Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

If They Asked: 15 Marriage Tips for Prince William and Kate

By now, Prince William and (Duchess?) Kate have tied the knot … in front of approximately 15 billion people, give or take. At the moment, they are enjoying a reception of highest quality and soon after, they’ll will ride off into the sunset for their happily ever, every moment of which will no doubt be documented by international media for the rest of their lives. Fun!

Since the royal couple will have to deal with the sort of scrutiny most of us can’t begin to imagine, I thought I’d give them some advice on something I can imagine: the first year of marriage. Perhaps if they can get a leg-up on the first year of matrimony, they’ll have the energy to spare for other pressing matters, like hosting high tea for Elton John and making upcoming fashion designers overnight sensations and whatever else it is that royals do.

So, to Prince William and Kate, I present 15 tips for making the very most of your first year of marriage:

1. Share the task of writing thank you notes for your wedding gifts, and since your tolerance for anything wedding-related will quickly wane after the big day, write them while you still have a modicum of enthusiasm.

2. For the same reason as above, get your wedding albums created right away. Frame your photos. Send your favorites to your loves ones. Something tells me, this won’t be as big an issue for you as it was for me, but the advice warrants a mention anyway.

3. Make a big celebration out of your 6-month wedding anniversary; your first year of marriage is the only time you can!

4. Laugh as much as you can.

5. Eat more cake. Cake’s good.

6. Go on a date together at least once a week.

7. Spend time with your friends (without each other).

8. Start some family traditions that belong to just the two of you.

9. Spend equal time with each other’s families.

10. Don’t let yourselves go. Kate, let’s face it: you’re a bit too skinny right now. Now that the stress of the wedding is over, you can afford to gain a stone — see what I did there? — but don’t do what I did in my first year of marriage and quit your workouts and fill up on bon-bons and champagne now that you’ve snared your prince. William, ditto for you. Bald and fat isn’t a good look for royalty.

11. Sometimes, when it’s late at night in the palace and you’re sort of bored, put on fancy hats and relive your wedding day by doing the chicken dance in your underwear.

12. Take a lot of pictures.

13. Spend most of your Sundays in bed.

14. If the Queen asks when you’re going to have a baby, tell her to mind her own beeswax. Unless you really want a baby right away, take the first year to enjoy simply being married. You’ve just survived an incredible amount of stress pulling off the wedding of the century, so give yourselves a little time to relax before taking on another enormous stressor.

15. Call if you’re going to be late.

16 comments… add one
  • Skyblossom

    Skyblossom April 29, 2011, 12:24 pm

    We all know that marriage has ups and downs. The ups are pure pleasure! It’s how you handle the down times that determines whether you remain married. You can turn inward to the marriage and work on it even though you won’t feel like it or you can turn outward to all sorts of distractions like work, the gym or an affair. Your choices during the down times make all the difference.

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    ReginaRey April 29, 2011, 12:52 pm

    Right on for #14…poor Kate. She isn’t going to be able to enjoy a nice, big lunch-time burrito without everyone thinking she’s preggers.

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    BoomChakaLaka April 29, 2011, 1:07 pm

    Why did she lose so much weight? Was it for the cameras?

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      spaceboy761 April 29, 2011, 1:16 pm

      “Alright… which one of you funny fucks threw a lace tablecloth over a coat rack? Oh wait… “

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        SpaceySteph April 29, 2011, 1:23 pm

        Nice one, bro! You make me laugh 🙂

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      LolaBeans April 29, 2011, 1:23 pm

      stress.

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        TheGirl April 29, 2011, 2:14 pm

        Totally stress. I went down a size two weeks before my wedding because of the stress. Needless to say, my tailor was NOT happy.

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        BoomChakaLaka April 29, 2011, 3:09 pm

        Ohhhhh. Can you tell I haven’t been married? LOL. Yikes, didn’t she have wedding planners, etc? I guess with the entire world watching as well as her processing that her life is going to change FOREVER, yeah, that would be enough for me to lose my appetite too.

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        TheGirl April 29, 2011, 3:31 pm

        Even if you had a wedding planner (I didn’t), I think you would still lose weight from the stress family members cause. There’s always someone whose unhappy about something! Especially since she is gaining the Grandmother-in-law to end all in-laws…

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    jane April 29, 2011, 2:10 pm

    Agree with number 7! For marriage and when you’re dating too. Too many of my friends in relationships become those “we do everything together couples.” I’ve seen a lot of people drift apart from good friends because they’re with someone else. While it’s great to have a strong friendship with your significant other, it’s also important to have friendships not related to your SO. Your relationship with your SO is that much stronger if you have outside friendships and you give each other space to breathe.

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    TheOtherMe April 29, 2011, 3:07 pm

    Ok it’s a slow DearWendy day, we need to pick up the pace people, Wendy would be disappointed in us… come on, someone say something funny, quick !

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    • fast eddie

      fast eddie April 30, 2011, 12:33 am

      Wendy did you really fill up on Bon Bon’s? I have no room to talk having put on pounds in the first year. The quantity is a matter of National Security. As the years roll by my spare tire is large enough to support a modern battle tank.

      You left off one VERY BIG to-do on the list, namely make the first Valentines Day the most smashing event possible and with the resources of the crown it should be legendary.

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    Maracuya April 29, 2011, 3:29 pm

    I liked her dress. Though the train was a bit much, but she’s a princess so she gets a pass.

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      MonMon April 30, 2011, 3:01 pm

      Maracuya, did you see Princess Diana’s dress? Kate’s train was nothing compared to that…. 🙂

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    Rachelgrace53 April 29, 2011, 10:36 pm

    “Sometimes, when it’s late at night in the palace and you’re sort of bored, put on fancy hats and relive your wedding day by doing the chicken dance in your underwear.”

    YES. Also, the beezwax comment… Yes, Wendy. Just yes…

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    MonMon April 30, 2011, 2:53 pm

    Hehe, Wendy, where do we have “15 BILLION” people?

    Her dress was just right, in my opinion: conservative and classy and yet modern, elegant and sexy.

    Love the tips Wendy! Especially #4, 6, 10 and 14. Enjoy each other in your marriage for a teensy bit of time before giving the world another reason to gossip and stare without end.

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