It’s not that he’s abusive to me or even neglectful; I just plain DO NOT like him or being around him. If I met him now, I would not only not be attracted to him, I would probably truly dislike him. Honestly, there are only a handful of times since 2010 where I thought, “I really like being around you, I can do this.” But how do you tell someone who isn’t abusive or even necessarily a bad husband that you just don’t like him? I want a divorce because I could be with someone whom I really make more sense with, and he could be with someone who truly loves him, but it doesn’t seem fair to divorce someone who hasn’t technically done anything wrong.
My therapist suggested we go on more dates, but we do that all the time, and we have a pretty normal sex life as well, and it hasn’t helped me foster feelings for my husband. What should I do? — Feeling like the Wicked Witch
It’s great that you’re in therapy, but have you considered going to therapy with your husband as a couple? It may not save your marriage — and, frankly, nothing you’ve said sounds like you WANT to save you marriage — but if nothing else, having a mediator would help you both communicate the things you find difficult to say (like that you aren’t happy and want a divorce). What I would NOT say to your husband if I were you is that you despise him and can’t stand being in his company. Instead, focus on how you think you’ve grown apart and are no longer the best match for one another that you each deserve. Divorces can get ugly and messy, but they don’t have to be. If you remain civil, so can your divorce. Start making personal attacks and you may be in for a long, unpleasant breakup.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].