JAREK: Have you ever moved? Me too. It kind of sucks sometimes. I can just never remember everything I have to change my address on. There will always be something I forget. My license still has the same address as the last place I lived two years ago. It doesn’t mean I’m holding on to my last place emotionally or don’t want to change my address because I may go back to it some day; it just means I don’t even notice it anymore so I keep forgetting. This loose connection (inspired by my inability to pick up my FedEx package yesterday) just means that this guy had a life before you. Yeah, subscribing to “sexy girl pictures” on Instagram may seem a little juvenile, but as we’ve covered on here before, guys sometimes just like to look at that shit.
The fact that he still gets those pictures does not mean he desires other women or wishes he could sleep with someone else. It just means that he didn’t automatically unsubscribe to all his “single guy” stuff once he entered the relationship. It’s not deliberate; he probably just didn’t see it as a big deal or completely forgot he was subscribed to them. It’s not like keeping your profile up on a dating site — it’s his Instagram feed. If it’s anything like my Tumblr feed, I haven’t checked it in six months. If he continues to subscribe to new ones, you may want to explore it a little more, but otherwise I wouldn’t worry about it. If it really bothers you, ask him about it and see if he’ll drop them. But this behavior is not indicative of cheating or wishing for something better. You like the guy and have amazing sex. If he wasn’t interested, it would be evident in areas other than hidden deep inside his Instagram feed.
DAVID JAY: This is one of those cases where I really wish you had included the age of your boyfriend because it is very relevant. If he’s around 20, having pictures of hot-looking girls associated with his profile makes him look like a “cool stud” to his equally-immature buddies. If he’s around 30 (or God forbid, older), then this is downright creepy. (Yes, a LOT of maturing happens in the male mind between 20 and 30 as we leave college and enter the real world.)
Do you have anything to worry about? If he’s closer to 20 than 30, I’d say NO because he’ll outgrow it soon enough. But if he is closer to 30, YES! Did I mention C-R-E-E-P-Y?!
JMagic: This is a tricky question, especially since the first ad populated by GMail is “Does your Wife Cheat?” I’m inclined to say you really don’t have anything to worry about. Sounds like you have a great sex life and if you were “not enough for him sexually” a few Instagrammers would be the last of your worries. The more important issue here is the lines of communication not being open. Couples who freely talk about whatever is on their mind to one another will undoubtedly have the best sex life out there. So, I’d say simply approach him about said photos/users and voice your concerns. The longer you hold on to this, the bigger it will get until it blows up in your face. It’s probably nothing, but you’ll never know until you ask!
JOE: I cannot say for certain that you don’t need to worry about him cheating or looking elsewhere for sex, because I don’t know him, you, or your relationship. However, I can say that following the posts of random women who upload provocative pictures of themselves isn’t cause for any concern whatsoever. Looking at women (or men, depending upon one’s orientation) and fantasizing about them is what men do. However – and this is very important – for most men, that has absolutely nothing to do with a genuine interest in pursuing or actually being physical with them, nor does it in any way imply a disinterest in his significant other. It’s a fantasy, and not even one that’s of any real depth – it’s a purely physical moment that is fleeting and meaningless, and that’s on the rare occasion that it actually becomes more than just a glance at a body. It has absolutely nothing to do with his appreciation of you, your body, or your sex life. It’s entertainment, nothing more. It can become an issue when it gets out of control, but it doesn’t seem from your letter that this is the case at all.
* If you’d like to ask the guys a question, simply email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with “His Take” in the subject line and I’ll pass your question along to them.