Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friday Links, November 2

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

“An Account of Sexual Assault at Amherst College”

And the best city for singles is…

Heartbreaking accounts of lives lost in Hurricane Sandy

From Queerty: “STUDY: Lesbians Make Great Parents, World Is Round”

From The Atlantic: “A Cultural History of Mansplaining”

From Huffington Post: “‘Married’ Cats: Male Cat Stays By Female Cat’s Side In Sickness And Health”

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to wendy@dearwendy.com and if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

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30 comments… add one
  • avatar

    bethany November 2, 2012, 12:15 pm

    My goal in life is for my cats to snuggle like that. After 4 years of living together we’ve gotten to the point where they will sit right next to eachother and occasionally they touch, but that’s it 🙁

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    • katie

      katie November 2, 2012, 12:19 pm

      aw your cats are frenemies too??

      haha i have this epic picture of my two eating, and they are kind of in a V shape, with their butts and tails meeting at the bottom of the V, and their tails are situated so they wont touch at all. lol. its a rare moment when i can get them both in a picture… but, atleast they play (mostly) nice together now.

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    • avatar

      jlyfsh November 2, 2012, 12:40 pm

      my dogs LOVE each other. i’ve taken them to the vet separately before and they go nutso, they smell each other from nose to tail when we get home. and i love when they cuddle. i have a picture of them sleeping with their arms over one another in our bed, it’s so cute!. although, my male dog is my girl dog’s slave. she paws at him and makes him clean her eyes and ears. sometimes he asks for the same in return and she gives him the bitch, please look.

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      • avatar

        bethany November 2, 2012, 12:42 pm

        See, that’s the kind of shit I want. I would DIE if my cats acted like that!

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    • CatsMeow

      CatsMeow November 2, 2012, 3:44 pm

      I have 3 cats. Zeke & Stella play/fight and NEVER cuddle. Sometimes he tries to groom her and she paws him away and then he gets pissed and attacks her. But Zeke & Zoe loooove each other and it’s so cute and precious and adorable and it makes me talk in my high-pitched cat lady voice!

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  • avatar

    MsMisery November 2, 2012, 1:13 pm

    I’ve been reading about the Amherst stuff. LOTS of different stories. Totally gross. Can you imagine your dean telling you to “take a year off, work at Starbucks and come back after [your attacker] has graduated”? I mean, WTF.

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    • MaterialsGirl

      MaterialsGirl November 2, 2012, 3:47 pm

      It was a total shock to me as well..esh

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      • MaterialsGirl

        MaterialsGirl November 2, 2012, 3:58 pm

        Also.. Be sure to read the response letter from the school an the new president. It’s very good and hopefully the attitude will change

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  • avatar

    GatorGirl November 2, 2012, 2:05 pm

    Ugh that Amherst article is tragic. I’ve mentioned before on DW that I was in a date rape type situation in college (I phrase it that way because I’m still, 6 years later trying to figure out and process the whole thing) and this article reinforces to me that I made the right choice not going to my university.

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  • avatar

    llclarityll November 2, 2012, 2:05 pm

    I don’t know how appropriate it was to sandwich a very serious, sad story about the people who lost their lives to hurricane Sandy in between “The best city for singles is…” and the “Mansplaining” piece.

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    • theattack

      theattack November 2, 2012, 2:15 pm

      Does the order Wendy happened to put it in really change the message? This is how Friday links work. They’re just a list of links to articles. I don’t think this is worth reading into this much.

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      • avatar

        llclarityll November 2, 2012, 2:17 pm

        No, order doesn’t matter, I don’t think it should have been included at all next to those other articles. It just makes it seem trivial.

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl November 2, 2012, 2:20 pm

        So is the rape narrative trivial compaired to the Sandy article?

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      • Fabelle

        Fabelle November 2, 2012, 4:57 pm

        This is how info is spread now. My phone’s “news & weather” app sandwiches articles about Sandy (which, trust me, completely breaks my heart) between JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE GOT MARRIED & “Preist killed daughter’s fiance for a SEXUAL FANTASY” headlines. Wendy’s put up a few really heartfelt, honest SEPARATE posts about the hurricane, so I think this can be forgiven, no?

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  • avatar

    kerrycontrary November 2, 2012, 2:22 pm

    For the Amherst article, could the I get the opinion of people who went to a small college (mine was 40,000 undergraduate alone…). Do you think this has anything to do with the culture of it being a smaller college? I cannot imagine administration being so heavily involved in a student’s life at the school where I went. She obviously had a lot of 1 on 1 conversations with the dean and they had an abnormal amount of authority over what she could and could not do. And maybe because its a smaller college they haven’t had standardized their processes for dealing with crime/sexual assault. For example, when you are trying to deal with 40,000 unruly 18-22 year olds things are pretty cut and dry. You don’t have time to consider things on a case by case basis so punishments/consequences are standardized and serious.

    I don’t think think its just a small college thing, it’s mostly an Amherst thing. But I’m just curious on anyone’s thoughts?

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    • avatar

      GatorGirl November 2, 2012, 2:31 pm

      I went to an extremely small school (about 2000 total undergrads) and I do think that size probably plays into it a bit. The adminitration was much more in our daily business than I assume is normal. We also did things like dinners at professors houses, classes out side on nice days…lots of things that don’t seem like they happen at larger schools. But then again my view is skewed because I went to a small school.

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    • avatar

      Matcha November 2, 2012, 3:26 pm

      I went to a small school (2000 undergrads when I started, more like 3000 now) and I find it believable. That’s quite a lot of meetings with the dean. Our school had a head dean, something like 3 assistant deans, and dean of each academic school. That’s a lot of deans. So it’s not too farfetched. But the whole, you can’t do this or that (can’t study African Studies because it’s traumatizing?!) is RIDICULOUS.
      Unlike Amherst my school had a very well-known Women’s Resource Center (they sold shirts that said “Consent is Sexy” to raise awareness about the Code of Conduct/Sexual Harassment Policy) and although sadly women have been sexually assaulted on campus, the culture there is one where it is not accepted nor institutionalized.

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      • avatar

        Matcha November 2, 2012, 3:34 pm

        And our dean was pretty well known. First he was my gen chem professor, then a master at a residential college (he and his family lived in a house next to the dorm), and then he was dean. I mean, I could walk into my professor’s house and take a soda from the fridge and pet their dog. I forget how weird that is for other people.

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    • avatar

      stickelet November 2, 2012, 3:26 pm

      I went to a huge college too, and I was thinking the same thing. I don’t even remember the name of my dean, let alone have ever met them. I was lucky in that neither I nor my friends experienced a sexual assault while I was there, but I did develop and struggle with an eating disorder and my experience dealing with that was vastly different than the LW’s experience with administration. Of course, this didn’t involve a crime of any sort or present a danger to anyone but myself. I’d be curious as to what other DWer’s experiences are in colleges of different sizes.

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      • avatar

        kerrycontrary November 2, 2012, 3:43 pm

        I think my experience was that if you had a problem, such as a sexual assault, an eating disorder, depression, whatever have you, the university had resources at your disposal, but they did not connect that situation with your academic standing. The only difference is if you were facing charges (i.e. charged with sexual assault) in which case you were immediately removed from any sports teams and possibly suspended academically (not sure of the details). There was no input over what you studied other than “are you passing your classes”, and when I studied abroad they literally arranged my train ticket to my tiny town in france and then said “see you in the fall!”

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      • avatar

        stickelet November 2, 2012, 4:03 pm

        That’s how it was at my university as well. Many resources, but not connected to your academic standing, unless a crime was committed. And administration/faculty were unaware of any non obvious problems, unless they were reported.

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    • TaraMonster

      TaraMonster November 2, 2012, 2:34 pm

      I can’t speak about whether or not this is a small school issue, but I can say that, yes, small schools = more contact with the administration. I was the editor of my college paper and I knew the Dean, the heads of departments, staff in the business and registrar office, etc. all by first name. They often tried to get me NOT to publish things. HA HA HA. Not on my watch. I told them we’d just raise our own funds for the paper if they were going to interfere.

      There were two instances in which they actively tried to cover something up by pressuring the newspaper not to publish anything about it. The most relevant: a student was *trigger warning* gang raped and later killed herself. Gloria Alred is currently representing her parents in the case that’s been ongoing for 6 years… and the second was an embezzlement scandal in the business office (two people were ultimately fired).

      This may have just been MY school, and not ALL small schools, but the administration was absolutely nosy and pushy with the students.

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    • avatar

      Sassy but Classy November 2, 2012, 9:44 pm

      I went to a small university also in Massachusetts, and there is culture with small schools where faculty has a close relationship with the students. Every year the whole school was invited to the president’s house, and a popular professor invited his previous years class to his house for a summer party. However, I thought it also strange the amount of authority the school seemed to have over the writers life. Maybe because she didn’t have parents? I don’t think the size of the school has anything to do with it’s processes with dealing with sexual assault. A teacher I had was fired because he told off color/ sexist jokes, and I was one of the witnesses, though I wasn’t the one that reported it. I honestly think this is an Amherst thing. I think they are so concerned with their reputation (little Ivy) that they’ll do anything to keep their retention and graduation rates high.

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  • avatar

    Caris November 2, 2012, 2:35 pm

    My cats cuddle like that :3 they are so cute

    The rape article made me incredibly angry. How can the school have so much power over what the student can or cannot do, and how the hell is it allowed to let rapists get away with no punishment whatsoever?! And then it goes and punishes the victims instead???? wtf wtf wtf UGH

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  • SweetsAndBeats

    SweetsAndBeats November 2, 2012, 1:44 pm

    Idk why but the term “mansplaining” really irks me. I have experienced women do it just as frequently as I have with men. It seems to me to be less of a sexism thing and more of a douchebaggery sort of thing.

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    • avatar

      rachel November 2, 2012, 1:46 pm

      Agreed. I actually avoided reading the article for that very reason.

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  • bittergaymark

    bittergaymark November 2, 2012, 5:24 pm

    The saddest thing about many of those deaths is they were so avoidable. Don’t go out walking your dog in a hurricane. Don’t run outside to take pictures… Don’t stand your ground foolishly and go against the advice of city officials… Hopefully, people will hear many of these sad tales and take them to heart. There are lessons to be learned from each and every one…

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    • avatar

      rachel November 2, 2012, 6:27 pm

      I agree that a lot of them were likely avoidable, but definitely not all. And a hurricane takes a long time to pass – dogs need to pee.

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      • bittergaymark

        bittergaymark November 2, 2012, 6:31 pm

        Seriously, put some papers down and let them pee indoors… Walking your dog in a hurricane is a recipe for disaster. I just hope those two twenty-four year old DIED instantaneously and not, say, hours later.

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  • avatar

    Sue Jones November 2, 2012, 6:21 pm

    Hoboken NJ the best city for singles???? Well perhaps not anymore since the Hurricane…

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