It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
Recently, out of anger at someone else, I told my girlfriend of five years that I think about other chicks every time we have sex. I said it to hurt her feelings, because I couldn’t hurt the other person’s feelings. Now my girlfriend won’t have sex with me. As a matter of fact, she won’t even look at me. We still laugh and talk, but I feel like something is different with her now — she’s sort of detached and not the vibrant, smiley, sweet girl she used to be. She is a good girlfriend and I know I don’t deserve her, but I want to fix this because I feel like I’ve lost her. Should I apologize to her? — Regretting The Stupid Thing I Said
Uh… yeah, an apology might be a good start. But, honestly, you should move on. You already said yourself your girlfriend doesn’t deserve you. If you love her, set her free to find someone who DOES deserve her and who won’t use her as an emotional punching bag.
I’m 19 and went to rehab for heroin and met a 25-year-old guy there who graduated from the same high school as I did. We knew a lot of the same people, in addition to having the same drug of choice. When we met, he had just broken up with his girlfriend of five years. He got her pregnant (planned) but then he realized that she was not at all understanding of his disease of addiction. In rehab, we had sex on his last day there. We’re now dating and really committed to each other, and he claims he’s never felt this way about anyone ever before. He wants me to move in with him at his house and help when the baby is over. That means we wouldn’t be sticking out the full time in our recovery houses. I want to be with him and I know I’ll be able to stay sober and he will too, but I don’t know if I’m ready to be a step-mom. What do you think? — Recently Sober
You need to focus on at least a year of sobriety before you even begin to contemplate a serious relationship, let alone a relationship with a newly sober addict who has a baby he wants you to help raise. Focusing on yourself, your health, and staying sober is plenty of responsibility for now. Parenting someone else’s baby is, like, the last thing you need to be thinking about, and anyone who would ask that of you isn’t someone who has your best interest at heart.
My boyfriend and I have only been dating for about a month, but like they say we: We just knew we were meant for each other. I’m wondering how to tell my family that I’m going to be moving in with him in a month. I live in Oklahoma and he lives in Pennsylvania, so that’s going to be another thing I need to figure out how to explain. — Romantic Okie
Have you even met this guy in person? How old are you? Ugh, my head hurts. Ok, you know what? Sure, go move in with this guy in another state who yov’ve been talking online with for a month. That sounds like a brilliant idea! As for how to explain to your family, just tell them what you told me: You’re meant for each other! I mean, that’s a totally convincing and unique argument!
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.