Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Google Search Questions, Vol. VIII: “How do I know if someone is flirting with me in words with friends?”

I’m always amused by the different questions people type into their Google browser to end up at my site, so much so that I created a feature in which I address some of those very questions. After the jump, check out what’s on the minds of inquiring people this month.
 

1. How do I know if someone is flirting with me in words with friends?

All the words they spell end in “Y.”

2. How can I change my voice to sound like a rich guy?

Watch old episodes of “Regis and Kelly.” Listen closely to how Kelly talks.

3. Should I stop sleeping with him if he won’t marry me?

MOA.

4. Is there a nice way to tell someone that you’re not attracted to them?

No, there is not. Better to say you aren’t interested and leave it at that.

5. What is your comfort food?

Ice cream, sea salt and caramel chocolate, mashed potatoes, chili, french fries, mac-n-cheese, beer.

6. How do celebrities deal with heartbreak?

They buy a new nose, purchase an 18 million dollar house, and adopt a baby from Africa.

7. How come he doesn’t want to title our relationship?

Because it isn’t a book.

8. Am I jerk-off worthy?

Aim higher.

9. Is roller derby for me?

Do you like punny names, big bruises, and women who like to roar?

10. Why are my boyfriend’s balls wrinkly?

Too much time in the bath.

33 comments… add one
  • avatar

    Taylor May 25, 2012, 12:12 pm

    Aim higher!!!! That joins the ranks of MOA =)

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  • avatar

    amy May 25, 2012, 12:15 pm

    #10… HA! hahahaahahahahahaahaha… your response was awesome.

    #5… chili cheese fries, mmmmmmm… I like chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing if I don’t eat mashed potatoes… and chocolate… lots and lots of chocolate for comfort food 😀

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  • avatar

    lets_be_honest May 25, 2012, 12:20 pm

    8 is like the saddest question I ever heard. Good answer.

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  • avatar

    Caris May 25, 2012, 12:47 pm

    i love these

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  • avatar

    Rachel May 25, 2012, 12:50 pm

    Awesome, I’ve missed these!

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  • avatar

    honeybeenicki May 25, 2012, 12:59 pm

    Haha I love the roller derby question… I’m joining a recreational roller derby team this year 🙂 I was going to try out for the “pro” team, but I don’t have the time to devote to it that I want, so I’m settling for the recreational team instead.

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    • avatar

      camille905 May 25, 2012, 2:43 pm

      I don’t like the answer to the roller derby question but probably because I’ve been playing on the all star team for 6 years and it just annoys me when people don’t treat it like a legitimate sport.

      I hope you enjoy playing rollerderby but I must warn you that if you’re competitive at all, you’ll end up wanting to be on the ranked/allstar/travel team just for the challenge.

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      • avatar

        honeybeenicki May 25, 2012, 3:24 pm

        I have a goal of being on the rec team for only 1 year, which gives my husband a chance to come home and get a job so I can quit my part time job (or cut back hours) and be able to try out for the real team. I am all kinds of competitive, so I knew that would be what I’d want. And a year on the rec team gives me the skills I need to try out for the regular teams 🙂

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      • avatar

        camille905 May 25, 2012, 3:41 pm

        That sounds like a good plan. You’ll hurt muscles you didn’t even know you had. The best way to get better (other than going to practice) is to spend as much time on your skates as you can and to watch as much derby as you can. Also, extra cardio and core workouts help a ton. http://www.derbynewsnetwork broadcasts a bunch of games as well as having archived games and a ton of information about derby in general.

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      • avatar

        honeybeenicki May 25, 2012, 4:02 pm

        The rink that hosts the pro and rec teams has a “cheap skate” every Wednesday night, so I’m going to start going there to get my skate legs back. I was going to start this week but got really sick and could barely walk 20 feet without getting winded and tired so that didn’t work. And one of my mom’s friends has a good friend who is on our pro team so I’ve been going to watch, but I’ll definitely check out that website and watch some more. My mom is NOT happy with my decision to do this, but she’ll have to get used to it. She’s worried I’m going to hurt myself.

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      • avatar

        camille905 May 25, 2012, 5:10 pm

        You could hurt yourself walking down the street. I think all derby moms worry. You’ll learn how to fall properly and you have to wear protective gear. I’ve only gotten seriously hurt once in my six years of playing and really it wasn’t that serious because it didn’t require surgery (I tore a ligament in my knee).

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      • avatar

        honeybeenicki May 25, 2012, 5:15 pm

        I tried to tell her I’m capable of being hurt just standing there (I did that about a year and a half ago – I turned while standing on ice and dislocated and fractured my ankle). I promised her that if I broke any major bones, I would stop but that didn’t seem to make her feel better.

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    • avatar

      Taylor May 25, 2012, 3:07 pm

      Ooh, sounds really fun! What’s your derby name?

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      • avatar

        honeybeenicki May 25, 2012, 3:24 pm

        Don’t have one yet. My friends think I need a spin off of dream crusher (because apparently that’s what I am).

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      • avatar

        Taylor May 25, 2012, 3:33 pm

        Hee. How about “Dreamy crusher”?

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      • avatar

        camille905 May 25, 2012, 3:39 pm

        Mine is Blackzilla. And that’s the thing- derby names don’t have to be a pun or something silly. I don’t even remember how I came up with mine. Some skaters use nicknames they’ve always had or just random things. I’m a fan of Dreamcrusher for honeybeenicki.

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      • avatar

        honeybeenicki May 25, 2012, 4:14 pm

        I think I’ll stick with Dream crusher instead of honey bee 🙂 So when I start, I’ll have another source to go to with questions now?

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      • avatar

        camille905 May 25, 2012, 5:07 pm

        Yes, yes you will 🙂

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  • avatar

    lets_be_honest May 25, 2012, 1:09 pm

    TMI? Did you know that balls move even when the guy is motionless? Its really creepy looking.

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    • avatar

      Something More May 25, 2012, 2:36 pm

      Dammit, lbh. Now I’m going to have to go to the BF and verify this. And it’s going to weird and creepy.

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      • avatar

        Taylor May 25, 2012, 3:18 pm

        All the time? Or just when stuff is going on?

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest May 25, 2012, 3:55 pm

        All the time!

        Sorry SM, it’s sorta hypnotizing in a very weird creepy way.

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray May 25, 2012, 4:16 pm

        You been spending a lot of time staring at your boo’s wrinkly balls, lbh? 🙂 Come over, let’s drink on my rooftop. I’m waiting for you.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest May 25, 2012, 5:13 pm

        Oh that sounds lovely. Be there in 5.

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      • avatar

        *HmC* May 25, 2012, 5:20 pm

        Oh yeah, it’s kind of like the clouds moving in the sky- not really noticeable unless you’re looking right at them, and then wow, they’re MOVING!

        Thank Jesus for online anonimity.

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    • avatar

      BettyBoop May 25, 2012, 4:58 pm

      I am always so entertained when his meat and two veg their own! I agree that it’s hypnotizing.

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      • avatar

        BettyBoop May 25, 2012, 5:00 pm

        When they move on their own…

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    • CatsMeow

      CatsMeow May 25, 2012, 5:24 pm

      I didn’t know this! How did you know? Is this just a known thing?

      Now all I want to do is watch my boo’s balls.

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    • Leroy

      Leroy May 25, 2012, 5:29 pm

      That’s true, men’s balls are like centrifuges. They’re constantly spinning, which exercises the sperms and helps us balance. You’ll notice that guys w/o balls fall down a lot.

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    • Lili

      Lili May 25, 2012, 5:37 pm

      Can I use this line to pick up a guy tonight?

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest May 25, 2012, 6:43 pm

        Ha. This all made me laugh.

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  • avatar

    SpaceySteph May 25, 2012, 1:06 pm

    “Ice cream, sea salt and caramel chocolate, mashed potatoes, chili, french fries, mac-n-cheese, beer.”

    Ew Wendy, mashed potatoes and ice cream do NOT go together. 😀

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  • avatar

    GatorGirl May 25, 2012, 3:55 pm

    Yum, mashed potatoes, french fries, mac-n-cheese, beer. I think I will have precisely that for dinner!

    And then have a heart attack.

    Reply Link

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