Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friday Links: March 9

From the TODAY show: “The Joys of Living Alone”

From Gawker: “Woman Sues School After Roommate Has Too Much Sex”

From The Awl: “A Treasury of the World’s Worst Online Dating Stories”

From Huffington Post: “Women’s Happiness In Relationships Tied To Men’s Empathy”

From The Telegraph: “Research finds women feel happy when their husband or partner is upset”

 

 

18 comments… add one
  • Betsy

    Betsy March 9, 2012, 12:24 pm

    Wow, the two different conclusions and reports about the same APA study is fascinating. The Telegraph article is so fixated on the fact that women feel better even they recognize their partners negative emotion.

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      Fabelle March 9, 2012, 12:52 pm

      Yeah, like TaraMonster said below, this has been circulating for a while & though I’ve seen in presented diplomatically like the one from Huffington Post (“Women’s Happiness In Relationships Tied To Men’s Empathy”) I’ve seen A LOT more “cheeky” titles like “WOMEN SMILE AS YOU CRY: NOW WE HAVE PROOF”

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      rachel March 9, 2012, 12:53 pm

      That’s why it’s frustrating to read scientific articles written for the general public. There’s such sensationalism that has to be added to it.

      It’s worth noting that of the two articles – the HuffPo is the only one that links to the actual peer reviewed journal article.

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  • TaraMonster

    TaraMonster March 9, 2012, 12:35 pm

    The whole ‘women are happy when men are unhappy’ topic has been circulating quite a bit this week. I find it profoundly interesting and problematic for a few reasons. The titles of the articles are sensationalizing the findings so it sounds like women are sadistic with their partners, which is misleading and sexist because this is not what the study actually is suggesting. The study is saying that when men share their emotions with their partners women feel more satisfied. And to that I offer a big DUH. It’s called learning to communicate, which stereotypically is not something men are good at. You know- because women are hormonal crackpots and men are stoic and unable to express themselves or some such relic of 50s psychology.

    To that end, I haven’t come across a single article that emphasizes the study as some big revelation on the behavior of men. That perspective is certainly covered in the body of the articles, but it still reads as if the male perspective is a footnote rather than 50% of what’s happening in a study that’s about relationships, not just the way women feel in their relationships. I think an equally important question is why men’s happiness (supposedly) is so tied to the positive attitude of their partner. I’m slightly annoyed that this aspect is not getting equal attention. I’ve certainly found this to be true in my own relationships, but that anecdotal info doesn’t prove a thing. So what does it mean? And why is it being ignored? That’s what I’d really like to know.

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    • avatar

      silver_dragon_girl March 9, 2012, 1:42 pm

      Anecdotally, that’s true in my relationship, too: when I’m happy, he’s happier. He also puts a lot of stock into “being able to make me happy.” I would like to see that finding explored more, too.

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      • TaraMonster

        TaraMonster March 9, 2012, 3:13 pm

        That’s pretty much verbatim what my boyfriend says about being able to make me happy. I always thought it was because he was brought up by incredibly selfish people and spent most of his childhood trying to please his mother (who is never freaking satisfied and takes advantage of him SO MUCH, but that’s another story…). Now I’m thinking there might be more to it than that. Something in the way men view happiness vs the way women view happiness? This is interesting stuff IMO.

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      • Brad

        Brad March 9, 2012, 3:27 pm

        Well DUH. Have you ever tried getting a woman to have sex with you when she’s pissed off at you or in a bad mood? Spoiler Alert: doesn’t happen. And if you’re mad at us then it means we’ll have to get up and make our own sandwich.

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    • Brad

      Brad March 9, 2012, 3:24 pm

      Well us men have to be stoic. A kitten dies everytime a man shows emotion or cries. True story.

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      • TaraMonster

        TaraMonster March 9, 2012, 3:27 pm

        THAT’S why my kitten died when I was dating my ex boyfriend?! All these years I wondered. Now I have answers!

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  • Budj

    Budj March 9, 2012, 12:36 pm

    “Research finds women feel happy when their husband or partner is upset”

    My suspicion that women harvest the tears of men in order to increase their happiness is proven.

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    • TaraMonster

      TaraMonster March 9, 2012, 12:45 pm

      I know you’re just kidding so I’m not saying this to get on you, but I just read some of the comments on the article (which I am regretting) and some of them REALLY believe that this is why there’s domestic violence- because women enjoy men’s suffering, obviously. So then men are pushed to the limit and have to hit them.

      Head/desk. Sometimes sexism like that is exhausting to me.

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      • Budj

        Budj March 9, 2012, 12:51 pm

        haha yea I definitely was kidding.

        It is definitely a skewed article and I do get a laugh out of some of the comments…I’m assuming a lot of them are trolls, but I feel bad knowing that some of those comments are really how some people feel…

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      • CatsMeow

        CatsMeow March 9, 2012, 2:56 pm

        It is incredibly disheartening, to say the least.

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  • CatsMeow

    CatsMeow March 9, 2012, 3:12 pm

    OK, so I started reading the online dating horror stories, and I couldn’t get through them all (because HOLY CRAP! that’s a long list), but I thought I’d share one of my own. Mine goes under the category “The Dates That Didn’t Even Happen” and I did mention it on a forum, so forgive me if you are seeing this story twice.

    I work in public health, communicable disease control, specifically HIV/STD. It makes for interesting conversation ANY time someone asks the generic “So what do you do?” question. Anyway. I was chatting with this guy on OKC, and we talked about the usual stuff (including the “what do you do” thing), and agreed that we’d like to meet in person. Stuff kept coming up, though, so the actual meeting was put off a couple times. Between the time we agreed to meet and setting an actual date, I verified that he is who he says he is (I knew someone that was in the same grad program, so I found out his FULL name), AND I found out another interesting tidbit.

    This interesting tidbit fell in my lap, so to speak. I mentioned that I work in STD. Our clinic has a website, and on that website is a link where someone can send an email asking a question. These emails come to my co-workers and me so that if one person is off, a timely answer can still be sent. I went into work one Monday morning to find in my inbox, an email from “fullnameofdude@schoolhegoesto.com” …and it didn’t sink in at first. I thought, HOW did he get my work email? And then I opened it, and it went something like this:

    “My girlfriend back home recently tested positive for chlamydia, and since she hasn’t been with anyone else, she must have gotten it from me. What are your hours, and is there a cost for your services?”

    Apparently he kept a girlfriend back at home in his small town and trawled the internet for dates while he was away at school. And apparently somewhere along the way he picked up chlamydia (hello, CONDOMS!! Especially if you are cheating, DUH) and passed it to his long-time GF back at home.

    Thing is, I *might* have forgiven the chlamydia because, hey – at least I could verify that he was treated. I definitely could NOT forgive the girlfriend thing, though. Nope, nope, nope.

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    • TaraMonster

      TaraMonster March 9, 2012, 3:18 pm

      I’m about to click the horror stories link. For some reason my eyes skipped right over it earlier. But OMG about your story! You dodged a bullet.

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    • Brad

      Brad March 9, 2012, 3:30 pm

      Woah…. Yeah that’s pretty much all I have to say. I guess douchbag comes to mind as well.

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    • Leroy

      Leroy March 10, 2012, 1:53 pm

      >> I got walked out on on a date that seemed like it was going fairly well because I said I didn’t like french fries. I am still baffled by it.

      Probably wasn’t the french fries.

      The thing that I’d realized about online dating is that it’s just like normal dating except that you shift the bell curve of daters several degrees to the left.

      I’d gone out a few times w/ a woman that I’d met online and on our last date she began grilling me about my past. It turns out that she’d googled me, mistook me for someone else w/ my name, and thought that I had moved across country and assumed a new identity to hide a family that I had on the West Coast. It apparently didn’t occur to her that I might just have the same name as whoever she thought I actually was. What’s worse is that when I pointed this out, rather than apologize and move on, she persisted in being rude and accusatory. It was like she wanted to find something to justify being angry at me. And then, she accused me of being a ‘coward’ when I told her that I didn’t think that we should go out any longer!

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    • avatar

      Addie Pray March 11, 2012, 6:31 am

      Wow, that is a funny story! So, how did you end things? Did you confront him about the girlfriend at home (and spill that you saw his email)?

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