It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
He says it’s too early for either one of us to meet family, he never has time to be with me on weekends (always something important comes up), and during the week we both are very busy with work, leaving just a few hours to be together. When I say he should meet my mom or that I should meet his, he says I am rushing things, but I shouldn’t worry because it will happen. I invited him to come with me to my best friend’s wedding this weekend and he said he can’t because his cousin is getting engaged and another friend has a graduation party.
At first I just wanted to be with him because most of my friends are settling and getting married, but now I love him and I don’t want to lose him for anything in this world but all of this makes me so insecure. Generally speaking, he is loving, caring and affectionate, and makes me feel heard and loved. What should I do? — Settled
MOA, MOA, MOA. If it’s only been 2 1/2 months and you’ve already broken up once, you hardly ever see each other, and he declined an invitation to your best friend’s wedding because his cousin was going to get engaged — and what kind of excuse is THAT anyway? — then this isn’t a relationship worth even losing a wink of sleep over. At most, you’re friends with benefits, but considering he doesn’t sound very friendly and the benefits don’t sound great, you need to move on already.
“Let’s slow down” is always a demotion from whatever relationship status you thought you were. So, a demotion from “seeing each other” could be “just friends” or maybe “friends with benefits,” or possibly, “Uh, you got seriously drunk and blacked out and don’t even remember all those weird things you said and did so I’mma just back away slowly and hope you don’t ask any questions.” Yeah, I’d say you should probably move on and, if he contacts you, you can be pleasantly surprised but I wouldn’t hold your breath or anything.
Last week I decided to open up to him and I told him everything and apologized, but he left me and even left town. He said that he never wanted to see me ever in his life again. I thought I could deal with that — give myself time to heal, but the problem is that I think am pregnant again. I really don’t know what to do and my family is a very harsh one and I’m still jobless. — Third Time’s Not a Charm
Here’s hoping you don’t decide to raise this baby yourself as it seems you are far from being in a position to do so well. As for advice, I’d suggest long-term birth control like an IUD or getting your tubes tied. And for the love of God, use condoms to not only protect yourself from unwanted pregnancy but from STDs too (speaking of, go get tested!).
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at email@example.com.