend I almost went to the pool it was so hot here! And we had the AC on!

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  • bittergaymark

    bittergaymark January 18, 2013, 3:46 pm

    If people are REALLY worried about how all little girls might grow up to be entitled little brats, they should focus instead on the unending obsession with fucking PINK PRINCESS bullshit. When I was a kid, there weren’t tacky Princess Boutiques at the malls and you never saw screaming meanies running through Trader Joe’s dressed up as some second rate, filthy Snow White. WTF is up with that? People, wash your kids clothes more often, far too many of them run around looking homeless by age four.

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    • Lili

      Lili January 18, 2013, 3:49 pm

      HAHAHAHHA Love it. Although If I have a little girl, I want her to be like one of the princesses on Once Upon A Time. Those princesses kick ass and rescue themselves!

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      lemongrass January 18, 2013, 3:54 pm

      I don’t mind kids dressing up in costumes but I do really hate the whole “princess/goddess/whatever” thing. You are good enough as you are, you don’t have to be a princess to be loved. Also, we can’t all be goddess’s.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson January 18, 2013, 3:57 pm

        Tell that to Charlie Sheen.

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      • CatsMeow

        CatsMeow January 18, 2013, 4:41 pm

        Haha. My friend tells her daughter, “You’re not a princess because I’m not a queen. Sorry.”

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    • iwannatalktosampson

      iwannatalktosampson January 18, 2013, 3:57 pm

      If it makes you feel better there are some girls who, at the age of 6, demanded to have a bowl cut; would only wear their older brother’s hand me downs; got in trouble at school for peeing standing up and getting it all over herself and the toilet and the wall; played lacrosse on an all boys team; and cried on her 6th birthday (like a brat) because her grandmother – not knowing her granddaughter was a boy – hated barbies and thought it was a safe gift.

      I definitely think sometimes kids are pushed to act a certain way – but I also think some behavior in kids is all nature and can’t be taught out of them. Although I did eventually end up liking boys and make up – so maybe I did give in to societies demands of me.

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        Rangerchick January 18, 2013, 4:19 pm

        Your comment about peeing standing up had me laughing. I remember as a kid wondering why as a girl I had to sit down while all the boys got to stand up, after-all it wouldn’t take as much time and be a lot easier. Alas, I tried it. And well it didn’t work. I was bummed.

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      • katie

        katie January 18, 2013, 4:57 pm

        i wondered too, and forever i had this idea to build a fake penis for girls so we could pee standing up too.

        haha

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest January 18, 2013, 4:58 pm

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      • katie

        katie January 18, 2013, 5:02 pm

        oh i know, someone beat me to it. but, i was like 7, ok? give me a break! lol

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        lets_be_honest January 18, 2013, 5:06 pm

        you could’ve been one of those millionaire 8 year olds!

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        Rangerchick January 18, 2013, 5:11 pm

        LOL…fake penis! And alas, the link to Amazon with that amazing..whatdoyoucallit? I didn’t even know that existed! I don’t think I could ever bring myself to use one of those…except in case of an emergency LOL!

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      • theattack

        theattack January 18, 2013, 5:06 pm

        I know most people joke about that thing, but I really really want one. We’re campers, and I’m so tired of having to pull my pants all the way down in the woods and squat close to the ground, trying not to squat near something that’s either going to give me a rash or bite me AND trying not to get pee everywhere.

        Also, one of my main dreams in life is to pee out of a moving car window. I just KNOW that I would do that if I had a penis. I try to get my fiance to try it and tell me about it but nooooooooooo, he thinks he’ll get pee everywhere. And to that I say that people with dicks have no excuse for having bad aim. -Hmph!-

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        lets_be_honest January 18, 2013, 5:08 pm

        They are key for camping. If I camped more, I would totally get one. Could’ve come in handy when I was a teenager and all the keg parties were in the woods too, now that i think of it. I got a tick bite from peeing in the woods once. So classy.

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      • theattack

        theattack January 18, 2013, 5:17 pm

        haha! One of my friends got poison ivy in her southern regions for having sex in the woods as a teenager. The woods are not very friendly to female private areas

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        Rangerchick January 18, 2013, 5:25 pm

        Sounds awefull! I am not a camper but I can see that if you were it would come in handy 🙂

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      • katie

        katie January 18, 2013, 6:29 pm

        if it makes you feel better, i think they are fantastic, and if there was a way for me to have one all the time, so i could pee standing up all the time, and also not carry around something soaked in pee i would have one.

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      • CatsMeow

        CatsMeow January 18, 2013, 4:45 pm

        Hahaha that’s awesome. I admit I was into a lot of “girlie” things as a kid, like Barbies and princesses and ballet, but I also played in the cornfield and climbed trees and caught frogs and wanted to be Batman and a Ninja Turtle. I think my first princess crush was She-Ra, Princess of POWER.

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        Rangerchick January 18, 2013, 4:55 pm

        Oh, I remember She-Ra Princess of POWER!! My brother watched He-Man…and Ninja Turtles. But She-Ra was the bomb at that time. And I was similar to you CatsMeow in that I did both girlie things and non-girlie things growing up…hence the trying to pee standing up and catching centipedes and walking sticks.

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      lets_be_honest January 18, 2013, 3:58 pm

      I suppose you raise a very good point, although it makes me sad. Mine loved playing dress up (in clean clothes at least) and I thought she looked adorable.

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    • CatsMeow

      CatsMeow January 18, 2013, 4:42 pm

      The princess thing is OUT OF CONTROL. And then those girls grow up to be the women we always see on TV wedding shows demanding to be a princess on their Big Day.

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        lets_be_honest January 18, 2013, 4:46 pm

        I’m creating a monster! Ok, ok, I get it. No more girly stuff. Jeez people! 🙂

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        Rangerchick January 18, 2013, 4:57 pm

        I think girly stuff is okay as long as it is balanced and not pushed one way or the other. Like the poor kids on toddlers and tiaras. I Hate that show but somehow it ends up on at home sometimes and to listen to those parents project all their dreams onto their little girls and the girls saying such things as I’m so sexy at, ya know, age 6 is incomprehensible to me!

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      • katie

        katie January 18, 2013, 5:01 pm

        oh god, some of the things those tiny girls say (so small they have to be sub-titled) make my heart hurt. seriously. it is so, so sad.

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        lets_be_honest January 18, 2013, 5:01 pm

        Ok, feeling better. Thank you.

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        lemongrass January 18, 2013, 5:00 pm

        There’s nothing wrong with girly stuff. I dressed in nothing but purple and pink as a kid. I just don’t like “princess” or “goddess” because it implies that you are better than others.

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      • theattack

        theattack January 18, 2013, 5:02 pm

        “Girly” stuff is fine (although that description is problematic anyway, but I know what you mean). You should just try to balance it. Let a little girl play dress up, and then give her a toy monster truck. It’s good to raise well-balanced kids anyway.

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      • CatsMeow

        CatsMeow January 18, 2013, 5:03 pm

        Girlie is fine! It’s just some of the bratty entitlement thing that comes with the princess territory that bothers me, as well as the need to be rescued by a man. But I grew up on Disney and I’m fine. I went through a phase as a kid where I refused to wear pants because I wanted to be like Vanna White, and she only wore dresses. I still love pretty dresses. 🙂

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        lets_be_honest January 18, 2013, 5:06 pm

        I guess I do a good balance of it. I don’t mind her doing all the girly things, she’s very girly, but I’d say the thing I teach her the most is the importance of independence. Hopefully balancing it out.

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      • CatsMeow

        CatsMeow January 18, 2013, 5:39 pm

        Sounds perfect. 🙂

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        jlyfsh January 18, 2013, 8:01 pm

        all this princess talk made me think of this which i found on someone’s blog today. pretty hilarious.

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    • katie

      katie January 18, 2013, 4:56 pm

      i would also like to suggest that this is DIRECTLY related to bridezillas.

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      • bittergaymark

        bittergaymark January 18, 2013, 6:05 pm

        It so, so is… And women everywhere are STILL seemingly obsessed with that, truth-be-told, rather dreary Princess Kate. Honestly, I don’t get it. The mass marketing of royalty to females is alarmingly entrenched world over so that it is repeatedly thrust down the throats of women everywhere..

        I mean, have you ever in the history of the planet heard of a little boy wanting to dress up as a Prince each and every day? I certainly haven’t. Boys just don’t go in for that kind of shit. They wanna be men with careers — firefighters, superheroes… They don’t wish to have been be born well and or yearn to one day be rescued by marriage… I suppose it’s quite simply because nobody EXPECTS them to want that…

        At any rate, it’s something truly deeply wrong with our society and it definitely helps to create a subtext of stupid and helpless femininity within our culture.

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        lemongrass January 18, 2013, 6:17 pm

        This makes me want to add: I really hope my kid is a “costume kid.” You know, the kid who only wants to wear a spiderman costume all of the time.

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