I left my husband because I felt we were at a dead-end and he was never home. He’d rather be outside working on stuff. I am a full-time nursing student who also does all the housework and the care of our 3-year-old son. My husband has done a great job providing but has not helped me much with our child. The second time he mentioned divorce I took it seriously and got to the last step. I really wanted him to try and stop me, but he didn’t. So I came back to work on mending us. I told him I’d rather have our worst day than no day at all. I moved out for two months, and he dated a woman in the meantime. It’s been a struggle to stop him from keeping the connection to the girl. I partly feel like it’s my fault for leaving, but I had so much stress I was having seizures and had a heart attack. I’m 29. That’s not good and I know it. My husband does not cuss or hit me. He’s just good at making me feel bad. — Not Invited
Obviously, this is a much bigger issue than not being invited to your husband’s friend’s daughter’s 1st birthday party, but since a Google search on that issue is what led you to my site, I’ll address it: lucky you. No, seriously: you’ve been told you aren’t welcome at the party, and you know what that means? You just scored yourself a free afternoon (or morning, if that’s when the party is). Let your husband — who, frankly, sounds like a deadbeat dad — take your son to the party and you can have two or three hours to do whatever you want. I know your feelings are probably hurt that your husband’s best friend’s wife doesn’t like you, but, really, so what? That’s her problem. Her not liking you just scored you a free afternoon, and, as a mother of toddler who does all the housework and goes to school full-time and gets little to zero help from her inattentive husband, you can use a a little downtime, so enjoy it.
As for the real issue at hand — your husband and his lazy ass bones and the connection he made to some girl when you were trying to get him to fight for you: I say leave the jerk for good. If the best thing you can say about him is he doesn’t cuss or hit you, and the worst thing you can say is that his behavior is contributing to you having seizures and a fucking heart attack (at 29!) because he’s never home and he doesn’t help with housework and he doesn’t help raise your child and, when you dared to leave him for two months so he’d finally wake up to the seriousness of your problems, he used the time to pursue another woman, and, when you came back, rather than work to keep you, he just keeps stoking the flames he started with someone else: LEAVE THE MOTHERFUCKER FOR GOOD. Seriously, why are you with him? It’s not going to get better — especially after you told him you’d rather have a worst day with him than no day at all. Guess what? Mr. Lazy Bones with the wandering eye is going to take that as a sign to keep being as lazy and inattentive and unfaithful as he has been because you’d rather have that than nothing. But WHY? Get some self-respect and want better for yourself. Want better for your son.
If all your husband does is provide some financial support and everything else is your responsibility, sue him for child support and alimony and then MOA. You don’t need his bullshit. You and your son will both be happier — and much healthier — when you are no longer in a marriage where the stress is giving you seizures and heart attacks. I mean, really: Aim higher.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.