Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

“I Hooked UP With My BFF’s Crush and Now He Wants to Sleep with HER!”

Threesome

My best friend of 20+ years has also been my roommate for the last 2.5 years. Last summer we met a really hot guy at the pool in our apartment complex. Upon meeting him, my friend had a love-at-first-sight reaction while I was mildly attracted to him at best. Since she was really into him, she asked for his number. From the summer months into the fall she got closer to him by inviting him over to our place for dinner occasionally and hanging out with him outside our place or over at his. I started to get attracted to him and enjoy his company but maintained my distance out of respect for my girl.

During the fall they went on a couple of dates and later hooked up twice. I, being friends with both of them, warned each of them that she gets emotionally attached quickly and that they should proceed with caution. After their second hookup he cut off contact with her and began to ignore her completely! She was understandably upset and told him off accordingly. He later told me she was catching feelings and that he didn’t feel the same for her. She said it was true she was in love with him. In an effort not to hurt her he decided to leave her alone.

Months passed by and he and I remained friends. We never went on a date and we maintained casual text conversations only occasionally. Then Valentine’s Day arrived. I partied really hard the night before as any awesome single girl would do, which resulted in a hangover. Since I didn’t have a Valentine, I spent the early evening recovering on our couch when, out of nowhere, I get a text invitation to come over to the neighbor’s place. I accepted because, after he and my friend called it quits, I made no effort to hide from my BFF that I wanted to sleep with the guy. My friend didn’t like that at all, but I told her that he is fair game especially since she told him to get out of her life. She confessed she still had feelings for him and that I was no friend if I hooked up with him knowing that she likes him. I disagreed.

He and I then hooked up and we really hit it off. He gave me the same speech he gave her about how he is emotionally unavailable. I accepted his proposal for a casual hookup situation because I am an emotionally unavailable woman. I thought having a FWB would be the perfect arrangement! I was so wrong…months into it he starts telling me he really likes me. I say, “Cool, I like you too.” What I failed to mention is that I continued to date several other men and hookup with some all while remaining casual with him. I figured his like for me was outpacing my like for him. I finally let him take me on a group date one night where he introduced me to his friends for the first time. Since we were just casual, I felt no reason to act like a potential girlfriend during the evening. I even hit on another man while we were out. New guy gave me his number and I promised to follow up.

My date must’ve seen me having a good time with the other man because he was noticeably upset during the car ride home. That’s when he decided to tell me he wants to have sex with my BFF again. I told him that was fine with me. However, I also made it clear that he would lose any sexual benefits from me by messing with my friend again but that he and I could remain friends, no hard feelings. He then said it would be disrespectful to me and that he wouldn’t do it after all.

Weeks later I found out that he’s still trying to have sex with her while trying to continue his FWB arrangement with me. I called foul on his game and told him to lose my number because I didn’t deserve to be treated that way. He countered by accusing me of catching feelings! I was angered by his arrogant assumption that I caught feelings for him and his audacity to hit on my friend after he had acknowledged the level of disrespect such a thing would be to me. What is this guy’s deal?!? What happened? I want our arrangement back as long as he’s willing to leave my friend alone. I don’t hit on his friends (at least to my knowledge). — Leave Me Friend Alone!

So you disrespected and disregarded your BFF’s/roommate’s feelings by sleeping with a guy she said she was in love with and YOU are the victim in all this? YOU feel like YOU’VE been disrespected? Wow, that’s rich. You said yourself you’ve been casually dating other guys. You hit on and got a guy’s phone number while on a date with someone else. Clearly, you have no shortage of opportunities for hooking up/ making out/ getting attention/ going on dates. Why on earth would you pursue someone your best friend had fallen for and explicitly asked that you leave alone? Why would you butt into their budding relationship and “warn them both” that she gets “emotionally attached quickly and that they should proceed with caution”? It wasn’t any of your business. You hardly knew the guy at all and your concern and priority should have been your best friend’s feelings. The only explanation I can think of for your behavior is that you’re manipulative, selfish, in need of a lot of male of attention, and not a very good friend.

There’s more to life than boys. Friendships — especially those of the 20+ years variety — are so much more important than adding one more guy to your fuck buddy rotation. You have risked a lot by acting sexually entitled to whatever and whomever you’re “mildly attracted to.” What about people’s feelings? Honestly, if this is how you treat the closest people in your life, I’m surprised you have any friends at all.

You can continue going through life being “emotionally unavailable” since that’s working so well for you, but understand there are consequences to closing yourself off to feeling empathy and compassion and care and love for others. You might think that you’re boosting your fun factor, being an “awesome single girl,” and protecting yourself from getting hurt, but the truth is that you aren’t. And you’re only setting yourself up for loneliness and isolation because people who are worth having in your life aren’t going to invest in someone who remains emotionally unavailable. People who are worth having in your life — the kinds of friends who have your back and are loyal and stand by your side even when you fuck up and are there when you need support (and there will be a time when you’ll need support) — are not going to continue investing in someone who is emotionally cold, manipulative, and selfish.

This is your chance to make a change. Stop being “that person” and decide to be better. Make the feelings of others a priority. Apologize to your BFF. Cut off contact with the hot neighbor. Practice opening up emotionally and being vulnerable so that you can better empathize and connect with others. Not only will your friendships be deeper and richer, but eventually when you ARE ready for a true relationship — one that goes beyond just hooking up — your heart will be open to that opportunity and will attract others who are equally open and ready.

***************

Follow along on Facebook, and Instagram.

If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com.

74 comments… add one
  • avatar

    Essie June 26, 2015, 8:52 am

    I’m sorry, I was done at “I warned them both that she gets emotionally attached quickly”. WTF? The only surprise here is that her friend ever spoke to her again after that one.

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  • avatar

    bcamber June 26, 2015, 8:53 am

    I wonder how people like this actually handle real problems.

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  • avatar

    Marcie June 26, 2015, 8:58 am

    I wish people would stop saying “catching feelings”. It drives me crazy!!

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    • Ika

      Ika June 26, 2015, 9:02 am

      I knoooow. One more reason LW is annoying haha.
      How does one even catch feelings? Are they viral? Bacterial? I need to know! Should I be going around with a surgical mask? Is there a vaccine?

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      • avatar

        Cleopatra Jones June 26, 2015, 9:04 am

        Actually, I think ‘catching feelings’ is the by-product of ingesting too much hip hop music & bad reality TV shows.

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      • mrmidtwenties

        mrmidtwenties June 26, 2015, 9:07 am

        I actually love the term “catching the feels” but I like to use it very sarcastically.

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      • Ika

        Ika June 26, 2015, 9:07 am

        Phew. I should be safe then.

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      • Skyblossom

        Skyblossom June 26, 2015, 9:10 am

        Maybe we could vaccinate all incoming middle school students to save them from catching feelings?

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      • honeybeenicki

        honeybeenicki June 26, 2015, 9:20 am

        I’m pretty sure I got vaccinated. But you have to remember to get your booster or you’ll be susceptible to catching feelings again.

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      • Skyblossom

        Skyblossom June 26, 2015, 9:38 am

        The booster is critical. Probably at least one a year to combat teen hormones.

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      • avatar

        Cleopatra Jones June 26, 2015, 9:42 am

        Yeah but I think after 25 or so, you should be totally immune to it.
        .
        Although, I did hear a 40-ish year old man say that (I was ear hustling, so my fault) and I thought, ‘if you stop hanging around the middle school, you wouldn’t be ‘catching feelings'”.

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      • Ika

        Ika June 26, 2015, 9:21 am

        Yes, please!!! Knowing how drama-filled my 7 y.os tween/teen years are going to be, I would totally go for that vaccine. 😛

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      • Skyblossom

        Skyblossom June 26, 2015, 9:38 am

        Maybe even a double dose!

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      • Moneypenny

        Moneypenny June 26, 2015, 11:52 am

        Exactly! How does one protect against catching these feelings so that I can go about doing the opposite?
        Seriously though, it makes it sound completely detached- like catching feelings is something that happens *to* you rather than something you actively do. So weird.

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      • avatar

        Jiggs June 26, 2015, 6:24 pm

        As far as I can tell they’re sexually transmitted. :/ That’s how I got them.

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    • Dear Wendy

      Dear Wendy June 26, 2015, 9:30 am

      I almost edited that, but thought it might spark a little discussion… 😉

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    • Diablo

      Diablo June 26, 2015, 9:40 am

      It’s actually perfect, because real emotions are like a costly and painful infection to people like this.

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  • Ika

    Ika June 26, 2015, 8:59 am

    WWS.
    LW, you sound annoying as fuck. You may think you’re oh so cool, picking guys up left and right, shitting all over your friend’s feelings, being “emotionally unavailable” (wtf does that even mean???). But carry on this path and you are going to be one sorry loner.

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    • avatar

      Essie June 26, 2015, 9:10 am

      I think in this context, “emotionally unavailable” means “I plan on treating everyone around me like crap, because what I want is the only thing that matters.”

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  • avatar

    Cleopatra Jones June 26, 2015, 9:03 am

    I knew when she wrote, ” I started to get attracted to him and enjoy his company” that there were going to be a bunch of shenanigans in this letter.

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    • Skyblossom

      Skyblossom June 26, 2015, 9:11 am

      Love shenanigans!

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  • lynn

    Lynn June 26, 2015, 9:05 am

    Wow, you’re a shitty friend. It’s beyond me how you still have your “best friend” as your best friend. I would’ve ditched you a long time ago.

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  • avatar

    Laura Hope June 26, 2015, 9:07 am

    LW, you sound kind of full of yourself…because you attract men easily and can control your feelings for them. But I think what really matters in life is being a compassionate person. I’d work on that.

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  • Skyblossom

    Skyblossom June 26, 2015, 9:09 am

    I think this highlights the problem of going into a friends with benefits relationship if you love someone. The friend loved the guy and since he wasn’t interested in a full relationship she settled for a FWB situation hoping that it would grow into something more. After hooking up twice the guy cut it off because all he wanted was sex and the friend wanted more. So both the friend and the guy said that they were over and done. AT that point there was no relationship.
    .
    I think that when a relationship is over and done the people involved are free to see whoever they like. The LW was free at that point to see the guy and get involved. I don’t think I’d personally do that because it would be awkward and uncomfortable but technically there was no relationship between her friend and the guy and you can’t personally place dibs on someone who doesn’t want to date you. There must be mutual desire and mutual consent to have a relationship. It can’t be one sided.
    .
    The thing that bothers me the most in the letter is that the guy now wants to see the friend again, to have sex with her, mostly to hurt the LW. No one seems to care that the friend would be used and hurt. The LW is so self-absorbed that she is angry that the guy would see her friend even though she was getting the number of one of his friends while on a date with him. What does she think is different between the two situations? Why is it okay for you to get a number but disrespectful of him to hit on your friend? The person who is going to be hurt here is the friend. The one who will be used by the guy to get even with the LW. I hope the friend moves on to make healthier friendships. I hope she sees that this LW is self-absorbed and not worth keeping as a friend.
    .
    LW you have no reason to be hurt in this situation. You are in a FWB relationship where both of you agreed to remain emotionally unavailable. You’ve got what you wanted. If you want something more exclusive then look for that type of relationship but don’t whine about the current relationship. It is exactly what it was meant to be.

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    • Ika

      Ika June 26, 2015, 9:19 am

      You do have a point. BUT if it had been that both BFF and LW had major feelings for the guy, then I would feel different. Here LW knew her BFF was in love with him. She was only moderately attracted to him, hooking up with other guys. Why hurt her friend sleeping with this guy? It’s just shitty, shitty behaviour.

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      • Skyblossom

        Skyblossom June 26, 2015, 9:28 am

        I wouldn’t have personally done it but I can also see that she wasn’t breaking any rules of dating. The LW is a thoroughly selfish “friend” really a frenemy. I think the friend was hurt because she was willing to settle for a FWB relationship instead of the relationship she actually wanted. They all have some part to play in this situation.

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      • avatar

        Sunshine Brite June 26, 2015, 9:36 am

        It’s not breaking a rule of dating, but in my friend group it would be breaking a rule of friendship. Which is worse in my opinion.

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      • Skyblossom

        Skyblossom June 26, 2015, 9:40 am

        I think that depends on the friend group. This group doesn’t seem to have many rules or maybe they don’t have a group. If I was her friend I’d drop her and find better friends.

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      • avatar

        ktfran June 26, 2015, 9:42 am

        Exactly! It would be one thing if this dude and her friend never really messed around or sort of fake dated, but they did. My general rule is that once a close friend and some dude “date” or have sex, he’s off limits. Now…. if there’s a guy and we’re both kind of interested, I’m ok with whichever one of us he clicks better with. Then, I back off. But at that point, strong feelings aren’t involved yet.

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    • avatar

      Texas T June 26, 2015, 11:02 am

      I am sorry but I have to disagree. THERE WAS A RELATIONSHIP THERE. A 20+ one that was obviously not a huge thing for LW because she was ready to off if in exchange for getting off. I personally would have dumped LW as my BFF. With friends like that who needs enemies?

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  • avatar

    cdobbs June 26, 2015, 9:18 am

    wtf? LW you sound horrible! ugh if i was the guy and your “BFF” (use that term losely because you are a terrible friend) i would stay as far away from you as possible!

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  • veritek33

    veritek33 June 26, 2015, 9:27 am

    With friends like that……

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  • mylaray

    mylaray June 26, 2015, 9:28 am

    Wow, I really have no words. So much drama. You’re not going to keep friends this way. I hope you learn from this.

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  • muchachaenlaventana

    muchachaenlaventana June 26, 2015, 9:31 am

    It sounds like you are jealous this dude is now trying to get back together in some sense with your friend and are couching that in terms of caring about her and him not “messing with her” again. Also how is this disrespectful to you, and what you did to her–hooking up with and maintaining a long term FWB with someone she was in love with, not disrespectful. Seriously is this one dude worth it? Luckily I never had to deal with a friend and me even being into the same dude, but I think if that situation occurs either you both back off, or the one who has the best chance goes for it and the other gets over it and moves on, even if things between the other two don’t end up panning out. Just cut him off, move on and maintain your friendship, which *should* be your first and only priority in this whole situation.

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  • Stonegypsy

    Stonegypsy June 26, 2015, 9:32 am

    I’m going to have to concur with everyone else here. You sound like a selfish, terrible friend. And even if you’re in a casual FWB relationship with someone, it’s still really rude to hit on someone while you’re on a date with someone else. And even though no one can call ‘dibs’ on a person, it’s still really hurtful to your friend to go date/hook up with someone that she’s in love with.
    Grow up and start thinking of someone other than yourself.

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    • Skyblossom

      Skyblossom June 26, 2015, 9:44 am

      I think it’s especially bad because she didn’t have feelings for the guy in the same way her friend did. She didn’t want anything more than an emotionally unavailable relationship and she could have that with anyone. If she and the guy had strong feelings for each other it would be different. There would be a potential, long term relationship but there was nothing of that type here.

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      • Stonegypsy

        Stonegypsy June 26, 2015, 9:51 am

        Yeah, it’s like she was doing it to prove something. She didn’t really care about the dude (though given her letter, it doesn’t sound like she cares about anyone).

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      • avatar

        shakeourtree June 26, 2015, 12:56 pm

        To me, it almost sounded like she was putting her friend in her place, so to speak. Like she wanted to establish that SHE’S the one guys actually want. It’s like she’s dangling it in her friend’s face–you love him, but he loves me and not you, and I don’t even care!

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      • Skyblossom

        Skyblossom June 26, 2015, 1:12 pm

        An ego builder. No one needs friends like this.

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  • avatar

    jlyfsh June 26, 2015, 9:43 am

    I’m just saying the same thing as everyone above, but what is the difference between what he’s doing and what you did? You’re in a casual FWB and you aren’t emotionally available. You’re also dating other people. Why does it matter if he does as well? Is it now not ok for people within your friend group to have a FWB with the same person because you’re the one being affected? The only thing I’m really surprised by here is that you still have friends.

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  • Diablo

    Diablo June 26, 2015, 9:44 am

    I feel that Wendy’s advice is too complicated and difficult. It’s actually unlikely that it will be followed. I’m going to suggest a simpler and more realistic course of action. LW, you and the hot neighbour should just admit that neither of you has a shred of integrity. That leaves you both free to bone anything that moves. As a last act of kindness before you depart the human race, break up with your BFF. She could do without a “friend” like you.

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    • avatar

      ktfran June 26, 2015, 10:04 am

      Perfection.
      .
      Also perfection, Wendy’s picture for this. I just noticed it.

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  • avatar

    cyndi June 26, 2015, 9:47 am

    This chick sounds like a real piece of work. Her friend and the guy need to MOA.

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    • Skyblossom

      Skyblossom June 26, 2015, 9:52 am

      The guy sounds like a matching piece of work.

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      • avatar

        cyndi June 26, 2015, 2:13 pm

        I agree!

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  • Skyblossom

    Skyblossom June 26, 2015, 9:51 am

    I wonder about LWs like this. Is she tending toward sociopathic? Did she grow up in an emotionally devoid home? Why does she want an emotionally unavailable relationship? How does she have a best friend of 20+ years? What kind of life has the friend lived that she would maintain a friendship like this?

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    • avatar

      TheGrumpapotamus June 26, 2015, 12:51 pm

      Seriously! This is the kind of jerk off I wouldn’t let pick up my dogs poop, much less befriend! I can’t comprehend this level of disregard for anyone else, especially a “friend” of 20 years.

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  • findingtheearth

    findingtheearth June 26, 2015, 9:55 am

    I don’t even understand how people do these things. I guess I was really casual about dating in my early 20’s, but you still have to be kind to friends. I mean, if this girl has been your friend for 20 years, it’s not just dating rules that have to be considered, but also friendship rules. I don’t understand how you would throw away a friendship over a FWB.

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  • avatar

    RedRoverRedRover June 26, 2015, 10:11 am

    What the fuck IS this? Jesus.

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  • norabb

    norabb June 26, 2015, 10:25 am

    Did anyone else think at one point that this letter sounds fake? I mean, I don’t actually understand why someone would do that but the language is..weird..like the awesome single girl part. Who talks like that? And who calls themselves emotionally unavailable? It just gave me a weird feeling.

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    • Ika

      Ika June 26, 2015, 10:28 am

      Oh, I can think of at least one person of my acquaintance who talks like that.

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    • Skyblossom

      Skyblossom June 26, 2015, 10:35 am

      I think it is real. I think the anger and feelings expressed at the end are real. I think the LW tries to prevent herself from being hurt by being emotionally unavailable and by having relationships with men who are emotionally unavailable but she is still ending up hurt and angry while at the same time hurting her friend and the guy. They all sound emotionally immature and unable to form solid relationships based on mutual respect and mutual care.

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  • Guy Friday

    Guy Friday June 26, 2015, 10:44 am

    Come on. No one is going to explicitly call her out on this?:
    .
    Since we were just casual, I felt no reason to act like a potential girlfriend during the evening. I even hit on another man while we were out. New guy gave me his number and I promised to follow up.
    […]
    I called foul on his game and told him to lose my number because I didn’t deserve to be treated that way.

    .
    How is this different? I mean, AT ALL? You hit on a guy IN FRONT OF HIM, but you don’t deserve to be treated that way? And by “that way,” you mean “the way you treated him”? I mean, is it because I have a penis that I don’t see a nuance here?
    .
    Honestly, maybe it’s because I’m a guy, but I’m not even mad at the guy for this. Is it a little petty for him to announce that to the LW? Sure. Is it dangerous for him to go back to a girl he knows has feelings for him? Yeah (though, in fairness, we don’t know that he HASN’T subsequently developed feelings for her.) But this LW wants to play games; why shouldn’t he play her game? Just because she doesn’t think he’s fair doesn’t mean he’s not. She wants to be casual and sleep around, so she needs to just live by her own rules. Honestly, I probably wouldn’t worry too much about loyalty to a woman who acts how the LW does.

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    • avatar

      ktfran June 26, 2015, 10:50 am

      My main problem with this is him bringing the other friend into their fucked up games. They’re both playing with people’s feelings and that’s not cool.

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    • Skyblossom

      Skyblossom June 26, 2015, 10:57 am

      I called her on it.

      The bad part of what he is doing is that he is probably trying to have sex with the friend just to get even with the LW. The friend is the one who is going to be used and hurt again. I doubt he wants to get back with her for any other reason.

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    • Stonegypsy

      Stonegypsy June 26, 2015, 11:11 am

      I called her out on it being rude to hit on someone while you’re on a date with someone else.
      Really, I think it goes without saying that Yes, she absolutely does deserve to be treated this way.

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    • Guy Friday

      Guy Friday June 26, 2015, 11:13 am

      Well, then, I apologize to the people who I missed saying that. But holy hypocrisy, Batman!

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  • avatar

    Breezy AM June 26, 2015, 11:14 am

    The part of this that gets me is… Anyone else get the feeling the reason LW doesn’t want Hot Dude to re-boink her BFF while simultaneously boinking LW is NOT because it would “hurt” her, or hurt BFF, but because LW Said So? As in THAT is why she finds it “disrespectful”? As in she laid down a rule, and it’s not because of the havoc this rule breaking would cause that she’s upset he wants to break it, but because hey she issued and edict and that’s how it goes and she’s to be “respected.”

    I can get that, I really can. And I remember operating …. similarly…. unavailably…. at various points in my life. But this is just drama. Stop fuckin’ this dude. Don’t fuck dudes your BFF likes. I agree BFF had no claim on him after they ended things, but riddle me this: why the FUCK did she even need to KNOW? If I am banging someone and we’re just ya know, friends with bennies, (and the word FRIENDS is part of that expression, note?) there’s no reason people need to know we’re swapping spit amongst other fluids.

    As a non-practicing slutty girl (I do not use that term derogatively, I’m just very easy, I admit it fully) there’s a serious edict I have to say is mandatory for being slutty and getting away with it (and this is for men AND women, this is NOT gendered assvice here!) if you can’t keep your legs closed, you best keep your lips SEALED! Because both being open is what causes shit to hit the fan.

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    • Moneypenny

      Moneypenny June 26, 2015, 12:01 pm

      Yeah, I kind of got that feeling too. Like, how dare he not do as I say and still try to hook up with my friend *and* me after I said not to. Newsflash: he can do whatever he wants. Just like she’s been doing whatever *she* wants.

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  • avatar

    K June 26, 2015, 11:31 am

    LW, you are pretty horrible. I went through something similar. A few years ago, I was in love with a guy from work. We hung out and hooked up for about 3 years, on and off. We lost our virginity to each other. I told everything to another close work friend, because we talked about things like that, and she knew how I felt about him. She had another boyfriend at the time. Work guy led me on for a long time. I finally found out that my work friend had started dating work guy. I was really upset, and ended my friendship with her. She never apologized until a year later, when she sent me an email semi-apologizing and semi-blaming me as well. So, LW, just know how much pain and hurt you’re causing your “friend”. At least my former friend is still with the guy. You just want to use this guy and don’t even have true feelings, which is even worse.

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  • avatar

    Anon June 26, 2015, 11:36 am

    What a fucking piece of work you’re…Everyone else pretty much covered everything. I will say though , one of the things that really pisses me off here, with you, is that you feel like just because it’s a friends with benefits situation, that somehow makes it ethically OK to be out with your fwb and go hit on flirt and collect other numbers with other men while you’re out with dude? i’d flip my fucking lid. The whole, well I’m just going to go fuck your friend again part? he was trying to see if he would make you jealous and get a rise out of you and hurt your feelings like you did his. GTFOHWTBS

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    • avatar

      shakeourtree June 26, 2015, 1:22 pm

      Replying because I love your acronym. Will use frequently. Thanks!

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  • bittergaymark

    Bittergaymark June 26, 2015, 11:48 am

    Funny how truly terrible people somehow NEVER think (even for a moment!) that they are truly terrible. Instead, somehow… they always, always remain convinced that not only are they the “good” person — but also the “victim” of everybody else… Yeah, right.

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  • Moneypenny

    Moneypenny June 26, 2015, 11:59 am

    This lw is insufferable. The person I feel for is the friend. Sounds like she needs a new bff and some higher standards in men.

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  • avatar

    jbk886 June 26, 2015, 12:32 pm

    LW: Why don’t you care about the people in your life?

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    • Skyblossom

      Skyblossom June 26, 2015, 12:46 pm

      She sounds emotional stunted or damaged.

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  • avatar

    TheGrumpapotamus June 26, 2015, 12:54 pm

    Anyone else feel like maybe the letter was actually written by the roommate/friend of 20 years that’s “in love” with the dude, not the chick who hooked up with him regardless of said friends feelings? No one could write a letter like this about themselves and not see they’re the bad guy, right? People aren’t actually this flipping clueless or un-self aware, are they?!

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    • avatar

      Unwanted_Truth June 26, 2015, 1:26 pm

      🙁 Unfortunately, yes there is. I know, and no longer associate, with a couple of “people” like this.

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      • avatar

        TheGrumpapotamus June 26, 2015, 1:47 pm

        That absolutely baffles me… I mean, I’ve definitely met some folks that I’ve described as having the self awareness of a turnip but this really takes it to a whole new level!

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  • becboo84

    becboo84 June 26, 2015, 2:31 pm

    You are a craptastic friend, end of story.

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  • avatar

    dinoceros June 26, 2015, 4:29 pm

    I don’t really understand what you’re asking. In a FWB situation, you take it or leave it. You don’t get to dictate who this guy is with or not. If you don’t like it, go.

    The bigger question is why your friend is still friends with you. You went behind her back to try to break them up, you gave her an F you (at least the way you tell it) regarding your desire to sleep with her ex, and then you actually do sleep with him. If this was a mild attraction and you just wanted something casual, then why him? I had a friend like you in high school. She’d date everyone’s crushes just to prove that she was “hotter” or whatever. Not a very attractive quality.

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  • kare

    kare June 26, 2015, 6:14 pm

    Yikes. You remind me of my friend when she went through what she refers to as her “whore phase”. She didn’t sleep with any guys I liked but would get wasted and blatantly hit on them then bawl her eyes out when she got turned down. While she had a boyfriend. She came to her senses after a couple of months and realized what a complete bitch she was. The only reason I didn’t drop her was that she hadn’t always acted like that and whenever it was just us two I saw how sad and broken she was. If she had no remorse, I would have easily dropped her. Like your friend should do with you.
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    Also, a FWB situation does mean you can see other people (well depending on what you’ve arranged with the person), but it is really fucking tacky to hit on someone else in front of the person you’re going home with. I had a FWB do that, and I cut things off with him (well sexually, we’re stil friends). It’s not “catching feelings” or whatever stupid phrase you want to assign, it’s just common courtesy. It’s the “friends” in “friends with benefits”.
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    You honestly sound jealous that this guy is expressing attraction for your friend (even though it’s probably not true and a misguided attempt to make you jealous because you guys are fucking middle schoolers). Something tells me you’re the one guy always hit on and can pretty much choose which guy you go home with. Your friend probably isn’t, and you have to “protect” her by sabotaging so you make sure you’re the “hot” one.

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  • juliecatharine

    juliecatharine June 26, 2015, 8:59 pm

    I hope and pray her roomie is just counting the days until she can move out. LW, stop it. You can clearly get hot dudes if you want them. Stop acting like a cat pissing on trees and appreciate that guys your age are into you. Wise up honey in five years the decent men won’t be interested in your bullshit and the only dudes left will be morons like this guy.

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