I am a seventeen-year-old girl who is in a tight spot. There is this boy, “Tony,” who is smart, funny, super nice and caring, and has just introduced me to his family, who is also very nice. However, there is a slight problem….his face is not very attractive. I know it sounds horrible, and I try to look pass it but can’t. I am not judgmental, but his unattractive face makes him not datable. I feel embarrased to be seen with him around people I know and don’t want him to meet my extended family because of the way he looks. Should I end the relationship or just see if I can get through it?
I feel terrible, but I don’t want to keep dating him. Also, my best friend has been crushing on him for three years. — Not Attracted to His Face
First of all, not cool dating or pursuing a guy your best friend has been crushing on for three years — ESPECIALLY if you aren’t actually interested in him. And you aren’t. You say his unattractive face makes him not datable, but that isn’t true. Sounds like your best friend would like to date him, and who knows how many others would like to date Tony, a guy who is “smart, funny, super nice and caring.” Unfortunately, you aren’t one of those people who’s interested in him. That’s ok. You’re not a bad person for not being attracted to Tony. It happens. But do him — and yourself — a favor and move on. Give yourself a chance to go out with someone who really knocks your socks off, and give Tony the chance to find someone who truly digs him and values all he has to offer.
As you get older, you may find that your tastes and what you’re looking for change. It’s possible that you’ll place greater value on the attributes someone like Tony has over the good looks of someone else. A guy’s fantastic personality may be such a turn-on that it actually changes the way he looks to you. But you’re 17, and from what I remember about being 17, there’s almost nothing more appealing than a hot guy except a hot guy who plays hard to get. Maybe you’ll be one of the lucky ones who will avoid getting her heart broken by one of these hot, aloof boys, but if not — if, years from now you find yourself wondering where all the “good guys” are and where you can find someone who will treat you right, consider dating someone for the qualities that really matter in the long run — humor, kindness, compassion, ambition — and see if they don’t make a “regular” guy pretty attractive. Just don’t wait until those good guys are all snatched up!
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