Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friday Links, January 4

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

“Has Facebook Ruined Love?” [via NYTimes]

“There’s No Evidence Online Dating Is Threatening Commitment or Marriage” [via The Atlantic]

“Looking for Love Online in 2013? So Is Everyone and Their Mom (And Your Mom)” [via Jezebel]

Not sure I agree with all these tips, but there are a couple good ones (like declining invites to kids’ parties): “Some Dos and Don’ts for People Without Kids When Dealing With Their Breeder Friends” [via Huffington Post]

“Is my vibrator ruining my relationship?” [via Salon]

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to wendy@dearwendy.com and if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

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25 comments… add one
  • avatar

    kerrycontrary January 4, 2013, 1:13 pm

    I like the breeder friends article, except for the “don’t describe yourself as exhausted/insanely busy/stressed”. Yes, parents have more stress in their lives. They have to take care of a human on top of everything else. But that doesn’t take away the stress or exhaustion of a child-less person. And parents who are married have a support system. Being single and living alone is stressful! There’s no one to pick up my drycleaning, stop at the store for milk, help me carry bags in, clean when I don’t have time to. It’s all on me. And work can be stressful. Life situations (caring for a family member, relationship drama, employment problems) can cause stress. So I would tell parents that they need to let their childless friends unload sometimes, because being a parent is not the only stressful thing in life.

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    • avatar

      lets_be_honest January 4, 2013, 1:19 pm

      Totally agree. The thing about doing fun things now before you can’t is annoying too. You might not be able to do them as much or as often, but never? Seriously?

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        kerrycontrary January 4, 2013, 1:37 pm

        I have observed that there are parents who go out and do things with their children, and then occasionally find time for themselves as a couple and as individuals. And then there are parents who let their lives be defined and consumed by their children, rarely getting out of the house but you better be sure they have time to tell you about it. It probably comes from the type of person they were before the children anyways.

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      • avatar

        kerrycontrary January 4, 2013, 1:39 pm

        Oh yeh, and if you want to sleep in/have sex in crazy places go on a vacation without your child every so often. I know not everyone is comfortable with this, but I think it can be great for a lot of parents.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest January 4, 2013, 1:47 pm

        I’ve only done an overnight, and honestly, I won’t do it again soon. My mom was the same way with us and still us with the younger ones. People don’t get it and I used to not either. It drives my brother crazy, but she explains it the way I do now: She loves being with them, misses them too much when she;s not with them, knows it’ll change eventually and she will wait for that to happen. Its just a choice. Not a martyr thing or judgement to others. I wish I had gotten both my daughter and myself used to the idea of being apart overnight when she was younger, but I didn’t. I’m sure I’ll be cool with it one day, probably soon, I’m just not now.

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      • JK

        JK January 4, 2013, 2:01 pm

        My eldest has stayed several nights at grandms, and one night at a friends (the daughter of some really close friends of ours), and she LOVES it!
        I have 2 separate friends that have sent their eldest (one 8, one 6) off on vacation for 15 days with their parents, andI know I would NOT handle that.The 8 year old went to Disneyland FFS, so her 1st time on a plane, and so far away from home.Now my mum wants Arturo and I to take a weekend away for ourselves, and she´ll look after the girls (helping to wean the youngest) and I´m so unsure about it hahaha. Even though I know theyll love it. I do admit to being a tad overprotective though.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest January 4, 2013, 2:05 pm

        Oh, I didn’t mean to imply she’s never slept at her grandparents. She has a ton. Just one night though. You’ll get there jk. When you feel ready is when you should, imo.

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      • JK

        JK January 4, 2013, 2:22 pm

        yeah, mine are still little I think (20 months and just turned 5)

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest January 4, 2013, 1:41 pm

        That is a choice though. So to say you do not ever have a minute to pee, you are choosing that. Its not a fact. You do have a minute to pee, you are simply not taking it. I mean, do these parents not have cribs or playpens to put their kid in for a minute?
        I’m pretty consumed with my daughter, and I love it that way. I go out WAY less because of her. But I still go out when I choose to. Would I say my kid’s my life, yes. But not literally the only thing in it.

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    • katie

      katie January 4, 2013, 1:31 pm

      that was the one i didnt agree with either- why cant you vent/complain/ect about your own stresses in your life to your friends with kids? i mean, wouldnt you be like “omg X thing sucks and is stressing me out” and then the friend with kids would be like “omg i know im stressed too! my kid is doing X”…. right?

      and, i wouldnt even argue people with kids have *more* stress in their lives.. its just different stress. some parents will have more, some will have none, some childless people have lots, some childless people have none too- that makes no sense.

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        lets_be_honest January 4, 2013, 1:33 pm

        My stress is better than yours! Na na na na poo poo

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      • avatar

        kerrycontrary January 4, 2013, 1:35 pm

        yeh it’s like one uppers. Like when you have this crazy story that you are so excited to tell a friend, and your friend is like “you think that drag queen chasing you down the street at 2 in the afternoon is nuts? Well let me tell you something”

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest January 4, 2013, 1:36 pm

        Exactly!

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      • avatar

        rachel January 4, 2013, 2:18 pm

        I think you should tell us more about this drag queen story kerrycontrary

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    • Kate B.

      Kate B. January 4, 2013, 2:52 pm

      That ticked me off. It sounded like the writer was using the fact that she has kids to justify diminishing the stress of childless friends. My child-less stress may not seem as bad your child-full stress to you, but it’s bad to me. Don’t dismiss it.

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      • Kate B.

        Kate B. January 4, 2013, 2:53 pm

        Oh, the author’s a man. Still guilty.

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  • avatar

    Christy January 4, 2013, 1:56 pm

    That article about parents really made me never want children ever. Just saying.

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      kerrycontrary January 4, 2013, 2:03 pm

      It’s really sad, because a lot of what I read about parenting on the internet is negative. I know I want children, and I realize that parents probably need a creative outlet to vent. But, I like reading about the positives too (Thanks Wendy for sharing your wonderful stories about Jackson). I also think a lot of the stuff is exaggerated and shows the extreme end of the spectrum. When I talk to my coworkers with kids they share a more realistic view of life.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest January 4, 2013, 2:07 pm

        What are you saying kerry? People on the internet exaggerate? Lies!

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      • avatar

        MissDre January 4, 2013, 3:07 pm

        I like hearing my co-worker talk about his kid. Some people may find it annoying, but everyday he comes in with a new story of something hilarious that his 3 year old said or did, and I actually do think the stories he tells are really funny so I love hearing about it. It makes me really want kids (not that I didn’t already have baby fever).

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  • avatar

    bethany January 4, 2013, 4:01 pm

    I may be an exception, but I love hearing about my good friend’s baby (ok, fine she’s not a baby anymore… She’s 2). I want to know everything she does, and I want to see pictures of her every day. I want to go to the birthday parties, and I want to baby sit. In fact, I’m baby sitting all day tomorrow! I was the first non-family member to hold her at the hospital and I stayed home with them when my friend’s husband had to go back to work after the baby was born. I didn’t want her to be alone all day with a 1 week old baby!

    The thing is, that friends shouldn’t need these do/don’t lists. Not good friends, at least. Lindsay knows I want to do all those things, so she asks me, or doesn’t object when I volunteer myself. I know that she’s not going to be offended if I talk about a stressful week or day, because she understands that we’re in different places in our lives, and we’re going through different things. She doesn’t judge me when I lay on the couch all day on a Saturday of think her life has more meaning than mine. Real friends shouldn’t need a do and don’t list to know how to interact with each other.

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      lets_be_honest January 4, 2013, 4:08 pm

      I’m the same way. Even with co-workers’ kids. Any kids. My favorite thing is the cute kid note of the day on AOL. Maybe I’m a freak though.
      I loved being able to help friends with babies, whether they ask or not. Basically, I agree with everything you;ve said.

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  • thewriteway

    thewriteway January 4, 2013, 4:05 pm

    I can’t add too much to the comments about the parenting article because everyone already spoke their mind and I agree with what was said. I do have a good friend who has two kids, and they are being raised well, so they know to respect me and have warmed up to me, which I appreciate even though I never want my own. And my friend’s daughter is adorable and calls me “Miss thewriteway.” (OK, well, by my real name. LOL.) But sometimes I admit it does get annoying when I am talking about whatever stresses me out in my life and she goes well my kid this or that, or she’ll even start complaining about her husband and how he’s been unhelpful with the kids that day, so I have times where I feel like nothing to her or that I put more into the friendship than she does. I try my hardest to be tolerant, but some days when I’m stressed, I feel like I can’t really be her friend if she just one ups me all the time with whatever her kids and unhelpful husband are doing that day.

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      lets_be_honest January 4, 2013, 4:15 pm

      I’ll be honest, sometimes I worry that I do that. Isn’t that just called a conversation though? You say something about topic A, I reply about A, then we discuss B, etc. Maybe she’s thinking its just GF vent time?

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      • avatar

        kerrycontrary January 4, 2013, 5:03 pm

        There’s a difference between having a conversation about similar situations and one person just waiting for another person to finish their sentence so they can talk again. It sounds like thewriteway may be dealing with the latter.

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