Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friday Links: July 20

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

From the New York Times: “Friends of a Certain Age: Why Is It Hard to Make Friends Over 30?”

From MSNBC: “New Yahoo CEO says she’ll work through maternity leave” (Home girl is cray)

From the Chicago Sun Times: “Roger (Ebert) loves Chaz”

From the Huffington Post: “America’s Best Cities For Singles”

From the Daily Dot: “Comedian live-tweets couple’s strange break-up on Glasgow train”

From the New York Times: “Prepping Students for Sorority Rush”

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to wendy@dearwendy.com and if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

20 comments… add one
  • avatar

    lets_be_honest July 20, 2012, 1:26 pm

    Re: the Yahoo CEO. I was thinking about this the other day. Everyone is all Hooray, big step for women everywhere! While I agree, its kind of also sad that its such a shock to everyone that a woman, a pregnant woman no less, is now running a Fortune 500 company. I am curious if her husband plans to take a paternity leave or if the baby will be with nannies.

    The Roger loves Chaz thing was adorable!

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  • avatar

    jlyfsh July 20, 2012, 1:32 pm

    i read the roger ebert article earlier today. it made me want to pick up his memoir.

    and i completely identify with the article about making friends over 30. it is hard. we’ve lived in our new town for a little over a year and i still haven’t found a group of friends like i had at home. and i think like the article said the difference is i moved here married, we have two dogs, finding time to do things that i did when i was single in my early 20s with not as much responsibility is hard. i did recently join meetup and i have a new ‘beach buddy’ which is funny because really we only go to the beach together. we haven’t seen each other off the beach yet. but, it’s just not as feasible to get together for things during the week anymore.

    i think the other issue with that is that i’m an introvert and definitely need ‘me’ time during the week. more than i used to need and more than i used to want.

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  • Kristina

    Kristina July 20, 2012, 1:37 pm

    I completely get the outrage over Yahoo’s new CEO about not taking a real maternity leave, but I also don’t find it that weird. Working from home still allows her time to bond with her child. And as the CEO, she has the power to delegate more tasks to other higher-ups. She’s already in a position where she is fortunate to have the freedom she has in these decisions. Maybe it’s because I don’t have children, or because I’m the workaholic type, but honestly, when I picture myself having kids, the only maternity leave I imagine myself taking would be working at home for a little bit. Especially in these economic times, women are so eager to get ahead in their careers that they will make big sacrifices to keep or get a job. It’s kind of sad we don’t have a better system in place for new mothers and fathers in the U.S.

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    • Dear Wendy

      Wendy July 20, 2012, 2:31 pm

      Just to put things in perspective: when you feed a newborn (i.e. a baby three months or younger), it has to eat every two hours, around the clock. If you breastfeed, as is recommended, it can easily take one hour to do a full feed. If, like I did, you have trouble breastfeeding and have to pump a lot or even if you exclusively formula-feed with a bottle, you could be looking at four hours a day of pumping, plus another 30 minutes for each of the 12 feeds your newborn will need, which takes approximately ten hours of your day. You will also need to feed yourself. And clean the baby. And do loads of laundry — newborns make lots of dirty laundry! And perhaps you’ll want to interact with visitors who come to visit the newborn. You may even decide you’d like to shower and wear something that isn’t covered in spit-up. And maybe even go to the bathroom. Perhaps, you’d like to launder some of your own clothes. And maybe you’ll want to take your baby out for a walk. After all that is done, you might try to get some much, much needed sleep in the hour here and there that your baby naps between meals.

      I’m sorry, when is it that you’ll be doing your job-job?

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      • avatar

        Jillie z July 20, 2012, 3:16 pm

        Totally, I think the CEO is being pretty flippant about how much time a baby demands. I think she’s lowering the bar for other professional mothers- there is nothing wrong with taking a maternity leave, bonding with your baby, recovering, and NOT working.

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      • avatar

        EB July 20, 2012, 3:58 pm

        Ehh I don’t know if there would be this much outcry if a father decided not to take a true paternity leave.

        Last year MLB was celebrated(*eye roll*) for introducing “paternity leave” which allows players to miss three games while remaining on the active roster(which basically equals somewhere btw 3-5 days). Is 3-5 days adequate time to truly bond with your newborn? No it is probably not the ideal amount but I don’t see baseball players facing the same amount of criticism being leveled at Mayer as it is just generally accepted as part of their job. I don’t understand why society doesn’t put the same amount of pressure on men to bond with their infants as it does on women.

        Also, since I have seen estimates that her net worth is upwards of $300 million she probably has the resources to hire nannies/housekeepers to deal with the some of the more mundane aspects of infant-rearing ( laundry, piles of dirty dishes,cooking, late night runs to buy more diapers) which probably allows her more free time than most new mothers.

        I understand about not wanting her decision to put pressure upon other women to shorten their own mat leave but I think her situation is unique and that women in general just need to be less critical of one another when it comes to one’s individual parenting decisions.

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      • katie

        katie July 20, 2012, 3:29 pm

        To be fair, I’m sure she has like a maid and a nanny and stuff.. I mean, she’s the freaking CEO of yahoo… I haven’t read the article though yet so maybe she doesn’t. I would assume she does though, or women like her do. I don’t think that she is a fair representation of the rest of society and how they work and how they take their maternity leaves..

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      • Dear Wendy

        Wendy July 20, 2012, 3:45 pm

        I mean, why bother having a baby if you’re just going to hand it to a nanny right off the bat, not even taking a minimum three months to bond with it and feed it yourself?

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      • katie

        katie July 20, 2012, 3:53 pm

        oh im definitely on your side- dont get me wrong. my main concern if i ever have kids is that ill have to stop working (i cant give my kids to someone else to raise- i am WAY to much of a control freak)… i just dont think she is taking anything away from “regular” mothers, because she isnt a regular mother… you know? like she is exception, not the rule.

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    • Kristina

      Kristina July 20, 2012, 4:57 pm

      I understand it’s harder than anyone could ever anticipate, but I don’t find it that weird for a woman like the new CEO to have such an outlook. She has money, power, and nannies at her disposal. I don’t really agree with her, but it is so, so much easier for someone like her to at least think she can do it. I put my foot in my mouth all the time, but I mentioned that I have similar thoughts (not necessarily rational ones) for my own reasons that work keeps me sane. I didn’t mean to insinuate that raising a child and working is easy, or that having it all is possible.

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  • FireStar

    FireStar July 20, 2012, 1:44 pm

    Now I want to go to Venice in the winter.

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  • avatar

    bethany July 20, 2012, 1:46 pm

    YAY!!! One of mine made it!!

    I submitted the Soroity one… When I read it my mind was blown! So glad I didn’t go Greek! (no offense to those who did)

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    • avatar

      qm July 20, 2012, 4:28 pm

      That’s not even a third of the prep that members have to do for rush. At my school, we had to come back a month before school started for two weeks of “Polish Week,” which is rush prep and dress checks (the officers and advisors had to approve of your outfit, hair, and make-up each day), and then a week of rush. You then got a few days to prep for, y’know, actual school.

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  • Crochet.Ninja

    Michelle.Lea July 20, 2012, 1:26 pm

    I have loved reading about Roger Ebert and his wife, though I have no idea how I stumbled upon some of his articles in the first place. for someone to stay by your side when you’re that sick, and still be there is amazing.

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    • avatar

      camorzilla July 20, 2012, 3:31 pm

      I read that article earlier today and it brought tears to my eyes- too sweet!

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  • avatar

    Nina July 20, 2012, 2:59 pm

    I connected to the first article-and I am only 22 (23 in one week). People rarely make the first move, and when I do, it’s mainly considered intimidating. Women can sometimes be the most closed-off of all (in my experience), especially when you have characteristics or things considered threatening…

    Come on people, why can’t we get along? I am fun and caring! 🙂 I think my naive side is showing. I still hold out hope that I will find a really decent friend…dare I say…Best friend?

    I am accepting applications 😀

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  • MaterialsGirl

    MaterialsGirl July 20, 2012, 3:10 pm

    I read the sorority one earlier this week. Honestly, my experience was more like the Georgetown (or was GW?) one. The Southern schools, that’s some serious business, but honestly, a lot of those ‘courses’ sound like the old fashioned “manners school” or “charm school” my mother was always threatening to send me away to. It is definitely important to learn how to interact with others, especially since the face to face opportunities are being replaced with online interactions. I wish it was being promoted as a “how to act as an adult” not just marketed for getting into a sorority.

    On maternity leave: my good friend is having to go back on Monday. Her six, short weeks are over :-(. Marissa Mayer would do well to actually TAKE that maternity leave, maybe answer an email or phone call here or there, but it would set a better example for women everywhere. I feel she is simply saying “I’ll work through it” to placate the shareholders and the board? It’s a back-step for feminism. “Mayer named exec despite being 6 months pregnant?” like it’s a curse? Like it makes you less of a person? No where do you hear people saying to male CEO’s, “Bob Smith named CEO despite juggling 3 mistresses and a nasty coke habit.” Shes a hard working lady who should be expected to be a hard working lady, not superwoman.

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    • avatar

      lets_be_honest July 20, 2012, 3:16 pm

      Wow, very good point on the maternity leave thing. I hadn’t thought of it like that. I lol’d at Bob Smith comment.

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  • SweetsAndBeats

    SweetsAndBeats July 20, 2012, 4:02 pm

    Honestly, the Freya girl in the train breakup story sounds fucking psycho. However, I’m so glad that Tim caught wind of the truth!

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  • avatar

    bethany July 20, 2012, 4:12 pm

    Roger loves Chaz was so sweet. I can only hope that I can be that sort of rock for my husband.

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