The problem is, he went several days this week without texting me. I’m a firm believer that if he’s interested, he would want to get a hold of me. Even if he was busy, he could have texted to say hello. Frankly, I’m deciding if I should MOA. But, am I being too hard on him and should I cut him some slack? Am I being a typical girl and over-analyzing everything? Is he only interested in sex? — Girl from the Bar
ART: Oh dear lord. Come on, now. “Over-analyzing?” Please. You are putting exactly zero analysis into this. First of all, he has a life that isn’t you. He has gotten a hold of you about a million times already. You are not some fucking Caesar who sits in her alabaster bathing vessel taking a treasure bath waiting for your boyfriend to text you every two seconds. You are allowed to text him. If he doesn’t text, it’s because he’s busy. Secondly, if it’s urgent, you can also CALL HIM. Come on. I have a feeling if this dude texted you as often as you think he should, most ladies would send him packing due to a high level of clinginess. You should initiate texting, you should CALL HIM ON THE PHONE USING YOUR ACTUAL VOICE, and you should realize that seeing a person every day is not how dating works. Come on!
JOE: Yes, you are over-analyzing the situation. No, he’s likely not interested in just sex. It sounds like you’ve had a number of dates, that the dates weren’t merely excuses to have sex with you, and that he’s acted “date-like” on them. Is it possible that he’s lost interest? Sure. Is it possible that he’s found someone else? Sure. These things happen. However, it’s also possible that he just didn’t get around to texting – you two have only dated for a few weeks, so it’s not like you’re deep into something serious where he’d expect to be in contact all the time.
There’s no law that says you can’t text him. Often, during the early stages, people will easily misperceive a lack of contact as meaning a lack of interest (admittedly, because it many times does mean that) and will simply mutually fade away because they’re too worried that the other person doesn’t want to contact them. Instead, just text him. Worst case, you’re out 10 seconds of your life. Best case, it reignites contact. It frightens me that so many people are so worried about whether or not they should just talk to the other person (or, I guess, text them, since no one talks anymore). It’s a lot easier to know what someone’s thinking when you’re not relying solely on your own interpretations of their actions.
BITTER GAY MARK: Question 1) Really? The only problem you have with this guy is that he (just this week) failed to text you daily? I mean, hey, remember now, you’re just DATING… You are not married. Heck, you aren’t even in a quote unquote serious relationship yet. Maybe he is merely playing it cool. Frankly, I know plenty of women who would declare that any new guy demanding texts each and every day was smothering them. That said, you do make some curious statements about this relationship. “He knew he really liked me when I told him I sliced my thumb and he felt concern…” Really? How old are you two? I mean, hey, I feel concern if a stranger trips slightly, but that certainly doesn’t mean I care for them. Oh, and hands holding hands coupled with kisses over a cafe table are all very good, but could simply mean…pretty much, well…anything. Look, at this point, the relationship is still very new. Stop trying to rush things. If you and the guy always seem to have fun together, see where this goes. I wouldn’t end it simply because he didn’t text you daily. That wouldn’t be a MOA situation. Instead, that would be a MOBIEB. Move On Before It Even Begins. Don’t go there.
JAREK: Wait, wait, wait. Back this train up. You took this guy home the first night you met him just for sex and now you are worried that is all he is interested in? Seems a tad mix-messaged don’t you think? Based on what you told us, it really does not appear he is in this only for the sex. He knows (or assumes) he can get sex when he wants (based on your first encounter). Why would he also be taking you out, complimenting you, and treating you well? It could be – and this is just speculation – that maybe he actually likes you. If you want to throw that away because he hasn’t given you constant validation that he was thinking of you in a few days, even though those few days followed what sounds like a great couple of weeks, then that is your thing. But if your mindset has changed from “this guy is cute and I haven’t been laid in a while, let’s just have fun” to “I’m worried this guy is leading me on because I may want a relationship with him,” then you need to bring that to his attention. Because otherwise he is operating under the assumption that you signed up for the same thing you did the night you two met. Also, I would suggest upgrading your plan with your cell phone carrier. Those “receive only” text plans are pretty bad, they can lead to lost opportunities.
MATT: Yes, you are being too hard on him. Yes, you are over-analyzing. And yes, he might only be interested in sex (until he realizes there other parts of him beyond his crotch that find you enjoyable). Confused? Me too. I think it is all about expectations. You said yourself in the first few lines of your note that you didn’t expect anything to happen. Then a few things happened, and now — look at that — you’re filled with expectations.
It is so hard to find that comfortable space between just being happy-go-lucky and accounting for all the ideals that constitute a lasting, deeper interest, isn’t it? You didn’t say whether you texted him or not — that would be my first suggestion. If he doesn’t respond in a way that makes you feel he’s got an interest, then you’ve got something to think about, or maybe he’s looking for as much reassurance as you are.
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