Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Google Search Questions, Vol. IV: “Is it bad to have sex with your aunt?”

I’m always amused by the different questions people type into their Google browser to end up at my site, so much so that I created a feature in which I address some of those very questions. After the jump, check out what’s on the minds of inquiring people this month, Including whether it’s “bad” to have sex with your aunt.
 

 

1. Is it bad to have sex with your aunt?

I would not advise it.

2. Does it count if you were drunk?

Yeah, it still counts if you were drunk. It even counts if it happens on April Fool’s Day, Halloween, or your birthday. It even counts if you keep your fingers crossed the whole time.

3. Am I crazy to be in this relationship?

Are we still talking about your aunt? If so, yes!!

4. How do I tell my parents I am a grown-up?

Take them out for fancy sushi and offer to pay rent for the childhood bedroom you still sleep in.

5. Do you have to have sex on your wedding night?

Absolutely not! Everyone knows, getting married means never having sex again.

6. Does “forsaking all others” mean not talking to men or women

Only the attractive ones.

7. Does the guy think you’re ugly if he constantly wants to have doggy-style sex?

No, he probably just loves the way the back of your head looks.

8. How do I get Wendy’s to hire me?

Bring tap shoes to your interview and don’t be afraid to use them!

9. Are you unreasonable to demand that your date take showers

Only if you demand it on the Sabbath.

10. How do you have sex with the Berlin Wall?

Lots of lube, I’d imagine.

33 comments… add one
  • avatar

    artsygirl August 5, 2011, 2:25 pm

    5. No one I knows has had sex on their wedding night. Everyone is stressed, exhausted, and probably drunk. My new husband passed out on the bed still wearing his tux.

    10. There is a fetish that associates erotic fantasies with non-animate objects. There is a woman who is in love with the Berlin Wall, and come to think of it I think she married the Eiffel Tower.

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    • avatar

      Tudor Princess August 5, 2011, 2:27 pm

      She actually married the Berlin Wall before it was torn down. She has since gotten over her grief, and moved on with the Eiffel Tower.

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      • avatar

        MissDre August 5, 2011, 2:42 pm

        Funny…. I showed my co-workers this and they are all up on YouTube looking up videos of this check that married the Eiffel Tower…

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      • avatar

        Rick August 8, 2011, 5:09 am

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      • Budj

        Budjer August 8, 2011, 2:30 pm

        I don’t understand how people can marry inanimate objects? There is no consent…furthermore…the fact that the objects are unable to give consent technically means that this woman has raped both the Berlin Wall and the Eiffel Tower….repeatedly…..where is the humanity here?

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    • avatar

      lemongrass August 5, 2011, 4:27 pm

      I have to disagree, I was very tired, and a little drunk, but I was determined and I had sex on my wedding night.

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      • avatar

        honeybeenicki August 5, 2011, 5:12 pm

        Same here. It wasn’t exactly mind-blowing or awesome, but damnit it was there. And then we were asleep rather quickly afterwards.

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      • avatar

        TheOtherMe August 6, 2011, 10:46 am

        I did too, even if my feet were killing me !

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      • avatar

        Bob dole August 7, 2011, 2:18 pm

        Kinky! We didn’t get around to feet for years.

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      • avatar

        TheOtherMe August 7, 2011, 3:38 pm

        HAHAH…. I needed a good laugh today, thanks !

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  • avatar

    Addie Pray August 5, 2011, 3:36 pm

    I love these!

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  • avatar

    Ceren 80 August 5, 2011, 4:22 pm

    Omg gross on #1. I would be embarrassed to even have to goggle that question.

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  • avatar

    LTC039 August 5, 2011, 3:23 pm

    I saw on some newspaper a lady that married a pick up truck…She had a viel & everything…

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    • fast eddie

      fast eddie August 5, 2011, 3:43 pm

      My first wife WAS a pick up truck. 🙂

      When we meet she had a 6 foot snake and I told her it was either the snake or me. In retrospect I wish she’d kept the snake.

      A man and his wife were watching TV and he kept switching between the fishing and porn channels. His exasperated wife said “Leave it on the porn channel, you already know how to fish?.

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      • avatar

        LTC039 August 5, 2011, 4:02 pm

        haha. I like that joke.

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      • fast eddie

        fast eddie August 5, 2011, 11:33 pm

        I really miss that truck.

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  • avatar

    AKchic August 5, 2011, 5:03 pm

    #5 – By dogmatic law, you are required to have sex on your wedding night to completely sanctify the marriage. No sex, not physically bonded, and therefore, so long as no sex has occurred, it is well within the rights of either bride or bridegroom to request (or demand) an anullment.

    Of course – in some states, it is still grounds for divorce. No sex during the marriage; ever. I won’t go into too much detail on religious beliefs on whose fault it is, because it would vary, but usually – it’s considered the female’s fault.

    #7 – he only thinks you’re ugly if he makes you wear a paper bag over your head during sex. Doggy style just means he likes your ass and likes to be “in control”. Or, he makes funny faces during sex and orgasm that he’s embarassed about.

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    • katie

      katie August 5, 2011, 9:24 pm

      what about sex the morning after? or the next night? does it have to be on the actual night? ive never even heard of that! i mean in the bible, yes, but not in modern times…

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      • avatar

        Lydia August 6, 2011, 6:30 am

        I was also under the impression that you needed to be ‘wedded and bedded’ in order for the marriage to be absolutely valid, but not necessarily on the wedding night itself.

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      • avatar

        jms August 7, 2011, 8:14 pm

        We were too emotionally and physically exhausted to have sex on our wedding night. The next night, though, Oh boy!

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    • avatar

      David Jay August 7, 2011, 12:43 am

      Does dogmatic law require that you use the dogmatic position?

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      • fast eddie

        fast eddie August 7, 2011, 8:07 am

        Absolutely. 😉

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    • avatar

      NaturalBlue August 8, 2011, 2:37 pm

      “I won’t go into too much detail on religious beliefs on whose fault it is, because it would vary, but usually – it’s considered the female’s fault. ”

      One of my favorite quotes ever from a book was “Like a compass needle points north, a man’s accusing finger always finds a woman. Always.”. Sounds out-dated at first, but upon thinking about it, it is still fairly universally true.

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  • avatar

    oldfogie August 7, 2011, 2:06 pm

    How times change. The wedding night thing was different in the old days when a couples didn’t cohabitate before marriage and they didn’t even do it until their wedding night. In those days, on their wedding night, the berlin wall couldn’t keep them apart.

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  • avatar

    Steve S August 7, 2011, 2:44 pm

    “3. Am I crazy to be in this relationship?”

    If you have to ask, then – yes. Always.

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  • avatar

    toadold August 7, 2011, 3:10 pm

    In quite a few cultures the custom is to keep the bride and groom up late as possible drinking and playing games. When they finally get away the men make it a point to talk loud and sing outside the bridal chamber. One theory is that the couple never forget their wedding day and they start off with an appreciation of peace and quite which will vanish when the kids arrive. In another culture it is customary to display a bloody sheet outside the window to provide proof of consumation and virginity. It is also now customary for the groom to have a small sharp knife handy so he can bloody the sheet.

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  • avatar

    tim maguire August 7, 2011, 3:22 pm

    My wife and I went straight to the airport after our wedding and she got sick as a dog on the flight. I spent our wedding night trying to find bananas and gatorade while she rested in the hotel room.

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  • avatar

    PDN August 7, 2011, 4:22 pm

    My husband and I waited to have sex until marriage. We had waited through a three year friendship, one and a half year courtship, and 6 month engagement. On our wedding night, we were exhausted so we just cuddled. The next day we flew to the canary islands…..again exhausted. Finally the next day we woke up rested, had a lovely walk on the beach, took a shower together, and then my husband very slowly dried me off, carried me to the bed, and gently, lovingly, we became one. For us, waiting for the right person, waiting until marriage, and waiting until the time was right for both of us, gave us the perfect first time.

    Delayed gratification can be beautiful.

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  • avatar

    Mike G August 7, 2011, 4:53 pm

    Oh come on. Sexy Aunts are way up there among male fantasies, don’t begrudge us that one. Reality begrudges most of us an aunt worth fantasizing about.

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  • avatar

    Ozymandius August 7, 2011, 5:13 pm

    I’m not sure if anyone noticed that my bride and I vanished from the reception for an hour, but we didn’t want to wait any more!

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  • avatar

    Hod Bacon August 7, 2011, 5:34 pm

    I had sex with your aunt, and it wasn’t bad.

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    PacRim Jim August 7, 2011, 6:44 pm

    Is it bad to have sex with your aunt?

    Depends on what you mean by “your.”

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  • avatar

    Something More Than Blah August 8, 2011, 6:54 pm

    Well, there are MILFs, so why not AILFs?

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