Women have a right over their own bodies. They have a right to say no and all this post did was highlight how many people out there believe that, once you are married, your body belongs to your husband to do what he wants with and that he has the right to complain and ask and beg for everything he wants, just like a three-year-old begging for lollies before dinner.
If you are a “professional” psychiatrist, then you are doing a disservice to your readers by allowing some of these “readers” to post misogynistic “rape culture” responses. Dangerous–very dangerous! — Not Giving In To His Lollies On Demand!
In the letter that you’re referencing, the husband was complaining that his wife, whom he considered a “hottie,” refused to EVER dress sexy. He said: “I DON’T expect her to be a sex bomb everyday, or even every week, but once every month or two would be nice.” He also shared some ways he’d love for his wife to help spice up their love life, like cooking naked in the kitchen; only wearing an apron to make things interesting for dinner; not wearing underwear when we go out for dinner at a restaurant; or even her wearing something hot to meet me at the door after work.” He wrote: “I’d settle for her just to do some of these things for me even just ONCE.” I’d hardly consider him making these requests acting like he owns his wife’s body or fostering “rape culture.” I don’t see how it’s any different than a wife suggesting her husband wear a certain outfit or cologne she likes or surprising her some time with a reservation at a nice restaurant.
Frankly, I fail to see how the situation in the original letter is like your situation. There’s a huge difference between requesting that your wife cook naked once and demanding that your wife have sex with other people while you watch whenever you want. If your husband actually IS doing that, you have a big problem on your hand and should leave the mother-clucker.
This should go without saying, but no woman should ever do anything with her body that she isn’t comfortable with. But when a woman loves her partner, it is NOT perpetuating rape culture to occasionally indulge in his or her fantasies if it doesn’t endanger her or demean her and is within — or at least not too far out of — her comfort zone.
Finally, I’m not a professional psychiatrist and have never claimed to be. I’m a 39-year-old wife and a mother of two who has been giving advice online for about a decade — advice that is based on nothing more than a very healthy dose of common sense, an interest in human nature, and a lot of time (pre-kids) spent in bars listening to people’s relationship problems.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at email@example.com.