Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friday Links, July 27

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

From The Onion: “Horrible Couple Really Wants Wedding To Reflect Their Personalities”

From Ask Men: “Great Male Survey, 2012 Edition”

From Psychology Today: “Fact or Fiction: Childfree Couples Are Happier than Couples with Kids”

From The Huffington Post: “Sexual Fantasies Decoded: Desires Differ Between Women And Men, According To New Survey”

From Life Goes Strong: “Marriage Builders: What Makes a Long Strong Union”

From Raising Kwell: “Parent Dating: How to Pick Up New (Parent) Friends”

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to wendy@dearwendy.com and if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

35 comments… add one
  • avatar

    6napkinburger July 27, 2012, 1:47 pm

    50% of american men sampled have NEVER had an STD test? WTF????

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    • katie

      katie July 27, 2012, 2:04 pm

      i have realized this recently from both my boyfriend and my boss- men dont go to doctors, period. for any kind of test, ever. its a weird phenomena.

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      • avatar

        jlyfsh July 27, 2012, 2:07 pm

        my husband hates the doctor. i have to force him to go when something is wrong. drives me crazy because usually it’s something that really needs to be treated!

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    • avatar

      ktfran July 27, 2012, 2:09 pm

      Considering 80+ percent of the female population has had HPV, I don’t believe that statistic at all.

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      • avatar

        6napkinburger July 27, 2012, 2:11 pm

        50% have never been tested… it makes sense that they’re the ones spreading HPV all around (not like there’s a test for that but still… yuck.)

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      • avatar

        ktfran July 27, 2012, 2:12 pm

        I missed the test part. Oops!

        Still. Wow. Just wow.

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    • avatar

      rachel July 27, 2012, 2:12 pm

      Whoa…and 10% of them have lied about it??

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    • CatsMeow

      CatsMeow July 27, 2012, 4:26 pm

      This actually doesn’t surprise me.

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  • avatar

    rachel July 27, 2012, 1:53 pm

    Hahaha, I love the Onion.

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    • LK7889

      LK7889 July 27, 2012, 2:01 pm

      I know, right? That site is hilarious. The best part is when people mistake it for actual news.

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    • avatar

      6napkinburger July 27, 2012, 2:09 pm

      This article especially! I feel like people who get on their high horse about being AGAINST the typical wedding can be just as annoying as the brides crying about it being “their day.”

      I loved the rings being from their trip to cambodia, down the aisle by their rescue dog.

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  • avatar

    rachel July 27, 2012, 2:02 pm

    Ouch! 65% would dump a girlfriend if she got fat? Good thing I was already fat when I started dating Ross!

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    • avatar

      rachel July 27, 2012, 2:04 pm

      65% in the US…less in other countries. Which is ironic, cuz aren’t we among the fattest countries?

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    • sobriquet

      sobriquet July 27, 2012, 2:23 pm

      I don’t think this is unreasonable, actually. It’s one thing if you were fat to begin with, but to completely let yourself go before marriage? That would definitely make me reconsider my relationship, too. Physical attraction is important!

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      • avatar

        Riefer July 27, 2012, 2:42 pm

        Are you implying then that it’s ok to completely let yourself go *after* marriage? 🙂

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      • avatar

        rachel July 27, 2012, 3:19 pm

        Yeah, I get that, the number just seemed high to me…and sort of hypocritical cuz there’s no way that 65% of guys are actually thin haha.

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      • avatar

        Lydia July 28, 2012, 10:27 am

        Fat people can still be attractive.

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  • avatar

    jilliez July 27, 2012, 2:03 pm

    i appreciated the article calling couples ‘childfree’ rather than ‘childless.’ Probably seems persnickety, but i don’t feel i’m living ‘less’ of a life because i don’t want kids.

    The parent dating article seemed timely, since the site has gotten a lot of comments lately about it being harder to make friends when you get older.

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  • katie

    katie July 27, 2012, 2:13 pm

    guys this is weird. my ex just facebooked me. were chatting… lol i dont know what this means.

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  • avatar

    GatorGirl July 27, 2012, 2:26 pm

    Loved The Onion article. Being someone who is in the middle of wedding planning it is nice to be reminded that my unique idea (burlap table runners anyone?) is being used by a million other brides and that I’m not that special.

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  • sobriquet

    sobriquet July 27, 2012, 2:28 pm

    41% know precisely where to find the g-spot? And 54% know when a woman is faking an orgasm?? hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

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    • avatar

      Riefer July 27, 2012, 2:45 pm

      And why did they ask about the g-spot and not the clitoris? A lot of guys don’t even know that one, and it’s RIGHT THERE!

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  • Kristina

    Kristina July 27, 2012, 2:41 pm

    The article about childfree couples is interesting – I wonder if it takes into account the happiness of couples who can’t have a child, but want one/wanted one at some point – I guess they did, but I still wonder if it’s any different than couples who never wanted children.

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    • avatar

      Riefer July 27, 2012, 2:57 pm

      Also, they didn’t break out whether the people who had kids actually wanted them and planned for them, or who had them just because they were expected to and they thought it was the “next step”, or who had them accidentally. I think your happiness level would change depending on which of those three apply to you.

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    • katie

      katie July 27, 2012, 3:02 pm

      by their wording of childfree, i would guess that most of them are childless by choice

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      • avatar

        Lydia July 28, 2012, 10:29 am

        Yup. You generally don’t call people who want kids but can’t have them childfree.

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  • Crochet.Ninja

    Michelle.Lea July 27, 2012, 2:13 pm

    over half of the men would dump their gf’s if they got fat?? wtf is up with that. seriously. I understand the importance of being attracted to your mate. but people in general need to get that people’s bodies change over time. i actually wrote in to Dear Prudence and ripped a strip off her for actually chiding a woman that wrote in to her because she gained 30 pounds in about 3 years after having a baby. She actually told the LW that her ‘husband had married a woman that was 115lbs’ really? Fuck you. there were no encouraging words to this woman, who was obviously upset. basically putting all fault on her, how dare she gain weight. seriously? I dont know about any of you, but once you hit a certain age, your body works differently. and after you’ve had a baby?? your entire body changes.

    probably one of my only real sore spots. i have this apparently idealistic idea that your mate should love you no matter what you look like, and that your beauty inside is more important. bah.

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    • sobriquet

      sobriquet July 27, 2012, 2:27 pm

      This really doesn’t bother me! I seriously think it depends on the situation. If you begin your relationship fit and in shape, that is probably a big thing that attracted your mate. If a year down the line you stop working out, start eating badly, and just don’t give a fuck? Why is it so wrong to dump someone for that? Ideally it wouldn’t matter, but it has to do with physical attraction. You can’t help what you’re physically attracted to.

      Plus, I’m pretty sure by “fat” they mean gaining 40+ pounds and completely changing your appearance. Most guys won’t care about 15 pounds.

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      • Crochet.Ninja

        Michelle.Lea July 27, 2012, 2:36 pm

        it’s totally situation dependent! it bothers me that that is never specified or asked..

        and in that Dear Prudence, the LW said her husband actually told her he was turned off by it. by 15lbs?? gah!

        and again, honestly, if you’re with someone for 10+ years, you’re both going to change. and more than likely, you’ll both gain weight.

        i realize my sensitive spot in this is that after years of being underweight, i’ve actually gained some and it bothers the crap out of me. on the one hand, i know that i’m MUCH healthier than i was when i was underweight. then the flip side that i’m not completely accepting. i have not changed my behavior, or ‘let myself go’. 90% of the time I’m happy with myself, the rest? makes me question why people in general are so shallow. attraction is important, but i think a relationship really needs to go beyond that – if you’re going to be with someone until you’re both old and wrinkly. i think i try to go too deep thinking about it. but i can honestly say that if my partner gained 50+ pounds, i’d still be attracted to him. it actually happened in my first relationship. my attraction for that person was the same. so it’s hard for me to understand why others dont feel the same way.

        but i babble.

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      • avatar

        mainer July 27, 2012, 3:10 pm

        Obviously the longer you’re with a person, the more you love them for them and it’s easier to ignore changes in looks (natural aging, weight changes, muscle tone, etc). And that’s not even touching on having a child, which I’m sure affords a little forgiveness from men (mostly, there will still be some assholes in the mix).

        However, I don’t think this survey was really targeted toward long-term relationships or marriage. It seemed to me that this was a more hypothetical-in-the-dating-world type survey (except for the questions that asked “have you…”). That being said, I can understand if a person said they would dump someone if they got fat. To get *noticeably* fat, you have to put on a good amount of weight, which there is nothing “natural” about. I mean you really have to just not give a shit anymore to all of a sudden put on 25-30 pounds in a year, especially if you’re already a fit person. The heavier you are, the even *more* weight you’d need to put on to be noticeable, so even in those situations people are granted a little more “wiggle” room, if you will, for weight shifting before it becomes overtly apparent. I don’t think the question was really hinting at the fact that you’re checking the scale every week to make sure she’s staying trim, otherwise she’s gone. I think “gets fat” means she put on a noticeable amount of weight. And if you’re just dating, why wouldn’t that be enough to question the relationship? It does actually say something about a person if they allow their self to become unhealthy.

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      • Crochet.Ninja

        Michelle.Lea July 27, 2012, 3:52 pm

        i find the whole thing is just far too subjective. :/ too many questions. what if there was a medical reason. what if what if what if.

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      • MaterialsGirl

        MaterialsGirl July 27, 2012, 3:24 pm

        I think it’s really not about the weight as much as it’s about the attitude. Running and working out are very important to me, and yes, so is being at a healthy weight. If I were out in the dating world again, I’m sure I would look for a partner with similar values. A few pounds here and there are of course what comes with life and getting older, but valuing health and then suddenly casting all that off? That would be a point of contention, I’m sure.

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      • AnotherElle

        Laura July 28, 2012, 3:03 pm

        I agree with the attitude thing. I imagine it as having similar lifestyles (enjoying the same amount of exercise, hobbies, eating styles) and wanting that to be a compatible thing.

        OTOH, when you get older or have to take a new medication, for example, sometimes those extra pounds are simply out of one’s control. 15 lbs could easily be put on over the course of the year if say, someone got into an accident and could not exercise regularly for many months. Throw new medications into that mix, and that could do weird things to the body.

        Definitely a situational/subjective thing.

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  • avatar

    Addie Pray July 30, 2012, 12:59 am

    I’m SUPER late to this party but I just wanted to chime in to say I loved that Onion video. It had me LOL’ing and thinking about a wedding I went to recently. Hahahahaha.

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  • avatar

    Sara July 31, 2012, 10:29 am

    I just read the article that says you should average out to 50/50 effort to keep your marriage going. The best advice my mom got before she and my dad got married and then passed on to me is this: Each of you should give 100% as much as you can. Then you won’t feel resentful about the times where the situation doesn’t seem fair or keeping tabs on who did what when or how much money each of you is making. You know that your partner is giving all s/he can and you are doing that, too. You can focus on supporting each other and your relationship rather than keeping a tally.

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