Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friday Links

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

There’s a new reality TV dating show coming to the block called “Dating Naked.” It’s all about — you guessed it — dating with clothes off. A cute video promo for the VH1 series was released earlier this week (on National Nude Day), featuring a diverse group of naked dancers strutting their stuff (all of it) to “I’m Just Wild About Harry.” I wonder if the show will be half as charming. [via AdWeek]

Millennials: Society Will Be Just Fine Without Marriage
A poll suggests young people aren’t convinced that spouse-hunting and baby-making should be a priority for their generation.” [via The Atlantic]

“My own rape shows how much we get wrong about these attacks” [via The Washington Post]

“I Made $15 Million Before I Was 30, And It Wasn’t As Awesome As You’d Think” [via Business Insider]

“The Science Of Settling: Calculate Your Mate With Moneyball” [via NPR]

“35 Secrets to Marriage Success” [via POPSUGAR Love]

As a mom who works part-time, this does not surprise me at all: Moms who worked full-time reported significantly better physical and mental health than moms who worked part-time, research involving more than 2,500 mothers found. And mothers who worked part-time reported better health than moms who didn’t work at all. From: “When Work Becomes A Haven From Stress At Home” [via NPR]

“Friends Share Common Genes — and It’s Speeding Up Human Evolution” [via Healthline]

“First Comes Skype, Then Comes Marriage” [via The Atlantic]

“What Happened When We Gave Our Daughter My Last Name” [via The Hairpin]

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to [email protected] and if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

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20 comments… add one
  • avatar

    kerrycontrary July 18, 2014, 1:24 pm

    I can believe the SAHM mental health statistic. My mom went back to work not only for the money, but because of her mental state. And she always had a structured day with the kids and hardly spent any time in the house with them. They were always at the library or the pool or whatever. But she loves working so much more. I used to think I wanted to be a SAHM but my fiance and I agree it’s better for my mental health if I keep working.

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  • honeybeenicki

    honeybeenicki July 18, 2014, 2:41 pm

    I’ve read the last name one twice now. It makes a lot of sense. I took my husband’s last name when I got married for a few reasons: Wanting to be a united family, wanting to shed my dad’s last name who I wasn’t close with, hating my maiden name and all the jokes that came with it, etc. I wonder what my husband would say if I brought up the idea of a future child having a different last name than we do. Really I don’t think even I would want to do it, but I’m curious to see the reaction of someone who is generally not very patriarchical.

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    • TaraMonster

      TaraMonster July 18, 2014, 3:33 pm

      I started skimming towards the end because the piece was starting to get on my nerves even though I actually agree with her. I don’t plan to take my hypothetical husband’s last name for various feminist reasons and I also really like my last name. Not sure what to do about any hypothetical children because I’m not sure I even want children.
      .
      What got to me was that she was surprised that people were surprised. Like that description of her cousin as a SUPER liberal photographer from NY being surprised by her choice, even though she was supportive and even enthusiastic about it. I know the point of the piece was supposed to be “This shouldn’t be a big deal.” But the reality is that her decision is an uncommon one, and YES she states that she understands that over and over again, but I wasn’t buying her “I tried not to be holier than thou” and “I stated it casually” shtick.
      .
      I think it’s cool that she did it and I agree with her reasoning, but I’d have preferred it if she just OWNED that, like “yeah I did something unconventional, and unsurprisingly even progressive folks were a little shocked at first. But here are the reasons I did it and why I think it should catch on.”

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  • Lyra

    Lyra July 18, 2014, 3:38 pm

    The article on being rich kind of pissed me off. For people who just make enough to get by and who may not have the luxury to save, getting a bigger paycheck WOULD solve a lot of problems. For me I would be able to pay off my car. I would be able to go on vacations. I wouldn’t worry about having enough money for rent. Yeah it DOESN’T solve all your problems, but anyone who thought a large sum of money would solve every problem ever has their head in the sand.
    .
    I earn more than some people my age and I’m grateful that I am able to support myself and take care of myself. Yet, the fact that I’m still over $20k in debt (both car and student loans) scares me. I don’t live outside my means, I’ve been saving as much as I can, I don’t go out very often, I find free dates to go on instead of fancy places to eat, etc. More money gives you a lot more opportunities. You can travel the world. You can pay off debt. You can go to concerts or plays that you may not be able to go to otherwise. I’ve turned down multiple opportunities to go to events because of not having enough money in the budget. I’m proud of myself for doing that, but at the same time it can get old.
    .
    I understand that having more money is not everything it’s all cracked up to be. It is what you make of it. But that article was one big First World Problem in my opinion.

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    • avatar

      lets_be_honest July 18, 2014, 3:43 pm

      The only problem money solves is not worrying about money. Literally that’s it. There are many other problems in the world besides ones about money. Don’t you agree?
      I mean, the guy even said one of the downfalls of it is not being allowed to ever complain about anything, ever, because of comments like this.
      .
      I skimmed it and thought you wouldn’t have these problems due to money if you just never told anyone about your money. I think that’s the key. Never talk about money. Haha. Mo’ money, mo’ problems.

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      • Lyra

        Lyra July 18, 2014, 4:03 pm

        Actually that’s not my point at all. No, not all problems are solved with money, and I fully admitted that in my post above. The thing is, not having enough money worries me a hell of a lot. When you don’t have enough money, that consumes you. Have you ever been in a position when you realized that you will only have $6 in your checking account after paying rent? Because I have and it SUCKS. I can’t really focus on anything else when I’m worrying about how I’m going to pay my bills before the next pay check. And I am very open with my views on money with other people because frankly, the reason people don’t want to talk about it is oftentimes it makes them uncomfortable to stand in their truth. I’ve had really great money conversations with my friends because many of us are in the same boat.
        .
        My point is that though there is a burden with being wealthy, there are infinitely more burdens with being poor.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest July 18, 2014, 4:13 pm

        I know what its like to not have money, Lyra, and to have worries about not having money consume you. I won’t get into a competition about who’s had it worse with money problems.
        All I’m saying is that once you have money, you have different worries. Money isn’t a cure for cancer. Money won’t get you not raped. Money won’t bring you complete happiness. Things like that. That’s what I meant. Not surprised this was misconstrued. Hopefully you get what I meant now.
        And of course there are more burdens on poor than wealthy.

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      • Lyra

        Lyra July 18, 2014, 4:22 pm

        I said that in my original comment that not every problem could be solved with money. I never implied otherwise.

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      • Lyra

        Lyra July 18, 2014, 4:05 pm

        Not to mention just not talking about it definitely isn’t the answer. Sweeping it under the rug and not dealing with it is probably one of the worst things you could do.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest July 18, 2014, 4:09 pm

        For him, it would’ve lessened his problems. He was saying (again, I skimmed) that no one will let him complain about anything bc they know he earned a huge chunk of money, that his family and friends look at him as a bank now, etc. Those problems wouldn’t exist if he never told them about his money. That’s what I meant by not talking about it.

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      • Lyra

        Lyra July 18, 2014, 4:19 pm

        Yeah it really sucks that her family is using them as a bank. At the same time talking about the fact that the fancy dinners just don’t seem like they’re enough anymore was just irritating. No matter how much money you (general you) make, it’s important to be happy with what you have in the moment. I think we all get to the point where we always want the next thing, we always want something better, but if you appreciate what you do have you won’t be looking for that. As an example, my parents could more than afford to get a new car but my dad drives a 1994 Honda Accord and he’s happy as a clam driving his car as is.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest July 18, 2014, 4:23 pm

        Oh, of course its important to be happy with what “you” have. I wasn’t saying otherwise.

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      • Portia

        Portia July 18, 2014, 4:12 pm

        I agree LBH. There’s been a lot of studies on how money only helps you out to a certain amount, then more money does not equal more happiness. I just saw this article today, apparently if you make on average $75k a year per household, you are at peak money happiness: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/07/17/map-happiness-benchmark_n_5592194.html In DC it’s $104k, which is probably about right.
        .
        And not talking about your money? That’s like the best thing someone who has a lot of money can do to avoid problems that come with it. I’ve known a few people that had family money and the ones who freely told people about it were always judged for how they used or didn’t use their money. Well, and the one kid that mended his jeans with a burberry scarf because “it was laying around,” he gets my judgement for that… I guess that if something like your tech company sells, you can’t really keep that private, but there are plenty of people that don’t need to tell that info.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest July 18, 2014, 4:14 pm

        Thanks, these were exactly the points I was trying to make.

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      • Lyra

        Lyra July 18, 2014, 4:28 pm

        I can understand why not talking about your money can help for someone who has a lot of it — my parents are fairly well off and they do just that. They never talk numbers unless it’s with each other. I was referring to if you need to cut back on your spending. I’m completely honest with my friends when I decline an invitation. I tell them I’m trying to cut back. Last Christmas I didn’t give anyone presents because I couldn’t afford it and I explained to my friends and family why. They understood completely. That’s what I meant. If you are in trouble financially and need help, it’s good to reach out to people to help get you back on track. As an example, one of my friends is so deep in student loan debt that at one point we were chatting about life and she just burst out into tears because she was overwhelmed financially. I leant her my Suze Orman books and told her if she needed someone to talk to she could come to me.

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  • avatar

    trixy minx July 18, 2014, 4:15 pm

    Woot another link up.I AM ON A ROLL!

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  • bittergaymark

    Bittergaymark July 18, 2014, 4:45 pm

    Right… having money ONLY solves not having money. Of course Being alive only solves the problem of not being dead.

    That artical was penned by a idiot. And how fucking convenient that the rich are always so quick to point out how hard their lives are.

    Fuck you.

    Unhappy rich people? Go fucking KILL YOURSELVES all ready and leave your money to those that would fucking know what to do with it.

    Just. Fuck off. And the fuck up about it.

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    • avatar

      RedroverRedrover July 20, 2014, 2:55 pm

      This comment and all the thumbs up pretty much exactly proves the point of the article. If you have money, you’re not allowed to complain about anything else in your life that’s difficult.

      I’ve lived both sides. When I was a kid, my mom was so worried about having enough food for us that she would keep a freezer packed with food that she’d bought on sale. Whenever a staple went on sale, she’d be out there stocking up, to the point that we would have like 12 loaves of bread in the freezer. She even froze milk, and I can tell you that unfrozen milk tastes horrible. We often had the phone go out, sometimes even the electricity. TV was on and off, during good periods we had it, during bad periods we didn’t. We used an old computer monitor that my dad got from a friend as a TV set. We weren’t allowed to shower every day because it used too much water, and we had to wear our clothes a certain amount of times before they could be washed. As a teenager with oily skin, this was horrible, since it made my acne even worse than it already was. My parents were always fighting about money, and how they would pay the mortgage that month. All our furniture was ripped-up hand-me-downs from other family members, as were many of our clothes. So that’s where I came from.

      Now I make a lot of money, and so does my husband. We make more than double the average family income in our country. We do live in an expensive city, so it doesn’t go as far as it would somewhere else, but we need to live here because that’s where our jobs are. Anyway, yeah, in our day to day lives we don’t really have to think about it. It’s night and day compared to how I grew up.

      Obviously, my situation now is better than when I was younger. No one would prefer the first scenario I outlined to the second, and it would be ridiculous to claim that I did. But I still have difficulties in my life that money can’t solve. When you don’t have money, it’s a huge problem, so big that it seems to overshadow all the others. But having it doesn’t make all the others go away. And I can just imagine the outrage if someone came on here and told poor people to fuck off and die. But telling rich people to do it gets a bunch of thumbs up. That’s pretty messed up.

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  • mylaray

    mylaray July 18, 2014, 5:28 pm

    I liked the article about money and didn’t find it insensitive. It makes great points. I think it’s always hard for someone in such a position to talk about money and complain about anything. I think the bigger point of the article is that attaining certain material possessions or reaching a level of never having to worry about money aren’t as great as they appear. Relationships and the people in your lives are more important and you can have all the money in the world and be lonely. Especially when more people will try to take advantage of you.
    .
    We made a mistake buying the condo we did and I can say I’m much happier living in a house in a rough neighborhood where people actually help each other out and know everyone’s name, instead of living in a protected bubble.

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  • Miel

    Miel July 18, 2014, 10:27 pm

    I really liked the article about the last name. I find that otherwise it’s a non-existant conversation here in the US. I have an hyphenated last name and I still find myself stuck on forms that won’t allow a dash as a character on the “last name” line. But that’s how my last name is written! And I’m not the only one like that!

    My sister gave her last name to her son. And it’s not for any particular reason. She just decided that, her husband was happy with it, and that’s it. I don’t think anyone acted surprised about it. Nobody thought she was “better” or more feminist for doing it. They just had a choice to make between the dad’s last name and her last name and they chose hers. It seems like such a simple decision really.

    The other week I mentioned to my boyfriend that we technically could give one of my last names to our future kids. He doesn’t want an hyphenated name and neither do I. And he doesn’t like his last name that much. I just see it as a choice of three possible last names, because I have two and he has one. He seemed to think that it was a sensible suggestion. The future will tell what he really thinks about it.

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