Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friday Links: October 26

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

Hey, check it out: Our apartment is the featured home tour on Offbeat Home this week. (Thanks to TaraMonster for suggesting I submit our place).

From The Daily Beast: “Free Birth Control: Could It Transform Society?”

From Yahoo News: “Men and Women Can’t be ‘Just Friends'”

From Nerve: “True Stories: I Hired A Sex Surrogate”

From Salon: “Undercover as a gay man”

From xoJane: “My Job Doesn’t Define Me and it Shouldn’t Define You Either”

From The Wall Street Journal: Research shows women may be cheating now almost as much as men

From BBC: First images of human ovulation, caught on camera during a routine operation

Fairy Tales for Twenty-Somethings:

“The prince and the pauper unfriended each other on Facebook because neither one could stand the other’s political status updates.”

“Thumbelina never got much bigger but she did get her own reality TV show, so that’s cool.”

“Jack kept climbing beanstalks but none ever got him as high as that first one.”

An interesting/unique tale of open adoption from Offbeat Mama: “My husband and I expanded our family by placing our twins for adoption”

Plus a dance video submitted by reader, MissDre.

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to wendy@dearwendy.com and if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

You can follow me on Facebook here and sign up for my weekly newsletter here.

77 comments… add one
  • avatar

    MissDre October 26, 2012, 1:08 pm

    A Cirque du Soleil style Acrobatics & Contortion dance video 🙂 Thanks for sharing my link Wendy!

    Reply Link
    • avatar

      MissDre October 26, 2012, 4:28 pm

      I guess my video won’t get much attention when there’s a birth control debate going on 🙁

      Reply Link
  • katie

    katie October 26, 2012, 1:18 pm

    the free birth control article was really interesting…

    but wow, read some of the comments. bitches be crazy!!

    Reply Link
    • avatar

      bethany October 26, 2012, 2:14 pm

      BBC, for sure!!!

      I only got about 10 down in the comments… I had to stop reading, it was making me sick.

      Reply Link
      • katie

        katie October 26, 2012, 2:17 pm

        crazyness, right? i couldnt believe what i was reading! i think sometimes i forget how terrible comment sections are usually because i read this and offbeatbride/mama/home, and both of which have great, friendly, respectful, ect, comment sections. and, i know other people have said that too, so now im seeing its true.. lol

        Link
      • avatar

        *HmC* October 26, 2012, 2:28 pm

        I hate to be sexist but in my experience, comments sections that are dominated by women tend to be extremely civilized. It’s like culture shock to go from a male dominated message board I frequent to here. When people complain about rudness here I can’t help but feel like their heads would explode on a more male dominated site. I mean seriously, the stuff that gets said… it’s scary. I’ve been on boards where one dude got mad at another, so he found his facebook page and contacted his friends and family and told them the guy was gay… and it was like no big deal on the site, he’s still a regular.

        Link
      • katie

        katie October 26, 2012, 2:32 pm

        well, ill throw out a theory: women, by age like 18, i think, have thousands more words in their vocabularies to use then men do. and its because women express themselves through words, usually, and so it makes sense that they have 8 different ways to say the same thing, you know? and most of the extra words women know are descriptive words.

        thats interesting though. and crazy what that guy did! haha… and we just plan our meet-ups and drink… lol

        Link
      • avatar

        *HmC* October 26, 2012, 2:41 pm

        I think women are just socialized to be nice, whereas men are socialized to call each other out and one up each other and try to be funny.

        Link
      • avatar

        Caris October 26, 2012, 2:33 pm

        Have you ever read youtube comments?

        Link
      • avatar

        *HmC* October 26, 2012, 2:40 pm

        Yes, they can get pretty crazy. I’d venture a guess that it’s more men than women who comment on youtube, though that probably depends a lot on what video you’re looking at. What are you saying?

        Link
  • avatar

    j2 October 26, 2012, 1:29 pm

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    Caris October 26, 2012, 1:35 pm

    Too bad a lot of ppl don’t agree with free birth control.

    Reply Link
    • katie

      katie October 26, 2012, 2:15 pm

      i mean, i get the argument of “who is going to pay for it?”- i do. that is something that should be figured out very well and fairly and everything….

      but… if you are against abortion, you are for birth control (you just might not know it yet). i have never understood people who stand against both. it doesnt make sense…

      Reply Link
      • avatar

        Caris October 26, 2012, 2:31 pm

        Doesn’t make sense to me either :/

        Question, if a kid is sent to an orphanage, is that paid with taxes or are they private?

        And a lot of the comments on that article say things like: If you can’t afford bc then close your legs, or deal with the consequences. Thing is, a lot of the ones paying for the consequences are the kids themselves who end up in an orphanage or in a family that doesn’t provide everything a kid needs (love, education, food, clothes). Also, uhm, telling ppl to close their legs if they can’t afford bc is kinda stupid, especially if you are telling this to a teenager or a person who honestly has no clue how to prevent getting pregnant. And it’s not just women the ones that need to be using contraception.

        Link
      • katie

        katie October 26, 2012, 2:39 pm

        hmm, i dont know much about orphanges, honestly. i do think that there are private and public means to deal with orphans, though, so my guess would be both.

        i hate the “just close your legs” argument. like people for all of time havent been having sex all the time. that, to me, is 1. unrealistic, seriously. and 2. treats sex in a negative way.

        the argument i also hate is to “just pay for it”. people can and do “just pay for it”, but that doesnt mean its readily available! i had a freak out a month ago when my refills ran out.. i had recently moved, and my regular gyno had also recently moved practices. i called her for more refills, like i always have before, and she legally couldnt give me any new refills because she hadnt “seen” me at her new practice- legally, it was no different then if i was a rando cold calling doctors for perscription meds. so i had to go to planned parenthood and get a quick perscription (thank god for planned parenthood. i had never needed them in the past…). so, its often times not just that easy and “pay for it yourself”. i think a big problem that people see/believe is that they hear “free birth control” and think money, when really, the society that we so desperately need is one where birth control isnt expensive (nuvaring, im lookin at you), and its available for anyone who wants it, and everyone is educated about it! because honestly, just a blanket “free birth control” policy wouldnt even help, i dont think at least. it has to be a whole all-encompassing birth control positive shift.

        Link
      • avatar

        Caris October 26, 2012, 2:53 pm

        “it has to be a whole all-encompassing birth control positive shift.”

        I totally agree with you

        Link
      • theattack

        theattack October 26, 2012, 4:55 pm

        I cannot wait until there’s a generic Nuvaring. I had a very similar experience as you with gynecologists, except I was having trouble with Planned Parenthood and couldn’t get in for the longest time. I can get my Nuvaring with a $25 copay, which is affordable but more than I think it should be. I can do that because I’m unemployed and able to stay on my dad’s insurance for now, but I know it will get more expensive if I ever find a job. $25 is worth it though since it’s the only birth control that keeps me mentally balanced.

        Link
      • avatar

        bethany October 26, 2012, 2:42 pm

        Also, those people who say “close your legs” aren’t being realistic at all. That is NEVER going to happen, and it’s a huge waste of time/energy to keep preaching that. Unwanted pregnancies/children are a HUGE burden on society in so many ways… Why not try to prevent that? Covering the cost of BC is way less than the cost of government assistance for all these people who can’t afford their families.

        Link
      • avatar

        Caris October 26, 2012, 3:17 pm

        they don’t seem to understand this

        Link
  • avatar

    ChemE October 26, 2012, 1:59 pm

    The sex surrogate and adoption article were interesting.

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    Jenny October 26, 2012, 2:04 pm

    Wendy, I’m in the market for a highchair…Jackson’s looks pretty cool! Do you like it? Could I buy it on Amazon by any chance? 🙂

    Reply Link
    • Dear Wendy

      Wendy October 26, 2012, 3:37 pm

      Yes, we love it! And it grows with the child (you can adjust the height and function). We got ours used on Craigslist, but it is definitely available on Amazon (thanks for asking):

      Reply Link
  • avatar

    Caris October 26, 2012, 2:08 pm

    Oh, also. I LOVE HOW YOU DECORATED YOUR HOUSE WENDY.

    And the sex surrogate article was WEIRD. And I have a hard time believing it’s true. I mean, knowing you are having sex with the same girl and comparing your progress, ew. And most unprofessional “therapist” and “sex surrogate” ever.

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    Kris_ October 26, 2012, 2:14 pm

    I love the adoption article. That’s an awesome way to look at things 🙂

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    ele4phant October 26, 2012, 2:44 pm

    So, did hiring a sex surrogate actually help the author (and his friend)?

    Doesn’t really sound like it. Sure, they got to have sexual experiences with a non-judgmental woman, but ultimately, it doesn’t sound like they were given any skills to help them build adult, sustaining relationships with women who weren’t paid to be there.

    According to the author, after the treatment was finished, they didn’t gain any confidence in approaching and building relationships, and it was years before either of them they got another chance to be with a woman.

    Why didn’t the therapist help them with the social, and later, relationship skills needed to approach women and be in a relationship?

    Reply Link
    • avatar

      Desiree October 26, 2012, 2:50 pm

      That’s a good point. And I don’t think not being a virgin magically makes having sex with a new romantic partner easy. It’s still an intimate and vulnerable action.

      Reply Link
      • avatar

        ele4phant October 26, 2012, 3:03 pm

        I agree.

        The reason I was kind of wondering this aloud because this was essentially BGM’s advice to the 30 year old LW who had never been kissed. He essentially told her to just hire a pro to get past those jitters, otherwise she’d blow it.

        But at least for these two guys, they continued to blow it for years until they put in the time and effort of putting themselves out there again and again until they learned the social skills needed. Based on their experience, it does not appear that they were able to circumvent this learning curve just by having been guided through sex once by a professional.

        Link
  • avatar

    Sistine October 26, 2012, 2:49 pm

    Every time a discussion about co-pay free birth control arises there are always countless comments from people claiming they don’t want to pay for other people’s birth control. This argument is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. I guess most people don’t realize that you pay for it regardless. If birth control were free, it would save welfare and state program costs by 2/3rds. I think only one commenter mentioned this. You are already paying for it, so would you rather pay someone’s welfare and medicaid or for someone’s birth control (hint: you would be paying less money overall for the birth control)?

    What is also ridiculous is that generics can be made for much much cheaper. Tri-lo Sprintec was only around for a few months but it was drastically cheaper than Ortho-TriCyclin even though it was the same thing. The co-pay was only $5. If I did not have insurance, my birth control would be well over $100 a month. Even a $25 co-pay with insurance is a lot of money to someone who makes minimum wage at only $7 an hour. I think the mega pharmaceutical companies put an end to the generic option since it’s no longer around but the point is that we pay more for medications than necessary. Our prices are insanely high for no real reason.

    And the argument that if someone doesn’t want to get pregnant then they shouldn’t have sex is offensively laughable. Because we all know just how well abstinence only sex education works. Just don’t do it, is the answer? Maybe to some delusional fool who has no concept of how human nature works. That’s like saying, “If you don’t want to get in an accident, don’t drive a car… EVER.”

    Even the comments about responsibility are stupid. If someone wants birth control it is because they do want to take responsibility for their own sexual health. The fact is that they can’t afford it. How is a teenager who doesn’t have a job or someone who makes minimum wage supposed to afford it? If it were affordable/accessible they would be responsible. One person said that if they were so poor they couldn’t afford the co-pay they would qualify for medicaid. This is simply untrue. There are restrictions to qualify for welfare and medicaid because so many people apply for it. Even those that make very little don’t qualify. I know someone who quit her minimum wage job just so she could qualify. And that is also assuming that whatever job the person has even offers health insurance. Most customer service jobs refuse to hire full-time employees so they don’t have to provide insurance or any type of benefits. Again, without insurance my BC would be over $100 a month. That’s 2 full days worth of work to someone at a minimum wage job who is also working to eat and have a roof over their head. I fail to see how forcing them to get pregnant is going to be beneficial to society.

    Yes, condoms are the cheapest form of birth control but we all know how much men love to wear condoms. It’s up to women to take responsibility for their sexual health. And they actually want to. We’re just being held back by delusional people who have no concept of the current times we live in and sexist politicians that believe a woman’s place is in the home, barefoot, pregnant and cooking her husband dinner and that there’s no such thing as rape because if a woman gets pregnant she was apparently asking for it regardless of the circumstances. Honestly, if men got pregnant instead of women this would not be an issue AT ALL. But unfortunately, if a woman has an unintended/unwanted pregnancy, she doesn’t have the luxury of walking away from the situation and pretending it isn’t her problem.

    And before someone responds by saying, men don’t get away scott free, there are several who do. I know over a dozen kids who have never seen their fathers. In order to get court mandated child support you have to have a DNA test which is between 200-400 dollars. Surprisingly, no one can afford this which is the sole reason Maury Povich has a TV show. I know one woman who struggled to collect her child support payment because the father of her child kept jumping from job to job to try and avoid payments. She even said the child support barely covered her child’s daycare bill and she was working 2 jobs to support her family. Yes, women have equal (and I said EQUAL) responsibility in creating the situation and having to provide for their children, but the reality is that they bear the majority of it in most cases, especially among the lower and middle-class.

    No cost birth control benefits everyone in society. Everyone. It makes no sense at all, economically or morally (remember it reduces abortion), to argue against it.

    Reply Link
    • avatar

      bethany October 26, 2012, 2:58 pm

      I could not agree with you more.

      AND, if women were given the option of an IUD instead of pills, the cost would be MUCH lower. My IUD was $400 (not covered by my insurance), and it is good for 12 years. I think $33/year is a lot cheaper than a year of welfare, no?

      Reply Link
      • katie

        katie October 26, 2012, 3:30 pm

        12 years?? amazing!!

        (i swear i am making an appointment SOON. like, ill start calling now, ok?)

        Link
      • avatar

        bethany October 26, 2012, 4:05 pm

        Yep- 12 years. I have the Paragard. I highly recommend it! You should get on it, STAT!

        Link
      • avatar

        MissDre October 26, 2012, 4:26 pm

        I just got an IUD this summer too. The first month sucked because my cramps were so bad, but now I’m loving it!

        Link
    • iwannatalktosampson

      iwannatalktosampson October 26, 2012, 3:22 pm

      This is going to come as a shock to no one but I feel very differently than you.

      Your example of a car accident is dumb because car accidents are an accident – no one wakes up one day and is like you know what would make this day better? A good old fashioned fender bender. I really feel like smashing some shit today. Having sex is a choice. You know who said “whoopsi-daisies, I fell on a penis this morning. How unexpected!” – no one ever. No one has ever said that. You make a choice to have sex.

      Would I rather pay for birth control than welfare? Yes. But mostly I want to pay for neither. Why should I have to pay for other people’s fuck ups? I have made this statement before and I’m sure I’ll be just as hated for it – but sometimes you can be too poor to have sex. That’s okay. Hopefully it’s temporary. Get a second job. Then you too can afford to bang your brains out – it’s the american dream!

      The underlying issue I have with these types of discussions is the notion that the world needs to be fair. It’s not fair that some people can afford birth control and other’s can’t. I think this country is moving towards very dangerous socialism. It doesn’t work for many reasons. Say I want to work really hard – work two jobs and make $100,000. I do this because on the few days off I get each month I want to go yachting – and that shit’s expensive! Now say the government taxes it so that I really only make $50,000. Well shit. I worked really hard shouldn’t I get to go yachting? Then there’s someone that makes $50,000 and is not taxed (which we’re pretty close to that right now). They work from 7-3 and get summers off. They get to spend time with their families – which is awesome! But shouldn’t I have the choice to work hard – sacrificing time with my family – so that when we do have time together we can live the high life?

      To me freedom means choices. I should get to choose whether or not I can afford to have sex. I should get to choose whether or not I want to spend time with my family or whether I want to make money. When the government ( government = taxpayers) takes those choices away from you by trying to make everyone equal – why would I ever want to work hard?

      I guess I’m just old school. I respect the old school notion of pulling yourself up by your boot straps and working hard. Having pride for your sacrifices. Walking up hill to school both ways to get an education. Eating ramen every day for a month so you can have sex with your boyfriend. No one is proud of hard work anymore. Everyone is sitting around thinking, “what can I possibly get the government (other citizens) to pay for now – what do I deserve?”. The whole attitude is so entitled and depressing to me.

      True story: My dad was dirt poor growing up. Like dirt poor. His Dad was an alcoholic that died when my Dad was 13. He doesn’t talk much about his childhood (supposedly there was abuse and other depressing stuff) but I have heard stories through the family grapevine about my Dad getting a new pair of socks and an orange for Christmas. That’s it. And he didn’t grow up in the 20’s. He was 18 in 1969. When he retired he managed about 175 employees. No one helped him with shit. He struggled – and he’s proud of it. He made a better life for himself.

      The point of this story is that I think people need to toughen up. Not be so whiny. So you can’t have sex – well finger banging never got anyone pregnant ever. Do that until you can afford your own birth control. Stop trying to sucker money out of the government. You might as well go sit on a street corner with a sign begging for money. These are tough times y’all! I get it. But I wish everyone came together as a country and woke up everyday – put some black football paint under their eyes and was like “What can I do today to give back and make this the fucking most awesome strongest country it can be. Lets bring it back. COWABUNGA!”

      Reply Link
      • avatar

        lets_be_honest October 26, 2012, 3:43 pm

        Oh how I’ve missed you Iwanna.

        Link
      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson October 26, 2012, 3:46 pm

        Oh god the feeling is so mutual it’s sickening. AP is busy being barftastic with texty and I want to be barftastic with you. Don’t ever leave us again. Swear on it!

        Link
      • avatar

        lets_be_honest October 26, 2012, 4:02 pm

        So much has changed! Addie in love?! Is Budj devastated?

        Link
      • avatar

        lets_be_honest October 26, 2012, 4:05 pm

        And Sarah returned? Only to trick me into thinking she was posting nude photos of my husband. Cruel.

        Link
      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson October 26, 2012, 4:23 pm

        HUSBAND? You got married while on a DW hiatus!? You biotch. Fill me in on everything in your life immediately.

        Link
      • avatar

        lets_be_honest October 26, 2012, 4:27 pm

        No, no, no. I was referring to her Ryan Gosling Nude Pics post on the forum.

        Link
      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson October 26, 2012, 4:29 pm

        Oh sorry – I don’t read all forums.

        BUT how is the bf? The kid?

        Link
      • avatar

        lets_be_honest October 26, 2012, 4:41 pm

        They’re great. We’re prepping for Halloween. She’s going to be a hot air balloon ride. If I (I mean her, lol) win the costume contest this year, it’ll be a decade of wins! Unfortunately, this is the most exciting thing I have to share. Kidding, its one of the things we love doing together, trying to come up with a crazy idea and then make it together. So its good bonding time. The squirrels have eaten the 3rd pumpkin we bought, so I’m giving up and we won’t be carving this year. How’s your life?

        Link
      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson October 26, 2012, 4:56 pm

        Ha that’s cute! That’s a lot of pressure for one costume contest!

        Not much is new with me. I’m interviewing at a trusts & estates firm on Wednesday and I thought of you!! They also do tax and business planning (I’m assuming that’s why I got an interview) but still – we could be work twins. Ethan is good. Sampson is good. I am drinking a lot and on a yoga challenge at the moment. It’s strange how wine and yoga go so well together. I’m off to get a mani now but we must continue this chat later. I would like more news about the bf too please.

        Link
      • avatar

        lets_be_honest October 26, 2012, 5:21 pm

        We are so the same person, except for the yoga. But I lie to myself about being into yoga and doing it all the time so same thing I guess. I even have a manicure appt later! Freaky Friday! I spent some time in Napa during my hiatus and shipped back enough wine to need a much bigger wine rack. Yum! I love estates work, hopefully you will too. Good luck with the interview. To be cont. later.

        Link
      • SarahKat

        SarahKat October 26, 2012, 4:57 pm

        Muahaha!!

        Link
      • avatar

        lets_be_honest October 26, 2012, 5:28 pm

        dream crusher.

        Link
      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson October 26, 2012, 4:28 pm

        Budj has diassapeared! I mean I’m friends with him on FB so I know he’s alive (unlike you who refuse to friend us so we know you’re alive and well – just ignoring us) but he doens’t comment much anymore. I’m sure AP is to blame for this.

        Link
      • avatar

        bethany October 26, 2012, 4:34 pm

        He’s been traveling for work, hasn’t he?? I think he normally is DWing while at the office…?

        Link
      • JK

        JK October 26, 2012, 3:46 pm

        I am so glad you´re back (in case you didnt read that on the forum). I´ve missed you so!

        Link
      • avatar

        lets_be_honest October 26, 2012, 4:03 pm

        JK! How are you? Hows the house building coming along?

        Link
      • JK

        JK October 26, 2012, 4:06 pm

        I´m fine. House building is at the saving our asses off/ desinging phase. But it looks awesome.
        What have you been up to? See why you need to connect with us on FB? 🙂

        Link
      • avatar

        lets_be_honest October 26, 2012, 4:25 pm

        So exciting for you! I won the lottery, so I’ve just been travelling a lot and shopping. Bought a few vineyards. So, nothing new here. 😉 Same old actually. Just busier than I would like, but better busy than not.

        Link
      • JK

        JK October 26, 2012, 4:45 pm

        At least now you´re making some time for us, that´s all that matters. ANd that all is good, of course haha

        Link
      • avatar

        ele4phant October 26, 2012, 4:15 pm

        Hmm. This is a well reasoned and compelling argument, but the problem for me is not based on practicality, its based on ideology.

        People should be responsible for their own circumstances of their own making. People should make sacrifices for things they can’t afford (like not having sex if you can’t afford contraception). But! People won’t necessarily do those things. Whether they should or shouldn’t isn’t the point. It would be impossible to force people to behave the way you want them to, the way they really should. You can be upset about it, you can bemoan it, you can get pissed about it, *but it is literally not possible to get everyone to shape up and do what they’re supposed to do*. Its just not.

        And the costs of that behavior (ie babies being made that can’t be supported) *will* and *does* get passed onto the greater society. So what is most cost effective for society as a whole? To have to indirectly pay for the costs of children that can’t be supported by their parents, or providing free or subsidized access to birth control?

        Clearly, the cheaper option is to provide birth control.

        I know you won’t like this. I know lots of people don’t like the idea of subsidizing other people’s selfish and self-serving choices. But its not about what’s right or wrong. Its about doing what is best for the greater society – in an economic not moral sense – and incurring the least amount of costs as possible. Babies cost way more than BC.

        Ideologically, yes its lacking. But ideology doesn’t matter in the real world. I’d rather pay a little bit to support people having sex than pay more to support the children that result instead.

        Link
      • avatar

        jlyfsh October 26, 2012, 4:19 pm

        this is very much how i feel. i’m not excited about paying for other people’s choices but at the same time i know realistically things aren’t going to change. you can say get rid of welfare, do this, do that. but, the costs would still be incurred in other ways. and at the end of the day providing bc is the cheaper option.

        Link
      • avatar

        lets_be_honest October 26, 2012, 4:23 pm

        I hate having to choose between the lesser of two evils, in any situation. But alas, I do every four years. It is a bummer though.

        Link
      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson October 26, 2012, 4:25 pm

        That’s why I’m not a fan of welfare either. I am a pro choice, pro birth control (not paid for by me) republican, haha.

        Link
      • avatar

        ele4phant October 26, 2012, 4:37 pm

        I don’t think anyone “likes” the idea of paying for other people who’d rather not be bothered to get off their asses. I do think there needs to some sort of social safety net because people will need it . We can’t always control everything that happens to us (I needed it for a short time. I got laid-off in 2009 and those four months of unemployment helped me pay rent and feed myself.) But sometimes its better than the alternative, you know? We don’t get to live in our ideologies. They are not a reality, they are an ideal.

        For instance, what’s going to be most cost effective for our society, having or not having welfare?. Again, the ideological choice of people all being self-reliant and responsible isn’t an option in real-life. It just isn’t, sorry to say, but you cannot make everyone do this.

        So, given the real world option, having welfare or not, what’s the best, cheapest choice for society? Having welfare which we all pay a bit into? Or not having any, and then having a ton of homeless? Who will rely on homeless shelters, who flood ER when they have incredibly experience health crises because they no longer have insurance, who up the demand for food banks? What about increased crime? Maybe the *government* won’t pay directly for those social services, but it will need to come from somewhere, and somewhere (be it a church charity or non-profit food bank) is something that we all still support and fund at some level.

        I’m not saying that there’s not a lot of waste going on in our government programs, there totally is, but I wish people would look our problems and try to find solutions that are based on how the world actually is and not how they wish it would be.

        Link
      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson October 26, 2012, 4:45 pm

        But it’s not an ideology! It is possible and I am living proof. We are thinking human beings. We make choices. We all need to learn to live with our choices. I am by no means perfect – but I’ve suffered the consequences of my actions and believe that other people should as well. It’s not an ideology if we stop bailing people (and businesses) out. If people knew that welfare wasn’t around I believe they would make a huge ass effort to not get pregnant or not have sex. I truly, truly believe that. But when everyone knows that the government or mom and dad or whoever will bail them out – what incentive do they have to not fuck up their lives?

        Link
      • avatar

        ele4phant October 26, 2012, 4:54 pm

        Hmm, I think no amount of arguing is going to get us to see eye to eye on this one.

        Of course its possible for people do this. Will they? Eh, not all of them. And saying “But I did it so can you! So must you!” isn’t going to make them. It just won’t.

        And I am by no means just saying that we as a society say “Oh, well we can’t make you do what we want you to so here’s a blank check. Call if you need more!” Funds should come with stipulations and strings, and I’m all for reform and trying to make social programs more cost effective and efficient.

        But I think its not in our best interest to cut certain things because people “should” be behaving a certain way. We’re going to be paying the bill no matter what, so what’s going to be the smaller bill? Providing subsidized birth control, or telling couples they *should* abstain but ending up having to pay for their babies anyways?

        Link
      • avatar

        bethany October 26, 2012, 4:36 pm

        This is how I feel, too. Ideally, yes, people would be responsible. But they won’t be, so personally, I’d rather pay less money for BC, than pay more money towards welfare/whatever.

        In fact, I’d happily sponsor a person who wanted an IUD but couldn’t afford one!

        Link
      • SarahKat

        SarahKat October 26, 2012, 4:56 pm

        So, I do see how you someone with a suspicion of government would dislike some things about Obamacare. But I have a few points that might make it clear why I support it.

        1. No one would get their birth control from the government. They’d get it from insurance providers as required by the government. Tax money isn’t going into this, its just insurance providers that have to pony up the bc. The things that tax money DO go into, like birth control and abortion procedures at government supported agencies already exist and if anything, are increased by the fact that we don’t have options for women who need this support.

        2. I first took birth control at 16 and I lost my virginity at 21. I did not, and do not take it to have sex. I have chronic hormone related migraines as well as PCOS and birth control helps immensely with that. There are many women I know who take it for much more scary symptoms. I wish more people saw bc as a tool for health, and not an excuse to get into a woman’s personal life. Also, at this moment my employer does not provide me insurance so I have none. I pay a little over 600 dollars a year for just my birth control pills. I haven’t had a pap smear in almost a year and a half, when my previous insurance was discontinued because it would cost me much more.

        3. President Obama’s tax increases would only effect people who make more than 2 mil a year. Even so, taxes would never take out 50% of an income.

        3. I firmly believe in pulling yourself by your own bootstraps. My mother was one of ten children in a very poor, very hard home. Her father did not financially support the family and her mother was very ill, so my mom worked full time while going to school, and gave her paycheck to her mother to help pay for bills. Should I judge her for getting financial aid to pay for her college when her only other option would have been to not go? Her story is not rare. Instead of telling her she just didn’t work hard enough to pay for her own college without government help, I’m very proud of how hard she worked and still works.

        Link
      • TaraMonster

        TaraMonster October 26, 2012, 4:24 pm

        So I disagree with your beliefs on this, but that’s irrelevant for what I want to say.

        False parallels used analagously in arguments like this drive me up a wall. However, I think the driving analogy here is actually pretty on point. It’s not a car-wreck analogy- as you say- but a driving analogy. Most people drive. They also get in cars. When they do this they do not expect to get in an accident. Might it happen? Sure. Should they expect it to happen if they’re taking the proper precautions? No, but it still might. So in this sense: driving/getting in a car = vaginal intercourse and car wreck = pregnancy.

        That makes plenty of sense to me. Just nitpicking. Carry on.

        Link
      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson October 26, 2012, 4:27 pm

        That’s why I am pro finger banging. And I still think the analogy falls flat because vaginal intercourse is how babies are made. People go out of their ways to make babies. No one ever goes out of their way to make accidents.

        Link
      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson October 26, 2012, 4:32 pm

        I mean do y’all know how many different ways there are to get your rocks off? Get creative kids! That’s what they should be teaching in school. Finger banging, motor boats and glory holes.

        Link
      • avatar

        Grilledcheesecalliope October 26, 2012, 5:00 pm

        This is the difference between you and other anti free bc conservatives. I do personally think it should be fully covered by insurance and i think everyone should have access to affordable insurance but i get your point. And i appreciate that you aren’t just screaming ”close your legs!”

        Link
      • TaraMonster

        TaraMonster October 26, 2012, 4:36 pm

        And by disagree with your beliefs, I don’t disagree w the notion of hard work (3 jobs to put myself through college while periodically homeless- do not miss those days), nor do I believe everything must be “fair” (that’s naive IMO), I just find the whole WE BUILT THAT notion to be equally naive. I’m also not afraid of a more collective and socialist society. I think we, as tax paying participants, in this democratic-republic could work together more for the common good and stop patting ourselves on the back so much for our individual accomplishments like we grew up in a vacuum. Because while I worked HARD to get where I am, I also have scholarships, grants, loans, and generous friends and family members with empty couches help me along the way. Just how I see it.

        Link
    • avatar

      Caris October 26, 2012, 3:23 pm

      PREACH!

      I’d tell you to post this on the article site, but I’m afraid you might get a lot of hate responses judging by the comments I saw.

      Reply Link
  • avatar

    Emma October 26, 2012, 2:15 pm

    Is anyone else tired of the “Men and Women can’t be friends” debate? If you can’t be just friends with someone of the opposite gender, that is an issue with you, not with the situation.

    Reply Link
    • avatar

      *HmC* October 26, 2012, 2:30 pm

      I think this article is interesting because it isn’t an opinionated debate… it’s scientific research. And I found the discrepancy between men’s and women’s views of their opposite sex friends very interesting.

      Reply Link
      • avatar

        Desiree October 26, 2012, 2:47 pm

        Something that I didn’t see in the research (admittedly I somewhat skimmed it) is how being in relationships affected the view of opposite-sex friends. The article mentioned that both men and women were still attracted to friends who were in relationships (and that the women respected a friend’s relationship more than men). But what I didn’t see is how a person being in a relationship affected romantic views of friends. For instance, when I am in a committed relationship, I am WAY less likely to assess my male acquaintances for romantic potential. If I’m single, then sure! But not when I’m in a relationship.

        Link
    • CatsMeow

      CatsMeow October 26, 2012, 2:57 pm

      hahaha, I loved this response from Jezebel:

      http://jezebel.com/5954769/for-the-love-of-god-will-we-ever-stop-asking-if-men-and-women-can-be-ever-be-just-friends

      ” The reality is, no matter how many times we ask ourselves, all faux-credulous and goggle-eyed, “Is it possible for men and women to be platonic friends?” the answer is always and forever YES, OF COURSE. Now. Everything, as in the case of everything, is a spectrum. Are there people actively pining for their opposite-sex friends? Lots! Are there pals harboring latent likings that only reveal themselves in terribly confusing sex dreams? Hella. Are there friends with tiny secret feelings that will never, ever be revealed and really have no impact on the friendship whatsoever? All the time! Are there people who are platonic friends for fives of years before spontaneously waking up to a brilliant attraction? Me and my boyfriend! Are there platonic pals who would have sex with each other if the opportunity arose, they guess, but otherwise aren’t really thinking about it ever? Indeed! Are there completely platonic opposite-sex friendships with really truly zero attraction in either direction whatsoever? I have a million! And are there LGBTQ people for whom this question becomes double-extra-meaningless and offensive? UM YUP.”

      Reply Link
      • katie

        katie October 26, 2012, 3:22 pm

        haha… thats perfect.

        Link
      • avatar

        Mandy October 26, 2012, 3:48 pm

        yeah. as a queer lady, lemme tell ya – tons and tons and tons of straight dude friends. never once had any sexual attraction to them whatsoever. no idea if they ever have toward me; don’t care; also, gross.

        Link
    • avatar

      Emma October 26, 2012, 2:20 pm

      Also, the article on the couple who gave their twins up for adoption is lovely. That’s a family structure that I think would work, but not a lot of people would think of. Good for them!

      Reply Link
  • TaraMonster

    TaraMonster October 26, 2012, 3:26 pm

    How cool! I completely forgot I suggested that. I haven’t been reading Offbeat this week (been sick w the flu blah). Going to check it out now. 🙂

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    Addie Pray October 26, 2012, 6:14 pm

    LET’S BE HONEST: HI! ALSO, I HAVE A BOYFRIEND WHO IS SOOOOOOO DREAMY. HE CAME WITH ME TO DO THE WALK-THROUGH OF MY NEW CONDO THIS AFTERNOON (I CLOSE ON MONDAY), AND HE IS EXCITED TO DO IT WITH ME IN EVERY ROOM AND ON THE ROOFTOP DECK – ISN’T THAT THE SWEETEST THING YOU’VE EVER HEARD?! ALSO, I DON’T KNOW WHY I AM TYPING IN ALL-CAPS EXCEPT TO SAY IT WAS A VERY E X C I T I N G WALK THROUGH AND EVERY TIME HE WHISPERS A SWEET NOTHING IN MY EAR I GET A HARD ON. (SORRY, TMI – I HAVE BEEN TMI’ING ALL OVER THE PLACE.) SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS UP WITH THESE ALL-CAPS? IT’S ANNOYING. SPEAKING OF ANNOYING, DO YOU KNOW WHO IS NOT ANNOYING? MY NEW BOYFRIEND.

    Reply Link

Leave a Comment