His go-to excuse for everything is that he has too much work, but I take more classes (we are both in graduate school) and I work more hours and I am involved with more activities. He also never wants to hang out with my friends and is constantly berating my program even though it is ranked the same as his. He also always pressures me into visiting him, and, if I say I can’t, he pouts and will call me, being really upset for hours, or send me 10 or 15 texts telling me that he doesn’t like to not be my first priority. He also gets really upset if I go out and do anything with my classmates because he feels that shows that I don’t care about him as much.
The other thing that is bothering me, and this is very vain, is that he has put on about 30 pounds. I don’t have an issue with weight gain, but I still work out 3-5 times a week to stay healthy while he plays video games and complains that he doesn’t have enough time to go to the gym or to cook (he eats fast food all the time). He also is on the craziest sleep schedule and will literally stay up until 7 or 8 AM and sleep until 5 PM (he does this when I visit and it drives me crazy).
I have talked to him about these problems several times, and he always says he will change but he NEVER does! I don’t want to break up with him because he does have a great personality, but I don’t know if I should say yes when he proposes. Advice? — Proposal Ambiguity
If a person has to change in order for you to be truly happy with him or her — and it sounds like this guy would basically have to change almost everything about himself — then MOA and find someone you can accept as is. Honestly, you should feel relieved he hasn’t proposed to you yet and consider a breakup with him a bullet dodged. Your boyfriend sounds like an inconsiderate, thoughtless, self-centered loser. (He also sounds like he could be depressed, but that doesn’t excuse asshole behavior, and your boyfriend is an asshole). If he’s what you consider a “good personality,” then stepping away from this six-year relationship is going to do you more good than you can even imagine right now. I know it’s scary to let go of a security blanket, but, when you free yourself of the dead weight, you’re going to be amazed at the possibilities that present themselves to you. Seriously, MOA.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.