Due to a lack of space, he shares a room with me. His desk faces mine and we interact all day. We just finished a very successful eight-week creative project that we had a terrific time creating together. We seem like two peas in a pod when creating art. We talk very closely, smile a lot, text frequently at night when we aren’t together, and occasionally car pool to and from work together. We went to a party with other colleagues to celebrate the end of our project and he drove me home. I hugged him and kissed him on the cheek and as I was pulling away; he also kissed me on the cheek.
I’m single, but he’s in a relationship. He regularly tells me that his relationship is in a tricky place — that he and his partner are realizing that they may be in different places in life. I want a relationship with someone, and I’m wise enough to know that I may be projecting some of that desire onto him since I’m with him so often.
That said, I think he’s hot, I enjoy his personality, I laugh a lot around him, we get along crazy well and I TOTALLY want to grab his body and make out with him. And yes, I do fantasize about having sex with him. But I HAVE NO CLUE if he feels this way too. So, I guess my question is: Do I tell him? — Working It
I’m not sure I believe that that’s really your question. In a large sense, you’ve already told him how you feel — or at least shown him, which is just as relevant. You text him all the time, smile at him a lot, and you even kissed him on the cheek once. OK, so it’s subtle, but you’ve still put it out there — enough that if he were interested in breaking up with his boyfriend and pursuing a relationship with you or if he wanted to cheat on his boyfriend with you — which I would not advise — he’s had enough encouragement to take the leap.
If you want to move past subtleties and make your feelings very apparent and you’re wondering if that would be appropriate given his relationship status and your status as colleagues, I’d say it’s not appropriate. There are enough complications dating someone you work with – and by your own admission, this is someone you work with VERY closely — that creating a potential love triangle or being the straw to break a couple’s back is just begging for drama. And why invite that into your place of work — the place you have to spend so much of your time? Why not continue enjoying your relationship as close colleagues and creative partners and take that sexual tension you share and let it feed both your creative work and relationships outside of the office?
If you’re having trouble meeting eligible men outside of work or your social network — a common problem for many — expand your horizons. Go places you don’t normally go, take a new class, post an ad on a dating site, and tap your social and work connections for potential matches. I’d even go so far as asking the hot work colleague if he knows someone who might be a good match for you. You’re both gay, work in the same industry, and are probably close in age, right? There’s a good chance he knows someone who’s also single and looking and could be right for you. And you asking him for a set-up might just be the impetus he needs to end the going-nowhere relationship he’s in and make himself available to you before someone else snatches you up. Not that either of you is interested in snatches, but still.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.