Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Shortcuts: “He Bought Another Woman Socks”

01ef2fc88d06d3d2a4369b5afc5880ef_xlargeIt’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.

I have been dating my boyfriend for almost two years. We don’t have sex much because he is unhappy with the way he looks after putting weight on from quitting smoking. Even in the beginning of our relationship we never did it because of other circumstances. I think he looks amazing and I am still very turned on by him. Recently, I got an email from someone saying my boyfriend was seeing a girl he works with behind my back. I confronted him, and he told me he loves me and never would cheat on me. He says he and this woman only talk on Facebook and at work. I feel he’s getting too emotionally close with her and he just bought her a pair of socks with her favorite food on them. Should I be worried? Is it okay for a man to buy another woman gifts? What can I do? — Suspicious of the Socks


Of course it’s ok for a man to buy another woman a gift, but if there are issues in the relationship to the point that you are no longer having sex, and you are hearing second-hand that your boyfriend is getting close with another woman, which is confirmed to some extent, then, yes, the socks with food on them can certainly be a sign that your boyfriend’s focus has shifted. It’s time for some frank discussions about the state of your union (including your lack of sex), and, if you can’t find resolution and trust, then it’s time to MOA.

I’m a married woman and don’t ever have sex with my husband (he doesn’t want it). My husband has a friend who’s a single guy and we talk for hours and hours on the phone. Talking has turned to sexting, which I’m very comfortable with. But the problem is he never said that he loves me. I love him and he knows that. Also, he knows everything about me and my husband. Is he using me? — Comfortable with My Husband’s Friend

 
Not any more than you’re using him. Stop using, sexting, and talking with your husband’s single friend and, instead, communicate with your husband about the issues in your marriage and why he doesn’t want to have sex with you. If you’re no longer compatible, file for divorce and move on. And if that’s not feasible for whatever reason, tell your husband you will be seeking someone else to meet your needs.

My 60-year-old husband takes pictures of our lady neighbor through our window when she’s out in her yard. What should I do?— Peeping Tom’s Wife

 
Is her name Ramona and does she like not wearing pants? If so, I say invite her over for a glass of wine (she likes it!). If it’s not Ramona, you need to tell your husband he’s being a fucking creep and to cut it out. If he won’t, hide his camera.

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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com.

11 comments… add one
  • avatar

    PumpkinSpice October 9, 2015, 8:13 am

    Lol Wendy, I love your response to LW 3.

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  • avatar

    girltuesday October 9, 2015, 10:49 am

    WWS on all three. LOL @ #3.

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  • FireStar

    Firestar October 9, 2015, 11:35 am

    I’m upset because the man I’m not married to hasn’t told me he loves me?

    That is so not your problem.

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    • avatar

      SpaceySteph October 9, 2015, 11:54 am

      I laughed out loud at this. Actually when I was reading that letter I did a double take because she was talking about the husband and the sidepiece and I was like “which ‘he’ doesn’t tell her he loves her?” Probably both of them, though…

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  • avatar

    SpaceySteph October 9, 2015, 12:04 pm

    Let’s talk about the socks though, for a second, even though they are far from the LW’s only problem. Socks are such an oddly intimate gift without being like sexy-intimate that I actually would find it off if my husband gifted another woman who wasn’t a super-close friend or relative socks. Is that weird?

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    • redessa

      redessa October 9, 2015, 2:44 pm

      I don’t think of novelty socks as particularly intimate. If anything, I’d think of this circumstance being more like a gag gift. My friend loves hippos. If I saw a pair of socks with hippos on them, I’d think of her and might even buy them. I’m quite sure she’d never wear such a thing, but we’d both get a laugh out of it. If I were the LW, my concern would be more that my husband was buying an “I’m thinking of you” type of gift for another woman. Even then though, it would depend on the guy. If he’s a really thoughtful, generous person who gives random little trinkets to people all the time then no big deal. But I’m guessing that’s not case here or the sock thing wouldn’t have stood out so much as to write an advice columnist about.

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    • avatar

      fairhairedchild October 10, 2015, 12:16 pm

      I actually love socks as gifts, its my favorite thing to get from people. Particularly if they have something interesting on them. Like I saw Harry Potter socks the other day and almost bought them for a male friend of mine (no intimacy reasons) but then ended up keeping them for myself. Haha.

      Also I had a man who was married send me socks in the mail because he knows I like socks and skulls and he saw them randomly online. Now it’s a joke among my friends about how much I love socks. BUT I was friends with the wife of the married dude first before I became friends with them as a couple unit and she knew he was getting the socks for me before I knew about it.

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  • findingtheearth

    findingtheearth October 9, 2015, 2:45 pm

    Sometimes I find it uncomfortable these are things really happening to people. As a print sock lover, if a man bought me socks, I would think we are dating.

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    • avatar

      RedRoverRedRover October 9, 2015, 4:08 pm

      If a man bought me socks, I’d think he was my dad or grandpa or something. I’ve never had a man buy me socks who wasn’t an older family member. And even then, I’m pretty sure it was their wives who actually bought them, and they just gave them.

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  • Moneypenny

    Moneypenny October 9, 2015, 4:30 pm

    For the first 2- talk about not seeing the forest for the trees! Sheesh!

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    d2 October 9, 2015, 8:07 pm

    A sexter, a soxer and a sexagenarian!

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