But now, as a few days have passed, I am really mad. We had talked about marriage before, but I asked him not to buy an engagement ring. One big reason was I was having doubts about our relationship and another reason was he couldn’t afford the ring.
Now I feel stuck. He went into debt for a ring I wasn’t ready for and now really don’t want, and I can’t stop feeling guilty. Do I give him another chance or do I really break up with him? What do we do with the ring? — Yes By Guilt
He proposed while you were trying to break up with him?! That’s not allowed! I’m sorry, but all bets are off if he proposed as a way to manipulate you to stay with him. That’s so not fair. And it’s not fair if he’s continuing to guilt you to go through with this engagement because he bought a ring he couldn’t afford and has a bunch of debt now. That’s not your problem! You didn’t ask him to buy a ring. You didn’t even want it! You were trying to get out of the relationship (probably because he’s a tone-deaf, manipulative mother-fucker, right?), and now, when you should be a couple pints into some breakup Haagen-Dazs before moving on to whatever the next better thing is on the horizon, you feel stuck in an engagement to a man you don’t want anymore who now has a bunch of debt over a ring you didn’t ask for.
MOA! How? Tell him: “Hey, John, when you proposed the other day while I was trying to break up with you, I was so stunned — because, you know, I was breaking up with you, and, also, there was this ring you had always said you couldn’t afford and I didn’t know what to make of that — so I didn’t have my wits about me and, now that I’ve had a few days to consider everything, I know it’s the right thing to give you this ring back and tell you I can’t marry you. I’m sorry, but all the reasons that led to me wanting to break up with you in the first place still stand and. while I appreciate the gesture of a proposal and a ring, getting married isn’t the right choice for us.”
As for what HE does with the ring (he, not you, because you will have given it back), that’s not your problem. Hopefully, he has a good return policy on it. But if not, he’ll have to find a place to sell it and try to make as much back on it as he spent so he can dig himself out of the debt he incurred trying to keep you in his lair. So, give the ring back and go pick up some ice cream and Netflix and get on with the rest of your life. Without this guy and his ring and all his weirdness.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.