ANDREW: If you mean it when you say “All I care about is that he’s only having sex with me now” then leave him alone and stop talking about your ex-boyfriends all the time. It makes him uncomfortable. He doesn’t have to explain to you how every part of his mind works if he doesn’t want to. Your making problems where there aren’t any. He doesn’t want to talk about it. Talk about something else.
ERIK: This is probably the simplest His Take I’ll ever be asked to respond to. Your boyfriend is insecure. A lot of people are. He probably doesn’t want to think of you as enjoying sex with other people, and he may worry that someone in your past was more talented between the sheets than he.
And to answer your question: It’s not different. It’s just easy for him to recognize in himself that his previous partners are old news but somehow he is unable to apply that same thinking to you. Everyone’s a little crazy in different aspects of their lives, it looks like you’ve just found that part of your boyfriend.
DAVID JAY: Are guys territorial about sex? Hell no! We’re jealous, possessive, insecure, paranoid, and irrational, but NOT territorial! Every past love has a claim on us; either a wistful reminder of what “might have been”, or a deep dark regret. So to that extent, your boyfriend DOES have a “claim” with his past girlfriends; the same claim your past lovers have on you.
The virgin question is a classic trap. His discomfort with that AND your past sex partners indicates he has genuine feelings for you. He wishes he were your first (and maybe your last). But that can’t be changed now, so why hurt you with an honest answer? He’s watching out for your feelings. GOOD! And the reason you should care about his number is because it makes a statement about his character. If he gives it away easily it means there is nothing special about you… at least MORE special than the others.
It isn’t that YOUR past sex life was more meaningful than his, it’s just that you can never defend that the sex you’re having with him now is MORE meaningful than it was with your past partner (unless you make the “ultimate hookup” and marry him someday). Your boyfriend’s weird reaction is BECAUSE he loves you. I’d be much more concerned if he didn’t care. Now, just put it to rest and avoid the subject at all costs.
* If you’d like to ask the guys a question, simply email me at [email protected] with “His Take” in the subject line and I’ll pass your question along to them.