Such a small house as ours lacks privacy and she also has two dogs. We converted the living room into her bedroom, so the front door opens right into her room. She has a lot of stuff as well; we can’t even park in our garage it’s so full. Not only is there very little room, but also she is a bit of a nuisance. Recently, she has taken it upon herself to redecorate the house: every wall now has a picture of one of her family members. She doesn’t pay rent as she and my boyfriend worked out a deal where she would pay garbage and phone, but a month ago our dumpster was taken and today the phone was turned off! She pays for nothing — not even food for her dogs!
She is only 45 years old and works a job that pays reasonably well, but she is always claiming to be broke and it really angers me. Both my boyfriend and I work full time and go to school and yet we are able to pay all our bills normally. But it is difficult to have another mouth to feed and two extra dogs. His mom will also leave for days at a time, and then, when she comes back, she acts rather strange. According to the Internet, a lot of her weird behavior is linked to drug use, but I have never seen her use drugs. I have talked to my boyfriend about all of this and he agrees that he doesn’t want his mom living with us forever, but he feels that he has to take care of her especially if she is getting herself involved in things she shouldn’t. I just can’t take it anymore and it’s driving me crazy. I don’t know if maybe I should be the one to move. — Should I Move Out Already?
Yes, absolutely, you should move out already. Your boyfriend’s mother has zero incentive to leave and it doesn’t sound like your boyfriend is anywhere near ready to work through his mother issues and kick her out. So, you move out, and encourage your boyfriend to get some therapy to deal with the mom stuff before the two of you move forward in your relationship together.
As for the Internet telling you the woman’s on drugs, um, how does the Internet know? Maybe she is on drugs. Maybe she’s mentally ill. Maybe she’s just manipulative and lazy and has no qualms about taking advantage of her son and his girlfriend for months on end. Whatever is going on, you don’t need to be in the middle of it. That’s the beauty of only living with someone and not being married or having kids or owning property together — it’s relatively easy enough to remove yourself from the physical situation so that you can create the emotional distance and boundaries to figure out what’s best for you moving forward. And maybe that’s NOT being with a guy who can’t create boundaries with his overly-dependent mother. I’d ask to take your two dogs with you though. They’re probably as sick as the boyfriend’s mother and her two dogs as you are!
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].