Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Google Search Questions, Vol. V: “Why am I Always the Other Woman?”

I’m always amused by the different questions people type into their Google browser to end up at my site, so much so that I created a feature in which I address some of those very questions. After the jump, check out what’s on the minds of inquiring people this month, including whether I’m carrying my cat’s love child.
 

 

1. Why am I always the other woman?

Because you keep going after unavailable men. Find another way to get your kicks and the validation you desperately seek, like volunteer work or surf camp in Costa Rica.

2. Is Wendy having Myles the cat’s love child?

Actually, it’s spelled Miles, with an “i.” And, no.

3. If I ask a ridiculous Google question will it lead me to Dear Wendy?

Apparently.

4. How do I tell my roommate that he’s gay?

Hmm. Shouldn’t he be the one telling you he’s gay? Or not. I mean, who cares? And why do you think it’s any of your business anyway?

5. How long can you stay in the bath?

If I’ve got a good book, a glass of wine, and enough hot water to fill the tub up a couple of times, I can probably stay in there a good hour and fifteen minutes.

6. Can I get pregnant if I have a 3sum?

If you spell it that way, definitely.

7. How can a man protect his wandering eye?

Visine and an eye patch.

8. What is a typical modern date?

Dude asks the woman out by text a couple days in advance. Girl says “yes” and then goes to H&M to find a new outfit or a scarf to jazz up an older one. On the day of the date, dude showers and throws on some jeans and a dark graphic T and maybe a sharp jacket. The chick spends a couple of hours bathing, shaving, plucking, teasing, powdering, highlighting, lip-lining and so on. Decides she has nothing to wear even though she bought a new outfit at H&M. Has mini-meltdown and considers canceling the date. Re-considers and decides the new outfit will have to do. Texts the guy and says she’ll be ten minutes late.

Guy and Girl meet up at a trendy tapas joint and talk about bands they like, what they usually buy at Trader Joe’s, and how many of their friends are laid-off. At the end of the date, the girl reaches for her wallet, but the guy says it’s on him. They go to a bar afterward where one of them knows the bartender and drink too much. Then they hook up. They go out once more and then spend the next three months passively flirting with each other on Facebook, occasionally drunk texting one another, and never again speaking in person.

9. Is it normal to be sexually attracted to numbers?

Just look at the figure 9 and you tell me.

10. Does anyone have a problem with their boyfriend watching porn?

If my in-box is any indication, then Yes, with a capital Y.

21 comments… add one
  • avatar

    lets_be_honest September 9, 2011, 12:11 pm

    anyone having posting problems?

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  • avatar

    silver_dragon_girl September 9, 2011, 12:16 pm

    Who asked #2?!? Come on, ‘fess up, I know it was a regular!

    Also, #8 had me laughing quite a bit. Especially the part about the mini-meltdown, because I do that every time.

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    • Kate B.

      Kate B. September 9, 2011, 12:46 pm

      This must be why I don’t go out on dates. This does not sound like fun.

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      • avatar

        MsMisery September 9, 2011, 1:22 pm

        Eeeeeeexactly. Probably why my favorite part of the date was “and never again speaking in person.”

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      • Budj

        budjer September 9, 2011, 2:04 pm

        Slip of the thumb. I meant to thumb up your comment…laggy touch phone fail.

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  • avatar

    Nick September 9, 2011, 12:20 pm

    Sexually attracted to numbers…of what?

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    • avatar

      TheOtherMe September 10, 2011, 10:14 am

      I think numbers in general. I am attracted to specific dates ( not sexually, mind you ) but there are numbers in specific sequence which I find especially appealing.

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  • avatar

    Yozi September 9, 2011, 12:21 pm

    Something I’ve noticed in my google searches is that basically every physical symptom a person can humanly have has been featured in a question posted by a girl who thinks she might be pregnant. Like, “I feel a slight tingle in my left foot, could I be pregnant?”

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    • avatar

      artsygirl September 9, 2011, 1:53 pm

      Yeah 6 was amazing in a sad train-wrecky kind of a way. Also I blame college health clinics on why random pains/lethargy/etc are blamed on pregnancy. I know every time I stepped into the clinic they were convinced that I was pregnant. I swear they tested me often enough – maybe they got EPT in bulk on discount and wanted to offload them.

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    • avatar

      Jiggs September 12, 2011, 12:10 pm

      True story: I once went to a Medicentre because I had pulled something in my back (a nerve, I think). My back was literally on fire, I could barely move; I had constant shooting pains through my arms, legs, even my knuckles felt like they were burning. The doctor pokes me in the stomach a couple times and says “Do you think you could be pregnant?”

      This was his ONLY idea. After that he shrugged and told me to take the over-the-counter Robaxacet (not even the good shit!). Robaxacet does not put out nerve fires, unfortunately, but it did make me sort of floppy and high so I could live through it without crying.

      So, this is definitely a phenomenon that infects doctors too. I still get mad thinking about that!

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  • avatar

    ktfran September 9, 2011, 12:38 pm

    I laughed out loud at number 7. I like silly and sarcastic humor. I also enjoyed number 8. Probably because it’s mostly spot on.

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  • landygirl

    Landygirl September 9, 2011, 1:04 pm

    I googled your headline and found it on google. It was the only thing listed!!

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  • avatar

    cookiesandcream September 9, 2011, 1:05 pm

    hahaha, I wish I could have a date like #8, but I only seem to attract weirdos…

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  • avatar

    melikeycheesecake September 9, 2011, 1:54 pm

    Number 9 had me on the floor laughing. Too weird!

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  • avatar

    Anna September 9, 2011, 3:08 pm

    Wow, has dating really changed that much in the last 8 yrs? Dating for me was easygoing, just hanging out doing whatever comes to mind and talking a lot. I never had to worry if my outfit was new enough and I wasn’t old enough to go to bars yet…8 yrs later I’m wondering how we avoided that awkwardness and formality. And it’s definitely a good thing that we did, it doesn’t sound fun.

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    • avatar

      HmC September 9, 2011, 6:34 pm

      You’re not really supposed to admit to this but, the vast majority of the time, dating nowadays sucks ass. Especially if you don’t know the people too well ahead of time and just go “for the experience!”. People are freakin psycho.

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  • avatar

    AKchic September 9, 2011, 4:55 pm

    #6 – Not if you’re a guy or are participating in a lesbian threesome.

    #7 – Duct tape. Nothing keeps body parts from wandering away than duct tape.

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  • avatar

    Nina September 9, 2011, 5:46 pm

    #10…nice response Wendy!

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  • fast eddie

    fast eddie September 9, 2011, 6:56 pm

    #8- Hot guys don’t wear a black graphic T-shirt with jeans and jacket. A turtle neck is far more auvant garde and slips off very easy.

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    • Kate B.

      Kate B September 9, 2011, 11:54 pm

      I like you. 🙂

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  • avatar

    Addie Pray September 10, 2011, 9:27 am

    Haha, #8 is my favorite.

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