Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friday Links, July 5

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

Through Facebook and dating Web sites, online reality and its offline counterpart can blur. “Nice to Meet You … Again” [via NYTimes]

“Can we make ourselves happier?” [via BBC]

“Cheating Wives Narrowed Infidelity Gap Over Two Decades” [via Bloomberg]

Oh wow. “Wedding Gift Amount Deemed Insufficient By Bad-Mannered Bride” [via HuffPo]

The percentage of single-parent homes headed by dads is sky-rocketing. [via BusinessWeek]

More stories of late-term abortions and the agony families face when making the decision to terminate a pregnancy. [A Heartbreaking Choice]

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to [email protected] and if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

You can follow me on Facebook here and sign up for my weekly newsletter here.

58 comments… add one
  • avatar

    GatorGirl July 5, 2013, 12:35 pm

    That wedding article is disgusting. I honestly have no other words.

    Reply Link
    • Fabelle

      Fabelle July 5, 2013, 12:39 pm

      Yup. I saw this earlier in the week, & was shocked (despite a bunch of these articles coming out more recently). Like, seriously? Why are people so badly misunderstanding the point of wedding gifts lately? And that message is just, ugh. “were you dissatisfied in any way with our wedding?” WTF. Passive aggressive, & rude, & incredibly misguided. Your guests are NOT supposed to cover the cost of your wedding, FFS. If you’re counting up everyone’s cash presents, comparing it to the price of your wedding, & deciding that you “came up short”, then something is fucking wrong with you.

      Reply Link
      • avatar

        GatorGirl July 5, 2013, 12:43 pm

        Yes. There is something wrong with you. I think it is in human nature to add up the cash gifts and perhaps think about how they compare to your costs. I don’t fault a person for thinking about it. But having the audacity to tell a guest they “undergifted by $300” is complete and utter bullshit. It’s the epitome of bridezilla and classlessness and wel just being a plain ole bitch. I honestly would have written back “I’m so sorry you where disappointed with our gift. Since you did not care for it, I’ve issued a stop payment through our bank. Best wishes.”

        UGH PEOPLE SUCK.

        Link
      • avatar

        lets_be_honest July 5, 2013, 1:01 pm

        I wonder if any of these crazy brides have ever come across articles like this one and if they think then that they were wrong, or if they think those articles are BS.

        I would TOTALLY stop payment on that check too. In a heartbeat.

        Link
    • theattack

      theattack July 5, 2013, 12:40 pm

      I wonder if it’s fake. It just doesn’t seem like something that a real person could write.

      Reply Link
      • avatar

        GatorGirl July 5, 2013, 12:44 pm

        I wish I thought it was fake. But sadly I think there are enough materialistic people out there in the world. I mean watch the wedding shows on TLC…it’s all about cashing in. Grossness.

        Link
      • theattack

        theattack July 5, 2013, 12:47 pm

        Really though? Don’t you think the people on the tv shows are just trying to be dramatic enough to make it onto tv? I’ve never known a single person that acts anything like this, which obviously doesn’t mean much, but I find it hard to believe.

        Link
      • avatar

        GatorGirl July 5, 2013, 1:17 pm

        I’m sure it’s played up SOME for tv, but yeah…I think there are a lot of greedy people n the world.

        Link
      • avatar

        Jessibel5 July 5, 2013, 1:38 pm

        One of the former “Bridezillas” Dani is now a radio DJ in DC (and is also on the bootcamp show that’s on now) and she’s pretty much said she amped up her ‘tude for the show, because it was good for her in the long run because her job is to be a public figure aka radio dj. I have a feeling that those girls on the show are often already self-centered bitches who want to be famous so they go all out to be outrageous.

        Link
      • Fabelle

        Fabelle July 5, 2013, 12:46 pm

        I wondered that too, at first, but then the grammar is ~just~ wonky enough to seem real? A fake would probably either read completely properly, or totally this-is-a-joke bad, I think.

        Link
      • theattack

        theattack July 5, 2013, 12:48 pm

        Interesting that you took it that way. I thought the grammar made it seem more fake. Like someone was trying too hard to write a fake letter?

        Link
      • Fabelle

        Fabelle July 5, 2013, 12:56 pm

        Maybe! I was just thinking it’d be hard to make THOSE kinds of grammatical errors, on purpose? We should all try writing a fake letter, haha (I do ~hope~ to god it’s fake though…ugh, ugh, ugh)

        Link
    • avatar

      lets_be_honest July 5, 2013, 1:00 pm

      I thought it would be REALLY low, like $20. Not that that would make it ok by any means, but jeez. $50/person really isn’t anything to be upset over, right??!!

      Reply Link
      • theattack

        theattack July 5, 2013, 1:07 pm

        We got $20-30 from several entire families! The checks we got for $100 per couple were definitely above average for our gifts. It’s DEFINITELY not something to be upset about.

        Link
      • avatar

        lets_be_honest July 5, 2013, 1:13 pm

        Yea, we’ve talked before about how vastly different the gift amounts are where you live v. where I live. You and GG would love my brother…we went to a wedding Wednesday night, and I called him to make sure we were giving similar amounts. He has this whole equation worked out for wedding gift amounts, depending on whether he travels, night of the week, relationship to bride/groom, venue, etc. I was laughing when he was telling me all this, and kept thinking you guys would love it. haha. He said if he flies to the wedding, his check is cut in half. I thought that was pretty fair.

        Link
      • avatar

        GatorGirl July 5, 2013, 1:16 pm

        That’s interesting. I work more on a tiered system, so to speak. Siblings get X, close friends/cousins get X, co-workers/not as close friends get X. Regardless of if we travel or not.

        Link
      • avatar

        ktfran July 5, 2013, 2:19 pm

        I’m the exact same gg.

        Although I didn’t get my bff a wedding present because the ceremony was in Jamaica and then she had a reception after we all got back, which I also had to travel for. And I threw her shower and bachelorette party. So, I think I was ok on that one.

        Link
      • theattack

        theattack July 5, 2013, 1:18 pm

        That’s hilarious! I’d love to see that equation.

        Link
      • avatar

        lets_be_honest July 5, 2013, 1:25 pm

        I was just so surprised that he would even think twice about it. I get the travel/not travel thing since he had to shell out about $500 to fly in for the night, but other than him thinking ‘gee, that cost a lot’ I couldn’t believe he would think more than that.

        Link
      • avatar

        lets_be_honest July 5, 2013, 1:30 pm

        Big fail at the wedding I attended with him Wednesday night. Woke up totally hungover yesterday, and saw the card in my purse. Haha, oops.

        Oh, and they had a photobooth (best idea ever!). Towards the end when everyone was drunk (I mean everyone!), Peter and I went in to take pictures. So I’m doing all the typical, cute-sy ones, just smiling, then kiss on cheek, you know. Then he thinks he’s so super funny and unbuttons his middle buttons and shows his nipple. I’m 99% sure its from a movie. So we come out of the booth and the guy is like, oh it prints two so we’ll just take that from you. I made him rip it in half and only give the nice ones. Haha. I’m no fun.

        Link
      • theattack

        theattack July 5, 2013, 2:01 pm

        hahaha!

        Link
      • avatar

        lets_be_honest July 5, 2013, 1:13 pm

        Anyway, $20 would def be lowballing it where I live. Norm is about $100 pp.

        Link
      • theattack

        theattack July 5, 2013, 1:16 pm

        I mean, it’s definitely low where I live too, but people do it if they don’t have much to spare. People typically attend and give low amounts like that instead of backing out entirely. No big deal. I think about $50 per person (excluding children) is the goal here for people who can swing it.

        Link
      • avatar

        lets_be_honest July 5, 2013, 1:26 pm

        Oh sure, I agree, and honestly, that’s the first and likely only thing I would think of it…that they didn’t have much to spare, but still wanted to celebrate.

        Link
      • avatar

        GatorGirl July 5, 2013, 1:20 pm

        I would say $100 is the norm per couple in my circle, but we got everything from just a card to $500.

        And a box of beer. That was an awesome gift haha.

        Link
      • avatar

        lets_be_honest July 5, 2013, 1:34 pm

        At what age do you think the “children” should bring their own card and check? My sister, who is still in college, was just going to add her name to my dad’s card, so it made me think what you guys thought? (ftr, I’m pretty sure she got her own invite).

        Link
      • avatar

        GatorGirl July 5, 2013, 1:37 pm

        I think if you get your own invitation. Which in my world means you’re over 18.

        But you could also argue if they still live with the parents then it makes sense to put your name on the family card.

        We got a few joint gifts too- like a BIG gift from an entire family of 5. I didn’t think twice about the “appropriateness”.

        Link
      • theattack

        theattack July 5, 2013, 1:41 pm

        I second the invitation thing, except we didn’t follow the same rule you did for that. We pretty much grouped college kids in with their parents, but everyone who was either on their own or out of college got their own invitation. BUT almost everyone in their 20s (even those with their own careers) just wrote their names on with their parents’ gifts.

        Link
      • avatar

        lets_be_honest July 5, 2013, 1:46 pm

        You know, even as a full grown adult, it totally crossed my mind that I could probably still get away with that. Something about doing anything with parents still morphs me back into that mentality.

        Link
      • avatar

        GatorGirl July 5, 2013, 1:53 pm

        That’s surprising that the 20 somethings just signed their parents card. I did that a few times between 18 and like 23, but after that I’ve always sent my own gift. For any event actually (showers, birthdays, weddings).

        Link
      • theattack

        theattack July 5, 2013, 2:00 pm

        I was pretty surprised by it too, but obviously I’m not judging. I only did a joint gift with my mom for a shower once, but that was because I made a tiered wedding-sized cake for the shower too and didn’t want to come without also having my name on a physical gift.

        Link
      • avatar

        fallonthecity July 5, 2013, 1:52 pm

        Joint gifts are ok, right? I go in with my parents or friends often for wedding gifts – we typically give physical gifts instead of cash though, so it’s nice to pool our money and pick something “bigger” off the registry.

        Link
      • theattack

        theattack July 5, 2013, 2:02 pm

        I think it’s okay, but just a warning that if you go in with your parents, the couple might assume you didn’t actually contribute to the cost of that gift.

        Link
      • avatar

        fallonthecity July 5, 2013, 2:17 pm

        I guess that’s true, but even so – I’d rather the couple have, say, the nice knives they registered for (instead of a few towels, a cheese grater and a serving tray or something), even if they don’t credit me with actually paying for it. I hope my relatives would give me the benefit of the doubt there, though!

        Link
      • avatar

        GatorGirl July 5, 2013, 2:33 pm

        Do not discredit the joy the simple things from a registry bring. Every time I use my awesome new can opener we where gifted at the wedding by a cousin I actually thank them out loud. It might have been a cheap gift but man it makes me smile!

        Link
      • avatar

        fallonthecity July 5, 2013, 4:03 pm

        Oh, definitely not discrediting them! I just really like when a gift I give looks cohesive, instead of just piecing together things that don’t necessarily match (towels + cheese grater, for example) to get to the amount I want to spend… personal hang up. Ha. So when I can go in with someone and we can get one big item (like a Kuerig), or a complete set of something (cookware, good knives, towels, etc), I prefer to do that. Certainly nothing wrong with the former, though!

        Link
      • avatar

        GatorGirl July 5, 2013, 2:06 pm

        My post didn’t post. I said “Absolutely!”

        I didn’t assume the kids didn’t contribute, but the families that did this it’s a pretty dang good chance they didn’t contribute. But it’s not a big deal. I wrote them thank you notes anyways.

        Link
      • avatar

        fallonthecity July 5, 2013, 2:33 pm

        That’s good! Hopefully couples will assume from my circumstances (out of the house for years, stable job) that I do contribute.

        Link
      • theattack

        theattack July 5, 2013, 1:38 pm

        I think the “child” should bring their own after college if they have a job, but during college it’s acceptable to do either.

        Link
      • avatar

        lets_be_honest July 5, 2013, 1:39 pm

        That was my opinion as well.

        Link
      • Fabelle

        Fabelle July 5, 2013, 1:31 pm

        Yeah, I think the norm here is $100 per person (so it’s $200 when I attend with Boyfriend). I gave more for my own brother’s wedding, & a little less during a time we were kinda broke ($150 for both of us?) People should expect to get a wide variety of amounts, though; that’s what happens. You never know what somebody’s financial situation is.

        Link
  • avatar

    lets_be_honest July 5, 2013, 12:59 pm

    8% is skyrocketing?

    Reply Link
    • avatar

      lets_be_honest July 5, 2013, 1:14 pm

      Sidebar, first!

      Reply Link
  • avatar

    TECH July 5, 2013, 1:02 pm

    What I found funny about the bride’s message is “where you dissatisfied with our wedding?”
    When you go to someone’s wedding, you know ahead of time how much you are preparing to give them. You buy the card and put the check or cash in the card prior to arriving at the wedding (in most cases.)
    It’s not like you show up the wedding, they have crappy hors d’oeurves, you decided “Hmm, let me write a check for a different amount now.”
    It’s not like going to a restaurant, and getting crappy service, and deciding to give a subpar tip.

    Reply Link
    • avatar

      lets_be_honest July 5, 2013, 1:15 pm

      That’d be pretty funny though! Imagine if no one wrote the check til after the wedding. Well, the chicken was soggy (-$10) but they had an open bar (+$100), however the venue didn’t refill the toilet paper in a timely manner (-$20).

      Reply Link
      • Roxy_84

        Roxy84 July 5, 2013, 1:17 pm

        ha!

        Link
    • Roxy_84

      Roxy84 July 5, 2013, 1:17 pm

      And it’s like, what are you expected to do? Research the wedding beforehand (are they going to have an open bar? how fancy is the reception venue?) so you can calculate how much you think they may have spent so you can accurately compensate them for your plate?

      Reply Link
    • avatar

      GatorGirl July 5, 2013, 1:19 pm

      Yeah, I totally thought that too. You write the check and seal the envelop BEFORE arriving for the wedding…

      Reply Link
    • Fabelle

      Fabelle July 5, 2013, 1:28 pm

      The last wedding I went to was REALLY nice, & I actually said to my boyfriend during cocktail hour, “Shit, we should’ve given more.” But obviously, yeah, you can’t alter the amount once you’ve sealed the envelope!

      Also, just as a thought (& to kind of address GG’s post above), I DO think people think about these things (gift amount as it relates to cost of wedding), but it’s so not, not, not okay to actively yearn for your gifts to cover the cost. (Actively yearn=feel entitled enough to send a message like the one in the link)

      Reply Link
  • avatar

    A La Mode July 5, 2013, 2:07 pm

    Re: “Nice to Meet You… Again”

    One thing that bothers me whenever articles get posted about this sort of thing is that they use terms like “Facebook STALKED”. I am one of those people who Googles everyone I meet pretty extensively. I don’t do online dating, but I will look into every nook and cranny of the web if a guy asks me out. I do the same thing for job interviews, on my college professors, etc. I feel that it gives me an advantage, and it quells my social anxiety because I’ll be able to bring up topics with them that they will enjoy talking about.

    I don’t understand why some people find it creepy or weird. The information is out there for the public’s consumption, and much of it is out there because the person themselves allowed it to be. I just plain don’t see anything wrong with what I do, and it actually delighted me the one time a guy told me he had Googled me (he’d found my arts and literature blog), and then we went on to have a deep and meaningful discussion with me about my favorite artists. I never would’ve mentioned my blog in conversation, but it ended up being an amazing date!

    Reply Link
    • avatar

      GatorGirl July 5, 2013, 2:16 pm

      I don’t think it’s weird. I google people too.

      Reply Link
    • avatar

      ktfran July 5, 2013, 2:25 pm

      I was on a dating site once and the guy I was chatting with thought we could guess my 11 letter last name. It was a fun game and he ended up guessing correctly. Although I have a few hints. Then I’m pretty sure he googled “stalked” me. But I totally google people too. I mean, why not?

      Reply Link
  • avatar

    Christy July 5, 2013, 9:19 pm

    Ooh read this too everyone!

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    SpaceySteph July 8, 2013, 3:55 pm

    I’m late to the party but I saw in the comments to that HuffPo article about the bride demanding $200 per plate for her wedding gift that someone linked this site:

    Basically you put in all the info and it cranks out a number of what you “should” gift. I screwed around with it for “fun” and I’m a little astonished at some of the values it pumps out.
    I would love to see it’s algorithm. Also I disagree that the type of affair (formal/informal) and the peak/off-peak/day-of-week should really play in at all. That does seem to skew more towards giving them more money if their wedding was more expensive. But the truth is you can throw a hugely expensive off-peak Tuesday wedding or an inexpensive peak Saturday wedding depending on what you do. Also you should really gift based on your relationship and means, not how much you think it cost them to host you at the wedding.

    Reply Link
    • avatar

      GatorGirl July 8, 2013, 4:03 pm

      Holy hell. It suggested I give almost $295 for my SILs wedding. After factoring in 500+ miles of travel and attending more than 3 pre wedding events. Wowza.

      Then I did the “calculations” based on the answers I think my SIL and my best friend would have had coming to our wedding. The SIL would be traveling father (450 miles) and having attended more events- it said she should give $50 more than my BFF who lives local and only went to one prewedding event. What? And then I put in my sister (who is 18 and for all intensive purposes unemployed) and it said she should give $270!! What a crock of shit! I want to write them hate mail.

      Reply Link
      • avatar

        SpaceySteph July 8, 2013, 4:16 pm

        Right? I mostly just brought this up so DW readers could bash them as a team. I checked out what some other people should have given me, too. Some “should” have given higher… and some much lower. Truth is, it all averages out if people give what they can rather than what they feel they “should.”

        I think the algorithm puts a lot of emphasis on being in the wedding party (which IIRC you didn’t have) and being related. I actually tried it for my BFF again, putting her as a relative rather than close friend, and got much closer to what I did give her. Idk, you can’t quantify 22 years of friendship in a drop down menu. And you really shouldn’t. Suck it, website!

        Link
      • avatar

        GatorGirl July 8, 2013, 4:19 pm

        Yeah, we did not have a bridal party. Most of the number it was giving me was twice or MORE what people gifted us.

        Link
    • avatar

      bethany July 8, 2013, 4:37 pm

      I just did it for the wedding we went to on Saturday. It suggested I give $245. I gave $100. Oh well!

      Reply Link

Leave a Comment