Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

“How Can I Get My Money Back From My SIL?”

Dear Miles,

My sister in-law and I usually get along pretty well. That is until we had lunch a few months back and she asked to borrow $700. She claimed her job was late with their paychecks and assured me she’d pay me back as soon as she got paid. She also asked me not to tell my husband (her brother.) I’ve seen her at a couple of family gatherings since then and she acted like none of this ever happened. And when I attempted to bring it up she changed the subject. Should I say something to my husband? (We haven’t been getting along well lately and I don’t want to make things worse.) Should I just consider the money gone and MOA? — Savings and Lonely


Dear Savings and Lonely,

If I had money I would order a chicken parmigiana sub. I watched Wendy and the man eat one once and it looked very good. If I had money I would order one for dinner tonight and I would tip the delivery man $30.

I just decided I want to run into the bathroom and sit in the bathtub. However, I suspect Simone is hiding around the corner waiting to ambush me. I will not let that happen again. The bathtub will have to wait. But part of me wants to know if water is dripping from the faucet. I constantly walk on eggshells in my own home.

*If you have a relationship/dating question Miles can help answer, send him your letters at miles@dearwendy.com.

75 comments… add one
  • avatar

    Myshkin April 1, 2011, 9:07 am

    Dear Miles,

    My people recently made a wonderful change: they started giving me the yummiest dry food instead of cans. Unfortunately, they won’t supply unlimited amounts. I show them where they keep the kibble thirty-thousand times per day, but that just doesn’t help! People are just dumb.

    How do I convince my humans that my wishes come first? My dad doesn’t even want to let me drink directly from his water-glass–and that’s the only kind of water I like!

    Why are people so dumb? I love them, but I just can’t get my needs met in this relationship. Should I MOA?

    Myshkin

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    • avatar

      MilesTheCat April 1, 2011, 9:23 am

      You don’t like canned food? Can I eat yours? I eat Simone’s all the time and she hisses at me. I would like to come over to your house and eat your food if you don’t hiss. Let’s make this happen. Have your people call my people.

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    • avatar

      WiddleBabyCharles April 1, 2011, 11:10 am

      I’d take both of your foods. I’m a baby bully.

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  • avatar

    MissDre April 1, 2011, 9:12 am

    My cat is obsessed with the bathtub! She chases her tail in there because it echoes! And she always ambushes her big sister. Haha I love this!

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    • avatar

      Mischief April 1, 2011, 10:33 am

      Dear MissDre’s cat,

      I too love the bathtub. Sometimes I like to sit in it for hours and meow at the wall to listen to the echo. Also, whenever my people leave the bathroom I try to lead them to my food bowl so they can pet me while I eat. Usually they just trip over me and get mad. What am I doing wrong??

      Mischief

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      • avatar

        MilesTheCat April 1, 2011, 10:56 am

        Sometimes I like to pass gas just so my Wendy and the man know I am there and don’t trip over me.

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      • avatar

        Mischief April 1, 2011, 11:00 am

        That is an excellent idea! I must steal more of their leftovers to provide me with the gas I need…

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      • avatar

        MissDre April 1, 2011, 11:06 am

        Do you ever nap on the toilet seat while your mum is taking a bath? Na’ima and Nhuri do this quite often. Or reach their paws in underneath the bathroom door when it is closed.

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      • avatar

        Mischief April 1, 2011, 11:24 am

        YES! Closed doors are extremely upsetting. If I ever see one I will meow at it until it is opened. Even if it is a closet door – no ESPECIALLY if it is a closet door. I must know what is in there. It is clearly a secret portal to another world. I keep pawing at the back of it, but I can’t seem to make it work!

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  • avatar

    ReginaRey April 1, 2011, 9:12 am

    Hahaha! I am dying laughing…I am LOVING Miles.

    And if I were the LW, I would make a point to confront her in private, not at gatherings when other people are around. Make it so that she can’t avoid you, or the issue. If she refuses to pay you back, I think it’s time to tell your brother.

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  • avatar

    Lexington April 1, 2011, 9:16 am

    Haha, I was so confused for a minute 🙂

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    • avatar

      MilesTheCat April 1, 2011, 9:40 am

      I am often confused, too. I find it helps to just run down the hallway real fast like nothing is wrong.

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      • avatar

        Lexington April 1, 2011, 9:57 am

        BellaTheCat does that quite often.

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      • avatar

        MissDre April 1, 2011, 10:46 am

        My cat Na’ima does this also… She tears down the hall at lightning speed and when she turns a corner she’ll jump and launch herself off the wall.

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      • avatar

        Lexington April 1, 2011, 11:16 am

        Lol, it backfired on her the other day though and she ran into the wall. It was so funny. In kind of a sad way. But still funny. 😀

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    • Jess

      Jess of CityGirlsWorld.com April 1, 2011, 1:37 pm

      Me too!!!!! I am still trying to figure this out. Wait, I get it! April Fools! hahaha

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  • avatar

    Fairhaired Child April 1, 2011, 9:17 am

    I love Dear Miles

    LW does the sister-in-law have a husband? perhaps you can also speak to him about it and ask if he knows that she borrowed the money and why it might have been used. It could be that she is “mixed up in something bad” that she is trying to hide from the family as a whole – and that’s why she doesn’t want to talk about it at family gatherings or with her brother (your husband) . Otherwise – be warned for the future that if you lend out money without some kind of payment contract worked out in advance – there is no guarantee that you will see that money again.

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  • avatar

    2_J April 1, 2011, 9:17 am

    Very funny at Miles haha…to the LW, i would first suggest that next time you see your SIL, that you bring the situation up again, but being stern about it. If she tries to change the subject again, let her know that if she doesn’t pay you back as she said she would that you WILL indeed tell her brother. Seems a bit harsh, i know, but you helped her in her time in need. You came through on the two things you said you would do, the least thing she can do is start making payments.

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  • avatar

    Desiree April 1, 2011, 9:22 am

    The cat is adorable! Regarding the LW, I am deeply curious as to how she loaned the SIL $700 without telling the brother in the first place. That’s not exactly chump change for most families, and I would think he would notice (assuming they have combined finances). In any case, she *should* have told her husband from the get-go as a matter of practicality. I would consider a matter of respect between spouses, but it’s also pragmatic. Since the sister didn’t want him to know, I think maybe she has a history of borrowing money without paying it back (which the brother would probably know). Now the whole issue becomes a she said/she said. And, if your marriage is having a rough spot, that’s exactly what it doesn’t need right now. Be wary of this SIL in the future; consider yourself warned.

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  • avatar

    maynard April 1, 2011, 9:25 am

    hahaha! Awesome idea for a Friday morning!

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    • avatar

      sarolabelle April 1, 2011, 9:29 am

      It’s April Fools day.

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      • avatar

        maynard April 1, 2011, 9:42 am

        okay, also a great idea for apirl fools day!

        (and come on, I was lucky to know what day of the week it was before 10am!)

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      • avatar

        elisabeth April 1, 2011, 10:59 am

        Count your blessings. ^_^ Celia approves (pointing to my avatar)

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      • avatar

        baby.blanka April 1, 2011, 9:33 am

        I would love this to happen every Friday… this was great!! Hopefully Wendy got back to the LW with some slammin advice and hopefully Miles outwits Simone!!

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      • Betsy

        Betsy April 1, 2011, 10:32 am

        I’m willing to bet that the letter is fake….

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      • avatar

        sarolabelle April 1, 2011, 12:53 pm

        I hope the letter is fake. Though I can only imagine the types of letters Wendy gets. Filled with people that write in text message shorthand.

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    • avatar

      SGMcG April 1, 2011, 10:58 am

      It’s a great way to welcome the upcoming Caturday!

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      • avatar

        Mischief April 1, 2011, 10:59 am

        Caturday? I do not know what this is, but I must assume it is everyday, as everyday is about me. Just ask my people.

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  • avatar

    Green_Blessings_Goddess April 1, 2011, 9:31 am

    Cute cat!

    This could start a big family rift and it is not worth it. Cut your losses and consider this a gift to her. Anytime you give money to family, consider it a gift, don’t give more than you can afford to not get back.

    Let this one go and don’t giver her anymore money again unless you see it as a gift and don’t expect to see it again and will not be resentful. This is not worth causing a problem between your brother and his sister over.

    Times are tough right now and lots of people’s finances are in the crapper. Just don’t give her money again if you don’t want to. Say politely but firmly you can’t help her.

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    • avatar

      MilesTheCat April 1, 2011, 10:59 am

      I like your name, Green Blessings Goddess. You seem like a real nice lady to spend time with. I heard Wendy and the man talking the other day about going on vacation. I hate it when they go on vacation because I am uncomfortable with change. But I also like it because they always find some nice lady to come visit me. Would you like to visit me when they go on vacation this month? I think we could have a nice time.

      Oh! I just saw a fly!

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    • Jess

      Jess of CityGirlsWorld.com April 1, 2011, 1:41 pm

      I agree. $700 would really hurt if I had to swallow it but that may be the only option. I think I’d let my husband know that it happened AND that you are letting it go. At this point, it won’t matter if she repays LW or not. The damage is done and the SIL has shown her true colors. Time for the “friendly indifference program” (patented by my sister) whereby you remain cordial but don’t get even a teensy bit involved in the messes of her life ever again.

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    • avatar

      thyme April 1, 2011, 7:54 pm

      I kind of suspect that some people automatically thumb down anything GBG says. I agree that she’s said some… um… SPECIAL stuff in the past on TF, but I don’t think this comment deserves so much negativity. Actually, she’s been pretty diplomatic lately… for the most part… so why don’t we give her the benefit of the doubt and play nice?

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      • avatar

        Red_Lady April 1, 2011, 8:19 pm

        @thyme – I think your hypothesis rings true. GBG’s comments on this site have been more reminiscent of comments she first made on TF. I initially found myself agreeing w/ a lot of what she was saying, then there was a complete 180. I guess she’s done another 180* back. Her comment above makes total sense to me, and doesn’t seem to warrant any thumbs down.

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  • avatar

    kerrycontrary April 1, 2011, 9:56 am

    LW, although I think that $700 is a significant amount of money and your SIL should pay you back, when you let a friend or family member borrow money you may need to consider that you are actually giving them the money permanently. Whether you want and can feasibly do this is up to you. I would say that your best shot is to confront your SIL directly in a neutral setting (not your house or hers). If she tries to change the subject just continue on with what you are saying. If this doesn’t work and you can live without that $700 I would just cut your loses and take this as a lesson learned.On the other hand, if you need that money to pay rent, pay bills, buy food, etc… then I would tell your husband. I don’t know why you didn’t tell your husband in the first place…keeping financial secrets is never a good idea.

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  • avatar

    Jessica April 1, 2011, 10:11 am

    sooooooo cute!

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    • avatar

      MilesTheCat April 1, 2011, 11:00 am

      Thank you. And I think you are cute too, Miss Jessica Lady.

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  • avatar

    lemongrass April 1, 2011, 10:12 am

    Why would you lend out $700 without even discussing it with your husband? Even if you don’t combine finances that isn’t something that you should do without talking to him about it. I’m more concerned about the LW’s marriage then I am the money. Get your butt (and his) in couples counselling and hash out your communication problems!

    Also, follow my rule with money: I never, ever lend friends or family money. I will give it to them if they need it and I have some to spare.

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  • avatar

    cat-i-z April 1, 2011, 10:28 am

    Too funny! Thanks for the laugh!~

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  • avatar

    Mischief April 1, 2011, 10:36 am

    LW,

    Please stop worrying about money that is gone and never coming back. Instead, you should come over to my house and pet me while I eat dinner. I think you will find it is very soothing and will make you forget about stupid money that is not important. Life is too short and you should always stop to pet the cat.

    Best,
    Mischief

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    • avatar

      Mischief April 1, 2011, 10:38 am

      Dear Miles,

      Why do you say my comment is awaiting moderation? I am a very nice cat and play well with others. I promise I will not hiss at you or try to steal your food. I also will not use your litter box as I think it is icky to share. Should my people suggest such a thing I will look at them with great disdain and poop in a corner right in front of them.

      Mischief

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      • avatar

        MilesTheCat April 1, 2011, 11:01 am

        Sometimes I like to poop right outside the litter box as a funny prank. Wendy and the man don’t like it. Simone hisses at me. But I don’t care. I think it’s funny.

        I’m hungry.

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      • avatar

        Jessica April 1, 2011, 11:09 am

        hahahahahaha… i loooove this!!
        “wendy and the man” lol. omg. i’m dying.

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      • avatar

        WiddleBabyCharles April 1, 2011, 11:19 am

        When my people empty the litter box into the trash bag, I like to jump in the trash and get one more poo in.

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      • avatar

        Mischief April 1, 2011, 11:25 am

        THAT IS THE BEST IDEA EVER!!!

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      • avatar

        ape escape April 1, 2011, 12:41 pm

        My cat, also named Miles, does the same thing! Have you ever combined your love of bathtubs and pooping in undesirable (for the humans) places? My Miles likes to do that because it startles any human who is fully undressed and about to step into the tub for a shower. Great fun!

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      • Dear Wendy

        Wendy April 1, 2011, 12:44 pm

        Don’t give him ideas!

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      • avatar

        Tybalt April 1, 2011, 1:41 pm

        Sometimes I do that, but I bury it with the bath mat so the humans don’t know. It’s like a secret prank. If they find it, I bring a ball to distract them. Humans are too easy.

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      • Jess

        Jess of CityGirlsWorld.com April 1, 2011, 1:42 pm

        Tears of laughter are streaming down my face.

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  • Betsy

    Betsy April 1, 2011, 10:43 am

    Dear Miles,

    My mum recently brought a new man into our lives. He’s cool and all. He gives me belly rubs, has loads of warms, and always accommodates my need to take up his half of the bed. However, my problem is this: He continues to talk to me like I am an imbecile! I have shown him again and again how intelligent and cultured I am, but I cannot get away from his condesceding remarks. Day and night it is “u can haz cheezburger” and “kitteh wantz tunaz!!!” Mum thinks he is oh-so-freakin’-hilarious so she is just NO HELP. How do I prove to him once and for all that I can speak proper English?

    -Learned Lotus

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    • avatar

      Mischief April 1, 2011, 10:58 am

      Dear Lotus,

      All people are stupid and are good for only petting and feeding. Your best recourse is to look at him with disdain, turn your nose up and go take a nap. Also, you could occasionally walk up to him at 4 in the morning and tell him he needs to wake up and feed you with a small swipe to the nose. That should make him less interested in baby talk.

      Mischief

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    • avatar

      MilesTheCat April 1, 2011, 11:05 am

      Do not let him know you speak English! If you go along with the new man’s silliness, he will probably give you treats. Treats are good.

      I want a treat.

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  • avatar

    fallonthecity April 1, 2011, 10:44 am

    I love Dear Miles!!

    Several people have already mentioned this, but it is always a bad idea to lend money to family and friends if it is going to cause problems for you when they don’t pay you back. It’s sad, but a lot of people feel they can take advantage of their family… I do think you should probably tell your husband, because if he finds out you were keeping this from him, it could make things even worse. Corner your SIL sometime when you’re alone and tell her you need her to follow through on her promise to pay you back. However, I think you should be prepared for the possibility she never will.

    Good luck, LW!

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  • avatar

    sarolabelle April 1, 2011, 10:48 am

    I don’t believe the letter is real either. Do y’all?

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  • avatar

    cmarie April 1, 2011, 11:23 am

    Don’t loan money out if you can’t be honest with you’re partner about it.

    Dear Miles,
    I’m a year old yet still have this compulsive need to yowl in the middle of the night at my woman’s door. She tries her best to ignore me but sometimes I’m just so persistent and my brother knows how to open the door so she can’t get any peace. She ends up locking up in the bathroom, which I don’t like. That’s where my litter box is and it is not fun to sleep there. How do I stop crying at night? I just can’t change!

    Whelan

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    • avatar

      MilesTheCat April 1, 2011, 11:33 am

      I yowl all night every night. This way, Wendy and the man won’t want to have a baby because they already have me.

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  • avatar

    Maracuya April 1, 2011, 11:24 am

    Dumb question but it’s a tangent kind of day:

    How do you put a picture on your avatar name when you don’t register with Gravatar?

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    • avatar

      sarolabelle April 1, 2011, 11:30 am

      go to http://www.gravatar.com, login and the first option on the next screen is changing images.

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      • avatar

        Maracuya April 1, 2011, 11:33 am

        Dangit, my username is taken >:(

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      • avatar

        sarolabelle April 1, 2011, 11:46 am

        when you registered you should have been able to choose a username and then they send you an email and all welcoming you to the site.

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      • avatar

        Maracuya April 1, 2011, 1:20 pm

        Fix’d! (?)

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      • avatar

        sarolabelle April 1, 2011, 1:39 pm

        looks good to me. 🙂

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  • avatar

    Dennis Hong April 1, 2011, 10:38 am

    Ruff ruff ruff ruff!

    Grrrrrrrr…. Ruff.

    RUFFRUFFRUFFRUFFRUFFRUFFRUFFRUFFRUFFRUFFRUFFRUFF!!!!!!!

    Ruff?

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    • avatar

      MilesTheCat April 1, 2011, 11:03 am

      You don’t scare me.
      Yes you do.
      I’m going to hide under the bed now.

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  • fast eddie

    fast eddie April 1, 2011, 10:57 am

    THINGS TO DO LIST
    #1 Fire Miles, he doesn’t make sense…at all.

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    • avatar

      cmarie April 1, 2011, 1:01 pm

      Darling, Miles is a cat and if he actually made sense with his advice Wendy would be out of a job.

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    • avatar

      WiddleBabyCharles April 1, 2011, 1:10 pm

      Ha, why did Eddie get 13 thumbs down? I think he realizes it’s a joke…

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    • avatar

      TheGirl April 1, 2011, 1:55 pm

      I think eddie knows its a joke. He’s getting the thumbs down because Miles is cuter! We disagree with firing him! Sorry, eddie, you just can’t compete with an adorable little ball of fluff.

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    • avatar

      cat-i-z April 1, 2011, 2:29 pm

      I gotta say it… Fast Eddie.. where is your sense of humor??????!!!!!!!!!!! Geez!

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  • Jess

    Jess of CityGirlsWorld.com April 1, 2011, 1:46 pm

    Dear Miles,

    Do you do any of the following in the hours of 1-5am?
    –Try to lick the faces of Wendy and the man all night while they are sleeping?
    –Use their water glass as a personal bathtub and spray water over the bed?
    –Paw at the sheets in an effort to get under them?
    –If locked out of the bedroom, wail and shake the door with your paws?

    If so, why?

    Jess (on behalf of boyfriend’s cat, Loki)

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    • avatar

      MilesTheCat April 1, 2011, 1:58 pm

      I like to sleep on Wendy’s face at night. Sometimes, when I want her to wake up and give me attention I like to yowl right in her ear. When I get hungry, I nudge the man to wake up and feed me. He makes me wait until 7 in the morning usually, which I think is way too late.

      I have never been locked out of the bedroom. That is crazy. I stay in the bed all night long. Well, sometimes wendy and the man make me leave for a little bit, which I never understand, but I just go bother Simone until I’m allowed back in. She sleeps in her blue chair all day and all night and acts like she’s better than everyone. She scares me.

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  • avatar

    Patrick Turner April 1, 2011, 3:11 pm

    The mistake the LW made was agreeing to HIDE the loan. THEN, she got screwed. I’ve lent money to three family members who are in laws and I got totally screwed every time I lent the money. I even got a notarized note from my father in law and HE screwed me too. The best thing is to say when confronted with these circumstances is to essentially say “I really don’t have the means to help you” in so many words.

    That does not, however, solve your present dilemma, but the reality is that you should try one more time, in private, to collect the debt. If not, all bets are off and you can make it an open secret. I bet you never collect the money myself, based on my experience, however but GOOD LUCK.

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  • avatar

    ape escape April 1, 2011, 3:49 pm

    YOU GUYS.

    “Dating for singles who love cats — e-catz.com is an innovative dating site for singles who live with and love cats and who seek a like-minded partner for friendship, love or marriage.”

    I don’t even know what to think about anything anymore.

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    • avatar

      thyme April 1, 2011, 8:06 pm

      THAT”S AWESOME. Hahahaha… if I was single, I would totally go on that site. Luckily, I already found somebody who is as insane about the kitties and doggies as I am!

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    • avatar

      silver_dragon_girl April 1, 2011, 8:13 pm

      I totally shared that on FB. 🙂

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  • avatar

    neuroticbeagle April 1, 2011, 11:39 pm

    Dear Miles,
    You should get your people to get a bidet. Grandma and Jim have one and their cats, my Aunt Lila and Uncle Sam, love it. Also, have you tried the kitchen sink? That faucet can drip as well.

    Mama Dog

    Reply Link

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