Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Google Search Questions, Vol. XI: “What Constitutes a Date?”

I’m always amused by the different questions people type into their Google browser to end up at my site, so much so that I created a feature in which I address some of those very questions. It’s been a long time since I did one of these, so after the jump check out what’s been on the minds of inquiring people recently.

 

1. What constitutes a date?
Two people spending time together at a pre-arranged time and place in which thought and consideration is put into attire, breath mints are brought along, and fingers are crossed that, if there’s a kiss at the end, it is welcome and good.

2. Does jiggling your leg burn calories?
Yes, but not as much as shaken’ your booty.

3. What should you think when your boyfriend is sneaking around the house on porn sites and on chat lines?
That he’s not doing such a good job “sneaking” and you should probably re-think your commitment to this person.

4. Am I too fat for yoga pants?
I don’t know what you’re talking about; you look beautiful.

5. Are you supposed to spend New Year’s Eve with your girlfriend?
If you want her to still be your girlfriend the next day, yes.

6. Am I forgetting to pack something?
Your passport!! Don’t forget your passport! Also, slipper socks for the airplane.

7. What are some things couples can do together?
Try to do that thing in “Lady and the Tramp” where they kiss each other while eating the same spaghetti noodle; ride a paddle boat; make s’mores at a beach bonfire; bowling and brunch.

8. What foods are considered brunch?
It’s not about the food, my friend. It’s about the booze: mimosas, Bloody Marys, bellinis. And maybe some toast to soak it up,

9. Do I have to invite my friend’s husband to my wedding?
If you want your friend to come to your wedding (and still be your friend afterward), yes.

10. Can a 49-year-old man who’s never been married and likes to do his own thing and be alone at times get married to 36-year-old mom of one and make it work without counseling?
Take the money you’d spend on counseling and spend it on a monthly weekend away instead.

28 comments… add one
  • LadyinPurpleNotRed

    LadyinPurpleNotRed March 18, 2014, 3:03 pm

    Wendy is so wise. S’mores at a bonfire: always right. Bellini’s and Mimosa’s: also always right.

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      MsMisery March 19, 2014, 1:05 pm

      I like smores, but not bonfire. Or any fire. I don’t even have to be able to SEE the fire, just smell it in the air and I will smell like fire for the rest of the day. It gets in my hair and my nostrils and lingers. I just hate that smell. I prefer a nice marshmallow vodka…

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  • avatar

    Tax Geek March 18, 2014, 3:08 pm

    Please be nice to the 49-year-old man. Just sayin…

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  • GatorGirl

    GatorGirl March 18, 2014, 3:09 pm

    NYE is by far the most important date night in the year. IMO of course.

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      Banana March 18, 2014, 3:37 pm

      I’m torn about that one. I think it IS something you should do with your SO, if you have one (I mean, who are you going to kiss at midnight) but at the same time I agree with HIMYM that it’s one of the most over-rated holidays. So much hype beforehand, so much tottering around in uncomfortable heels way past your bedtime in freezing temperatures in reality.

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      • LadyinPurpleNotRed

        LadyinPurpleNotRed March 18, 2014, 3:40 pm

        I agree…though I had the best new years eve this past year…sitting around a fire pit with awesome people drinking champagne. It’s all in what you decide to do with it. The year before that I was in Chicago and hung out with all my friends and boyfriend, drinking and playing apples to apples. If you make the choice to totter around in uncomfortable heels past your bedtime in cold weather, own it. But you don’t have to.

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        Banana March 18, 2014, 3:48 pm

        That’s a good point. And my favorite NYEs have been ones when I DIDN’T do the tottering around thing. Though this year I had a blast until about 2am when it really sank in that we’d just driven to NYC with no place to stay and the intention of barhopping in single digit temps all night.

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      • GatorGirl

        GatorGirl March 18, 2014, 3:51 pm

        Yes to low-key (and staying in). I’ve had the most fun NYEs doing exactly that.

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      • GatorGirl

        GatorGirl March 18, 2014, 3:50 pm

        See, you just don’t wear heels and celebrate in FL and that fixes the uncomfortable feet and coldness issues! (Also, I’m so not a HIMYM fan…weird I know.)
        .
        The past 3 years we’ve stayed in, watched the tv coverage, and been low key. I love it. And last year, while channel surfing, we saw a chick say the f-bomb on live Fox News coverage! It was hysterical.

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    • avatar

      bethany March 18, 2014, 3:49 pm

      Really? I think in the 7 years we’ve been together we’ve done something for NYE once. I like to stay home on the couch.

      NYE when I was single was so fun though!

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      • GatorGirl

        GatorGirl March 18, 2014, 3:53 pm

        Date night at home! Duh! It’s what we’ve done for the past two years!

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  • othy

    othy March 18, 2014, 3:17 pm

    When I was in high school, a kid took me out to a gas station, bought me a candy bar and Slurpee, and brought me home. Despite his protests, I claimed it was a date. But it appears I was wrong, as there was no thought into what to wear.

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  • call-me-hobo

    call-me-hobo March 18, 2014, 3:26 pm

    My SO has always claimed that yoga pants are like the soft filter for booty. It pretty much makes everyone’s butt look good, an ok butt look great, and a great butt look AH-MAH-ZING. Everyone should own a pair (and feel super confident wearing them!)

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    • mylaray

      mylaray March 18, 2014, 3:49 pm

      Haha, it really is like a filter for booty. I love wearing yoga pants but I feel awkward that it’s too sexy around my male roommate. Not that he minds I’m sure.

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      • bagge72

        bagge72 March 19, 2014, 11:05 am

        He definitely puts it in the bank.

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    • avatar

      ktfran March 18, 2014, 4:07 pm

      It’s true. Everyone’s butt looks great in yoga pants.

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      • bagge72

        bagge72 March 19, 2014, 11:05 am

        Not true there are some people who just shouldn’t wear them, and don’t look good in them.

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  • avatar

    snarkymarc March 18, 2014, 3:37 pm

    And guys love ladies in yoga pants… just sayin.

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    • avatar

      Banana March 18, 2014, 3:38 pm

      I’ve received positive reviews.

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  • avatar

    Taylor March 18, 2014, 3:47 pm

    Thanks for #4 Wendy! Sometimes one just needs to hear that =)

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  • avatar

    No Pants March 18, 2014, 4:12 pm

    Yoga pants and buffet pants are the only pants I’ll wear.

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  • Addie Pray

    Addie Pray March 18, 2014, 4:57 pm

    This is one of my favorite features. Wendy, out of curiosity did a BUNCH of searches about Addie Pray show up in your report?

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    • Dear Wendy

      Dear Wendy March 18, 2014, 5:22 pm

      Totally. I should do a whole post on the searches involving Addie Pray.

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      • avatar

        Banana March 18, 2014, 5:24 pm

        Addie Pray celebrity makeout
        Addie Pray cheese
        Addie Pray moose
        Addie Pray the best

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      • Addie Pray

        Addie Pray March 18, 2014, 5:32 pm

        Ahh, love from fans, no doubt…. Ahem.

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      • Cassie

        Cassie March 18, 2014, 6:48 pm

        Not to mention: How to get Addie Pray to stop filling up the sidebar

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      • Cassie

        Cassie March 18, 2014, 6:49 pm

        Unfortunately, Google couldn’t help. So, carry on.

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  • avatar

    Tammy March 18, 2014, 6:51 pm

    Your Google leads are far tamer than The Bloggess’… you should probably be thankful for that 😉 She just posted her latest today, too… thebloggess.com

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