Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

If They Asked: Should Emily Marry Brad?

By now, whether you watched this past season of “The Bachelor” or actually did something productive with your Monday nights, you probably know that Brad, the earnest mush-mouth from Austin Texas, proposed to Emily, the sweet single mom from North Carolina, during the season finale this week. You may also be aware that directly after the finale, ABC showed an “After the Final Rose” special with castaway Chantal, who looked to have dropped the extra 15 pounds she picked up eating her way to Brad’s heart during the season, and Emily and Brad, who looked suspiciously tense and not like a couple excited to finally share their love to the world. ABC also paraded out three Bachelor “success stories,” the tired-looking Trista and Ryan, weaselly Jason and Molly, and not-yet-married Ali and Roberto, who advised Brad and Emily to block out all the “noise” and remind each other, “It’s just us.”

We viewers learn very quickly what’s behind the Brad and Emily’s tense smiles. “It hasn’t been all roses,” admits Emily. Gee, ya think?! Brad’s a psychopath. Anyone who watched even, like, half an episode of this season could figure that out. He’s got rage a’boiling just beneath the skin, always threatening to pore out like an erupting volcano. “He’s got a temper,” Emily nods, as Chris Harrison asks what their issues are. Emily’s also none too happy that Brad, admitting that he knew early on that Emily was the likely Chosen One, took the opportunity to boink as many of the other contestants as he could. “Monday nights always caused a lot of anxiety,” Emily explains. Yeah, it probably sucks watching your fiancé frolicking around half-nekkid with a bevy of other beauties week after week.

But you know what sucks worse than that? Being married to the guy! Being married to the man, whose very own brothers warn women to beware of “poking his bear.” And lest you think that’s some sort of sexual innuendo, it’s not; they’re referring to his temper again. They’re referring to the pattern he has with women in which he woos them and then blows up, woos them and then blows up.

“The pattern has started, and she better get out as fast as she can,” says Brad’s ex, Laurel Kagay, who dated him on and off for eight years. “Now the letters, flowers and promises begin. She will most likely fall into Brad’s BS. I just hope she doesn’t do it as long as I did.”

Emily, you have a daughter to think about, even if you aren’t thinking clearly for yourself. Brad is deranged. He can’t make decisions without clawing at his collar and mopping his sweaty brow with a beach towel. That’s not how emotionally balanced people behave. Ask him a serious question, like you did when you asked if he’s truly ready to be a father-figure and just watch how the rage threatens to blow. You better believe if there hadn’t been cameras around, he would have been screaming at you. And why? Because you wanted to make really, really sure that the guy knew what he was getting into proposing to a single mom? What kind of man blows up over that?! A deranged one!

So, you can take my advice and MOA! Or, you can take Ali and Roberto’s advice and block out people like me — sane, unbiased, perceptive people like me — and look your psycho fiancé in the eyes and say, “It’s just us.” Except, it isn’t, is it? There’s your five-year-old daughter, too, and she doesn’t deserve this mess you’ve gotten her in.

24 comments… add one
  • avatar

    WatersEdge March 16, 2011, 12:10 pm

    I only saw the finale and After the Final Rose, so I didn’t see a lot of his temper. But I HOPE that Emily’s exaggerated “Noooooo” when asked if they were getting married any time soon is a pretty good indication that she’s aware of the problems that they have! He’s scary.

    Wendy- on an unrelated note- have you considered a message board feature for this site? I am having an argument with my husband and would love readers’ take on the situation, and it’s not big enough for a letter.

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    • Dear Wendy

      Wendy March 16, 2011, 12:19 pm

      A message board would be great and it’s definitely on tap for the future. Maybe even the near future. But first, I have to figure out how to go about setting one up…

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      • avatar

        WatersEdge March 16, 2011, 12:26 pm

        That would be good. My bank account really can’t handle my rage-shopping

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        Desiree March 16, 2011, 12:33 pm

        Oohh…rage shopping. I do that, too! And you’re right. Very bad for the bank account.

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        WatersEdge March 16, 2011, 1:09 pm

        Or maybe an “ask each other” post once a week or so?

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      • Dear Wendy

        Wendy March 16, 2011, 1:17 pm

        Maybe I can do that as an open forum question over the weekend until I get things together to start a message board. What do you think? Could give people a reason to check out the site and stay connected over the weekend when I don’t post new content.

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        WatersEdge March 16, 2011, 1:22 pm

        Yes! Now I can’t decide if I hope we make up by then, or if I hope we’re still fighting by then…

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        Maracuya March 16, 2011, 2:08 pm

        I hope you guys make-up and then you just give us the rundown 😛 I hate fights.

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        WatersEdge March 16, 2011, 2:27 pm

        I do too, but he’s being the biggest bonehead ever

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      • avatar

        Beckaleigh March 16, 2011, 3:05 pm

        Are we married to the same person!? HAHA, my husband is a pretty bug bonehead too 🙂

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      • avatar

        Beckaleigh March 16, 2011, 3:05 pm

        BIG bonehead, not BUG bonehead…

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        sarolabelle March 16, 2011, 2:28 pm

        This is a cool idea!

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        sarolabelle March 16, 2011, 2:29 pm

        This is a nice idea!

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      • avatar

        maynard March 16, 2011, 3:08 pm

        I like that idea! I’m not near a computer nearly as much on the weekends, like I’m sure most people who are reading this at work right now, but every now and then I’m sitting around avoiding housework and pop on sites like this

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  • avatar

    amber March 16, 2011, 12:22 pm

    Brad’s a big baby. He had made big, sweeping romantic statements about how he’s ready to be her daughter’s father, but when Emily tried to get him to qualify those statements, it was like “how dare you question these wonderful things I’m saying” as opposed to “you’re right, there is obviously alot I don’t know about being a father”.

    If you’re going to have a temper tantrum simply because someone wants to have a serious discussion with you about what it means to be a parent, then you are DEFINITELY NOT READY to be a parent!

    So no, Emily should probably not marry Brad.

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    • avatar

      Desiree March 16, 2011, 12:34 pm

      Yes, I didn’t really understand his reaction to her questioning his understanding of the word “father.” I will say, though, Emily seems to have a spitfire side that came out on the ATFR episode, so hopefully she just won’t roll over and play dead.

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        elisabeth March 16, 2011, 12:54 pm

        I really liked that question of Emily’s. It was a good one. Instead of being willing to think about it, Brad pushed it off. It seemed like he thought all he’d have to do was to say those nice, nice words, and that would be it. He definitely doesn’t know how to have a serious conversation without getting severely agitated. =/

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    elisabeth March 16, 2011, 12:53 pm

    I’ve got to say, I think Ali and Roberto’s advice was sound. It’s hard to figure out where a relationship stands for yourself when there’s an insufferable chorus of tabloids trying to pick apart every single photograph with cries of “breakup.” Unfortunately, sane opinions get lumped into the “advice from others” category which is overwhelmingly full of shock-news.

    That said – I was glad to see that Emily’s forcing things to slow down so that the couple can work through their issues, or at least attempt it. She’s obviously not still in la-la land, and she seems to have a good head on her shoulders. Right now, should she marry Brad? No. He obviously has a larger issue he needs to work through than being “open to love.” That said, Emily seems to have a really strong head on her shoulders, and maybe she’ll have the strength to have healthy arguments with him as he works through the anger issues. Then again, if he doesn’t bother getting help for those issues, if he’s not even *trying* past saying he’s trying, then Emily needs to set her sights higher.

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    Jessica March 16, 2011, 2:08 pm

    That was the really odd part about the final episode…. him sweating and wiping his brow. it’s like he had rehearsed what he had originally said and any questions relating to that he wasn’t prepared to answer.
    Sure, I can see being put on the spot, a tad awkward, having to quantify your feelings about becoming a father… but come on. he should have already thought of all of that. Or at least told Emily he has considered how much it will effect his life, jumping right into a family etc.
    I dont really like this guy at all. He doesn’t seem to have a personality either, which really bugs me.

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    Beckaleigh March 16, 2011, 3:07 pm

    Not sure if you guys saw, but Brad and Emily are the People coverstory this week and the cover alludes to the fact that they are talking about having a baby. Um, yea, because that would be a way to stay together!

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    • avatar

      lindsayrae March 16, 2011, 4:56 pm

      My thumbs down is for them having a baby. They’re first so far on my “bad ideas of the week” list.

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    lindsayrae March 16, 2011, 4:55 pm

    I couldn’t believe that he got that upset with Emily when she asked him if he was ready to be a father? The cameras will eventually go away, Brad, and then you have this woman and this little girl that you have chosen (contractually or otherwise) to be tied to. Emily was just making sure he knew what he was in for. Let’s be honest – he doesn’t even KNOW Rickie. Just because you buy the kid a kite doesn’t mean you’re her dad.

    His little bursts of rage/incredulity happened throughout the season – even with Chantal and Ashley. When they would have a doubt about the relationship or about their feelings or even if he was asked a trivial question, he would fly. off. the. handle, insulted that they could question him? Once, okay. But with all these women, multiple times? Red flag.

    AND ANOTHER THING (sorry, no one else I know watches the Bachelor to talk to me about it): when Emily revealed that they weren’t getting married soon, everyone gasped like she said that she had considered murdering her own child. If Emily thinks/knows that they are not ready to get married, good for her. If they have stuff they need to figure out, she is smart for taking the time to think, “wait, who is this man?” But, like Carrie Bradshaw says, there is no “good thing you didn’t marry the wrong guy” card. People think you’re a bad person for taking a step back to examine your situation.

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  • avatar

    Jess March 17, 2011, 3:41 am

    I think this is a point that got left out on the ATR special. Ricky Hendricks, her daughters father, was the son of an *extremely* wealthy NASCAR family. Because she is the mother of their grandchild they support for her a lavish lifestyle, including a mansion in North Carolina which the family owns. Would you give that up to move to Texas with a bar owner you’ve gone on 8 dates with?

    I kind of doubt she had any intention of moving anywhere and taking the daughter away from her grandparents, that love her very much and are a HUGE part of her life. Brad’s family asked about taking the daughter away from the father when moving to texas, but they didn’t think to ask about grandparents.

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  • bittergaymark

    bitter gay mark March 17, 2011, 6:24 am

    Oh, yeah. This is true love! It’s so REAL! They’re both so genuine and sincere! I can’t imagine how hard it was for him to chose from such a talented and diverse group of moral and intellectual giants featured in this season. Oh, and yes, it really WAS the most dramatic rose ceremony ever! Never before has TV drama been so deep, so heartfelt… And Kim Kardashian is brilliant! Paris Hilton is a great role model, too. That pudgey daughter of Sarah Palin can also really dance! Reality TV is just so fucking great! Why, it’s the best part of our society! It so highlights our strengths and celebrates out triumphs as a nation and a people! If only Charlie Sheen would get his own show, then all would be right in the universe!!

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