In July my best friend will be getting married and I’ve been so excited about it. But then I learned that my ex-boyfriend will also be attending the wedding. We broke up over two years ago and I haven’t seen him since. Our relationship ended HORRIBLY. He accused me of things I didn’t commit and broke it off with me before allowing me to even plead my case. I’m not the kinda girl to go running after a guy when they’ve treated me in such a disgusting manner, so when he called it quits I didn’t argue or plead with him, etc. I MOA’d!!
But after not seeing him for two years, to suddenly spend a whole weekend with him is going to be torturous! I’m hopeless at hiding my feelings (I may feel the need to kick him in the balls) but I really don’t want my best friend’s wedding to be tainted because of my feelings towards this a**hole. What can I do?! Help me please! — Anxious Wedding Guest
I get that it can be awkward — and yes, painful — to run into a former flame, especially when the relationship ended badly. It can be especially awkward when that run-in is at a wedding, of all places, where love and romance is being celebrated, and the last time you saw each other was when he was breaking your heart. But that said, I’m not sure why you two being guests at the same wedding means you have to “spend a whole weekend” together. If it’s a destination wedding, that’s one thing and does make it a little trickier to avoid him, but surely there will be other people around to buffer you from each other, right? I mean, I’ve been to family reunions of less than 20 people and managed not to exchange more than a “hello” with relatives I’m not terribly fond of. Why couldn’t you do the same with this ex?
But, if you’re really wracked with anxiety over the whole thing and are worried this run-in with your ex has potential to taint your best friend’s wedding, why don’t you reach out to your ex before you have to see him again for the first time in two years? You know, break the ice a little. Send him an email saying you heard he was going to the wedding, and let him know you’re going to be there, too, and you hope you’ll both have a wonderful weekend, that he’ll feel welcome to say “hello” to you when he sees you, and that you’re both looking forward to making your friends’ special occasion a memorable one.
And then suck it up, act like an adult, and realize this particular day isn’t about you. Yes, it will probably suck a little to see your ex, but get over it. Drink a little champagne if it will help you relax. Hang out with some other friends who will help distract you. Excuse yourself to the ladies room or to mingle with other guests if you find yourself uncomfortably close to him. And, above all, focus on why you’re there in the first place: to celebrate the love and union of your best friend and her fiancé. What happened with you and your ex was over two years ago and it doesn’t have any place at this wedding, so be a grown-up about it and leave your issues at the door. It really is as simple as that.
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